


Pressure

by LacePrince



Category: Free!
Genre: Abuse, Asthma, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Hurt/Comfort, Kids, Later Smut, M/M, Mako wants to be a florist because that shits cute, Makoto has emotional issues, Parent Death, Rape Mentions, Self Confidence Issues, Sickfic, Size Difference, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Smut, haru has asthma, look an entire fanfic thats basically a sickfic, makoto gets beat up a lot, ok so there is kisuharu and they date but its not the main focus just making that cleae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 113,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3237857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacePrince/pseuds/LacePrince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he'd see it- With the way Makoto's pants would slip from their snug position, or the way his flannel sleeves would ride up his strong arms, the difference in his skintone was obvious to someone who had known the gentle boy since he was small, it was clear Makoto was hurting. Haru wanted to ask about the purple marks - but, it would only make Makoto upset. He'd get flustered and either get silent, or cover it up with a painfully fake smile.<br/>Haru couldn't be mad at him. Haru knew what Makoto felt like. The pain of being caged up and boxed in- it was all too familiar to Haru.<br/>But, Makoto didn't fight like Haru fought. He just slunk back with bruises covering his face- nodding like the obedient man he had become. Makoto silently accepted what he could change- while Haru argued with what he could not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever stop writing fanfiction?
> 
> no not ever
> 
> sO There Was One (Which, I just realized once shortened spells out TWO how cool is that omg) is my main project for the time being, but, I thought this would be a fun time killer as well. This thing will probably be filled to the brim with fluff, Rin being haru's sassy companion, and Rei and Nagisa doing Rei and Nagisa things. It will follow as they go older, the long chapters will be later on for when the drama arrives in highschool.  
> So, slow build until then- for now dorky kids doing dorky things.  
> But later on I plan on it getting more serious especially on Makoto's half. Next chapter i'm going to throw in Rin, Nagisa and Rei and they'll all become buddies.

The world seemed dark.

Though Haruka was only three, he knew that this wasn’t right, that dad shouldn’t be screaming into a phone ‘come quickly!’, that sirens were filling the normally quiet streets that Haru called home. The crying and the screaming, Haru unable to do anything but stare. He didn’t bother asking ‘wheres mommy’, because, he knew where she was. He knew what was happening. The dark haired woman was sickly, had been since birth, she has skinny limbs, small lungs and a weak frame, stumbling at every slight misstep. But, she had the brightest of eyes, and despite her sickness she’d dance around the kitchen with her husband, and would sing Haru to sleep every night, and treat everyone with kindness. Her heart was bright, her mind was strong, but her lungs were weak.

When they were brought to the hospital, Haruka didn’t understand. Daddy was crying- and Haru kept telling him mommy would be okay. She always was. Mommy was too nice for something bad to happen- she had done nothing wrong to the world, so nothing would happen.

But Haru was young. He didn’t understand.

When he was dressed in black, staring at his mother’s dead corpse, the limp body dressed in a black dress resting in a coffin, he still didn’t understand. Haru didn’t think that was right. His mother didn’t wear black- she wore bright blues and yellows, rainbows and colors that made the world seem a little more happy.

But, now it was dark.

All Haru could remember was that thought, that, and the choked voice of his dad saying ; ‘I won’t let this happen to you.’

Haru closed his eyes. That was right. Haru had once had a bright heart, had once had a strong mind- and like his mother- had weak lungs.

/***/

A new boy moved in next door. Or so, that’s what his dad told him. Haru had no desire to socialize, he preferred being alone. The other boys were rough and bitter and thought pain was hilarious, and the girls would just try to drag Haruka into a game of dress up and try to kiss him all over. Anyways, Haru couldn’t play much, his tiny lungs would cease function and his throat would grow tight, air no longer reaching his lungs. Than, only his father could save him. The stupid white mask that he had to put over his face- an inhaler was not good enough. Never good enough.

The new boy was not of concern. Haru did not care, nor did he have interest in bonding with another boy his age. All the other boy’s his age were mean. Haru assumed this one was the same.

Haruka’s father was busy making the both of them breakfast, Haru watching his daddy cook over his shoulder. Pancakes sizzled in the pan, the smell of cooking dough and butter wafting through the small kitchen- Haru liked cooking. Well, he assumed he liked cooking, as he was still too short to reach the stove, so he just watched his dad. His dad would always pick Haru up and let him crack the eggs. That was always fun.

“Do you want chocolate chips, Haru?” His dad asked softly as Haruka’s skinny, frail fingers curled around his pantleg. Haru nodded, glancing up at his dad- whom was much taller than Haru would ever be. Like his mother, Haru was a small boy. Short, and skinny- his limbs more like twigs as his skin took the shade of milky white. He had taken mostly all of his mother’s features, not to mention he was a premature baby. He missed his mom more than anything. But his dad was here to help him through.

Haru’s father was a good man. A little cowardly and pretty old, but he cared deeply about Haruka. His dad was a kindhearted man who would go to the ends of the earth for him But, besides that, he was a quiet, scared man who preferred to withdraw from society.  But, Haru didn’t mind, because he was much like his dad in that way. But Haru was quiet. After the light was taken away from his life, Haru was quiet, and sad, and never spoke to anyone but his father and his stuffed animals. It wasn’t a bad thing, Haru enjoyed being alone. Other kids didn’t understand him.

Clutching his favorite stuffed animal- a small, light blue dolphin that his mother had made him as a baby, Haru waddled to the fridge. The dolphin was given to him as a baby, and now, the dolphin was as big as his torso from tail-tip to head. He’d snuggle with it when he fell asleep at night, and he carried it with him wherever he went. It smelt like her.

Haru pushed open the fridge with one hand, stumbling backwards as he did so, before trying to climb into the fridge to grab the carton of orange juice. Haru still believed he was strong enough. He thought he could. But once he grabbed the orange juice and slipped it off the counter, it quickly became apparent to Haruka he was much too weak, as his fingers let the carton of juice go with a loud yelp. It tumbled to the floor- and immediately his dad had near leaped over to him. Patting his shoulders and asking ‘are you alright?’ over, and over. Haru nodded again, looking down at his hands. He couldn’t even lift liquid...

“Haru, you have to be more careful,” His dad said, lifting the orange juice himself and heaving it onto the counter, “If you want orange juice just ask daddy, okay?”

Haru nodded meekly again, hugging his dolphin to his chest.

Once the pancakes were done, Haru scuttled off to the livingroom couch, plopping down on the cushions as his dad handed him a plate and the glass of orange juice Haru had previously tried to get on his own. Haru set his stuffed animal to the side to eat. Dad made the best pancakes... “Are they good?”

Haru nodded happily, swallowing down a piece.  He felt his dad’s hand pat his back, before turning the TV on to cartoons.

Haru’s quiet street was pleasant. A small, happy community of either old people or couples with new kids. So many kids lived on his street- kids that Haru had no desire to bond with. The Hazuki household was home to one, bubbly blonde boy named Nagisa, and a whole pack of shrieking sisters. Than there was the Ryguzaki home, in which Haru knew there had to be some sort of top secret science project going on inside that building. The Matsuoka household, home to Rin Matsuoka- who was a really just a big brat, and not to mention he was friends with Sosuke Yamazaki- who lived a block away, and he was an even bigger brat than Rin was.

But now, right now, all Haru could hear was the moving truck unloading things into the home next door. Clattering of metal and men laughing and talking. Even through Haru’s closed door and the TV volume, he could still hear it.

“A new boy is moving in next door?” Haru asked, though, he knew the answer already. He just wanted to clarify things. His dad had told him this morning.

“Yes,” Haru’s dad said with a nod of his head, “The Tachibana’s, I think.” Haru nodded, letting out a small ‘oh’ as he shoved another syrup-soaked piece of pancake in his mouth. “I don’t want you going over there, though.”

This was a little surprising to Haru. His dad never said anything like that, though he told Haru things like ‘dont work yourself too hard’- that had to do with his breathing. But that was different. This was his dad telling him not to be friends with the boy who lived over there. Haru really didn't care too much, but, he was curious on why not. He would never, ever disobey his daddy, but, he was just curious on why not.

“Why?” Haru asked quietly, blinking to look up to his dad.

“The boy’s dad over there is a bad man. I don’t want you around him.” Haru’s dad said simply, and Haru left it at that. He must not be a very good person, dad never spoke of people poorly unless they were really awful. Anyways, Haru had no reason to go over there. He didn’t want too, he didn’t care. He didn’t even know how his dad knew, and he was curious, but he decided some questions are better left unasked. Haruka’s father patted his head softly, his fingers stroking down the ends of his hair- just like Haru’s mom used to do. Dad seemed to pick up a lot of mom’s habits after the she died- possibly to comfort Haruka.

The rest of his breakfast was peaceful, all except the sounds of the truck unloading it’s cargo. Haru knew that wouldn’t bug him for very long. Soon the truck would drive away, and he’d ignore the new family like he did with every other family who moved in, and lived on his amiable street.

/**/

Avoiding the Tachibana’s was near impossible. Their interconnected backyards prevented this, though there was a ‘fence’, it was the shortest thing ever, even Haru could step over it. He did not have any desire to step over it, and he thought if maybe he kept to himself, the Tachibana’s would too. Haru liked being outside- the air was fresh and clean and easy to breath, and currently he had his little blowup pool in the backyard, as they didn’t have enough money for a real pool. For now the blow-up alligator pool was sufficient. Haruka’s dolphin stuffed animal waited for him on the porch, sitting on top of the towel Haru would soon be using to dry off. Haru liked to pretend his dolphin friend was protecting his towel from some evil force who needed his towel for some reason. An entertaining but silly thought.

Haru enjoyed the water. He wished he had gills instead of his useless, tiny lungs. He’d make a much better fish- fish didn’t have to talk or socialize. Fish don’t have breathing problems. In the water, Haru felt truly at ease. Like nothing could get him.

He curled his toes, watching his big toe go in and out of the water, feeling the warm, foggy air, and than in  contrast to the cold, pool water. His back hunched as he sat up, just watching his toes and hands underneath the surface, enjoying the feeling of the water touching him back. Haru closed his eyes, but, his peace was interrupted by a rustling sound from next door.  Haru blinked his eyes open, his attention shifting from the water, to the backyard next door. Haru looked, his pupils glancing around the yard- and he caught sight of the cause of the rustling in seconds.

A boy.

Not a huge shock, not at all. Haru knew a boy lived there- his dad had told him, afterall.

He was hiding behind the shed- half his body sticking out as he watched Haruka curiously, grass green eyes and shaggy brown hair being the boy’s most prominent features, besides his height. The boy looked to be younger than Haru was, but, yet, he was huge. At least five feet- which was very tall for anyone that old, and for poor, short Haru, this boy was ginormous. He was very tall, not very muscular because he was young, but had a sort of blockiness to him. His features soft and round, no pointed tips to him- even his eyes drooped in a calm manner. Very much unlike Haru’s bony frame.

Once Haru locked eyes with the brunette boy- he let out a squeak, shooting backwards to hide behind the shed.

Haru snorted. His dad had told him not to go over there... But, Haru was in his own yard. And, his dad had told him to not see the boy’s dad, not the boy himself. Haru continued his playing, as he just really didn’t want to get out of the pool. Soon enough, Haru heard the rustling again- and he watched the boy shyly peak out from behind the shed again. This time, Haru didn’t look at him directly- in fear that the boy would disappear again. Haru wasn’t scared of people. That was certain. He just preferred being alone. Though having a boy watching him from behind a shed was kind of weird, especially since it was the boy who was the son of a man Haru had been told to stay away from, but Haru didn’t mind.

Haruka, at this point, was waiting for the boy to talk to him. Slowly, the large boy started to come out, slowly stepping outward before cautiously taking a step back- just for his next step to be a little bigger than the last.

“I-I, uhm, like your garden...”

Haru’s head snapped to the side to look at the boy. He had spoken.

Now, the boy was standing just beyond his shed, his whole- blocky body out for Haru to see. He wore a faded shirt with Pikachu on it that was stretched out around the collar, shorts and his feet, bare. Big, droopy but yet somewhat scared green eyes, his face reddened with blush as he licked his quickly drying lips. he was obviously trying to hunch to seem smaller than he was, but it wasnt really working. Shy eyes flickered to look down at the dirt. Honestly- he looked like a lost puppy. A big, giant lost puppy.

“Garden?” Haru repeated, more to himself than anything. The boy’s voice was soft, gentle, hardly even above a whisper. He nodded vigorously.

The garden. Filled with flowers of blue and yellow, tulips and roses. It was originally Haru’s mother’s, but, dad kept good care of it now. Mom was a good gardener, though, and dad wasn’t able to keep the more complicated plants alive. But, a good mix of simple roses, tulips and daisies still scattered the fresh soil in front of his porch. “Thank you...” Haru mumbled awkwardly- not many boys his age took the time to appreciate a garden. The only reason Haru liked the garden was because it reminded him of his mom- he could care less if her memory wasn’t rooted within it.

The boy shuffled about awkwardly, his bare toes curling into the grass as his fists briefly balled into fists. His top lip was sucked into his mouth, gnawing on it nervously as the boy’s face turned red. “Can... Can I play with you..?” The boy stuttered, his face going red.

Haru nodded simply. Why not? This boy didn’t seem to be very into chasing people about, he seemed too nervous and shy. Haru didn’t think about his dad’s request. Anyways, he wasn’t really disobeying him.

Usually other kids were chased away by Haru’s quiet, monotone behavior. This one didn’t seem to be. He waddled right over, stepping over the fence with his long legs. Haru honestly felt threatened now- the boy was huge. Big shoulders and long legs

Haru reluctantly stepped out of the little blow up pool- his frail body shaking with the cold water clinging to his body. He quickly got his towel from the porch- which was only a few steps away, setting his stuffed dolphin to the side- wrapping the towel over his shoulders. The towel was a normal sized tan towel, but, Haru was so small it dragged across the ground as he walked.

“My name is Makoto,” The boy- Makoto, said shyly, twiddling his thumbs like he was a professional, “I just moved in.”

“I know.” The brunette blinked, looking up from the ground curiously.

“Really?” Makoto mumbled, his face deepening a darker shade.

“Yeah,” Haru nodded, bending over to pick up his dolphin and clutch it to his chest- as always. “I’m Haruka.” Haru said- watching Makoto walk closer. The boy moved clumsily, like his body was much too big for him. It made sense- no child should be that big...

“I... I like your dolphin.” Makoto mumbled- reaching out- wanting to touch it. But, Haru immediately squeezed it closer to his chest, turning his body so the important plush was out of the tall boy’s reach. This dolphin was his. No one elses. His mom made it for him. Makoto got the idea, his hand dropping to the side while his chubby face earned a look of disappointment. “Its, uh, really cool...” Makoto continued, backing up slightly- he no longer felt welcome. He hadn’t felt very welcome in the first place, but now he just felt... Weird.

Haru turned back around, eventually, his fingers squeezing the soft fabric of his favorite item- watching as the other boy pouted, his face red and eyes sad- he had probably upset the other boy... Haru gulped- his arms slowly extending to hold out the dolphin to the tall boy. Haru looked away. He couldn’t bare to watch someone else hold his precious dolphin- but, Haru felt it was necessary to let Makoto see it. He didn’t want to hurt Makoto’s feelings...

Haru heard Makoto gasp happily, the feeling of soft fabric slipping from his fingers a bitter yet good feeling, some sort of pride welling in his chest as he did so. He had no clue why he was letting a boy he just met hold his dolphin, but, that wasn’t the mindset Haru had. His childlike brain was confusing, and he felt an odd mix of emotions that were silly and unnecessary, but he accepted them.

“It’s so soft,” Haru heard Makoto marvel, and with a small mental push, Haru turned his head to look at Makoto. The new boy was smiling, and thankfully treating the plush with care. He wasn’t squeezing it tight at all, just gently holding it to his chest, unlike any other boy Haru had ever met. He treated it like it was a living thing, not just some toy. Which Haru was glad for- that dolphin meant the world to him. His mother’s presence lived within the stitches and stuffing of the blue stuffie.

Never, ever had Haru let anyone hold his dolphin- not even his dad. It was a weird feeling, but he just accepted it, not wanting or needing to figure out what he felt. He just let Makoto hold his dolphin.

The tall boy gave it back after some moments, murmuring a polite ‘Thank you!’ once Haru took it back.

Makoto rocked on his feet- suddenly, most tension being erased from the two boys. Haru had always been withdrawn, he knew that would never change, but he felt.. Comfortable. Somewhat. Makoto seemed a lot happier now, a gentle smile radiant on his fat, pink lips. He still seemed slow, though. Shy, and not monotone like Haru- but a different kind of quiet. Gentle, Haru thought.

“What do you want to do now, Haruka?” Makoto asked, his green eyes happily twinkling as if Haru had gave him the key of the meaning of life. Haru didn’t know how letting someone hold his dolphin would have so much of an impact, but it felt pretty good, seeing him this happy. The only people Haru had ever made this happy was his parents. And that was different. This was another boy. A friend, maybe.

“I don’t know,” Haru said simply, shrugging his shoulders. He bit his lip- waiting for Makoto to say something like ‘tag’ or some kind of sports, but Makoto had the same facial expression of patience, waiting for Haru to answer him with big eyes. Waiting for Haru to answer. That... That had never even happened before... Usually other kids fight over what they wanted to play. “Do you like to color?”

Makoto bit back a smile and nodded happily. “I love coloring.”

“Let me go get my coloring books-” Haru said, keeping his voice calm, but yet, he felt excited. It was the first time excitement had registered in his tiny body, a bubbly, happy feeling that Haru had to tell himself not to get to worked up over. He didn’t want to have another breathing epidemic and ruin his chances with this playdate. And, Haru had never really been excited to play with anyone either. It was a good feeling, nonetheless. He was excited to do something he enjoyed with another boy- one whom probably shared the same interest he did. Was this what it was like to have a friend?

“Hey, Hey-!” Haru heard his dad’s chuckles, and a big hand stop to touch his shoulder, making Haru skid to a stop. His dad had his apron on, so, Haru could only guess he was making lunch. “What are you in such  hurry for, mister?” The tall man kneeled down in front of Haru- his once solid black hair quickly becoming grey- stubble forming on his chin.

“I need to get my coloring books!” Haru stated boldly, causing his father to chuckle again.

“Why’s that?”

“I made a friend! His names Makoto and he likes to color.” Haru said thoughtfully, than adding a final note, “He also says he likes the garden a lot. I let him hold my dolphin. He likes my dolphin too.” Haru could tell he was going on and on, and it was the most he had spoken in a while.

His dad seemed overjoyed about Haruka’s excitement, but, yet he was a little put back. “Tachibana’s boy?” Haru cocked his head, remembering his dads request. He didn’t disobey his dad, Makoto came to him. Haru didn’t see Makoto’s dad, nor did he step foot onto his property. “Ah, well..” Dad bit his lip, shaking his head as he thought hard about something, before his concerned expression broke into a smile. “I just don’t want to see you around his daddy, okay?” Haru nodded like he was programmed to do it, really, he just wanted to get back outside to Makoto. Haru’s dad let him go, and Haru’s bare feet smacked against the hardwood floor. By the time Haru reached his room- he was out of breath, huffing and puffing as he tried to regain himself. Running was not for people who had weak lungs and tiny legs.

Haru brought his coloring books and crayons outside, struggling to carry them- especially when he tried opening the door with his hands full. Makoto offered to help, and Haru declined.

Soon enough, Haru and Makoto were laying on their tummies, hands filled with crayons and brains buried in coloring inside the lines of a cartoon lion. Makoto asked questions of no meaning- like ‘how old are you?’ and ‘Whats your favorite color?’

Unlike Makoto, Haru needed to ask no questions. He was a skinny, tiny boy with limbs that were more like twigs than human body parts. He had weak lungs and a heavy heart. He thought he didn’t like people, but today he realized not all boys are the same. There are some like Makoto- who was gentle and soft, and only used words that were nice to the ears.

Haru found some happiness in the boy next to him. What this would become of was not of concern, Haru was just happy for his presence right now.

/**/

There was a knock at the door. Haruka grew curious to the sound of a fist , gently knocking on the old dull wood of their front door, leaning over on the couch he sat on to try and get a better look. Haru never answered the door. He just glanced at his daddy until he opened it.

Haruka’s dad slid off the couch, walking over to the door to open it. In his dad’s view was only a tuft of brown hair- which caused him to look down with a small chuckle. “Why- hello there.”

Haru tried to see, but his dad’s frame blocked the doorway. So, Haru waddled over to his dad, wrapping his arms around his dad’s pant leg and looked through the space in between his father’s legs to get a glimpse of who was at the door.  

A pair of green eyes looked back at him. ...Had Makoto come over to play?

“G-good afternoon, M-Mister Nanase.” Makoto stuttered, in the same voice Haru had heard from Makoto a few days ago, when he first met him. After Haru’s dad called Haru in for lunch, Makoto went home- and then disappeared. Haru saw no sign of him, and couldn’t check in on him because his dad had told him not too. But here he was. Haru was happy to a certain extent, he enjoyed playing with Makoto.

“So, are you the Makoto i’ve been hearing about?” Haru’s dad said with a small smile, and Makoto paused, blinking to look up at him. Makoto nodded slowly- unsure of himself. “Well, you’re very tall, how old are you?”

“I-I’m four,” Makoto stuttered, shuffling his feet awkwardly as he tried to suppress a big smile.  “I, um, can I play with Haru?” Haru waved a tiny hand from underneath his father’s hips, and, Makoto shyly waved back, biting his lips to suppress his smiles- his cheeks red with happiness.

“I don't’ see why not,” Haru’s dad laughed, patting Makoto’s head to ruffle the boy’s already messy brown hair, before stepping to the side. Haru’s dad had spoken to Haru about Makoto’s father- the bad man, and how he didn’t want him around. But, as long as Makoto was nice and kind, and as long as he didn’t bring his father around Haru, that everything would be fine. His dad was even happier than Haru was that Haru had a friend.

Maybe it was because Haru’s dad had had a talk with him, but, once Makoto ran inside and Haru saw up the back of his shirt briefly- just above the hem of his boxers and above his tailbone, light purple and brown marks were imprinted on Makoto’s skin. Haru was young, and naive, but he felt like he knew what the bruises were from. From the bad man. They looked so precise- too much so to be a simple fall and-fell-on-your butt kind of bruise. But, that thought didn’t stay for very long, because Makoto’s shirt fell back over the bruises and Haru was- after all, young and naive, and forgot about them quickly.

Today Makoto held in his own arms a stuffed killer whale. Bigger than Haru’s dolphin- not by much, but looked less fancy and was just a plain old killer whale. It was made from a velvety fabric, unlike the soft- furry fabrics Haru’s was made from. Most importantly, it clearly wasn’t homemade. Why Haru’s dolphin mattered so much to him was to him, it felt like his mother. Makoto had probably just brought his orca over to play or something.

“I brought my stuffed animal, too, Haru!” Makoto had quickly picked up Haru’s nickname. Haruka was apparently much too long of a name for anyone to say. “I named him Aster- after some of the flowers my mom used to grow in her garden! She told me that they meant love and delicacy. I’m not sure what delicacy means, but it sounds pretty.”

This boy really did like flowers... Haru nodded, nonetheless.

“Does your dolphin have a name?” Makoto asked- and Haruka shook his head. Haru’s dolphin did not have a name. It was simply Haru’s dolphin- and Haru liked it that way. “Oh, thats okay.” Makoto hummed softly, Haru paced back to the  couch, the dolphin waiting for him on one of the couch cushions. He plopped himself down on it, sitting as he set the dolphin in his lap- hugging its soft fabric tight. Makoto followed him- sitting next to him, but being sure not to be too close. It also looked as though Makoto was having trouble sitting- the bruises, maybe? “Do you need help to think of a name? I could help, maybe. Unless.. You do want your dolphin to have a name?” Makoto’s head was cocked to the side, curiously waiting for an answer.

“I don’t think it needs a name. Or a gender. It’s just.. My dolphin.” Haru explained- waiting for Makoto to say something like ‘no, it needs a name!’ or something like that, but he didn't. He just accepted it.

“Oh. That’s cool.” Makoto mused, turning his orca in his hands, making it seem as if the stuffed mammal was looking back at him. “Aster thinks that’s cool, too.”

“I do have other stuffies,” Haru added quietly, watching as his dad exited the room- his lips upturned in a happy smile. “I have a few cats, and a few dogs. And even a bear.” Haru said, playing with his dolphin’s flippers, “They all have names.”

“Aster is the only one dad let me keep.” Haru wanted to question Makoto- ask more about his daddy- the bad man. But, Haru felt scared. He knew something was wrong. Makoto squeezed his orca briefly- before shaking his head to push away whatever negative thoughts were lurking in little Makoto’s brain. “Why don’t we play something, Haru?”

Haru snorted- and shrugged. He didn’t know what to play. He wanted to know what the bruises on Makoto’s back were. But, he knew right now wasn’t a good time to ask. “What do you like to play?” Haru asked- hoping Makoto would chose something docile and calm, something Haru could do.

“I.. I.. Uh...” Makoto rubbed his chin, his eyebrows furrowing briefly. “I like to color.. And, I like playing with my stuffed animals.” Makoto said, looking down at his orca before looking back up at Haru. “But, as long as I’m with you, It’ll be fun.” A small smile lifted the boys lips. “I’ll do whatever Haru wants to do.”

In the end, Haru ended up bringing Makoto to his room, the two playing with their stuffed animals- watching cartoons on the small TV and Haru’s room, before the two took a nap on each other. The hours were passed by with giggles and warm gestures of friendship. Going to sleep from Haru’s long day of playing with his hand in Makoto’s- his friend’s hands big, and sweaty, Haru’s sickly skinny fingers an odd comparison. It felt like Makoto could snap them if he tried- but Makoto was gentle. Gentle as always.

/**/

“So, Makoto,” Haru’s dad began, the three of them eating still-warm cheese sandwiches at the dining room table, after the long nap- Haru and Makoto had woken hungry, so Haru’s dad made sure to cook them both lunch, along with a tall glass of lemonade for the each of them. Their stuffed animals rested next to them as they ate away happily. The clock read ‘2:09’, and Haru knew him and Makoto had been playing for a good three hours. He could do simple math, in the very least. Though last year was his first year of school- Haruka had been home schooled because of his bad lungs and overprotective dad, but his daddy had taught him well so far.

Makoto picked up his head- blinking and tearing off a toasted piece of bread.

“You moved in two weeks ago, right?” Haru’s dad kept his voice gentle- just how he’d speak to Haru. Haru found it weird to see his dad talk to another child. Makoto nodded happily, swallowing the food in his mouth down. “Is it just you and your daddy?”

Makoto nodded again. “It is now. I used to live with my mommy and daddy- and my brother and sister. He took me away. He said he didn’t love mommy anymore.” Haru blinked- mommy’s and daddy’s were supposed to love each other, forever, right? Every month Haru and his dad would still visit his mom’s grave and leave her flowers- dad still loved her, even after she died. That sentence didn’t make sense to Haru- so he spoke.

“But parents are supposed to love each other forever,” Haru mumbled, looking towards Makoto with an accidental pout on his face. Makoto shrugged. He didn’t understand either, maybe.

“Haru, sometimes it doesn’t work like that, honey,” Dad said gently- much like Haruka’s mom used to call him honey. Another stolen habit. Haru and Makoto both nodded in time.

“I’m happy mommy’s happy. They used to yell a lot.” Makoto tapped his fingers on the table- a simple rolling of his fingers as suddenly a smile lifted his lips. “She used to teach me about flowers! I wanna be a.. A florist when I grow up!”

Haruka’s dad smiled- finally. He seemed more upset about the talk beforehand- the talk Haru didn’t understand. But, now things seemed good. “Dad wants me to play football, but I think flowers are pretty and they smell nice.”

“That’s cool,” Haru’s dad said with a smile, Haru nodding in agreement. Flowers weren’t really Haru’s thing- but, a flowershop seemed much better than being on a lousy football team.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Haru?” Makoto asked happily, munching on another bite of his sandwich.

Haru drew a blank. He really didn’t think about he wanted for his future... He wanted to be a fish, but... Dad told him that was impossible. Haru wanted to breath when he got older, but, that was impossible too. He shrugged, biting on his lips. “I.. I like swimming...” He mumbled, but decided his tiny lungs constricted him from playing sports. “I.. I wanna be a mermaid.” There. That was a better answer. He could be a fish, but, not entirely.

“Haru, sweetie-” His dad chuckled, before Makoto  lit up.

“Ooh! A mermaid! That’s cool!” Makoto exclaimed, his fingers spreading out to show his excitement, “Can I be a mermaid too, Haru? A florist mermaid!”  Though it seemed like Makoto was being loud, he really wasn’t. Makoto was a quiet boy- so when he raised his voice, it really made him seem like he was yelling. It was kind of silly, really..

“You boys,” Haru’s dad laughed, shaking his head as the two boys discussed their life as mermaids- not even thinking about the reality that was the world around them. Haru couldn’t swim when he got older. His lungs stopped him. He could hardly swim normally- for the fun of it- without getting woozy from lack of breath. He’d have to come up for not only air but his inhaler as well. Because trading his weak lungs for gills was not possible, and being a mermaid wasn’t either. But Haru, for now, would dream and feel the brief excitement of  imagining that he was a mermaid. Because his asthma was like chains.

After lunch, Haru’s dad recommended Makoto went home. Makoto pouted a little- and Haru spat out a ‘why?’ , because, Haru was having real fun for once. He didn’t want Makoto to go home. Haru’s dad simply said ‘its getting late’, but it was only three. Was that late? Haru didn’t know. He had never had a friend before, so he didn’t know what was late.

Makoto treaded across the porch, his smile ever existing but quickly fading- a shy face taking over as he stepped into the sunlight. He waved. “Thank you mister Nanase, bye Haru,” He said simply, spinning on his heels to wave by.

Haru waved back silently, the only other words leaving his lips being ; ‘Come play again soon.’

Makoto nodded, looking up at Haru’s father. “Bye mister Nanase.”

“Bye Makoto,” Haru’s dad answered, reaching down to ruffle Makoto’s already messy hair, causing the boy to erupt in giggles. “Come over if you ever need anything.” Makoto furrowed his brow from confusion- but, he nodded again.

Haru watched as his tall friend hopped down the steps on the porch, scurrying across the sidewalk to his house with his orca in his arms. Haru watched as Nagisa from across the street watched Makoto run home from behind the safety of his chain-wire fence that surrounded his light yellow house- before yelling “Hi Haru! Hi Makoto!” Apparently Nagisa had also met Makoto... Huh. Through Haru’s slight jealousy- Haru waved back to Nagisa.

When Haru looked back, Makoto disappeared into his house. A small foot disappearing behind the door frame.

Haru did the same, his dad closing the door- Haru retreating to his couch, back to watching cartoons, cuddled up with his dolphin on the couch.

/**/

“Please!”

Haru couldn't’ sleep. His tiny hands fisting in the blankets, his mind hardly awake as he processed the blurry shouts from next door- the words that leaked in due to his open window- blurred by the slapping of the rain outside. Haru was originally woken by a flash of lightning,  boom of thunder- but, now he couldnt’ sleep, the sounds next door were keeping him awake. What were his neighbors up too? Though his dad wouldn’t aprove of him getting out of bed so late, Haru did anyways. His small, bare feet slapped against the hardwood floor, his favorite pajamas hanging off his shoulders as his frame was not big enough to hold them as he waddled across the floor, holding his pants up with his hands. Haru leaned to the window- the windowsill damped with the summer raindrops that had made it through the screen. He listened, through the rain and wind. Standing on his toes as if that could make him hear better.

“Please, please! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

Haru almost went pale. Was that... Makoto? It had to be.. But, it couldn't. Haru grew scared- what was wrong with him. Was everything okay? Haru remembered the bad man-Makoto lived with the bad man. Those bruises...

Haru didn’t listen for long, he padded his way through the darkness- dolphin in hand. “Daddy-” Haru mumbled, feeling his way to his father’s room. It was scary- Haru didn’t like the dark. Every once in a while lighting would light up the hallway, and thunder rocked the house- making the tiny boy go even faster. It wasn’t good for him to get worked up, his lungs couldn’t handle too much stress. Not to mention his house was pretty big... Haru found his father’s room eventually, tiptoeing in carefully as his only guide was the dim light from the window.

Haru gently tried to shake his father awake, “Daddy-” he kept his voice low, a mere whisper. Within seconds, his dad woke up quick, his frame jumping up as he patted his son’s shoulder.

“Mh, Haru? Everything okay? Can you breath?”

Haru knew his dad had programmed himself to say that, Haru had so many episodes at night where he would stop breathing. But, right now wasn’t one of those episodes. His friend was in trouble. “I’m fine,” Haru mumbled, watching as his dad turned on the bedside lamp- taking his glasses and sliding them onto his face.

“Did you have a nightmare? Do you want to sleep with me?” Haru’s dad patted his head, reaching over to rub his back as he laid back down slightly.This was routine, this was what Haru’s daddy said everytime Haru would wake him up.

“No,” Haru said, shaking his head, “Makoto’s being yelled at. I’m scared.”

Haru’s father let out a sigh, glancing towards the window- rain obscuring most of the vision outside. “I’m not sure if theres much we can do, but,” Haru pouted a little, taking his dad’s much thicker finger in his own, tiny fingers, trying to pull him. Of course- Haru was hardly strong enough to pull one of his pillows off the bed, so he couldn’t pull his dad out of the bed by even a inch. But, his dad recognised it, moving to sit on the side of the bed. “I’ll see what I can do, c’mon Haru.” His dad stood, and Haru did not let his father’s finger go. Too much to be scared of- the dark, the storm, and the mean man who lived next door.

Haru’s dad turned on lights as the two of them went- so Haru wouldn't’ get scared. It was more reassuring knowing where he was going, and having his dad with him.

Soon enough, Haru was standing in the back doorway, clutching his dolphin to his chest. His dad telling him gently to ‘stay here, I’ll take care of it’. Until, of course, the two of them heard a loud slam, causing Haru and his father looking out the door like two curious kids.

“Dad! No! Please!” Haru watched as through the rain- a long, muscular arm pushed Makoto out the back door of his home, into the pouring rain. The tall boy stumbled, near falling onto the wood that made up his porch. Makoto turned- reaching out towards his back door, back to his home, back to where the mean man stood.

“Stay out until you learn your lesson!” A voice boomed from inside- the back door slamming shut, leaving Makoto outside in the pouring rain- wearing only a simple Tshirt and shorts. He didn’t even try to open the door. Makoto stood in the rain, hanging his head and dropping his arm as his tall form started to shake.  

“Oh my god-” Haru heard his dad choke, before near rushing outside. Haru wanted to rush outside too- but a flash of lightning scared him, besides, his dad had already told him to stay there. He didn’t like disobeying his dad unnecessarily. Anyways, Haru didn’t have to wait for long, as his dad was rushing back in, kicking the door closed on his way in- Makoto’s near limp body in his arms. He didn’t even stop for Haru, Haru padded quickly after his dad, wondering what was wrong- besides the fact that Makoto was kicked out into the pouring rain by his dad.

Haruka’s father set Makoto down on the livingroom couch, the boy sniffling and crying- his pink bottom lip fat and bleeding. Rain was not the only thing that stained Makoto’s face- it was also his tears, running down his cheeks as if Makoto was having his own rainstorm in his eyes.

“M-Mister N-Nanse-” He choked, Haru’s dad trying to wipe away his tears and dry him off at the same time with a blanket- discarding the soaked shirt Makoto wore quickly.

“Shh, Makoto- it’s okay,” Haru’s dad mumbled, rubbing his back softly as Makoto leaned over for a hug- his whole body shaking and trembling. Thankfully- Haru’s father had a lot of experience with comforting children. While, Haru, had none. He hardly had any social experience.  “I’m going to go get a first aid kit, alright?” Makoto’s hands tensed around Haru’s dad’s shoulders before letting go with a meek nod . Once Haru’s father went to retrieve the box for Makoto’s lips, Haru gulped, staring at Makoto. Should he do something...? He was Makoto’s friend...

Haru jumped to sit on the couch next to Makoto, growing uneasy as he listened to his friend’s sniffling and sniveling, trying to remember what Haru’s daddy would do whenever he was sad. But Haru was not his father, nor was he as old and wise as him.

“Do.. Do you want to hold my dolphin, again?” Haru asked softly, Makoto looking back up at him with tears in his eyes- puffy and red. “Whenever i’m sad I hold my dolphin and it makes me feel better.” Haru held out his dolphin, and watched as Makoto cautiously extended his fingers out towards the stuffed animal. As if Haru was going to slap him, Makoto moved slow, not taking his eyes from Haru’s own as he gently took the dolphin, his arms curling around the stuffed toy and guardedly brought it to his chest. Squeezing it softly- like, Haru would. Like Makoto had weak lungs and little arms. But he didn’t, Makoto was just... Gentle.

Haru’s lips puckered softly as Makoto’s frame started to shake around the dolphin- burying his face in its back. Haru let him- Makoto was sad, and, Makoto liked Haru’s dolphin too, so holding it was making him feel better. And that made Haru feel better too.

Haru’s dad came back shortly after, a few cotton balls and some sort of liquids and creams, the bag of cotton-balls grasped between his teeth. He knelt down, ripping the cottonball bag open, soaking it with whatever liquid he had grabbed- gently skimming his fingertips over Makoto’s cheek. “Stay still, okay?” Makoto nodded much like Haru did- with programmed obedience. But this was a different kind. Haru was young, and didn’t understand much, but it made his stomach churn.  

Haru’s dad poked and prodded the cracked lip Makoto sighing in- relief? Haru wasn’t sure, but it was something good. Afterward, Haru’s dad took the cream- rubbing it over Makoto’s arm, in which Haru had just noticed purple bruises lined it up and down in the shape of fingers. Was that why Makoto was so slow when he took his dolphin? Did his arm hurt?

After treating whatever wounds the bad man had bestowed upon Makoto, Haru’s dad hugged him close. A little taken aback- Haru cocked his head to the side, watching as Makoto clung to Haru’s dad too. This was so weird to Haru, so out of place to see his dad hugging another child like he hugged Haru. Haru didn’t mind, but, it was just out of place. New. Confusing. Scary.

“You’re safe here-Makoto. It will be alright.” Haruka’s dad mumbled, running his hand through Makoto’s shaggy brown hair, and Makoto just nodded again- a small whimper leaving his lips. Haru’s dad was such a good man- Haru wanted to be like him. He wanted to be like him, and his mom, combined. With mom’s bright personality and dad’s kindness, Haru would be the whole package of greatness. He wanted to be just like them. “You can sleep over here tonight.” Haru’s dad mumbled with a smile- “Alright?”

“Okay-” Makoto mumbled, his voice thick with the slur of tears, giving Haru’s dad one last squeeze before letting go. “Thank you.” Makoto sniffled, wiping his nose with a shaky hand, his attention shifting towards Haru - tears still streaming down his cheeks. Makoto held out Haru’s dolphin, “Th-Thank you for letting me hold your dolphin, Haru.” Haru took his dolphin back with care, not daring to test how sensitive Makoto was at the moment. Haru held the dolphin to his chest with one arm- unable to take his eyes away from Makoto’s crying face.

“You can sleep with me in my bed,” Haru said softly, and saw how his dad smiled from the corner of his eyes. “It’ll be fun. We can color, and talk- and watch TV,” Haru listed the many things they could do- A sleep over. Haru had never had any one sleepover before. Haru would always watch the Ryugazaki family’s kid go over to Nagisa’s house with a sleeping bag all the time, Haru was always kind of jealous. Not that he wanted to sleep over Nagisa’s house- Nagisa was too loud and crazy. Nor did he want to play with Ryugazaki, Ryugazaki was weird- Haru didn’t even know his name and he only ever hung out with Nagisa.

Haru’s dad was about to interfere- about to tell the boys that it was time to sleep, but when he watched Makoto finally giggle and say “That sounds fun!”, Haru’s dad knew he couldn’t kill the boys fun. They’d be asleep in no more than an hour, anyways.

In no time, Makoto and Haru were bounding up the stairs as fast as a kind with asthma and a boy with a body that was much too big for his own brain could go- Haru’s dad following them close behind, turning off lights as they went. Soon, Haru and Makoto were running into his room, plopping on Haru’s bed with giggles leaving their lips. Makoto had seemingly forgotten about whatever had made him sad- after all, a child's attention span was never the best.

“Do you boys want to watch a movie?” Haru’s daddy said with a smile, peeking into the doorframe- watching the boys hastily nod their heads- probably excited over the new experience of a sleepover.

“Do you like the little mermaid, Makoto?” Haru asked, and Makoto nodded dumbly in reply. He probably hadn’t even seen the Little Mermaid, but, whatever it is, it sounded good. “The Little Mermaid, please!” Haru asked- raising his voice to reach his dad.

In no time, the room was dark, the only light being from the small TV that played the animated spectacle- Makoto and Haru scooting closer to each other whenever it got scary, and would giggle madly every time there was a joke. Haru clung to his dolphin- and when Makoto would get scared of the movie, Haru was sure to hold his hand. (Ursula was scary! She was so mean! Makoto was even more scared than Haru was of her.)

They probably fell asleep hand and hand- not even finishing the movie. Haru was tired, it was late, and Makoto was possibly even more tired than Haru. They mumbled some tired, half-awake words to each other before giving into the warm hug of sleep.

“Haru, will you be my friend forever and ever?”

“Yeah. Will... Will you be mine?”

“Mhm.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA WHOOPS FINISHED THIS THING TOO FAST
> 
> hAHaHA  
> HA  
> sorry
> 
> but I guess the people who are following this thing are happy
> 
> {PS I changed the summary if you didn't notice- not that anyone really cares uwu}
> 
> wELp rin nagisa and rei are in this chapter a little more I swear Nagisa and Rei will have a big part just wait

 

Haru fell himself holding Makoto’s hand as they went to get icecream. The only thing Rin Matsuoka was useful for was being a really fast runner, and he’d always flag down the icecream truck for all the kids on the street. This was a rare occurrence for Haru, though Rin got the  icecream truck to stop every day, Haru was never close by to get his icecream,  but today was different. He was playing with Makoto on his front porch- Makoto had his aster and Haru had his dolphin, and they were playing some dumb game in the July heat. Than they watched as Rin steadily chased down the icecream truck whilst barefoot, and, all the kids on the street flocked to the multi colored truck.

“What do you want, Haru?” Makoto asked happily, before pointing at a picture of some sort of chocolate icecream cone. “I’m gonna get that one!” Makoto smiled- looking down at Haru, “Chocolate's my favorite, what's your favorite, Haru?” Haru had learned that Makoto really liked to learn about Haru. Makoto questioned people a lot- genuinely concerned and interested by their lives. It was a nice little quirk, he likes to listen.

“I like... Icecream.” Haru shrugged. He liked giving Makoto answers, Makoto was pleased with answers- but, Haru honestly didn’t know. “I like popsicles.” Haru wasn’t really one for rich, thick flavours- so, a popsickle would do. Haru pointed to a blue popsicle- “I’m gonna get that one.”

Makoto smiled “Cool!” Makoto was a very happy boy most of the time, when talking to new people Makoto got shy and scared, but, now Makoto was used to Haruka’s presence. They were best friends, and it had only been a couple of weeks. Soon Makoto would be going to school, and Haru would be getting home schooled, and they’d see each other less and less. Haru was jealous, he wanted to go to school too..!

Nagisa and Ryugazaki stood in line in front of them, Rin and Sosuke had long ago gotten their icecream and sat on the curb next to their parked bikes- knees covered in scrapes and bruises from trying to beat each other up and refusing to wear bike protection because they were too cool for that. Rin was the kind of kid who was always covered in bandaids.

“Rei-chan, are you not going to get anything?” Nagisa complained, pouting his lips as he took his icecream from the man in the truck with a happy ‘Thank you!’ The man wasn’t being impatient- instead, he just smiled happily down at the pouty Nagisa, hands balling in Ryugazaki’s nice dress shirt. Ryugazaki always wore dress shirts. Nagisa had gotten one of those rainbow colored cone things, already starting to excitedly unwrap it with his juice-covered hands. Though Nagisa wasn’t like Rin and wasn’t constantly beat up, Nagisa wasn’t the most sanitary kid ever. He liked to roll around in dirt and chugged juice boxes down by the minute.

“Mom says artificial sugars aren’t good for my diet,” Ryugazaki mumbled, crossing his arms in an oddly confident way that did not match his shy tone.

“Maybe you can just have a bite of mine than, Rei,” Nagisa said with a soft giggle. Though Nagisa was a weirdo- he was a really nice boy, and was one of the few who actually enjoyed sharing. Soon enough, Nagisa and Ryugazaki (Rei?) were walking off, Nagisa licking away at the rainbow-colored ball of ice on a paper cone. “Hey Mako-chan, Haru-chan!” Nagisa called happily, than turning to wave at Rin and Sosuke. Still, Haru did not know when Nagisa had ever even met Makoto... But, Makoto happily waved back, and Haru waved back too- just to be nice. Haru didn’t really know Nagisa all that great, they only really knew each other because they had lived on the same street since Haru was born. Rei, on the other hand- Haru had just only learned his name..

Haru had to stand on his toes to reach the Ice cream truck counter, and the man worker the truck smiled at him kindly- but, was probably thinking ‘damn this kid is short’. “Can I get a blue popsicle?” Haru asked quietly, plopping his dollar over the counter. The man smiled and nodded- retreating to the back of the truck to get the colorful packaging that contained the icecream.

“There you go-” The man said with a smile, taking the money and trading it for the blue pop.

“Thank you,” Haru mumbled, backing up to let Makoto go- but, Makoto’s face only read unease. He looked at Haru with his eyes- seemingly for help, and Haru just cocked his head. Makoto quickly got the fact that Haru was beyond confused-  He leaned over, and whispered in his ear; ‘Haru, can you order it for me?’

That’s right- Makoto was beyond shy, especially with new adults. Haru nodded, why shouldn’t he order for Makoto? It wasn’t hurting anything, and Haru wasnt’ at all shy. Haru took Makoto’s money, standing on his toes once more. “And my friend will get the chocolate icecream cone.” Haru requested- his voice tight from how much his body was arched to reach the counter, and the worker in the truck chuckled in amusement, taking his money.

“There you are-” The man said when he handed Haru the ice cream for Makoto, and with another thanks, the two boys went on their way back to Haru’s porch, the colorful truck driving away. Back to playing.

“Hey, Haru, Makoto!”

Haru flinched at the voice- turning his head to the sound of it, watching as Rin smiled at him in amusement. Rin often times tried to get Haru to play with him, Rin was a weird kind of friendly. To him, playing meant chasing and wrestling. Sosuke looked over Haru with a grunt, and Haru was honestly irritated by that dumbie without him even saying anything-!

Makoto immediately hid behind Haru shyly, grabbing his shoulders and trying his hardest to hide his big body behind Haru’s tiny one. “You guys should play with me and Sou!” Rin exclaimed- totally ignoring Makoto’s unease, “It’d be fun! I never get to play with you, Haru.” Rin stood from the curb- smiling at Haru with a spongebob bandaid going over the bridge of his nose, his icecream starting to melt already. Haru grunted.

“There is a reason I don’t play with you.” Haru mumbled- and Rin just puckered his lips, which were quickly turning a shade of purple from the popsicle he ate.

“Are you saying I’m not fun?” Rin asked, and Haru shook his head. Rin was no fun- he was a brat and he thought getting hurt was fun, which, it wasn’t.

“It’s my breathing thingy,” Haru said, which, was the truth. His breathing issues were the main reason he could not play with Rin, that and the fact that Haru wasn’t that kind of person. But, Haru’s asthma was the difference between he couldn’t, and he didn’t want to.

“Your breathing thing is dumb.” Rin huffed, turning into the irritated brat he was with the simple gesture of crossing his arms with a frown. “All I want is for you to play with us, Haru! You play with Makoto all the time!”

“But I can do what Makoto likes to do,” Haru explained with a sigh- and now, Rin was seemingly on his knees, begging with his eyes ‘please play with us’. Haru swallowed- feeling Makoto’s big hands tighten around him. Rin really did like playing with Haru, the few times they had, for whatever reason. “What did you want to play?”

“I just wanted to talk with you, Haru!” Rin huffed, plopping back down on the curb next to Sosuke. Sosuke was also a big kid, like Makoto. He was probably as tall as Makoto- but, Makoto seemed extra big, because Makoto’s personality did not match the vibe he gave off. Makoto was clumsy, while Sosuke’s body fit him perfectly. Sosuke was the equivalent to Rin but bigger, and grouchier. “You’re such a meanie.” Haru got a good glimpse of Rin’s missing front tooth- making his speech gain a lisp. It was the first tooth he had lost, Haru hadn’t lost any teeth yet and was honestly jealous. He wanted to see the tooth fairy...!

(Rin constantly bragged about seeing her when he put his tooth under his pillow- and, described her with the exact words of ‘She was hot!’, in the most childish, unsure way in the universe.)

Haru huffed, stepping forward to rid Makoto’s clinging presence from his back, before going to sit down next to Rin, holding his dolphin in his lap, giving Makoto his hand to hold while he clutched his popsicle in the other. Rin beamed- his face filled to the brim with joy. A genuine smile lifting his lips as Makoto too sat down next to Haru.

Haru studied Rin’s legs, the world able to see them as Rin’s shorts only covered just above his kneecaps, multi-colored bandaids covering them, Sosuke’s legs holding almost the same amount of bandages.

Haru liked to think Rin really liked spending time with him because Rin’s dad had died- so, him and Haru had something in common. It was a swimming accident, wasn’t it? Rin’s dad died around the same time Haru’s mother had- they were both relatively young, but old enough to remember.

“Hey Makoto-” Rin called happily, waving at the tall boy that was now gripping Haru’s hand for all he was worth. Makoto blushed- as always, pressing his lips together as he squeaked out a small ‘hey Rin.’ These two had met, it was obvious, but depending on Makoto’s behavior they didn’t know each other very well. It was still a mystery to Haru how Makoto knew everyone on the street, and when he had. He had only lived here for three, maybe four weeks. “Makoto! Meet my friend Sosuke! He lives a block away.” Sosuke leaned forward to wave- and, Makoto waved back, a shy look on his face. Haru and Sosuke caught stares, glaring at each other. Haru didn’t know where his hate of Sosuke came from, but, the two absolutely hated each other. Not in a friendly way, either.

The four boys licked at their icecream- Haru’s pale skin near baking in the summer sun. Usually when he was outside he was in his pool, safe from the rays of the sun. Rin and Sosuke always sported tans- Rin’s always being the darkest. And he always had flip-flop tan marks on his feet- it was kind of funny....

“Hey Haru, are you actually going to come to school this year?” Rin asked, and Haru shrugged. “You should come to school, it’s fun.” Haru shrugged again. “I bet we’d even be in the same class!”

“Haru-” Makoto whined from next to him, pulling lightly on his hand, “What does Rin mean by that? Do you not go to school?” Makoto’s eyes were the exact copy of a puppy’s, big, and green, and helpless.

“No.” Haru did go to school- but, it was at home. Daddy was afraid to let him leave, go to school without him. He was scared, but, Haru didn’t see why he couldn’t go to school. He didn’t really care much either, though. Going to school meant more playing and crazy boys and scary stuff- but, Haru still wanted to experience school for some reason...

“Bt, Haru! I don’t want to be alone!” Makoto cried out- “I’m already going to a new school, I, I don’t want to go without you!” Rin, and Haru, both stared at him, as Makoto near begged Haru to go. Makoto was shy- Haru was almost his rock, at this point...

“I’ll ask my dad.” Haru mumbled, and Rin gawked while Makoto lit up with a smile. Haru guessed Rin was mad because Rin had been begging him for months and months to go to school, and when Makoto asks him Haruka finally agreed. It was actually kind of funny- and Haru couldn’t help but smile at Rin.

“Haru you’re such a bully!” Rin cried, Sosuke snorting in anger as well. Probably jealous. Another reason for Haru to be happy.

“I’m not the bully, you are.” Haru huffed, straightening out his expression and looking back towards Makoto.

“Am not!” Rin whined.

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

Makoto was busy finishing up his icecream- crunching away at the cone, pulling away to lick his lips. Instinctively, Haru saw a bit of chocolate smeared on his cheek, and wiped it off with his own hand. As always- Makoto jerked away, giggling with a prominent blush on his round cheeks.

“You guys are gross,” Rin said, sticking his tongue out at Haru and Makoto, and Haru just shot his own tongue right back. Than, to prove a point- Haru brought Makoto’s chubby hand up to his lips, giving it a soft kiss as Rin and Sosuke both started to gag and gawk over dramatically. “Yuck!” Makoto, once again, giggled like a little girl and held his own hand close to his heart.

“Sosuke- let’s go-! They’re too gross!” Rin gawked, swallowing down the rest of his popsicle and near leaping off the curb, grabbing Sosuke’s arm and pulling him up as well- speeding off on bare feet. “Seeyah!” Rin called- waving a hand before sticking his tongue out as the two ran across the street, retreating to Rin’s house to do god only knows what.

Haru sighed.

“Rin is weird,” Makoto smiled with a laugh, and Haru agreed with his own nod.

Watching Rin run across the street like that- laughing, chasing down the icecream truck, being able to go to  swim practice all by himself... Honestly, sometimes it made Haru a little sad. He couldn’t blame Rin, Rin was just enjoying the good life he had been given, but- to Haru, he secretly wished he could do what Rin could do. He wished he stood a chance up to Rin, but, he never would. Because Haruka had weak lungs, while Matsuoka Rin did not.

Makoto downed the rest of his cone, licking his lips happily before asking ‘anything on my face?’. Haru shook his head- and Makoto smiled. The difference between Makoto and Rin was that Haru could keep up with Makoto. Makoto went at his own, slow, gentle pace- one that Haru shared.

Haru swallowed the last of his popsicle- then, proceeded to stick out his tongue to show Makoto that it had turned blue.

Makoto laughed- little giggles passing his lips. “Haru, your tongue looks funny!” Makoto paused, “Next time, I’m gonna get a popsicle! And, it’s gonna be blue, so I can have a blue tongue too!” Makoto exclaimed, only to be distracted by Rin and Sosuke marching out of Rin’s house on the other side of the street, toy swords in hand as they went to play pirates or something. “Rin and Sosuke are really weird!” Makoto giggled- and, Haru was glad he wasn’t the only one who thought Rin and Sosuke were weird.

Because it had only ever been just Haru who thought rough play wasn’t fun, but, Haru had finally found someone else who agreed.

/**/

“Daddy- can I go to school?”

Haru’s dad ultimately laughed at Haru’s first words of the morning. Haru was normally silent when he was at home with just his dad, hardly ever did a goodmorning pass his lips. But, Haru’s first words this morning had been right after breakfast, when Haru was laying on the couch and using his dolphin stuffed animal as a pillow of sorts.

“Haru, school doesn’t start until another two weeks.” Haru’s dad had replied with a chuckle, sitting down on the couch. Haru’s dad was a good teacher- at least, Haru thought so, and it was a lot like staying at home but his dad just asked him a lot of questions and showed him different pictures. And Haru loved staying at home. “Are you that excited to start learning again?” Haru’s dad laughed- patting his head with a gentle touch, looking down at Haru with the same blue eyes Haruka possessed.

“No, I mean like... School school.” Haru didn’t know how else to word that. “With Rin, and Nagisa, and Makoto.”

Haru’s dad went pale. Haru already knew what he was going to say before he said it- Haru’s dad was over protective, but, a little too cowardly to say no... “Haru, sweetie- You know you can’t go.” Haru’s dad smoothed his hair with a big hand, a frown resting on Haru’s face.

“But I can do it! I know I can!” Haru exclaimed- a certain amount of determination in his voice as his fists balled in the air. “I’ll bring my dolphin with me and it’ll keep me safe.”

Haru’s dad immediately let out a ‘eeh...’ kind of noise, his eyebrows upturning with worry. He should’ve known Haru would want to go to school- all little kids did at this age... Was he even ready to let Haru go? It was a big, dangerous world for the little boy. Full of bullies, and mean kids who’d steal Haru’s lunch. Not even getting started on the whole asthma issue.... “But, I can’t drive you in the morning, and there isn’t a bus stop.” Haru’s dad explained quietly, what a brilliant excuse!

“Makoto said I can ride on his bike with him.”

“Of course he did...” Haru’s dad sighed deeply, resting his head in his hands as he felt Haru’s fingers grab at his pants- those big blue eyes pleading and begging. Reflecting back all the sky in the little circles.

“Please daddy! Makoto really wants me to go! The teachers are really nice, and, and nobody will be mean to me! And  promise not to get worked up so my breathing will be alright!” Haru promised, pouting his lips for a little dramatic effect. He knew his father would say yes- he never ever turned down Haru, especially if Haru did something like this. Haru didn’t like to beg and make his dad feel bad- but sometimes it was what he had to do.  

“Did mom go to school?”

“...Mhm. She did. I met her in highschool.”

“Than why can’t I go?”

“Haruka-” His dad groaned softly- heaving out a sigh before smiling softly down at the boy. “I guess it’s not the end of the world. You want to experience school for yourself-” Haru blinked- confused if this was an answer or not. Another sigh- “I guess you can go to school this year Haru.”

Haru hopped off the couch, dragging the dolphin stuffed animal by it’s velvety fin along with him, “Thanks.” Haru chirped simply- excited to tell Makoto that he’d be going to school with him. But, was school scary? Most kids went to school- but Haru didn’t consider himself like most kids. But, Makoto wasn’t like most kids either, so Haru assumed it would be easy.

“I’ll talk to the school, alright? I bet they can have some sort of arrangement for you,” Haru’s dad said to the little boy who was happily retreating up the stairs and most likely to his room- Haruka simply hummed in agreement, really not listening all that much to his dad’s words. Haru was honestly happy he could just go to school with Makoto. Makoto was Haru’s best friend- and ever since that one night, Haru felt like he had to protect his best friend.

Haruka’s dad found himself letting out a deep sigh- great, more to worry about. “What am I going to do with his kid...?” He mumbled to himself with a small chuckle. Haru could be quite the adventurer sometimes for a kid with weak lungs.

/**/

Makoto waited on his porch with his large green bike- an oversized helmet that matched the same forest green of his bike strapped to his head. Alone. In the morning mist of the first september of the year.

Haru found himself jumping over the railing of his own porch to wave to Makoto as he walked out the front door- some backpack with fish on it secured around his little shoulders bouncing as he did, trying to wave Makoto to come closer. Everyone was starting to leave- Rin was patiently waiting for his younger sister, Kou, who was just starting school this year to get on her bike, their mom giving them some final hugs. Nagisa was piling into his car with his millions of sisters- Rei hugging his mother goodbye just next door.

Makoto jumped up- walking his bike over to the Nanase household, Haru’s dad following him out, messily trying to snap a bike helmet on his son’s head as at the same time, Haru was trying to walk towards Makoto.

“Hi Makoto,” Haru said while hopping down his steps, looking at his tall friend.

“Hi Haru,” Makoto looked towards Haru’s dad- “Good morning Mister Nanase!”

“Good morning, Makoto,” Haru’s dad sighed, a small smile settling on his lips. It was a little strange seeing Makoto alone- none of the other kids on the street were alone. Parents were all saying goodbye to their kids but... Makoto was alone. “Where's your dad?”

“He’s asleep,” Makoto said with a simple shrug- “Dad sleeps a lot.” Makoto then proceeded to giggle- for some reason. “He’s lazy.”

“Ah,” Haru’s dad said with a half smile- a worried glint in his eyes, but it was wiped away as he kneeled down to hug Haru goodbye.

Haru’s dad hugged him tight- but gentle. Like how Makoto held Haru’s dolphin. Haru’s helment-covered head bonking against his dad’s shoulder, before settling there, a soft sigh leaving Haru’s lips. “You be careful, alright?” Haru’s dad mumbled, running his hands over the hair that wasn’t encased in the plastic helmet. Another stolen habit from Haru’s mother... It was comforting to the both of them, honestly. Haru nodded meekly, his hands grabbing at his father’s Tshirt.

When Haru backed away, he did not understand the tears on his father’s face.

“Don’t cry, you baby,” Haru puffed in a way only a child could, poking his father’s forehead with an index finger as his dad simply laughed- giving Haru a smooch on the forehead.

Makoto stood there, staring at the two- his hands folded behind his back as his lips puckered- somewhat expecting his own hug.

Haru’s dad wiped his eyes- his son was right, he shouldn’t be crying. Haru backed up a little more- Haru’s dad completely understanding the expression Haru’s taller friend wore- a smile peaking his lips. “Come here- Makoto,” Haru’s dad mumbled with a smile, opening his arms as the larger boy nearly tumbled into Haru’s father’s arms, squeezing the man with surprisingly strong arms for his age. “You be careful too, alright?”

“I will, Mister Nanase!” Makoto chirped, nodding his head, Haru’s father ruffling his hair- Makoto giggling the way he normally did. This poor boy’s father didn’t even wish him off...

“Are you guys coming?” Haru jumped a little when he heard the oddly nearby voice of Matsuoka Rin- turning around to see him and his sister, waiting for them on their bikes on the sidewalk in front of Haru’s lawn. Haru almost frowned- he had never asked Rin to come with them...!

“Oh, y-yeah!” Makoto yelled, jumping from Haru’s dad’s arms, bounding over to his bike- “Bye Mister Nanase!” Makoto chirped happily- Haru following to his bike.

“Bye daddy-” Haru mumbled- waving a hand as Makoto swung his long legs over the seat of the bike- his dad waving back with a kind smile. Makoto scooted forward on his seat a little- giving Haru room to sit. Makoto had a really big bike, for his long legs and lanky body, but the pedals were awkwardly large as well as the handlebars and seat- anyways, Haru was small, so he could probably fit on the seat with Makoto even if it was a normal sized bike. Haru clung to his larger friend- waving his father goodbye one last time before Makoto started to pedal, the bike speeding up as he went down the little walkway to the house, meeting Rin there.

“Good morning Rin-” Makoto said with a sleepy smile, Rin and Makoto had gotten friendlier in the past few days, but, Makoto still agreed that Rin was a weirdo. “Hi Gou.”

Gou was Rin’s little sister- a seemingly quiet little girl, but she had a big mouth on her too. She was honestly kind of scary sometimes... But, sometimes she relied on her big brother- while sometimes she could whip his butt. An odd combination. Rin was relatively gentle with his sister though, so it was understandable that she could manipulate him.

“Yo,” Rin chirped with a smile- that was his ‘Im so cool’ greeting. Gou just waved shyly at Makoto. Haru had his own silent wave, in which Rin waved back too. “Since your both new to the school I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost on the way there.”

“Thanks!” Makoto chirped, the four kids starting the short journey to the school- Haru clinging to Makoto- but, even the way Makoto rode was gentle and slow, not jerky like Rin.

“Rin, what if there is monsters in the fog!” Gou mumbled with a gasp, quickly pedalling her pink bike to keep up with her brother. Makoto whimpered at the mention of monsters.

“There are no monsters in the fog!” Rin stated boldly, “And if there are, I will kick their butts!” Rin was very good at riding his bike- he sometimes stood off the seat and pedalled his bike. It was pretty cool. Makoto was really careful at riding his bike, everytime he jerked even the slightest he’d straighten out immediately with a whimper. Makoto was careful with everything he did....

Haru couldn’t see much over Makoto’s back, the boy was too tall and Haru didn’t want to throw Makoto off balance by leaning up too much. But, by pressing the side of his head to Makoto’s back- he could watch the mist covered neighborhood pass them by, listen to Rin and Gou talk, and occasionally Makoto. He got to watch a few other kids bike and walk to school too- though they were all older than him. Haru did not have his own bike, his dad’s fears and anxiety over him kept him from doing a lot. Haru did not have a desire to ride a bike, though. So it didn’t bug him.

But he was going to school. That’d be fun... Haru thought. Maybe.

“Here we are!” Rin eventually yelled, Haru peaking ever so slightly around Makoto’s body to see a large, cream-colored building. Haru knew the school was all grade school- elementary and middle, but, the kids here were big. So big- Haru felt smaller than he already was. More than small. Rin, Gou, and Makoto pedalled past a small group of big kids- Haru clinging to Makoto a little tighter as he heard a collective ‘aw!’ from all the big kids as they passed.

This was scary. Haru didn’t like it. Once he got inside, it’d get better. He hoped.

Makoto and Rin parked their bikes- Makoto pausing to let Haru climb off before getting off himself.

Makoto looked even more worried and shy than Haru felt- and Haru hadn’t really realized how tense Makoto was because he was pressed to his back the whole ride. He twiddled his thumbs, his face red with worry and lips gnawing away at his lips. Their fingers almost immediately entwined, Makoto and Haru’s now symbol of ‘It’s alright, I’m here.’

Rin wrapped an arm around his sister, looking down at her with a small smile before grabbing Haru’s hand- “Let’s go, you guys! I’ll go show you our class!”

And, Haru and Makoto were dragged in.

/**/

Haru made sure to sit down right next to Makoto- Rin running off (Thankfully) to sit with Sosuke. Before the bell even rang to start class Haru had gotten called by the teacher- lecturing him on how his dad told her about Haru’s asthma, and that Haru was to tell someone whenever it started to act up, and most importantly her.

The teacher was a nice, pretty blonde lady who had a really, really confusing name Haru didn’t bother to remember. She was really bright and sunny- she was really happy and she honestly reminded Haru how his mother used to act. It was comforting in a way.

Now that he was inside with other kids his age- it wasn’t too bad. No one to make Haru feel pressured or small, and though he was shorter than most of the kids here, he was at least a whole lot smarter. A lot of kids were interested in being his friend- since he was technically the new kid, and, even Makoto was. Since Makoto was so big, the girls flocked to him- but, they realized he was no Rin Matsuoka. Rin was really popular with the girls, apparently... He’d wink at them and they’d all do this dumb overdramatic swoon thing. Haru could tell it was fake- but Rin was enjoying it.

It was pretty simple- the learning part. Haru’s dad had taught him a lot of the basics last year, so Haru understood everything decently enough. That half was easy.

And then they went to lunch.

The cafeteria was a large room with eight tables, every two tables used to sit each grade. Haru and the rest of the first graders sat with the second, third, and fourth graders. The tables were long and only three people could sit next to you in your visual field- Makoto being the only one Haru wanted to be near, but Rin quickly found them and directed Nagisa and Rei towards them too. Haru didn’t really mind, though Rin was annoying and Nagisa was loud, it wasn’t like they could play right now.

“Hi Haru-chan!” Nagisa cheered- “Oh, and Mako-chan! Hi!” Nagisa slipped in the seat across from Haru, Rei promptly sitting next to the blonde and hastily taking out a cupperwear container full of some sort of of salad. ...What kind of kid eats salad?

“Good evening Haruka- Makoto,” Rei mumbled with a shy nod, Haru and Makoto waving at the two of them. Makoto and Haru hadn’t left each other's side since they got there, so Makoto had scored the seat next to Haru. Rin, sat on the other side of Haru- it was like a sandwich.... Speaking of sandwich.

Haru pulled out his lunch, splitting the sandwich his father had made him in half to give the other half to Makoto- as it quickly became apparent that Makoto did not have a lunch. “We can share, Makoto,” Haru said softly, Makoto smiling once Haru gave him the half of his sandwich.

“Thanks!” Makoto hummed happily.

“Mako-chan, you don’t have any lunch?” Nagisa asked, and Makoto shrugged. Nagisa searched through his lunch box, smiling bright when he found something to give the tall boy- “Here, you can have some of my grapes, Mako-chan.”

“Thank you so much!” Makoto near yelled, happily reaching across the table to pluck a grape off it’s stem.

“So, Haru-” Rin cooed, gently bumping Haru’s shoulder with his own-  a smile running over his face, “What do you think of school?”

“It’s alright.” Haru said with a small snort- shrugging his shoulders as Rin simply gawked at him.

“Just alright?” Rin mumbled with a snort- “That’s all? Not, bad, or cool, or... Nothing?”

“The teacher is nice.” Haru uttered, looking at his red-haired friend, who looked surprisingly worried... “What’s wrong?”

“You’re not going to leave school, are you, Haru? You’re gonna stay with us, right?” Rin’s fingers now found Haru’s shoulders- turning the small boy on the circular-shaped chair he sat on, Haru gaping a little. Man, Rin really, really liked him, didn’t he?

“No.”

“Oh,” Rin’s relief washed over his face, his eyebrows loosening immediately with the words, “That’s good! I was worried!” Rin laughed- rubbing the back of his neck. That was something he did a lot... “I didn't want you to leave, It’s been a lot of fun with you around.” Rin had hardly talked to Haru all day- but, ah well. Rin would never make sense to Haru.

“Mh.” Haru snorted, nodding gently in agreement. To make Rin happy. While Rin and Haru’s brief chat went on- Nagisa had managed to make himself a walrus out of two carrot sticks and was currently making Makoto blush bright red with the amount of giggles- with Nagisa yelling ‘Wook! I’m a Wawus!” Since, he couldn’t really close his mouth very much. Rei fought back laughter- holding his breath so nothing came out, but the boy’s amusement clearly shone through.

“Nagisa you dummy!” Rin teased with a laugh- all the boys giggling at the blonde- even Sosuke started to laugh,  Haru wearing a small smile as Nagisa fooled around. Nagisa really liked making others laugh, he was a loving boy.

Haru looked back towards Makoto- laughing and having a good time. Honestly Haru wouldn’t think much of it, but he was starting to notice small things, how Makoto’s dad wasn’t there to wish him luck on his first day at a new school, how Makoto didn’t have lunch- It all traced back to that one night. The one night Haru could not get out of his head no matter how hard he tried.

Makoto’s smiles, though constant, Haru cherished. Because when the boy wasn’t smiling, it meant everything was wrong.

/**/

“Haru, you’re so good at drawing...” Makoto whined with a pout on his face- Haru looking up from the piece of paper on his desk that he drew fish and dolphins on, looking to Makoto’s own paper that was covered in different colored flowers. “All I can draw is flowers.”

“But the flowers are pretty,” Haru said simply, “I like them.” Haru pointed to one that had been outlined in a shade of baby blue- “I think that one is my favorite.”

Makoto was about to respond, before a shrieking kid from the other corner of the classroom startled the poor boy. Everyone romped around- either peacefully playing with toys or trying their best to play tag in the little classroom. Makoto shook of his shock, smiling at Haru- “Thanks.” Makoto looked over Haru’s paper- “I like that orca, it looks like Aster! Oh, and, where is your dolphin, Haru?”

“In my bag,” Haru said simply- he’d never forget that at home! He didn’t want any kids to try and play with his dolphin, though, only Makoto could touch it, so Haru kept it in his bag. “I don’t want anyone to play with it.”

“Oh,” Makoto said with a nod- going back to coloring in a 5-petalled flower with the color red, before coloring in it. “Haru, do you want this picture when I’m done? I don’t want dad seeing it, he doesn’t like flowers very much.”

Haru nodded immediately- he wanted to have anything Makoto made. Plus, Haru just felt like it was right- after that night, Haru didn’t want to test Makoto and his father. The bad man.

“Alright, I just need to finish it!” Makoto said happily- neatly capping the marker he had been using before grabbing another, Makoto had a very neat, precise way of doing things like this- while with other things, he was very clumsy and awkward.

“Mako-Chan!” Makoto let out a loud yelp as Nagisa near tackled the tall brunette- hugging him from the back. Nagisa was actually a little shorter than Haru was- he was the only one in the class who was shorter than Haru, but, Nagisa didn’t look thin and breakable unlike Haru. “Oh, sorry Mako-chan! Did I scare you?”

“A-A little...” Makoto mumbled- but then laughed,  “It’s alright though.”

“What are you guys doing? You should play with me and Rei-Chan! We’re building a big block castle, Rei-chan is really good at building.” Nagisa said- violently gesturing to the corner of the room where Rei was skillfully stacking multi-colored wooden blocks, other kids watching him and cheering him on, Rei wearing a small, proud smile as he built his intricate little castle.

“We’re drawing.” Haru replied- showing Nagisa his picture of fish- and Nagisa smiled.

“Cool!” Nagisa chirped, thankfully not grabbing it- but just looking at it really close. “And, I like your flowers too, Mako-chan! They’re really pretty!”

Makoto blushed happily, smiling as he uttered out a ‘Thank you’, giggling as always- he did that whenever he got complimented.

“Anyways, when your done with your pictures, you should come and build with us! Even Rin-chan said he’d help!” Nagisa chirped, redirecting his conversation back to the original topic, “If you guys helped it would be even cooler! The coolest!”

“Haru,” Makoto asked, pulling softly on his sleeve- his eyes hesitant as he bit his lip. Afraid. “... C-Can we?”

Haru had no idea why he was so nervous. There was no use to be- it was like Makoto thought he was going to hit him or something... “It’ll be fun, why not.” Haru shrugged- and little Nagisa beamed as he near hopped in joy, a smile lifting his lips.

“Yay! Mako-chan and Haru-chan are going to help us, Rei!” Nagisa called, grabbing Makoto’s hand to drag him along, Haru following closely as well. Rei peaked over the tall walls of his block castle- just his almost purple eyes peeking over the wall as a hand was raised over his hand to wave. “This is gonna be the coolest block castle ever!”

/**/

The dark and the pending rainstorm did not prevent Makoto from marching over to the Nanase household. Though Makoto was afraid of the dark- and, how late it was- no one was outside, but, the real darkness lurked inside his house. The bottles in the fridge. The ones that Makoto couldn’t touch.

Makoto didn’t want to get kicked out of the house at midnight again, so, seven o’clock seemed to be a good time. Though Makoto was tired from the day, he was scared of his father’s wrath.

Spending the night at Haru’s was a better option.

Makoto hopped up the porch steps- knocking on the door with rain clinging to his small body. Two, solid knocks- and, then Makoto waited.

In a minute or two, Mister Nanase opened the door. Mister Nanase was such a nice man- he was so kind to Makoto, Makoto wished Mister Nanase was his dad sometime. But, Mister Nanase looked tired upon opening the door, and, kinda sad. Makoto frowned a little- before saying a proper greeting. “Good evening, Mister Nanase.”

Mister Nanase bent down, the older man gaining a weary smile on his face as he went down to Makoto’s height. “Hey Makoto- what are you doing outside? It’s late, Haru’s already in bed.” Haru’s dad reached out a hand to ruffle Makoto’s hair- and the brunette giggled like mad, but, once Mister Nanase stopped, Makoto found himself swallowing thickly.

Makoto didn’t want to sound sad. He didn’t want Mister Nanase to feel bad- but it was hard not to sound sad. “Dad’s been drinking again.” Makoto mumbled, looking down towards his feet- “Can I, um, sleep here?”

“Oh, Makoto,” Mister Nanase said- wrinkling his eyebrows and pulled the tall boy inside, shutting the door behind him. Haru’s dad stood back up, stretching out his arms with a small grunt before reaching down to place a gentle hand on Makoto’s head. “I’ll get the mattress.” Mister Nanase said with a soft smile- his eyes tired, drained.

“Not to be rude, but umm...” Makoto played with his thumbs, teeth clamping down on his bottom lip, “Can I, Uh, sleep with Haru?”

“I would say yes, but- Haru’s having breathing problems, and it’s best that you sleep on a different bed tonight, okay?” Mister Nanase said with a soft smile- walking too a closet- the one he believed one of the blow up mattresses was in. So, that’s why Mister Nanase looked so stressed....

“Is he okay?” Makoto nearly yelled- worry filling every ounce of his body. Makoto had heard about Haru’s breathing problem, Haru told him that sometimes he’d get woozy and couldn’t breath, or when he got too worked up he’d stop breathing. Haru treated it like it was no big deal, but, it terrified Makoto...

“Yeah, he’s alright.” Mister Nanase said with a smile- pulling out a floppy blue, deflated mattress- along with its pump. “He just needs some rest, but, I’ll let you sleep in his room, at least- alright?” Makoto nodded obediently, nibbling on his lips.

“Alright.” Makoto hummed- “Thank you, Mister Nanase.”

“There’s no reason to thank me,” Mister Nanase said with a smile, taking Makoto’s hand in his own, free hand- “You shouldn’t be scared to sleep in your own house.” Makoto squeezed his hand around Mister Nanase’s finger, nodding again as they started to walk up the stairs.

Makoto didn’t really know why he was nodding. He just did. Makoto agreed to everything- the small boy had been crafted more so into a puppy than a human.

**  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BoOP SHaBAm there it is  
> I'll probably post TWO tomorrow btw  
> ok thanks for reading! Like so much! I really really REAlLY appreciate comments-  
> yell at me what you want me to happen i'm open to suggestions because this thing is gonna be hEllA long and I want to cram as much shit as I can into this sO share your ideas with me- it'll make my day! uwu  
> Comments are super helpful- from 'cool' to some really long review I fucking love comments they help me get these things done a lot faster!  
> *smooches u all* thx! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a halloween chapter in winter what the hell am I doing

It wasn’t the most startling thing ever to see Nagisa standing in the doorway of Haru’s front door wearing a skirt. The boy did have ten thousand sisters. Anyways Nagisa was the kind of person who’d wear a skirt, and he had before. It wasn’t much of a big deal. Haru stood behind his father's legs in the doorway- Nagisa’s mom also with her son, the two looked nearly identical. Bright eyes and bouncy blonde hair, they wore almost matching orange sweaters.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirped happily, Haru’s grip tightening on his father’s pant leg, eyes fluttering around before settling down on Nagisa’s face. The cold fall wind- which, wasn’t even really all that cold- blew over Haru’s frail body, sending shivers down the boys spine.

“Hi.” Haru replied with simply, using his father’s leg to shield him from the wind. Haru was sensitive to the cold, and wind, and any temperature that wasn’t perfect. It sucked.

“Good morning, Mrs Hazuki,” Haruka’s father greeted- a smile resting on his face. Another thing Nagisa and Haru did not have in common was their parents- their parents were almost exact opposites of each other. Whilst Haru’s dad was a polite, kindly older man with a soft heart- Nagisa’s mom was only thirty five and sassy as anyone could be. She was loud- and not exactly like her son, but was an awfully mischevious woman who always seemed to be plotting something- when she wasn’t sipping on tea and baking cookies for her four children. Mrs Hazuki was a mystery to Haru.

But, she seemed to be in one of her gentle moods right now... Mrs Hazuki was always very nice to Haru. Not that she wasn’t a nice lady, she was just loud, and a little brash at times like she was a child herself. But she was gentle whenever Haruka was around. “Good Morning Isao-”

Man. That was weird.

Did Haru even know his dad’s first name....? He’d always been just dad. Well, now he knew.

Isao- what a weird name for his dad.... Ah well. Maybe he had heard mom call dad that a few times. Haru didn’t remember very much about mom- he remembered her loving presence and the days where she’d carry Haru around in her arms, clean, dance and sing all at the same time. That was fun- Haru missed that.

Even Haru’s dad seemed a little off put by the use of his first name. He was only really used to ‘dad’- From Haru, and then Mister Nanase from Haru’s friends.

“So, Nagisa has been planning some halloween thing with his friends- and, because of Haru’s... Well, circumstances, I just wanted to run a few things by you.” Mrs Hazuki said with a kind smile, growing a little weary with having to mention Haru’s breathing problems in front of the boy. But, Haru wasn’t even sure what she meant by that...

“Dad, what does circumstances mean?” Haru asked, tugging on his pant leg to grab his attention.

“I’ll tell you later.” Haru’s face went sour when his dad patted him on the head- dismissing Haru’s words. “Well, I have some tea brewing, would you like to talk about this inside? It’s getting kind of cold.”

“Ah, I would like that very much!” Mrs Hazuki said, nodding her head vigorously, like a small child getting offered icecream. “I really need a break from my husband, sometimes.” Mrs Hazuki said in a puff, before giggling- Haru’s father chuckling along with her. Adults were weird.... Mrs Hazuki patted Nagisa on the head, hurrying him along inside with her as Haru and his father backed away from the door.

“Haru, do you want to play with Nagisa- or you could just stick with me, if you want.” Haru’s dad asked him softly, and Haru shook his head.

“I’ll go play with Nagisa.” Haru replied- since he had started school, he had admittedly become closer with Rei, Nagisa and Rin. They were no Makoto- as him and Makoto shared more than hobbies, but they were good people and good friends.

“Wow! Haru-chan’s house is so big!” Nagisa exclaimed excitedly, stepping in and discarding his slip-on sneakers at the doorway where all the other shoes lurked, Mrs Hazuki doing the same.

“Isao’s keepin’ it classy-” Mrs Hazuki purred with a almost teenager-like tone as she looked over their large house, Haru’s dad chuckling nervously at the use of his first name again. Haru had a very big, clean home. Mom’s life support money had given them a ton of cash- half of which dad hadn’t even spent yet. He was saving it up for Haru’s hospital bills, mostly.

“Alright, Let’s go sit in the kitchen-” Haru’s dad said softly, directing Mrs Hazuki in the general direction as the blonde woman was still surveying her surroundings. “You boys can go play in Haru’s room, alright?” Haru’s dad offered up with a smile, and Haru nodded- Nagisa nodding along as well.

“I wanna see Haru-chan’s room!” Nagisa chirped, grabbing Haru’s wrist-

“Be gentle with him, Nagisa!” Mrs Hazuki near scolded- but, in a rather soft tone at the same time as Nagisa and Haru scrambled off to Haru’s bedroom- up the stairs and around the corner to Haruka’s little room.

The two boys plopped down on Haru’s bed, Nagisa neatly folding his legs so his skirt folded the way it was supposed to- the fabric yellow in color. To match his orange sweater, of course. “I like your room, Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirped, smiling as he looked around- “You even have a tv!” Nagisa gaped, pointing at the small, VHS TV that stood on Haru’s nightstand. The one him and Makoto had watched the Little Mermaid on all those nights ago...  

“Yeah,” Haru hummed softly, watching as Nagisa marveled over his house. Haru had no clue why Nagisa was so excited, maybe it was because Nagisa was just super excited all the time?

“Oh, Oh! Haru!” Nagisa chirped happily- before he grew eerily quiet, his eyes bulging as he asked ‘Guess what?’

Haru raised an eyebrow- waiting a moment, before leaning in and asking ‘What?’ in a hushed tone.

“Rei-chan kissed me yesterday!” Nagisa slapped his hands over his lips, giggling like the weirdo he was as him and Haru exchanged glances. “Than he called me pretty!” Haru snorted- Nagisa was acting like one of Rin’s fans... Ah well, at least it seemed almost genuine. A childish genuine.

“Really?” Haru asked, and Nagisa nodded excitedly. “Where?”

Nagisa pointed to his left cheek, which was red with amusement and blush. “What if Rei-chan likes me, Haru-chan?” Nagisa than proceeded to gape- his expressions changing every second, “Oh, and should I tell Mako-chan?” Nagisa was asking so many questions all at once, he never really gave Haru time to speak. Haru figured Nagisa was just talking to himself at this point- but, he was certainly enjoying it. “Should I tell mom? Would she be mad?”

“I don’t think so,” Haru shrugged, “It’s just a kiss on the cheek. I’m sure your mom won’t mind.”

Nagisa sighed- before his lips contorted into a warm smile once more.

“Anyways! Halloween is soon!”

Man this boy switches topics fast....

“And, I was gonna have you, an Mako-chan, and Rei-chan, and Rin-chan all sleep over my house after we trick or treat, since my sisters are going to their friend’s houses!” Nagisa said, Haru thinking about how much this boy really needed to stop with all the ‘chan’ business. It was getting kind of repetitive... “And we’ll all eat our candy, and watch scary movies, and all that stuff!” Nagisa explained excitedly- “That’s why my mom is talking to your dad! To ask him.”

“Oh, cool,” Haru mumbled- as long as he was with Makoto, Haru assumed it was alright. With just Haru, he would have to succumb to the rowdy games, but Makoto seemed to mellow everyone out a bit. They would depend on each other. It wasn’t like Haru didn't like Rin, Nagisa and Rei- they were his friends. His good friends. But, with Haru’s breathing problems, everything was risky. Plus Haru just didn’t like a majority of the games they liked to play. “I hope dad let’s me go...”

“Me too!” Nagisa chirped- “It will be no fun without Haru-chan!” Nagisa crossed his arms over his chest, puffing out his cheeks for a little over dramatic effect.

“What are you being for Halloween?” Haru asked, and Nagisa smiled excitedly.

“Oh! Oh! A cat!” Nagisa paused, rubbing his chin- the happy boy suddenly going into deep thought. “Or... Maybe a witch....” Nagisa huffed, before shrugging.

“Why not both?” Haru suggested, and Nagisa lit up immediately- the blonde’s eyes sparkling with life.

“A cat witch!” Nagisa gasped- acting like he had just discovered sliced bread. “You’re a genius, Haru-chan!” Nagisa lit up immediately with a smile, his fists balling in excitement. “What are you going to be?”

Haru thought for a moment- he hadn’t really considered what he was going to dress up as for halloween... “Hm. Haven’t really thought about it yet.” Haru said with a snort- flittering through possible costume ideas, halloween wasn’t the biggest concern to Haru. He liked the candy part though.

“You should be... A zombie!” Nagisa suggested, “Or , Maybe a fox... Or a cat... Or, or maybe even a ghost!”

“How about a vampire?” Haru asked- and Nagisa shook his head.

“No, no, Rei-chan is a vampire.” Nagisa said, waving his hand. “You could be... A pirate?”

“Maybe a mummy...”

“How about a devil?”

“Maybe I’ll go as... Pikachu. From pokemon.”

“Eh?”

“I’ll be pikachu.” Haru finally announced- flittering through his very faint knowledge of pokemon. Pokemon had just finished it’s point of major popularity, every little boy and girl knew something about it. Makoto liked pokemon- he always wore the same pikachu shirt. The one that he wore when he first met Haru. “And Makoto could be the... That guy.” Haru tried to think of the main character’s name- but, of course, he lost it right now.

“Ash?” Nagisa asked- cocking his head. Nagisa wasn’t all that into pokemon either, but apparently knew enough. Everyone thought pokemon was cool, into it or not.

“Yeah, him.” Haru mumbled in agreement- and soon Nagisa was bright red and smiling.

“I wanna be a pokemon too! I wanna be.. Um...” Nagisa thought hard for a moment- “I wanna be Jigglypuff! The pink thing!” Nagisa exclaimed excitedly, “We could all be pokemon! That’d be sooo cool!” Nagisa started listing off what Rei and Rin could be, before going “Haru-chan is so so so smart!”

Haru blinked. Well, that wasn’t what he meant.

....Still, it would be pretty cool to have all his friends be dressed up as pokemon for halloween, so Haru did not complain.

/**/

“Haru, honey- stop squirming,”

“Mh, it tickles....” Haru’s legs kicked softly as he fought off a smile- his dad skillfully painting red circles on his cheeks to finish up the costume. It wasn’t anything much, Haru didn’t like going ‘all out’ for halloween, and he just wore a simply Pikachu hoodie and yellow pants. Though Haru wasn’t all that much into pokemon, every kid ever loved Pikachu. Makoto watched, a small smile on his face as he kicked his legs excitedly. Dad had ended up buying Makoto’s costume for him, as Makoto’s father had no want to spend his money on a twenty dollar costume.

It was worth it, anyways. Haru’s dad thought the boys looked absolutely adorable.

“Haru, you look so good!” Makoto said with a smile, munching on some chips Haru’s dad had set out on the kitchen table, “This is gonna be so fun! I haven't gone trick or treating in a long time!”

Haru’s dad finally put the paintbrush down- blowing on the face paint that adorned Haru’s face. “Done.” Haru’s dad said with a smile, watching as Haru slipped out of the chair he sat in and scrambled to Makoto’s side. “You two look adorable-” Haru’s dad mumbled out loud, causing Haru to stick his tongue out at his father and Makoto to giggle- “I need a picture, stand next to each other.” Haru’s dad snatched a disposable camera from the kitchen table- aiming it at the two boys.

Of course, Makoto went ‘cheese!’ like he always did when the two took pictures. “So cute,” Haru’s dad chuckled, shaking his head before putting the camera down.

Makoto and Haruka ate the chips on the table for a little while, their sleepover bags just underneath the chairs they sat in, Makoto taking off the hat that he wore within a few minutes, Haru’s dad going over sleepover things with Haru. Haru had never slept over anyone elses house before... It was a scary thought, but Haru doubted he would have anything breathing difficulties. The one last week would probably be the last for at least another two weeks. But, Haru had his inhaler just incase, and his dad was going to bring the nebulizer over to Nagisa’s house once the sleepover started and they were finished trick or treating.

Makoto and Haru scrambled to the door once they heard a heavy knock at it- Haru’s dad slowly following behind the two excited boys. Makoto pulled the door open- seeing Nagisa, Rin, and Rei standing behind him, everyone yelling ‘hi!’ all at once. Mrs Hazuki stood behind the boys, smiling at the odd little display of five boys dressed as Pokemon.

Nagisa and Rei- much like Haru, wore hoodies, Nagisa’s pink and Rei’s brown, apparently Rei had decided to dress up as Eevee, and, his looked pretty fancy. The Ryuzaki's did look decently rich... But, Rin on the other hand normally went all out on halloween, and, he had once again. The costume wasn’t all that impressive, he had little orange horns adorned on his head and claw-like gloves, but the large, well made orange wings that were strapped to his back were pretty impressive. Though Haru didn’t know what pokemon he was, he still looked pretty cool. Haru was kind of jealous...

“Hey Isao-” Mrs. Hazuki said with a cat-like smile, “Your boys ready?”

Your boys... Makoto wasn’t his son. But sometimes it really felt like it. He was over so much because of the situation at his house...

“Yeah, they’re ready,” Haruka’s dad answered with a nod- Haru and Makoto walking over to their friends as Mrs Hazuki and his dad had some boring adult talk.

“You guys look so cool!” Nagisa shouted excitedly, Rei smiling slightly as he adjusted his glasses.

“Thanks!” Makoto chirped, Haru nodding to mentally repeat his tall friend’s statement. “You look pretty cool to- Rin, those wings are awesome!” Makoto said- soon shuffling over to Rin to poke at his wings, the redhead smiling proudly.

“Thanks,” Rin said happily- “I’m charizard! The coolest most awesomest pokemon!” Rin exclaimed, striking some weird pose with his hands on his hips. Haru scoffed, what a show-off.

Nagisa started to ramble on about something, his fingers intertwining with Rei’s as he spoke- Haru wondered how that whole crush thing went. Haru didn’t know much, but wasn’t it a little to early? They were only like, what, six? “This is gonna be so fun! Mom’s gonna drive us to the rich houses, so we get the big candy bars!” Nagisa exclaimed. Haru thought about it, weren’t they rich though? Haru, Nagisa, Makoto, Rin and especially Rei all lived in really good houses. The neighborhood was one of those pleasant ones you see in movies. ....Richer houses? Haru was kind of curious to see those...

“Cool!” Makoto chirped happily- Haru watched as kids in costumes were already starting to walk about his street, going to knock on doors and stuff. The sky was starting to darken, and before he knew it, Nagisa was tugging on his mom’s leg, yelling ‘lets go!’

Soon, Mrs Hazuki waved Haru’s father goodbye, and all the excited boys chased after Nagisa’s mom into her minivan.

/**/

Haru stared down the house- it had been an hour and a half of trick or treating, his bag had gotten so heavy for weak little Haru that Makoto had carried it for him. Makoto was strong- so strong. He wasn’t very fast, but, he was surprisingly strong for how young he was... Anyhow, everyone was exhausted, and ready to huddle down at Nagisa’s house and eat their candy. The night had been relatively fun, Haru and Makoto talked and traded candy bars- while adults called them cute and went ‘oh I love your costumes!’. The pokemon gang had been a success as everyone’s bags were chock-full of candy. Everybody knows the kids with the best costumes get the best candy.

But now that they stood down the last, and final house- Nagisa, Rei, Makoto, and even Rin stared down the house sidewalk with wide eyes. Nagisa was right, the houses here were big, and there decorations were hardcore. So hardcore everyone was too scared to go down to this one house. Fake dead bodies and animatronic monsters were strewn about the yard, a track of eerie noises playing to accompany the feel. It was late, and this was the last house, but everyone just... stared.

Makoto’s grip tightened on Haru’s shoulders- a small whimper leaving his lips as the tall male hid behind Haruka. Nagisa had taken a step back, everyone had- but Nagisa was shuffling away the most going “That house is scary-!”

“Rin, you go!” Nagisa than continued, pointing his hand forward. But, Rin only shook his head vigorously in response.

“Are you crazy?” Rin sputtered- shoving his hands in his pants pockets, moving backwards even more.

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa asked, than diving forwards to take Rei’s hand, pouting his lips to beg the other boy. Rei gulped- probably scared to say no.

“N-Not unless you come with me...!” Rei stammered, taking Nagisa’s arm and pushing it close to his own chest as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“No way, Rei-chan!” Nagisa yelled.

“Why don’t we just go home?” Makoto whined.

“No way! The scariest houses have the best candy!” Rin yelled, and Rei and Haru both sent Rin a look.

“Than why don’t you go?” Rei asked- raising an eyebrow. Rei was a nice boy, but, he had very strong opinions. He could be a little sassy if you didn’t apply common knowledge to whatever you said. But, that didn’t bug Haru, as though he didn’t know Rei very well, him and Rei tended to share the same opinions over just about everything.

“Because it’s scary,” Rin pouted with a huff, crossing his arms as a tongue slipped in between his lips- mocking Rei, and Rei just gawked.

Mrs Hazuki was waiting in the car- and she rolled down the window and yelled- “Go, you cowards!” In a playful tone, chuckling quietly to herself as she rolled up the window.

Haru sighed. No one had asked him to go, but he knew. He closed his eyes- ‘fine, fine’ he thought in defeat- Haru wasn’t scared, just a little annoyed that all the other’s were afraid of a little plastic, metal and foam decorations. “I’ll go.” Haru said, everyone gasping in response, Makoto and Rin especially.

“Really?” Rin gawked- trying to sound unfazed but, was relatively impressed that Haru offered up himself to go with little feeling behind it.

“Oh, Haru! Be careful!” Makoto suddenly pulled Haru into a tight hug, burying his head into Haru’s shoulder. He felt like he was being squished to death... When Makoto was scared, his gentleness was completely gone.

“Haru-chan is so brave!” Nagisa yelled, his fists balling with excitement. Makoto finally let go of Haru.

“Please do be careful, Haruka-senpai!” Rei did not have the tongue of a six year old. Rei spoke like a twenty year old scientist, but, his squeaky voice and slight im-missing-my-front-teeth-lisp ruined the illusion.

Haru nodded, taking his candy bag back from Makoto- dragging it amongst the ground as he went, his friends cheering them on. But, Haru really had no clue why they were so worried. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and honestly he was more worried about his candy bag that dragged behind him tearing than the fake decorations that his friends were scared of. Haru did have to give it to the owners of this house- their setup was pretty cool, and eerie. But unlike his friends, Haru knew the difference between real and not real. The fake zombies and spiders caught Haru’s eye- but, weren’t scary. Monsters weren’t something that scared Haru. Haru shuffled his way up the long, long walk way of the mansion- hopping up the steps of the house carelessly before knocking twice on the big, green door. Wowee, this house was big. It made Haru feel even smaller than he was...

Haru waited a moment. He heard the little yip yap of a lapdog inside- and soon enough someone had opened the door.

It was an old couple. A cute, old couple- the lady of the couple holding the dog Haru had heard in her arms.

“Trick or treat-” Haru said half heartedly, it was kind of weird saying it all alone. Haru had only ever gone trick or treating with his friends. Usually Rin dragged him along, or Nagisa. The couple smiled- the man reaching inside some bucket that Haru couldn’t see because it was behind the door frame- plopping in two, full sized hershey bars. Man, Haru was going to get fat off of all this candy! Not like he cared, Haru loved candy.

“There you go-” The man said with a gentle smile, chuckling at Haru’s amazed expression over the fact that he had gotten not one, but two big candy bars!

“Um-” Haru mumbled awkwardly, thinking of his friends- “My friends are too scared of your house to come. Can I get some candy for them, too?” Haru asked quietly- pointing down the walkway to where the rest of his friends stood, to prove to the couple that he wasn’t trying to cheat them out of any candy or anything.

The old man laughed, nodding as he reached for a few more candy bars, plopping them in Haru’s bag. “Thank you.” Haru mumbled- and the man smiled and nodded.

“Have a good night.” The man said-

“You too,” Haru mumbled, trying to remember his manners before the door closed, and Haru hopped down the steps of the big house, and back down the dreaded walk way that all his friends were too scared to walk across.

Everyone cheered him on- Nagisa screaming loud ‘woohoo!’s as Haru shuffled on back, his candy bag twice as heavy with all the chocolate bars he had gotten for his friends, somewhat pleased with himself for being the only one out of his friends who weren’t scared.

“Wowee, Haru-chan! You’re so brave!” Nagisa cheered as Haru returned to his friends-  Rin puffing and crossing his arms in irritation, Makoto locking him in a big, warm hug.

“Haru I was so worried!” Makoto cried- and Haru couldn’t help but roll his eyes, but feel oddly touched by the comment too. Makoto was so nice...

“I’m okay,” Haru mumbled, patting Makoto’s back- “I got you all candy.” Haru said- grabbing the chocolate bars on the top of his bag and handing them out, everyone yelling ‘thank you!’s, especially Makoto.  

As they walked back to the car, Haru made Makoto carry his candy bag again. They all yawned, tired and prepared to settle down at Nagisa’s house to eat candy and watch movies.

On the short walk to the car, in which Makoto held onto his hand tight- Rin elbowed Haru’s shoulder, looking at Haru with a snarky grin. “I could’ve sooo done that.”

/**/

Makoto had been peacefully munching on a candybar- laying next to Haru and giggling on the blowup mattress that was attached to the couch- so, they could all sit up. Everyone was happy, and cozy in their sleep clothes- tucked underneath the blankets with pounds and pounds of candy to comfort them... Haru even had his dolphin. But, now everyone was silent- even Nagisa. The movie on the TV was... Pretty scary. Haru had to admit. It wasn’t adult scary, but, scary.

Makoto clung to Haru, his arms tightly wrapped around his torso- Makoto’s head pressed to the back of Haru’s neck as muffled yelps and whimpers would leave his throat. It was honestly a little annoying- but, Makoto was honestly frightened. The claymation skeleton and his pet ghost dog- taking over Christmas wasn’t Makoto’s thing. Haru didn't try to soothe him, the most he could do was rub Makoto’s back. Haru actually kind of liked the movie... It was cool. Nagisa liked it too, apparently it was one of his favorites. Rin was too busy shoving his face full of candy to care.

Poor Rin- Rin didn’t have anyone to cuddle. Nagisa and Rei had each other, and Haru had Makoto. Rin didn’t really seem to care though- all that boy needed was a chocolate bar to gnaw on and he was happy.

“Makoto,” Haru called out- bringing his own attention away from his movie, slowly looking away from the TV, until looking at Makoto. Makoto looked up from Haru’s neck- just like Haru had pried his eyes from the TV, “Do you want some more candy?” Makoto frowned, shaking his head.

“My belly kinda hurts...” Makoto mumbled in a low whine, digging his nose back into his neck. Haru just let out a sigh, patting Makoto’s back as the boy resumed whining and shaking.

That was until Nagisa’s cat walked across the blow up cushion- scaring Makoto.

“Be-lla-!” Nagisa scolded, shaking his finger judgmentally at the carmel-colored cat. Nagisa’s cheek was pressed happily against Rei’s- the two boy’s legs were intertwined, and Rei had worn his purple butterfly pajamas, while Nagisa wore his own matching pink penguin pajamas. Weirdos. Haru, Rin and Makoto just wore lazy clothes- sweatpants and baggy Tshirts, but, Nagisa and Rei went all out. “Come here, Bella! If you wanted to cuddle just say so- you can’t be on the blow up mattress!” Nagisa giggled loudly- crawling over Rin- causing the redhead to let out a small ‘Hey!’, before Nagisa started pawing to reach the cat-

“N-Nagisa? Can I hold your cat?” Makoto asked shyly, lifting his head from Haru’s neck. Nagisa paused- and nodded, smiling still.

“Make sure when you put her down you put her on the floor! Mom doesn’t want her to pop the mattress with her kitty claws.” Nagisa instructed, snuggling back up with Rei as the two went back to sucking on lollipops and chomping on chocolate. Apparently, this was the only time of year that Rei was allowed to eat ‘artificial sugars’, or whatever they were. Rei and Nagisa were quite the pair right now- huddled close while they were both downing kitkat and snickers bars, Rei had totally broken his neat posture for the one night of the year he got to eat candy.

Haru watched Makoto sit up, scoop up the cat gently in his arms, and holding her in his lap. Completely forgetting the movie was ever there. He crooned quietly to the little brown cat, scratching her head and kissing it as if the animal was his child.

Well, now Haru could roll away and trade candy with Rin...

“Psst, Rin,” Haru mumbled- rolling to his side, jabbing the other boy in the chest. Rin was totally lost in the taste of candy and the movie (Rin got spacy whenever he ate too much sugar...), and jumped when Haru attacked him with his fingers.

“Oi! Don’t scare me!” Rin hissed- wiping his face with his arm as he had a bit of smudged chocolate on his lip. “What’dya want?”

Haru rolled his eyes, a soft huff leaving him. Haru reached to the end of the mattress, grabbing his candy bag and somehow maneuvering over Makoto, “Let’s trade candy.”

Rin swallowed what he was eating, before nodding with a smile. “M’kay.” Rin and Haru hurriedly started to look through their bags- offering up candy they didn’t like for a piece they did like. Haru and Rin managed to do this every halloween, though Haru and Rin didn’t get together much before Haru had met Makoto, they always hooked up for halloween, and had always done this.

“I don’t like maltballs?” Rin asked- questioning Haru if Haru liked them. Haru did- and, Haru traded his unwanted bite-sized snickers bar for Rin’s maltballs. The process went on throughout the movie, Rin and Haru whispering to each other quietly and trading candies, while Makoto cooed to a cat and Rei and Nagisa snuggled- Nagisa occasionally kicking Rin for getting too loud with a stern ‘be quiet!’.

By the time the cat had wandered off, and Rin got so full he was moaning in pain, and the movie was over, everybody was exhausted. Nagisa let out a collection of dramatic yawns- and Haru finally turned away from Rin and back to Makoto, who had resumed whining about how scary the movie was whilst half asleep. Nagisa shuffled away to shut the TV off, leaving the five boys in the dark.

After five minutes, everyone was fast asleep- besides Makoto. Nagisa and Rei curled against each other, Rin taking the majority of the middle piece of the mattress, leaving Makoto and Haru to their own little corner.

Though Makoto had been distracted by the cat most of the movie, he still felt.. Disturbed. Makoto was unsteady, he didn’t like the dark, he didn’t like sleeping on the edge of the mattress, and he definitely did not like that movie.

He thought of waking up Haruka.

Haru was curled up in the blankets- covers up to his cheeks as his eyes were just closed peacefully, little tiny breaths heaving the boys chest, stuffed dolphin clutched in his arms. He faced Makoto- making the temptation to wake Haru up more present. All he’d have to do is poke Haru a few times. Haru was a light sleeper. But, last time he woke his dad up because he had a nightmare- his dad had given Makoto a slap on the wrist, and more importantly, he had been upset with Makoto. Makoto hated it when people were upset with him...

Makoto sighed- shuffling under the covers more- squeezing his eyes shut as tight as he could. Oh, how he hoped Nagisa’s house didn’t have monsters. Or ghosts... Or both!

Than, a loud, skittering noise echoed through the house- which, was only the cat. But Makoto’s terrified, childish brain made him think ‘It’s a monster!’- and he immediately hug-tackled the small boy- clutching a dolphin stuffed animal, who slept next to him. “H-Haru! Theres a monster!” It was a miracle none of the other’s had woken, Nagisa had just moaned, and then murmured a quiet ‘Hnn- Rei-chan-...” Probably since Nagisa was sleeping next to the boy. But, Haru was the only one who had woken from Makoto’s shriek, Haru jumping to consciousness.

“Hm?” Haru moaned- Makoto digging his head to Makoto’s chest. “A monster?”

“Y-Yeah!” Makoto whispered now, but, a sense of urgency collected in his tone, “I heard it!”

“No such thing as monsters, Makoto.”

Makoto fell silent- only shortly. “B-But what if they are?”

Haru sighed- setting the dolphin he once clutched to his chest to the side,his eyes getting heavy as he wrapped his arms around his best friend, their position awkward but yet snug at the same time- Haru’s arm pinned and awkwardly pressed against Makoto’s cheek, and Makoto’s arm was also in the tight position that Haru’s was in, but the two boys really hadn’t any cuddle experience before.  “I won’t let the monsters get you, Makoto.”

Makoto fell silent, a hush falling over the boys accept the occasional moaning and shuffling from Rin- but, that really didn’t seem to matter to the two boys. “Thank you,” Makoto whispered, pressing his forehead to Haru’s shoulder. He was thankful that Haru hadn’t decided to slap him or something, but, Makoto thought everyone was upset when they got woken up... Apparently not Haru. Makoto worried about Haru sometimes. His breathing issues. He remembered how short of breath Haru would get after the simplest things- and Makoto would have to sit down with him and make sure he was alright, sometimes he’d even have to get Mister Nanase to give Haru his inhaler. It had even happened once in school before, too. Haru didn’t seem to bothered by it though, so Makoto shouldn’t either. But he always worried. Just like Haru worried about Makoto and his father.

Makoto’s grip slowly loosened on his best friend- turning the tight embrace into more of a gentle hold. But the two did not let go of each other, even as they fell asleep.

/**/

After the party, everyone had gone home and things had returned to normal. Though Haru was still curious about Rei and Nagisa- it was probably just that Rei and Nagisa were best friends. Like Makoto and Haru were best friends. Haru didn’t need to think much about that before dismissing it.

Haru wanted Makoto to sleep over his house- but, Makoto had gone to his house to sleep.

When Haru woke up at three in the morning- no more air, but shards of glass entering his throat- he was glad Makoto hadn’t.

Haru tried to cry out- but his voice was sealed down in his throat, his chest constricted by some invisible force, gasping out for any air. It was like trying to breathe underwater, the only thing getting in was painful, stabbing his throat and lungs- no matter how many times he had been through this, it was still terrifying. It always would be.

Haru’s vision started to distort- everything looking like it was made from sand, the darkness around him swirling inwards. He wanted to get his dad, run to his room- but he was paralysed by the fear, and anyways, he was practically blind.

Wait- wait, the button, Haru had to find it-

Once Haru had been old enough to speak he was trained like some animal to press the little red button that always sat on his nightstand- originally, it was something for cripples, for when people couldn’t get out of bed, but it had probably saved Haruka’s life on more than one occasion.

Through the gritty visions of his room, Haru leaned over- probably knocking a few things off his nightstand until he found the little red outline of the button- slamming it down as hard as the small boy could.

The loud noise it created he could not hear- the speakers for it were in his father’s room. But, Haru assumed it worked as he heard the loud thumping from down the hall, his father standing in the doorway in moments, phone clutched in his hand- his hair disheveled and messy. A man that age was in no shape to run that fast, but, he did. “Haru!?”

Haru tried to call out for his dad- but, only a soft squeaking came out, like a dying balloon with a small pinhole in it. Haru honestly felt like someone had jabbed a little hole in his throat so all the air escaped.

In seconds, Haru was in his dad’s arms- the white mask of the dreaded nebulizer being messily strapped over his face, his dad’s voice yelling mumbled slurs into the phone.

Haru’s world went black.

 

/**/

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ptthhhbb I'll update this thing maybe once every week or two.   
> (@v@) Thanks so much for all the comments/kudos!!!


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing Haru remembered was the cry of a siren. Than the red lights. Of course- the first clear thing he remembered was the white hospital room, the oh-so familiar blankness of the room that made Haru feel like some caged animal that was slowly going insane. He was never here for long, at most two days- but his dad normally brought him his gameboy so he could entertain himself for most of the day. And, the small, velvety plush of Haru’s dolphin was always resting beside him, the comfort of feeling his mom’s energy bringing the small boy peace.

His father was almost constantly at his side, holding his hands with a soft grasp. Sometimes he’d cry. Sometimes he’d be fine. This was a time where Haru’s father was alright, and the first thing he did once Haru opened his eyes was smile.

Haru would be there for a day. That’s what the doctors told him. The men and women in old-looking gowns with cartoons on them who’d check in on them every once in a while. The beeping would be there on occasion. Not all the time though. It go off and on- but his dad’s hands rubbing his wrists would numb the pain.

Haru was silent in the white rooms. He did not like it in the white rooms. It was not a home to him, he felt small- smaller than he was. And Haru did not like to feel even smaller than he was. The cheap sheets and uncomfortable mattress, the beeping of that weird machine Haru did not know the name of, and the white walls made Haru feel artificial. The only thing keeping the boy from curling up and crying from the pressure was his father’s soft grip on his hand, the dolphin stuffed animal, and the distraction of his gameboy.

“You’re alright, Haru?” His father would ask every hour after the silence. Haru would nod. He was alright- breathing wise. His mind on the other hand felt like it was chipping away. He should’ve been used to it, but he wasn’t.

Haru liked to think dad hated it here more than Haru did. His dad was a nervous man, but it seemed that his hands shook even more and it took him even longer to calm, it was harder. Haru didn’t know much, but he knew it had something to do with mom.

After what felt like hours of pixilated music from his gameboy, Haru watched as another doctor came through the door- smiling softly at the boy as it was her job, before saying; “Haru, you have visitors.”

Within moments- Haru yelped as a blur of brown hair and a mound of almost uncomfortable warmth was ontop of him- sobs quickly filling Haru’s ears as the grip of arms tightened around him- “Makoto-” Haru choked out, simply out of shock, and maybe embarrassment too.

“Haru! I was so worried!” Makoto cried- right into Haru’s ear, Haru flinching at the sudden feeling and volume increase- but found himself clutching Makoto tight. Makoto was the opposite of the white, dreaded walls that made him feel like he was insane, Makoto was bright- and gentle, and made Haru feel grounded. It probably wasn’t good that Makoto was hugging him like this, and Haru expected his dad to tell Makoto to be gentle, but he didn’t. Haru and Makoto just hugged- Makoto sniffling and whining and murmuring things like ‘I was so worried’, and, ‘Don't do that ever again’. Haru couldn’t reply. He just buried himself deeper into his warm, and surprisingly broad shoulders, gripping the boys sweater with all Haru’s weak little hands were worth.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa was next, Rin pouring into the room after him- but Haru did not let go of Makoto. Nagisa’s mom and Rei followed close- Mrs. Hazuki mouthing a small ‘poor boy.’

“Haru! We were all so worried!” Rin cried, slamming his hands down on the end of the bed- Rei padding over to Haru’s father and asking ‘Is Haruka going to be alright?’

Funny. They had never come to visit Haru before... Was it because Haru opened up to them this year? Was that it? Did they not feel welcome before?

Haru pulled away from Makoto- tears still running down the sensitive boy’s cheeks, sniffling weakly and wiping his nose in return. “Will you be okay, Haru?” Makoto sniffed- taking Haru’s hand in his own, and Haru simply nodded.

“He’ll be back home by tomorrow.” Haru’s dad replied with a gentle smile- “It’s alright, Makoto. You don’t need to cry.”

“S-Sorry Mr. Nanase,” Makoto whined, letting go of Haru’s hand as he perked up a little, green eyes widening with remembrance as he patted his back pocket- sliding out a small piece of folded construction paper. “I-I, made you a get better soon card, Haru...” Haru unfolded the piece of blue paper- reading Makoto’s slightly messy handwriting that read ‘Get better soon, Haru!’ as well as some little drawings of red and purple flowers decorating some of it- and, a poorly drawn fish. But, Haru treasured Makoto’s drawings at this point. The one Makoto gave him on the first day of school he had put in a little box, and, he hoped to put this one in the box too. “I know it’s.. Kinda bad...”

“I love it,” Haru said- almost cutting Makoto off. “Thank you.”

Makoto’s green eyes lit up- seemingly turning a few shades brighter as his broken frown turned into a big, huge smile.

Rin and Nagisa crowded around the bed, Rei shyly standing to the side- really unsure what to do, before Mrs Hazuki fished through her pocket and pulled out a small bag. “I’m not sure if you’re allowed to have these in the hospital- but,” Mrs Hazuki winked,uncurling her long fingers from the bag as Haru took it gently, looking in side the brown paper bag- “It’s our secret.” She winked, Rin and Nagisa giggling softly.

“Cookies-” Haru’s dad said with a smile- “Ah, you love those, Haru.” Haru nodded along, agreeing with his dad as he looked up from the bag of little chocolate chip cookies.

“Thank you, Mrs Hazuki.” Haru mumbled- in moments, Rin was patting his chest.

“Oh! Oh, Haru, can I have one? Just one? Please!” Rin near begged, Nagisa following along, Rei biting his lip as he too probably wanted one but was just much too polite to say anything. Haru didn’t see why not. There were so many cookies... “Nagisa! She’s your mom, you can have her cookies whenever you want!” Rin whined- but shut up when Haru passed him a cookie.

“Yes but I want one,” Nagisa sassed the other boy, smiling happily as Haru gave him a cookie- “Thanks Haru-chan! You’re the best!”

Next, Haru passed one to Rei, or at least, he tried to.

Rei froze, eyeing the cookie in Haru’s tiny outstretched hand- and then, he looked up at Haru. Back down at Haru’s hand- and than, back at Haru. “F-For me?” Rei stuttered out, pointing to himself. Haru snorted- and nodded. “Oh, but, I-I can’t, They’re Haruka-senpai’s cookies.”

Haruka-senpai. That one was new.

“Aw, losen up Rei-chan! Haru’s a really good sharer! He doesn’t mind!” Nagisa laughed- his mouth full of cookie as he hugged the thinner boy. “Right, Haru-chan?”

“Mhm,” Haru nodded dumbly, than, with hesitant fingers- Rei took the cookie. He acted as if it were a burning piece of metal that Haru was forcing him to hold, cringing as he brought it close to him.

“Thank.. Thank you, Haruka-senpai!” Rei near cried- his missing front-teeth making his lisp more prominent than ever, and Haru just snorted, nodding slightly. Haru-chan was one thing, but Haruka-senpai? It was weird enough when people called him Haruka... It didn’t even make any sense. Haru was only older than Rei by a year and a half- and, they were in the same grade...

“Here, Makoto,” Haru mumbled, passing his best friend a cookie- and the teary eyed boy lit up in another round of giggles.

“Thanks, Haru!”

“Wowee, how’d you get your boy to share like that, Isao?” Mrs Hazuki asked Haru’s father- and, he just chuckled, shrugging in reply.

“From his mother, I assume.”

“Well he’s a beautiful little freak of nature.” Mrs Hazuki chuckled- “Nagisa on the other hand is a rotten egg.” She immediately grabbed her son's head- ruffling his bouncy blonde curls as Nagisa hissed in what realistically sounded like agonizing pain.

“Mom!” Nagisa cried- clawing away his mother’s hands and pouting like a pro.

Rin stepped in again- violently shushing Nagisa with a hand. “Well, we hope you feel better soon, Haru! I miss you, you big jerk!” Rin gripped at Haru’s arm again- Makoto still sniffling and whimpering on the other side of the bed,  gripping at Haru’s hand still too- so, Haru was stuck between a crying tall boy and a big grumpy jerk.

“I’m already fine. I’ll be back home tomorrow.” Haru huffed for the second time- he didn’t understand why he was still here, in the white walls. He felt fine, but, at least he’d be going home tonight.

“Will you be in school?” Rin asked curiously.

“Yeah, W-Will you?” Makoto whimpered after Rin.

Haru shrugged. He didn’t know. It was up to his dad and the people in the gowns and face masks. He wanted to go, that was for sure. He liked school, it was fun. Sorta. He liked spending time with Makoto, Rei, Nagisa- and occasionally Rin. Depending on what kind of mood Rin was in. Sometimes Rin was a brat, and sometimes he was the nicest guy ever. “You better be!” Rin pouted, before looking at the floor, puffing out his cheeks, “I miss you.”  

Haru hummed a little, nodding softly to acknowledge Rin’s comment. It was rude to ignore people, no matter how irritating they were.

Haru turned to start wiping away Makoto’s tears, telling the poor boy to ‘stop crying’, and to calm down, and that he would be fine. It was nice to know that Makoto cared so much, really, they all did. It was nice to have a little light in the white, prison walls of the hospital room. Especially with Makoto’s hand gripping at his own- it brought him back home for a brief period of time.

/**/

Haru was the first person to notice the lack of Rin.

Haru, of course, had not gone to school the next day. The doctors told him his brain was still getting over the shock of his asthma attack- though, Haru did not know what that meant, and he felt fine, he accepted it and waved Makoto farewell as his tall friend sped down the street on his bike- following Rin close behind.

But the next day, Haru did in fact go to school. And the week after that. Than on the first day of the second week, Rin- the one who wanted him there most of all, was not. Rin went to school every day. Rin would go even if he was sick- and, he’d then pass his sickness to everyone else, but, he still went to school.

Everything but Rin’s peppy, loud attitude being present was normal. Haru and Makoto drew fish and flowers- and, Haru even tried to draw a person, but it didn’t come out very good. He assumed he would get better with practice. Makoto only ever insisted on drawing flowers, because that’s all he was interested in drawing, so Haru didn’t mind. Makoto gave Haru all his drawings- instructing Haru not to lose them, as once he was an adult he was going to take them back. Well, except the card, as that was for Haru. Because Makoto’s father would not let him keep his flower drawings, and, Haru’s home was basically Makoto’s at this point, Makoto kept his drawings at his house.

Nagisa and Rei built another complex block building- and, Nagisa insisted to put all the penguin figures in it, as it was his ‘penguin kingdom’, and Rei just let him. Rei thought it was funny- and giggled as the two played inside the fort as the rest of the classroom crowded around to watch. It was well known at this point that Rei was a very good builder with blocks. But... Still no Rin.

But, when he was walking out with Rei, Nagisa, and Makoto- he remembered.

Tomorrow was the anniversary of Rin’s father’s death. Rin normally stayed home today. And tomorrow. And the next day.

Like Haru loved his mother, Rin loved his father. His father’s death was calamitous to the young boy- Haru still remembered that day. Rin’s dad died after Haru’s mother did, and as Haru was still recovering from the death of his mother- he watched as a police car pulled up to Rin’s house from the window, went to the door, and the next thing he knew he was standing at yet another funeral.

But this time, the casket was closed.

Haru went home thinking about Rin- worrying about him, because he knew how Rin felt. But Rin’s father’s death was so sudden, even still Rin talked about his father as if he were still living. Rin clung to his death- and sometimes, Haru really did feel bad for treating him like he did. Haru wasn’t mean to him or anything, but, Haru certainly didn’t treat him like Makoto. Makoto was like Haru’s precious sibling- or, to be honest, he was like Haru’s kid half the time. If Haru wasn’t a kid himself.

Makoto came over after school, as he mostly always did. Mister Nanase would give him food- and, Makoto would thank him heavily for the meal before going upstairs to play with Haruka. It was so much different than Makoto’s own household here- so quiet and serene, peaceful, calming. No hiding in his room. It was great.

Once buried under Haruka’s covers on his bed, Haru’s shoulder pressed against his own (Makoto still couldn’t get over how small Haru was! Then again, Makoto was huge... But still!), Makoto and Haru simply talked, softly chatting about the day as they always did. Sometimes they played. Sometimes they didn’t. It was all up to what Haru was feeling. And, Makoto would go along with what Haru wanted to do, as Makoto didn’t really care, he just liked spending time with Haru.

“Where was Rin, today?” Makoto had asked, laying on his stomach as he pressed his face into Haru’s pillows, muffling his voice. “Do you think he was sick? I hope he’s okay.”

“Mh.” Haru hummed. He felt although it wasn’t right to say it. He thought maybe it was Rin’s job- and, anyways- Makoto wouldn’t understand. It was hard to figure out the darkness of death, especially at this age, unless you had gone through a tragedy yourself. “He’s probably just sick.” Haru mumbled, laying on his back to face the ceiling with his dolphin resting on his stomach. He didn’t want to lie to Makoto. But, he felt although he was protecting him- and Rin, too. He knew it was something that was somewhat secret to Rin. He didn’t want Makoto to talk to him about it- and then Rin to get mad, and then only god knows what will happen next.

“Oh,” Makoto mumbled- “Maybe we should call him?”

“No.” Haru said immediately, Makoto lifting his head to raise an eyebrow before it simply disappeared behind his tan-colored bangs. “He... He could be sleeping. Or resting. I don’t want to disturb him.” Makoto puckered his lips a little, before nodding.

“Ok,” Makoto agreed happily, plopping back down against a baby blue pillow, “You’re right, Haru.” The way Makoto agreed with Haru was not how Makoto agreed with everyone else. When Makoto agreed with him, it felt more honest. Makoto was always honest- but he sounded more like a robot taught to command with other people, and with Haru, he felt like a real person. Anyhow, Makoto was scared of the majority of anyone who he met, so him agreeing with almost everyone was also a shy thing. It comforted Makoto, so Haru let him do it.

The bruises on Makoto’s skin had almost completely disappeared, too. The purple marks Haru would see sometimes- maybe it was because Makoto basically lived with Haruka now, and not with the bad man. The only ones left remaining were old, slightly brownish ones that were probably just fading old ones. Makoto didn’t even flinch when he sat down anymore. Makoto said that since he was so clumsy, he messed up a lot of the time- and his father didn’t like that. Or the flowers. That Mister Tachibana especially didn’t like it when Makoto hung out with Nagisa , because Nagisa wore skirts and things that boys weren’t ‘meant for them to wear’. And because him and Rei always held hands. Always.

Haru had told him that was weird, because Haru and Makoto held hands. Makoto just shrugged. Maybe Mister Tachibana didn’t see Makoto and Haru hold hands? And, Nagisa should be able to wear skirts- that’s just a silly reason not to be friends with someone.

“Dad wants me to hang out with Rin more,” Makoto had told him, and Haru grimaced. “He says Rin is a good role model.”

“Rin stinks.” Haru had said with a hiss, and Makoto giggled, hugging Haruka’s waist tight.

“He does,” Makoto nodded in agreement, “And anyways, Haru-chan is my best friend!” Makoto was starting to sound more and more like Nagisa with this ‘Haru-chan’ business. Ah well, Haru hated being called that- but he dealt. At least when it was coming from Makoto. “But Rin’s still cool.. He’s just not you.”

Later that day Makoto and Haru had gone outside to Haru’s back yard- or attempted to, as winter was quickly approaching, and, it was freezing. Too cold for Haru- at least. Makoto shivered a little, but the cold air struck Haru’s lungs with a heavy punch, making the small boy fall into a fit of shivers and coughs.

“Haru? Are you okay?” Makoto immediately asked- placing a hand on his shoulders, Haru trying desperately to swallow down the coughs as he held the fabric of his sweater to his mouth and breathed through that to warm up his throat and lungs. Anyways, Haru’s small, sickly frame had little defense to the world outside.

“I-I’m alright-” Haru coughed, “Just cold.”

“Is it your breathing?”

“Sorta.”

Makoto frowned a little- before pulling Haru into a hug. Instead of letting go like Haru thought he would, Makoto just held him there. Not that it was bad, Haru just hadn’t expected it- but, he found himself quickly warming up. With Makoto’s weird size thing- it gave Haru’s body a little more protection, even the air around him warmed with the space they shared. “Is.. Is this better, Haru?” Makoto asked, and Haru nodded. He felt near to nothing- he was much too young to feel anything, but he was warming up, and he liked hugging Makoto (When Makoto wasn’t squeezing him to death. This was one of his more gentler moments...).

They just sat in Haru’s backyard, talking and laughing- staying close to each other. They only went inside when Makoto’s face started to turn red and he started sniffling pathetically, wiping his nose every minute, and two cups of hot chocolate in which Haru’s father had made for them was waiting on the counter.

/**/

When Rin came back to school he acted painfully normal.

Just like his old self- loud, playfully flirtatious, and grumpy. As always. Haru ignored him. Rin had no intent to talk to Haru- even at lunch. Maybe Rin was afraid Haru would bring his absence up.

Rei and Nagisa did not build a block house today, instead Rei read Nagisa some book about a dog who thought he was a cat- since, Rei was the best reader in the first grade classroom, he often took the liberty to read to the other’s. Rei was good at everything at this point.

Makoto and Haru did not draw. Instead, they sat with Nagisa and Rei too- less listening to the story and more so talking while Haru rested on his dolphin like a pillow, his hand in Makoto’s bigger one.

After school, Haru was walking out to get to his bag that rested in his cubby- the place nearly empty as Haru waited for everyone to clear out. Makoto was probably outside, waiting for Haru to come so they could ride Makoto’s bike home together, as always.

One Haru walked into the little, closed off space where the cubbies were- him and Matsuoka Rin were alone.

Rin stood in front of his stuff, trying to seem like he was doing something once he heard Haru come in, but he soon gave up the act as the two of them were alone. It was alright now that he was alone, he didn’t want anyone else to see him cry. He knew only Haru understood. He was afraid Haru would bring up his absence, or Makoto, or Rei or Nagisa- so Rin only stuck around the people who he knew wouldn’t. Sosuke teased him about it- Sosuke didn’t even know. Rin almost hit him. Almost.

Rin squeezed at his backpack, looking at Haru as he tried to wipe his eyes- the black haired boy staring at him with slight shock, but yet acceptance. “I miss him, Haru,” Rin croaked- and before either of them knew it, they were hugging. Alone, in the little room- Rin let himself cry. He didn’t want to go to school today, he wanted to stay home more, he wanted to be with his mom and sister where he knew it was okay to cry. But right here, with the only other person who understood, it was okay.

Haru kept his mouth shut- not sure what to say, and instead patted Rin’s back like Haru’s dad would do whenever Haru was upset. He just let Rin cry.

“I miss him so much-” Rin choked, squeezing Haru’s shirt, the fabric balling in his hands- “So much- Why did h-he have to leave, Haru?” Haru would’ve shrugged, but he knew Rin wasn’t really asking him a question. The two boys with one parent each clung to each other. Maybe Haru cared for Rin more than he thought. Well, he always did care- Rin was a good person under all that whininess and his argumentative attitude, but- Haru hadn’t felt more sympathy for anyone in his entire life. Maybe because he knew. With Makoto- Haru was scared for Makoto, but with Rin, Haru really understood this. It was the only thing Haru really understood about Rin.

/**/

**  
  
**

After that, things passed normally. Rin did not cry again, he did not mention it- and Haru didn’t either. They went on like nothing happened, as always. Haru did not have any more asthma attacks for another few months.

Makoto had his birthday in November- he was now as old as Haru was, and he had his birthday at Haru’s house. Haru’s dad made him a cake, Rei, Rin, Nagisa and even Sosuke came- and it was ultimately a lot of fun. They played a few games and talked, and ate cake. But by the end when Makoto slept over Haru’s house for the fifth night in a row he was crying- explaining how he missed his mom and his siblings, and his dad didn’t even remember it was his birthday.

Christmas was next. Haru and his friends exchanged presents, and, Makoto had raked together as much as a little boy without an allowance or a dad to pay for a present, and got Haru some colored pencils and a sketchbook. Haru got Makoto a new stuffed animal- and, he was pretty happy with it. They were both pleased with their presents- but, that really didn’t matter, as Makoto slept over, and they spent the entire night watching old Christmas movies that didn’t feel very old at all.

On New Years Makoto was at Haru’s doorstep, covered in bruises and cigarette burn marks. Haru spent the entire night just checking to make sure Makoto was still there because he had never seen anyone cry that hard before and worried that the bad man would take Makoto away in the middle of the night and do something bad to him. He had kept apologising. Over and over. Haru didn’t know why. But for whatever the reason it hurt him. He didn’t want to hear Makoto apologize. He wasn’t even strong enough to walk on his own and Haru’s dad had to carry him inside- but he was strong enough to apologize.

In February Haru went to visit his mother’s grave. He left some of the flowers from the garden next to her gravestone- hugging his dolphin the whole time as his father started to cry. Dad had been crying a lot lately.

The bad things went away eventually- well, they were always there, but, he was presented with mere distractions. Distractions that made him happy- as a child his age should be. He spent valentines day with his friends and met Rin’s swimming buddy Nitori- who, was not much bigger than Haru was. It gave a little hope to the small boy to know that Nitori was a good swimmer for his size- but, Nitori did not have weak lungs like Haru. Makoto and Haru got to spend one of the spring festivals together, the only one Haru went too- and he watched the fireworks explode and light up the sky whilst sitting next to his favorite person in the world.

Second grade went like first grade.

Third grade went like second grade. Fourth grade went like third grade. His friends always with him, Nagisa and Rei playing with each other and building block house after lock house. Rin and Sosuke played with fake swords and flirted with girls Makoto drew flowers and Haru drew fish- still fantasizing about swimming one day, while Makoto dreamed about running his own flower shop. The best flower shop in town, and he’d have the prettiest flowers and the loveliest roses- while Haru would win the shiniest medals and not have to give into his weak lungs. He’d be a real swimmer, true, free, and not have to give into the promise of an inhaler when he was grown up and strong.

Makoto and Haru promised each other they’d be friends forever and ever. They surely would be.

Their friendship wasn’t the only thing that would be forever, though. Haru’s weak lungs were permanent.

No matter how bad Haru wanted to be a swimmer, no matter how strong he was or how old he was- He was a small, sickly boy with weak lungs. And it would stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you can see, this chapter is very short and posted a few days before my normal Saturday posting. I'm going away tomorrow and will be gone until Monday W/O wifi, and I wanted to get this out before then. I didn't want to rush either, so I just made the chapter a little shorter.  
> They should be at least 10 pages in size- but, most likely as the story continues and they get older the chapter sizes will increase.  
> I will probably spend 2-4 chapters in a year before skipping two years ahead- that is until the boys get to highschool where the actual storyline kicks in. Right now these are basically important moments to Haru and Makoto that will all set the stage for the fic and have some kind of importance in the storyline later- and if I went through all the years in order deAR loRD this fic would be forever.  
> So, in the next chapter they will be in 5th grade VwV Then most likely middle school, and middle school will span a little longer as I have more stuff planned. Highschool is going to be like 10 chapters I bet so uwu  
> Expect the other chapter in a week or so!  
> I'm trying to make these first few chapters fluffy but i'm failing desperately augh i just want to stick sads wherever possible  
> I highly appreciate comments/kudos! Thanks so much for all the support on this uwu!  
> *i cant wait to write makoto freaking out about puberty* *super tall pimply awkward makoto* *like so tall he hits his head on doorframes and his feet hang off the bed when he tries to sleep w/ haru* *and then harus like sUPer small compared to him bcuz he hasnt gone through puberty yet* *aUGh I LOVE aWKWArd 12 yRO CHARACTERS GoINg THrOUgh PuBErTY YEAh*
> 
> oh yeah these notes are long bUT though I saw the 14th episode trailer last week I forgot to post about it. holy shit i cried for an hour you guYS A FUcKInG HOUR IM SO EXCITED (yANDEre MAkoTO aAaaAh))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: super sucky gross short chapter 
> 
> sorry my writers block has been acting up *flop*

Haru felt the bike jerk. He heard Makoto yelp- loud as he tumbled to what Haru assumed to be the curb, but, Haru was too busy trying to not fall to look at what fate had been forced onto best friend. Haru tried his best to balance himself out- a noise that was similar to a dinosaurs mating call leaving his throat- but Haru was much too small to try and catch himself before he fell, and Makoto’s bike was too tall for his short legs.

“Haru!” Than came the cry of his name- the cry that of which had stopped sounding soothe a year ago, Makoto’s voice always cracked whenever he raised it now. It made him sound even more pathetic, Makoto’s shy, timid voice had been completely ruined by a loud, disturbing crack down the middle of it. But Haru didn’t focus on how the crack broke Makoto’s voice entirely, Haru knew he was frail and falling could break his wrist, or, hurt him real bad. Haru didn’t know whether to wrap his arms around his head or his chest, unsure if slamming his head into the pavement or his already damaged lungs into it would cause more damage. Would he die? Haru’s stomach clenched- and the small boy prepared himself for the worst as he too tumbled to the ground.

Except it wasn’t the ground. Haru’s body slapped against the warm, curved form of Makoto’s back- it was clear to Haru immediately that Makoto had purposefully put himself there, that Makoto knew he would fall either way and so aimed in a manner that would protect Haru from harm. Haru winced as the bike fell- the touch of the handlebars on Haru’s shoulder blades making him jump, but Haru pushed it away. Haru had gotten stronger. Haru could actually pick up whole, full gallons of milk now. One at a time, of course. But, then again, Makoto could pick up two in each hand- but, it was pretty good for a ten-year-old with weak lungs.

Once Haru pushed away the bike- and tried to slip off Makoto’s back and thank him, a long whine left Makoto’s throat that erupted into sobs.

“Makoto-” Haru mumbled- shock and the feeling of paranoia creeping up on him. Makoto cried a lot. He cried when he fell, cried when anyone scared him, cried when anyone gave him a weird look, he was sensitive. But, it still worried Haru beyond belief. Hearing his pathetic little cries and sobs broke Haru’s heart every time.

Haru slipped off his best friend, sitting on the curb as Makoto shakingly sat down on the curb too, one knee bleeding and the skin split, red dripping down to his ankle already. Makoto cried like a howling dog, wailing from the pain and fear of seeing blood. Makoto did not like blood. It freaked him out when it was outside his body, because it belonged in.

“Makoto, Don’t cry,” Haru mumbled- unsure of what to do about his cut, only able to comfort Makoto emotionally, trying to rub his friend’s back, before Makoto rejected that, and instead just hugged him, burying his head into Haru’s chest as he clutched weakly at Haru’s shirt.

Makoto saved him from getting hurt. In return, Makoto split his knee.

Haru heard the rumbling of something near by- and, quick footsteps, he looked up to see Rin. Him, Rin, and Makoto normally went to school together, Rin always sped ahead and Haru always rode on the back of Makoto’s bike, and, Haru was still small enough to fit on the seat with Makoto. “What happened?” Rin asked- letting his bike drop to the road as he strived towards them, freezing as he saw Makoto crying. “N’aw, Makoto, don’t cry.” Rin said awkwardly- even sounding although he was whining. Though, Haru knew he wasn't, that was just Rin’s awkward little comfort voice. Rin never comforted people, really, but that tone was as close as he’d get. Rin was just too awkward to comfort people, but he did care. A lot, actually.

“He fell,” Haru said softly,hugging Makoto’s head, closing his eyes shut as he simply let Makoto cry. Getting his shirt wet with tears.

“Oh,” Rin sat next to Makoto on the curb, taking off his helmet and setting it to the side, he put a hand on Makoto’s back, and fell silent. Poor Rin was never good at comforting people, but he did try. Because he cared, so, Rin tried. “You guys shouldn’t sit here,” Haru raised an eyebrow at Rin, “Makoto could bleed to death!”

Makoto let out an especially loud sob at that. “Rin!” Haru scolded, and Rin’s eyes widened. He was serious.

“What? He could!”

“Rin, you’re scaring him!”

“No I’m serious! You should walk him home!”

“I-I’m not g-gonna bleed to d-death, Am I?” Makoto mumbled, his voice thick with tears and sniffles, sobs still making the large boy shiver. Haru shook his head, patting Makoto’s hair reassuringly.

“I was going to bring him home.” Home now meant Haru’s house. Makoto knew that. Makoto called his real house ‘the house’, but Haru’s house was home.

“You’ll go to school today, right Haru?” Rin asked, and Haru shrugged.

“We’ll see how long it takes.” Haru mumbled with a snort- and Rin got up from his seat on the curb.

“I don’t want to be late...” Rin mumbled, putting his hands on his hips in thought. “I should go,” Rin than said, “Sis might be scared without me following her...” Haru could see the awkward in Rin’s eyes. Rin wanted to stay- Haru could tell, Rin wanted to stay and tell if Makoto was alright, but Rin knew he couldn’t help Makoto. So, therefore, he would leave. And that was okay. “Umm, seeyah,” Rin mumbled, waving a hand. “Hope you feel better, Makoto.”

“B-Bye Rin-” Makoto sniffled and whined, looking out briefly from Haru’s chest- his face streaked with tears and his nose bright red. Haru simply waved, watching as Rin took off, disappearing into the early morning fog. Haruka heard the small screech of Rin picking up his bike from the pavement, and the dull sound of him speeding away, not wanting to be late for school. “Haru.. I.. I don’t want to bleed to death.. C-Can we go home?” Haru snorted- great, now Rin scarred Makoto...

“Yeah,” Haru scrambled to his feet, watching Makoto stand up, “I’ll grab your bike.”

With one hand, Haru walked Makoto’s bike down the road, the other, held Makoto’s hand gently. Makoto limped and stumbled along the road, whining every time his leg would bother him, and Haru would make sure he was okay with soft words.

“My dad will make your cut feel better.”

“I know...”

“And, I’ll make sure he gives you some of our special ice cream.”

Makoto paused at that- wonder and excitement shining behind his tears, “R-Really?”

“Yeah, Really.” Haru smiled slightly, feeling a little special to stop Makoto’s tears from streaking down his face, watching as the boy giggled.

But one thing Haru kept in mind was the fact that Makoto had saved him. And, in the process, had split his knee. But, Makoto had saved him. Makoto had saved him. Haru had saved Makoto from the bad man a lot- gave Makoto a place to stay, comforted Makoto through his cuts and bruises and emotional turmoil, but it was weird for Haru to feel something like this. Makoto had saved him. Maybe it was a start to something new.

/**/

Haru’s father was used to taking care of Makoto. He was like Haru’s brother- Haru’s healthy, big brother, but the boy had some emotional issues that needed working out. But, Makoto was doing pretty good, in terms of that. Haru’s father would tuck both the boys into bed every night, he had even started making a scrapbook of the two of them- he hoped Haru never grows out of Makoto, he had done so much for the boy, and honestly Haru’s father saw him as his extra son by now. He was around so often...

When Makoto and Haru did not go to school, and instead Haru’s father tended to Makoto’s cut- gave him the special expensive creamsicles they had in the fridge, and Makoto stopped crying immediately. The only bad thing about Makoto was that the boy loved to eat, it was like he could never eat enough. It did make sense, Makoto was so big and tall for how old he was. Especially chocolate. Makoto loved chocolate.

Haru sat next to Makoto on the couch, holding his hand as the two of them watched cartoons together, as Haru always did whenever Makoto was sad. Haruka’s dad had to leave for work, leaving the two boys alone. Makoto was scared- but, Haru reassured him staying home alone wasn’t scary. Haru had never truly been home alone before, but, he assumed it wasn’t scary. Haru’s dad told them to go to Mrs Hazuki or Rin’s mom if Haru had a asthma attack- and Makoto went pale. But, Makoto stayed. They were ten. They were almost big kids now.

As Makoto licked off the remains of his popsicle, Haru looked at him. Dead in the eyes. “Are you okay?” Haru asked, Makoto freezing. Haru always asked that. Whether Makoto had gotten or a scrape, or, if his dad had yelled at him. Haru always asked if Makoto was okay after he calmed down a little. Makoto smiled- and nodded. Haru didn’t know what he’d do if Makoto wasn’t okay.

“I’m alright.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore?”

“Not really.” Makoto turned to Haru and gave him a big smile- Haru pausing to lick his thumb and wipe off some of the orange juices that had found their way onto Makoto’s face. Makoto giggled, licking his lips sheepishly, and the two boys went back to watching cartoons. “Thank you, Haru-chan.”

“Thank you for what?”

Makoto shrugged. “For walking me home. And hugging me. I like it when Haru-chan hugs me.” Makoto said. For some reason- those words gave a little tug to Haru’s heartstrings. A weird little feeling in the pit of his chest that was no more and no longer than a quick kiss to the forehead- really, it felt like a kiss to the inside of his stomach. Haru blinked- his fingers curling a little as he tried to figure out what that feeling was, Makoto always said dumb things like that, he had never reacted like that. Though it wasn’t anything special- it certainly wasn’t anything too weird to Haru, so he brushed it off as nothing.

“Mh.”

“Especially when i’m sad, it makes me feel better.”

Haru looked at Makoto- a small smile crossing his lips, Makoto smiling back- a somewhat mischievous smile, actually.

Makoto put his head on Haru’s shoulder. Haru let him.

/**/

Being lost in a giant target store wasn’t as bad as Haru thought. Being ten had it’s perks- he was double digits now, and therefore felt as though he could take care of himself a little better than he could before. But, Makoto on the other hand, was still nine. He had trouble taking care of himself still. Haru would be there for him until he felt like he could.

Haru had seen his dad a second ago... And, Makoto was already starting to panic. Haru paused- thinking as he looked around the movie section , thinking ‘where did my dad go?’ as he rubbed his chin, Makoto grabbing his hand as always.

“Haru, where your dad go?” Makoto whined nervously, and Haru shrugged.

“Dunno.”

“D-dunno?” Makoto repeated, his face burning with redness, “W-Well we n-need to find him!” Makoto barked, tears already starting to make his eyes glimmer. Haru patted his shoulder awkwardly, pulling Makoto out of the movie isle by his hand, looking out, up and down the surrounding halls. Mh. This was a tricky situation.

“It’s okay, We’ll find him,” Haru reassured softly, “Don’t cry.”

Makoto vigorously wiped his eyes with his free hand- the one that wasn’t clutching tight at Haru’s, “I-I’m not...” Lately Makoto’s been covering up the fact that he was crying. It was odd, but, Haru let him.  He didn’t want to upset poor Makoto even more by telling him he was.

“We just have to find a worker. They’ll help us find my dad.” Haru stated, and Makoto nodded sheepishly, sniffling as the two boys started to walk hand-in hand. Makoto kept looking down each aisle, like, target was some forbidden place where demons lurked down each corner. Haru just walked, looking for someone in a red uniform he could ask if they could help him find his dad. It was that simple. Haru’s dad wouldn’t leave without him and he knew that.

Haru’s line of vision was pulled from the white floor in front of him when he heard a group of big kids simultaneously ‘awing’ at them, Makoto jumping to hide behind Haru, his eyes going wide as he too stared at the big kids. Makoto had a fear of strangers, Haru assumed it was because he was so shy. “It’s okay, Makoto,” Haru reassured him, giving his hand a small squeeze. Haru pried his eyes away from the teenagers giggling at them so he could look straight again, only to see that one of the girls had put herself in front of him. She was tall, and blonde- and had a dumb look on her face. Haru took a step back, and so did Makoto. Makoto let go of his hand- instead, grabbing his shoulders, Makoto trying his best to hide his big body behind Haru’s much smaller one.

“Hey, are you lost?” She asked- there was something odd about her, her breath stunk of something that made Haru cringe, and to make it worse she bent down to Haru’s level. Haruka wasn’t sure if he should tell her or not- Never trust strangers. He wanted to find a worker, and she wasn’t. Makoto was far beyond distressed, he was whining and whimpering , gently pulling at Haru’s shoulders. Like a puppy nipping at your heels... “Is he your big brother?” She than asked, and Haru scrunched his nose- responding on impulse.

“He’s not my brother,” Haru mumbled- him and Makoto looked nothing alike. The only thing they shared was their awkwardly proportioned child bodies- but, that wasn’t anything much. “And he’s younger than me.” That was the big thing, Makoto was not older than him. Makoto was nearly a year younger and just because Haru was small and Makoto was big didn’t mean Makoto was any older than him.

“Aw,” The girl cooed, standing back up before hollering to her friends- “They're like a little gay couple or something!”

Haru didn’t know what that meant- not one bit, until Makoto jumped out, pushing Haru out of the way so that Haru whimpered in slight surprise. Makoto never, ever spoke to strangers like this. Never. “No we’re not!” Makoto near cried, almost like he was begging, “W-We’re just friends!” Haru raised an eyebrow- but, he watched Makoto tremble and shake as he spoke, and the girl and her friends just laughed. Makoto’s lips started to quiver.

Haru grabbed his hand, and swiftly led him away. Dumb teenagers... Haru huffed angrily, swiftly walking down the aisle with Makoto’s hand in his grasp, the boy shivering and whimpering all the while.

Haru didn’t speak to him again until Makoto had calmed down. Somewhat. They started walking side by side again- on their long journey to the check-out counters, the rotten teenagers far behind them. “Makoto, what’s gay?”

Makoto blinked, shrugging his shoulders softly before taking a hand up to wipe his teary eyes. “Dunno.” He mumbled- his voice thick with the knot in it, “Dad says it’s really bad though.” Haru frowned- a lot of what Makoto’s dad said wasn’t very nice, and, Haru did not beileve him.

“Let’s ask my dad when we find him.” Haru said, and Makoto nodded.

“That sounds good...”  Makoto sniffled- wiping his nose. That word seemed like uncharted territory to Haru- Haru had always lived life as he felt it, he didn’t question much, so therefore his dad did not explain. Makoto on the other hand liked to ask a lot of questions- and, Haru assumed they were floating around his brain because he didn’t have a dad to ask him. Makoto still acted a lot younger than he was. He hadn’t changed much since Haru had first met him- besides the fact that Makoto was more comfortable with Haru now. He was still shy, withdrawn, but in all the right ways, because everyone thought he was cute. It could get a little annoying to Haru- all the cheek pinching and swadling Makoto got from other people, but Makoto liked it.

When Haru and Makoto’s journey ended at the Target cash registers, and some worker called up his dad or something, Haru was tired. He waited for his dad, Makoto next to him, fiddling nervously with his fingers.

When Haru’s dad finally found them- the man was shaking, and did not hesitate to scoop the boys up in a hug. Well, he tried, Makoto was much too heavy, normally just embraced the two. Makoto was already crying, but, Haru was fine. He always was.

“M-Mister Nanase, I was so s-scared!” Makoto sobbed, clinging to the man for all he was worth. Haruka’s father apologized greatly- saying things like ‘dont run off again!’ though Haru didn’t have any recollection of running away, this was just a big confusing time of confusion and disarray, but, the three went and got icecream anyways in the end. And then Makoto stopped crying.

/**/

Haru watched as Rin and Sousuke wrestled in Rin’s yard- Sousuke was really starting to win these play fights, though. He was getting bigger fast, and Rin had no power against it. Sousuke would just sit on Rin and Rin would kick and hiss and holler for him to get off. Makoto and Haru started betting on who would win.

“I think Sosuke is going to win. He’s so big...” Makoto would mumble, bending his knees as they sat in Haru’s front yard.

“Rin’s faster than him. Rin will win.” Haru said blankly- honestly, he knew Sousuke would win, but he didn’t want to side with Sousuke. Rin was a little less irritating than Sousuke so Haru would cheer him on. “...Eventually.”

Haru had asked what gay meant. His dad laughed- saying ‘I know you would ask that sooner or later’.

Haru had found out that gay was the word for when two guys fell in love. When, guys were attracted to other guys. Haru hadn’t known that was even possible, but, he accepted it. He didn’t see why it was a bad thing, and, Makoto didn’t either. Haru’s dad told them it wasn’t, and, Makoto was still clearly confused, but he took Mr. Nanase’s word for it, as at this point he trusted his best friend’s father more than his own. Makoto was finally starting to understand what was wrong with his dad. They called it an alcoholic, and that drink in the fridge that Makoto couldn’t touch was beer, and, his dad was addicted to it. Makoto didn’t like to think about it.

The word still stuck in Haru’s head. Gay- or, homosexual as his dad called it. When two people of the same gender fell in love. It was new, but, it didn’t concern Haru. Not yet anyways. He didn’t think too hard about it, but, Makoto did. Makoto asked a ton of questions. He still brought it up, even as they watched Rin and Sousuke wrestle and yell, Haru hugging his dolphin to his chest.

The spring fesitival was coming up again.

They always had a few fairs in the spring. In which there were fun houses and merry-go-rounds and really good food. Haru didn’t go, he normally didn’t want to. But, this year, he wanted to. Because Makoto wanted to- and, than, if he went with all of his friends, he’d have Makoto to talk to if he needed him or felt left out.

They had all made plans to go. It was only in a few weeks, and, Nagisa couldn’t stop talking about how excited he was to go. It was kind of annoying sometimes..

/**/

Haru was finally tall enough to look over the counter. He had first noticed it when he walked by the counter on the first morning of spring break- stopping, walking backwards, and noticing how he had freerange of the countertop, and the stove, and even some of the low shelves and cupboards.  Running his fingers over it like it was a treasure he had found, Haru bounded out of the kitchen, finding his dad on the living room sofa- and before saying ‘good morning!’ Haru grabbed his dad’s hand tight.

“Dad!” Haru exclaimed, his father’s blue eyes widening a little bit, “I’m tall enough to reach the counter! Teach me how to cook Mackerel!”

Haru’s dad paused- before a soft chuckle left his lips, “Right now?” He asked softly, and Haru nodded vigorously. He laughed again, ruffling his son’s hair as Haru cringed, before pulling some more, repeating ‘right now, right now, right now!’

Haru wanted to cook. He always had watched his dad cook for him- and, Haru wanted to cook. It was one thing he could do that was actually fun- and he wanted to learn right now, as he finally noticed he was tall enough. “I want to learn how to cook Mackerel! So I can make it every day!” Classic Haru...

“Alright, Alright,” Haru’s father chuckled, following his excited son to the kitchen as he bounded up and down- this was the most excited he had seen Haru in a very, very long time... This boy did love his mackerel.

Haru’s father whipped out a pan, watching as Haru’s eyes filled with wonder as he got the butter- “Okay, you watching?” Haru’s father said with a small smile, watching as his son’s fingers curled over the countertop. Haru looked up at his father and nodded vigorously- saying ‘Im watching!’

Haruka’s father smiled, setting the pan down on the stove.

“Okay, This is what you do.”

/**/

The next few weeks consisted of Haru making dinner. Sometimes Makoto was over for dinner- one night Rei, Nagisa, and Rei’s mother came over for dinner. Rei’s mom really wanted to meet Haru’s dad- apparently. She was a proper woman, who was at first anxious to eat a ten-year-old’s version of mackerel, but rather than complaining when she took the first bite, her eyes widened a little. So did Rei- and he immediately said ‘Wow, this is very good, Haruka-sempai!’. Haru still wasn’t used to the sempai thing.

Though it was buttered mackerel for seven nights straight- Haru’s father did not complain once. He was happy to see his son so invested in something other than swimming.

Over the next week it evolved. Haru somehow learned how to cook squid and he could cook it quite well- than, he learned how to cook chicken and stir fry- and, upon Makoto’s request, he made chocolate truffles a few times. All of the recipes came for the internet- besides Haru’s precious buttered mackerel recipe that belonged to his father, though despite for the internet, Haru was on his way to something and they all tasted pretty good. And anyways, Haru’s father could get used to not cooking... It was nice. Though Haru did need help carrying some of the heavier ingredients like milk- and, he still asked for pancakes every now and then, it was certainly some kind of evolution for the boy. And, Haru really liked doing it- so why not let the boy cook?

Makoto came over once every week- and, usually slept over for four to three days, and, than he went home for a few nights. Makoto didn’t come back with bruises on his face or back any more- no more burns, sometimes a few scratches but he insisted it was all just him being clumsy.

Haru cooking was something new- something that made him feel more mature. So when he asked his dad if he could go get icecream with Makoto, Rin, Rei and Nagisa- no adults, he didn’t doubt his dad would say yes. And he did. Haru rode off on the back of Makoto’s bike as they sped a block away to get icecream- and, Haru’s dad reminded himself he was half way grown up.

That the next three years should be cherished- because he knew when Haru turned thirteen, Haru would be different. Not different in a personality sense- but, his independence would evolve. Haru was already independent, it would only get worse from here. Haru was getting older- and, he’d want to be like the other kids, free, not needing their parents, but that wasn’t the case. Haru was sick. He would always be sick. And whether he liked it or not, he’d always need someone to take care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry bout this chapter it's bad
> 
>  
> 
> wEll thanks for all the comments and kudos! They're highly appriciated!
> 
> the next chapter might be a little held off since I need to finish TWO 's next chapter by the end of the month plus, my writers block is killin so   
> thanks for all the support tho ^^ ~ <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not being on time last week for chapter updates! I'll try to upload them every saterday but now that its been thrown off I might post in next saterday. I'm also working on an animation project so that's been keeping me busy.. 
> 
> short chapter too sorry
> 
> my favorite part in thiswas honestly rin and his temporary shark tats tbh

Haru was trying to have a talk with Makoto. Trying.

“I’m so excited!” Nagisa wouldn’t stop screeching- there was the brief peace when he was licking on his strawberry icecream, but the icecream was far gone by now. Sitting at a picnic table underneath a tree next to the little ice cream place that looked over a steep hill- they could see the city that lied below their cozy little suburban neighborhood, and more importantly, they could watch the empty fairgrounds as the setup was mostly done, and tomorrow it would open. Haru had to admit, he’d never been to the city before, it seemed fun- and, so did the fair. But Nagisa’s level of excitement was beyond normal. Nagisa was excitable, though, Haru had to remember that.  

He was wearing his favorite penguin shirt- and, shorts, with his favorite pair of penguin kneesocks to go along with the shirt. Classic Nagisa. He loved penguins. And Rei. And ice cream. And fairs.

Makoto licked at his choclate ice cream- wincing every time he moved his arm too much. Makoto had earned a fat bruise to his shoulder last night, and though he just told everyone he had fallen, Haru knew the real answer how that bruise came to be, and Makoto was well aware he knew.

Haru had to admit, this whole no parental control thing was pretty cool. He liked being independent. He liked not having to be told ‘oh be careful of your breathing’, or ‘Don’t run too fast!’. He knew his dad only did that because he cared, but, Haru knew his limits by now. He didn’t really play much anyways. The ice cream place was only a three minute walk away- Makoto could get Haru home quick if he needed it, but now it was warm and pleasant and Haru doubted he’d get an attack. He only really got them at night, when his breathing slowed down so much.

“Makoto,” Haru mumbled, looking too his friend as Makoto let out a small ‘huh?’, before Haru licked his fingers and wiped off the corner’s of Makoto’s face- wiping off the chocolate smears from his ice cream, and Makoto flushed bright red. “You’re so messy.”

“I know,” Makoto puffed out his cheeks before laughing- “Thanks Haru.”

Haru snorted- patting Makoto’s back gently, as he didn’t know how many more bruises were hiding under Makoto’s pikachu t-shirt.

“Ah- Rei-chan, we’re going to win all the big stuffed animals, right?” Nagisa turned to his friend, grabbing Rei’s shoulders as the boy nodded carefully.

“Yes, indeed we will,” Rei’s missing front teeth were missing no longer, the lisp was gone, but honestly Haru kind of missed his lisp. He told Haruka how his mom was signing him up with a dentists appointment very soon as she wanted to make sure his new adult teeth would grow in alright.  

“I hope they have penguins-!”

“They’ve got too!”

Rin was probably hanging out with Sousuke, as it was only Rei, Nagisa and Makoto this time, and Haru honestly felt himself missing Rin’s jerk-y presence. But, he’d see him tomorrow. Along with Sousuke... Ugh. Haruka hated Sousuke. Sousuke was quiet like him- but in a cocky way. Also, he always seemed to glare at Haru, so Haru glared back.

Haruka was still busy with his blue popsicle, taking it slow as it’s temperature burned his throat a little, but Makoto was already half way done with his cone and Haru reminded himself that Makoto was always hungry while Haru was the slowest eater on the planet. He liked taking time with his food- salvage every taste, but than again, a popsickle wasn’t much to taste.

Haru watched as two big kids- both boys laughing away got off the picnic table they once sat at, before they sped off on their bikes. Big kids always struck Haru’s interest, why did they look so... Big. Like an adult. But not quite. He hoped one day he’d be big and strong like the big kids- he honestly couldn’t wait to get bigger.

He caught Makoto staring at them too.

/**/

Walking through the bustling fairgrounds- Haru still remembered the last words his father said to him. ‘Be safe!’. As always. Those were always the last things he said to him before he left to go anywhere.

But being safe was the last thing on Haruka’s mind as the five boys walked through the busy paved roads- his eyes were overwhelmed with the amount of stuff here. Colorful dragon stuffed animals and pretty kites that were adorned amongst shopping tents,  everyone around them talking or eating- and honestly Haru was a bit afraid of getting lost. But, he still had a tight hold of Makoto’s hand and he wasn’t planning on letting go anytime soon.

“Rei-chan! I haven’t seen any penguins yet!” Nagisa hollered- the majority of the time he had been shifting from riding on Rei’s back, to his mother’s, but at the moment Nagisa was ontop of Rei. Mrs Hazuki was still really weird, but she brought the boys everywhere, so Haru didn’t mind her that much.

“We will find one! There has to be one somewhere-!” Rei explained, his back heaving from giving Nagisa a piggyback ride. Haru had actually seen a few games with little penguin stuffed animals, but Haru knew Nagisa was looking for a gigantic one. Anyways, Haru hadn’t really been looking either. Either he was mystified by the decorations for the little fair, or Rin was busy talking his ear off.

Rin had prepared himself for the event. He had temporary tattoos- all of them of sharks, covering his body for head to toe, as well as all his multi-colored and spongebob  bandaids that normally adorned his body. Rin was a mess, constantly- but, Rin probably thought he looked  cool.

“See- I got this from Sousuke when we were wrestling in the yard!” Rin explained- pointing to a purple bandaid on his left shoulder- in which a cartoon shark was right underneath the bandaid. Haru could care less, but, Rin seemed happy talking about his cuts and bruises- and, Makoto was pretty entertained.

“Oh, what about that one, Rin?” Makoto asked- motioning to a bandaid that stretched over Rin’s elbow, and Rin looked at his elbow just to make sure.

“Oh! That ones from swim practice. I hit my elbow on one of the walls in the swimming pool.”

Swim practice... Haru wished he could go more than anything. But he was small. And weak. And his lungs couldn’t deal with it.

Haru sighed- rubbing his arm with the hand that wasn’t gripping Makoto’s, jumping upright when he heard a loud shriek from Nagisa.

“There it is! I found it!” The whole group all at once looked at Nagisa as he tugged so hard at Rei’s hood that the poor boy gagged a little, before Nagisa let go, jumping off of Rei’s back and instead grabbing his mother’s hand.

Everyone followed- Makoto and Haruka looking up in time to see the balloon-popping carnival game, weaving through the crowd to follow Mrs Hazuki. The giant, stuffed pink penguin hung in the front of the game stand- Nagisa pointing to it like it was a shooting star, like that was the only stuffed animal he had ever seen in his life. “I need it! So bad!” Nagisa cried, tugging on his mom’s skirt.

Mrs. Hazuki was cringing at the price of the game and the smirk the person who ran the game wore- but, she handed over the money to play, Nagisa’s eyes growing two times their size.

In the end, after two failed attempts, Nagisa’s mom just bought him the dumb penguin for twelve dollars and Nagisa was happy- the stuffed animal was the same size as him and Rei was having trouble carrying both the penguin and the blonde- but, he was happy to see that Nagisa was overjoyed over a stuffed penguin. Haru didn’t get the value of stuffed animals anymore- his dolphin had meaning to it, it made him feel safe and calm, but besides that, Haru didn’t get it. They weren’t as fun to play with as the plastic toys, but, Haru still watched as the other kids brought their stuffed toys everywhere. It was weird to him.

Haru soon realized that Makoto was pouting, and Haruka frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

Makoto bit his lip, his big, green eyes looking at Haru with a pleading look, “I want a stuffed animal too...”

Haruka snorted- grabbing Makoto’s hand and leading him to Mrs Hazuki carefully, as, not to get lost through the crowd or bump into anyone. Makoto shyly looked away- hiding behind Haruka, or, trying to, as Makoto was too big. “Mrs Hazuki?” Haru asked, Makoto whimpering softly- that was right, Makoto was afraid of most adults.

The blonde lady pushed Haru along as it wasn’t good to stop walking in the middle of the fairgrounds, but, she payed attention to him. “Yeah Haru?”

“Can we play a game too? Makoto wants to win something.” Haru felt Makoto shiver, as he had always been afraid of asking for too much- but even when Haru asked, Makoto was still scared. Haru assumed it was because of his father.

Mrs. Hazuki laughed - some, weird kind of laugh, rolling her eyes before responding. “Sure boys, pick out a game you want.” She huffed, Makoto letting out a small giggle- this boy changed attitudes fast, before the two started looking for a game Makoto wanted to play, or a prize he wanted to win.

“Mrs Hazuki, can I play too?” Rin now started to bound around them, chirping happily with a huge smile on his face- and, Mrs. Hazuki could do little but surrender with the murmur of ‘Boys are expensive...”

Makoto had found a decorative stand with colors of blue and white- pointing to a decent sized purple cat plush that hung above them with excited hands. “I want that one!” He said, more so aiming his words at Haru than anyone else, and Mrs Hazuki handed over the money with a defeated look, not even considering what the game even was.

“A water game!” The man at the counter explained, his outfit flush of color like everyone else here, pointing to the guns that sat along the counter- “You just have to shoot the little target over there, and whoever fills this container with water first wins. No chance of losing! A race, persay.” The man smiled- and so did Rin. Rin’s eyes near lit up at the mention of ‘race’. Haru lit up at the mention of ‘water’. He was sold.

“Haru, we can race!” Rin exclaimed, grabbing Haru’s shoulders, “Right? This won’t make your lungs hurt, right? Right, Haru? You told me that racing makes your lungs hurt, but, this wont, right?” Rin was so excited he kept repeating himself, and Haru could only smile. Rin always had the desire to race him, but, it sadly would never happen, or be fair. Until now. Of course it wasn’t a real race, but Haru could tell Rin saw it like that.

Rin and Haru both sat down on the red stools that were lined parallel to the guns, Rin already pressing his fingers into the buttons before the game even started. Makoto was still curiously asking from behind them; ‘Wait, I still get the cat, right?’ as for right now, Makoto had been pushed to the side and was just gently grabbing Haru’s shoulders as always.

A shill bell rang out and water started coming from the guns, and before Haru knew it- Rin was pouting in defeat and the man was handing Haru the purple cat that Makoto wanted. It really didn’t take much.. Just a steady hand and a basic button pressing ability. Haru handed the cat to Makoto- the tall boy letting out a small squeal in delight, and Nagisa and Rei watched on with amusement.

“Wowee Haru-chan! You beat Rin in a race!” Nagisa exclaimed, trying his best to look over the massive head of his stuffed penguin. Haru wanted to tell him it wasn’t a real race as that just made Rin even more upset, “Was that your first race, Haru-chan?”

“It’s not a real race, Nagisa,” Haru mumbled- watching Makoto marvel over his new cat stuffed animal, “I just wanted to win the cat for Makoto.” He knew Rin thought of it as a real race, judging by the look on the boy’s face.

They started walking again, Haru hand-in-hand with Makoto once again, and his other hand occupied with patting Rin’s back. “It wasn’t a real race,” Haru assured him with the slightest amount of sympathy in his voice. Being beat by a boy who was a good five inches shorter than you with weak lungs must be a bummer.

Rin huffed- “I know, I just..” Rin was now trying to hide the fact that he was a pouty baby, “I just wanted to win a sharp stuffed animal! Yeah. That’s it.” Rin smiled at Haru, one of the smiles he’d make whenever he was being annoying- but oddly this one struck a chord with Haru. His eyebrows knitted and his eyes squinted shut, a small chuckle leaving his lips. Haru flicked him.

“What are you gonna name your cat, Makoto?” Haru asked, looking at the happy boy, who’s eyes were still filled with wonder.

“Mm, I don’t know,” Makoto mumbled, his smile prominent on his face as he just shrugged, “What do you think I should name it, Haru? I think it should be a girl because I already have a boy stuffed animal.”

“Yeah,” Haru nodded- he still didn’t get this whole plush fad, “I’m not very good with names.”

“Oh, sue you are!” Makoto laughed, and Haru just shook his head again.

“Well, uh... It’s purple. Like a, a flower, I guess.” Haru mumbled awkwardly as Makoto’s expecting puppy eyes would not go away. Makoto liked flowers, he’d make something out of that..

“Oh! like, lilac!” Makoto exclaimed- his eyes filling with excitement, “I’ll name her lilac! Now I have Aster and Lilac.” Makoto smiled, hooking his arms around the stuffed cat’s middle as he carried her about the fairgrounds, still following Mrs Hazuki, Nagisa, and Rei.

“Mrs Hazuki! Can we go on the roller-coaster?” Rin was soon asking though, pointing violently at a colorful roller coaster that was advertised to be like a dragon- the cart being crafted as the dragons cart, and Mrs Hazuki moaned an exclaim of ‘So much money!’

/**/

By the end of the day, Haru was exhausted. He had only really walked, talked, and ate things- but, that was tiring for a ten year old, especially one who had lungs that really sucked at doing their job. He hadn’t gone on a single ride, Rin and Nagisa had, while Makoto, Haru, and Rei sat with Mrs Hazuki and waited for them to come out. The last thing they wanted to do was the ferris wheel- which, Haru could do. The sun was starting to set, it’s light blue colors melting into black, and Haru near sunk into the seat of the ferriswheel with enervation. A soft huff left his lips as he sat down in the red seat of the ride, Makoto quickly taking a seat next to him, the cat still in his lap.

“I’m tired,” Makoto whined, stretching out his back before letting out a puff and a long, shrill whine.

“Me too,” Haru sighed, “But we can rest for a little.” Makoto nodded in response, tightening up a little as a worker buckled the two boys into the seat.

“See you guys on the ground!” Haru heard Rin yell, watching as the boy disappeared from view to clamber into his own ferris wheel seat- and Haru sighed, feeling as their elevation increased as the seat was lifted higher to let more people on the ride.

Makoto and Haru both sat in silence, too tired to say much, anyway, they didn’t need to talk. Talking wasn’t necessary in their friendship. Makoto leaned against the bar that kept them strapped into the ride, looking out at the sky- and the fair, while Haru just felt himself drifting off. Until they went higher- that jerked him awake. Not to mention, He could tell Nagisa was on the ride now.

“Nagisa-kun! Don’t rock the seat!” Haru heard Rei screech, accompanied by the annoyingly loud laughter from Nagisa. Haru couldn’t help but smile.

A few more jerks upward, and Haru and Makoto were at the highest peak on the ferris wheel, Makoto looking out into the sky with a near eerie silence.

Finally, Makoto spoke. “It’s pretty out, huh, Haru-chan?” Makoto had recently picked up the whole ‘haru-chan’ ordeal.. It was kind of annoying, but nothing Haru couldn’t stand. Haru opened his eye, looking out into the pink sky- the moon visible from far off, a single star standing next to it. “Sunsets are so cool. I’ve never seen one like this!” Makoto’s eyes were wide, his green eyes near reflecting the pink sea of sky- his back hunched but yet relaxed. Haru hadn’t seen Makoto so at ease in a while, the boy was normally very restraining of himself... But right now was different. Haru couldn’t spot that little bit of doubt in his eye. He was happy. Completely happy.

“Mh.” Haru hummed in reply, the seat they sat in creaking as Makoto sat back, a smile spreading his lips. “It’s pretty cool.” Makoto put his head on Haru’s shoulder- a soft whine leaving the boys lips again.

“Soo tiired-” Makoto pouted, Haru’s lips lifting in a bushed smile.

“Me too.”

“But this was a lot of fun,” Makoto than said, lifting his cat from his lap, “I got a new stuffed animal from Haru-chan! And, we ate a lot of cool foods, and, icecream. I love icecream...”

“I know that,” Haru mumbled, “Who doesn’t know you don’t like icecream?”

“True.”

Haru looked out at the seemingly never ending view of city that was beyond the fair, and than the small mountain-like space behind it- where Haru’s little suburban home rested. Where he figured he’d spend the rest of his life. Not that he minded.

“Haru?”

Haru tore his eyes away from the scenery, glancing down at Makoto, who was still positioned on his shoulder, “Can I sleep over your house tonight?”

“Of course.”

Makoto laughed- glancing up at Haru, “Just making sure.”

Makoto always made sure. He always asked questions. Always. But, right now, Haru didn’t mind. He nodded, a small smile finding his face. “You can always sleep over, Makoto. My house is your too. Always.”

Makoto blinked at that last word, looking a little touched- yet, confused. “Always..?”

“Yeah.”

Makoto burst out into a fit of chuckles- and at first, Haru was actually worried about why he was laughing. But, soon enough, Makoto mumbled a small “Thank you.”

It was either always sorry or thank you. Sorry if Makoto did anything- and, thank you, if Haru did anything. Sometimes these words were half hearted, or, Makoto was just simply confused by why he was saying them, but the words that Makoto had just said were completely meant.

When Haru started having his asthma attacks again, Makoto was with him this time. When Haru strapped the nebulizer to his face, Makoto’s hand was rubbing his back- and Haru would return the favour when Makoto would come over with bruises and burn marks from the butt of a cigar staining his skin.

Haru got old enough to start using a inhaler. He carried it everywhere.

He found it soon became more necessary for life than his dolphin- also, because when he turned eleven, the boys in his school started making fun of him for carrying it around. As if they weren’t obsessed with them last year. While the inhaler came to school, Haru’s dolphin sat on the shelf, but when he was with Makoto, or simply at his house, he carried the plush around as always.

/**/

The collective ‘ew!’s from two boys in his classroom only made Makoto grasp Haru’s hand tighter on the recess court.

Of course a certain collection of rage gathered in Haru- for scaring Makoto, but, he was also confused. Kisumi- a boy from his classroom with the eyes and grin of a fox had always gotten on his nerves. Ever since Kisumi started going to school here back in third grade, Haru found himself hating the boy. He reminded Haru of everything mischievous and jerk-like in this world.

“What?” Haru said- he meant to spit it out at Kisumi, but his voice only came out at his normal volume.

Kisumi made an overdramatic grimace, his hands even twitching along, his friend mimicking the motion like a obedient puppy. “You two are still holding hands?” Kisumi affirmed, his lips tracing the words lie curses.

With that, Makoto let go of his hand, but still tried to hide behind Haru as always.

“S-Sorry-” Makoto mumbled out, trying to sink behind Haru’s small figure- but to no avail. Makoto was at least more than a head taller than Haru.

“Don’t be sorry-” Haru near hissed at the brunette, and that only made Makoto apologise again. Haru didn’t focus on the whole apologising thing for long though. “Why does it matter to you if we hold hands?”

Kisumi blinked, a few kids on the recess court looking to watch. He blinked like Haruka should’ve known-like it was common knowledge. He waited, his deminer shrinking a little, as if he was hesitant about what he was going to say.

“B-Because, It’s,” Kisumi mumbled- glancing back towards his friend, “It’s gay!”

That word again.

Haru cringed.

The whole class that took up the recess field collectively gasped- as if Kisumi had just said a terrible, awful curse word, and Haru felt his face flush. So did Kisumi’s, but it was more out of shame for saying ‘that word’. That word that had been applied to Makoto and Haru twice now.

Haru wanted to hurt him, he felt the urge to fight back but he couldn’t.

Especially with Makoto crying again- trying to hide his face in Haru’s back- murmuring things like ‘No we’re not-’ and ‘Dad’s gonna kill me’, sniffling weakly into Haru’s scrawny frame.

“Wait, I uh,” Kisumi paused- his jaw going slack. He took a step forward, “I didn’t mean to make him cry.”

Haru hesitated, trying to silently clear his throat- “Well you did!”

Haru yelled as loud as he could that day.

And when they got home after school, Makoto made Haru’s dad explain what gay was over and over again, trying to get it through his head that it wasn’t a bad thing, that he wasn’t a bad thing. That him and Haru were too young to be that. That it wasn’t a curse word. That it wasn’t anything to cry over or be a ashamed of.

But Makoto still didn’t understand. He wished he did.

Makoto never held Haru’s hand after that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna fucking die because i thought free! was tomorrow and i almost had a heart attack but it s in a week kill me end it now
> 
> kill me now please
> 
>  
> 
> please
> 
> on the bright side a ten page chap! woohoo
> 
>  
> 
> if ur allergic to birds and bees dont read this chap

Three weeks after Makoto’s eleventh birthday, Haru heard a frantic knock at his door in the early morning, and, at first Haru was worried- but then realized that Makoto only gets hurt by his dad at night. Never in the mornings.

“Mister Nanase- Haru!”

Haru froze- was that... No, no, couldn’t be Makoto. But no one else called Haru’s dad Mister Nanase besides Makoto the other adults- and, this voice was half new and half familiar, and Haru had no clue what to do.

“Um, dad?” Haru called quietly, trying to stumble off his position on the couch into a sitting position, and the tall man was soon stumbling through the kitchen doorway- a drowsy look on his face. He probably hadn’t woken up too long ago...

“I’m coming,” He mumbled with a half-awake slur, trying to clumsily pat his slick black hair to flatness - anything was better than the mused up mess it was currently. Haru followed him, standing behind him as Haru used to do when he felt intimidated by the guests at the door.

“Hello-” Haru’s dad mumbled- until, his voice was cut off by the shock lurking on the other side of the door.

Haru almost fainted.

Makoto was huge.

Before Makoto was only a head taller than Haru- but now, Haru had never felt smaller in his life. Makoto wasn’t even lanky- his large frame had carried through whatever growth spurt had hit him, and, Makoto was still big as ever. Not a single point was on his body- his chest big and arms the exact opposite of twiglike. He wasn’t muscular looking necessarily.. But, Haru, felt tiny. He took a few steps back, feeling as if Makoto was towering over him.

“M-Mister Nanase! Why am I so b-big? And, my voice is a-all weird and-!” There was that strange voice Haru had heard on the other side of the door, Makoto’s previously light and somewhat squeaky voice had been replaced with something smooth and deep- not too deep, but in contrast to his strident, kiddish voice yesterday, it was as deep as the pits of hell. Not only that but the cracks that normally existed in his voice dominated his sound whenever his tongue formed a ‘a’ or ‘I’. “And i’m, I’m really, sweaty, I think,” Makoto’s demeanor started to shrink, his panic flush replaced by embarrassment, and he seemingly started to sink in his large figure. “And there’s this weird lump in my throat, I just noticed it- Am I dying?”

There was silence shared between the three. Makoto’s much larger hands fiddling away, his pupils refusing to sit still.

Haru’s dad cleared his throat. “N-No, you’re not dying-” He then took a pause to laugh, Makoto’s eyes widening a little, “quite the opposite, actually. Uh, Come in, Makoto.”

Makoto hummed, stepping inside and immediately pacing to the couch, plopping himself down on it. The couch creaked louder than it normally did when he sat- Haru noticed.

Haru was almost afraid to sit next to him, but, he did anyways. He felt like Makoto was a stranger, a big, tall stranger who was supposed to be younger than him for hells sake..! It was almost frustrating that he was so tall, and this tall this fast..!

Makoto didn’t say anything, he just fiddled with his fingers, his eyes blown with what could possibly be terror. “I guess it’s a good time to talk to both of you,” Haru’s dad laughed- the chuckle everything but light and instead held a heavy awkwardness.

“Well first of all, Makoto, theres nothing wrong with you,” Haru’s dad said, and Makoto took a deep exhale, his body relaxing. Haru blinked, and Haru’s dad chuckled for real this time, entertained by Makoto’s over dramatic response. “This is normal for boys your age, but, normally boys get it around thirteen. Eleven’s young but, hah, nothing too crazy.” Makoto smiled slightly, looking down at his much bigger hands.

“Yay,” Makoto mumbled, “I’m not dying.” Makoto joked half heartedly- Haru giving Makoto a small half-smile.

Haru could see the awkward look in his dad’s face- looking clueless as if asking if he should continue. Haru and Makoto both looked at him with blank expressions, blinking in confusion to why he wasn’t continuing. “Its, Um, called puberty.”

“I’ve heard of puberty!” Haru blurted out- seeming loud, but really since Haru’s voice was pretty quiet most of the time, it just sounded loud. “That’s what Makoto has?”

“Mh, Yes,” Haru’s dad laughed- his laugh sounding more like a nervous child’s. “That’s what Makoto has.”

“Well, what is it?” Makoto asked, his new deep voice still freaking Haru out, his voice splitting with the ‘what’, but seemingly Makoto was unphased. His voice had always cracked, but this was weirdly new..

“The easiest way I can put it is, it’s um, when you become an adult.”

“But Makoto’s younger than me!” Haru immediately shot back- “Shouldn’t I be an adult first?”

“Well, he’s not an adult, just getting ready to be one. You’ll be going through the same thing in a few years, Haru.”

“Cool,” Makoto mumbled- looking at his hands whilst curling and unfurling his fingers, “i’m a big kid now!” Makoto exclaimed, his eyes widening in what could only be genuine wonder. Makoto always looked at the big kids who rode their bikes all fast down the sidewalk, now, he was one... Sort of. “But,” Makoto voice suddenly grew another few octaves lower, Haru near covering his mouth so he wouldn’t have to listen to that voice anymore. It was more of a jealousy thing if anything, Haru felt like he was sitting next to a teenager... “What if i’m not ready to get older? The big kids are so cool, and, I’m..”

“Makoto, honey-” Haru’s dad laughed, putting his hands out to signal it was alright, “You’re not really an adult yet. And your personality doesn’t determine whether your old or not- you can be whoever you want!”

Makoto looked suddenly really confused- the corners of his lips dragging down- “Than, Mister Nanase, why does this happen?”

Haru watched as his dad flushed like he were a kid himself, “Well, I guess, I should explain..”

The next few minutes consisted of Haru’s over dramatic spewing sounds and Makoto yelling “Wait, so girl’s don’t have penises!” and Haru knew his childhood was forever ruined. Well, not really. But, still, gross.

/**/

Rin was next.

Middle school was only a matter of time and Rin was next. He got taller, his skinny arms more full, and his voice dropped even deeper than Makoto’s. The way Rin did everything was smoother, less boisterous, his arms no longer flapped around uselessly when he ran but now they punched the air. Rin was fast, and strong, and his voice was deep and Haru was still stuck with being small and pale. Not only that but Rin’s adult teeth grew in pointed and jagged, and he often got made fun of for them, but Rin didn’t seem to care.

Makoto’s new voice soon grew on Haru, it’s smooth depths and gentle tone rather soothing as the cracks started to dissipate with time. But, Haru was still squeaky. He hated it, feeling so small compared to his best friends. But, neither of them seemed to care, Haru felt like Makoto was still stuck in his original mindset before he hit puberty.

Rei grew tall and lanky, his limbs not smoothing out like the others but he now fit his big words and smart attitude like a glove. His baby fat near melted away, the angles of his face sharp and elbows more like daggers than bones.

Nagisa and Haru were the only two left after sixth grade. Nagisa’s skin was still fair and his voice high pitched like Haru’s. On that level, Haru related with Nagisa. Almost found comfort in him.

Makoto’s frame grew large, his shoulders and back thickening out, his whole figure big and intimidating. But Makoto’s eyes were still soft, his smile could light up a room and his floaty presence made everyone happy. He was big, noticeable, and no one messed with him like they used to. But they didn’t realize that under all of that Makoto was still sensitive, and gentle, and caring. Haru knew though.

The girls stopped following Rin around. His reason? “Girls don’t dig redheads anymore.”

Instead, they found Makoto. Big, handsome, kind Makoto.

And Haru hated it.  

/**/

Makoto slept over for the fourth night in a row on the second month of seventh grade. Haru’s bed was no longer big enough to fit Makoto’s length- his feet always hung off the edge. Good thing Makoto would curl up tight to sleep, his body always seemed smaller when he was asleep.  Haru played away on his DS, the pokemon game he was finally starting to get good at echoed the 8-bit tunes, providing the large brunette next to him with something to listen too while he drew. More flowers. Makoto only drew flowers. He always gave them to Haru in fear of what his dad would do if he saw them.

“How’s your game?” Makoto asked, leaning over to look over Haru’s shoulder.

“Mhm.” Haru didn’t speak much anymore. Not as much as he used to at least- he was so self-conscious of his voice now... So squeaky compared to Makoto’s, and Rin’s, and Rei’s, and everyone elses.

But, good for Haru, Makoto understood his little grunts to a point. They could enjoy each other's company without talking anyways. “Oh, that’s good.” Since Makoto hit puberty- he moved slower, talked slower, and certainly thought slower. It was like Makoto’s mind flipped a switch that caused the boy to go into slow motion. Even he blinked slow. He always looked tired and Haru thought that maybe he was, but Makoto told Haru that like his body, his personality was changing too. He was much more... Mellow. Haru kind of missed it when Makoto was flustered and panicked and hide behind him.

“I’m done,” Makoto soon declared- pridefully showing Haru his Hydrangea sketch, Makoto really had gotten good at drawing flowers... The petals were drawn with precision and the shading was accurate, and at this point Makoto drew a flower-y masterpiece every day. It was the really only artistic thing he was good at, since Makoto was clumsy and now to top it off a very slow thinker. But, flowers were something Makoto treated with real delicacy, it was something that mattered to him a lot.

“I like it,” Haru mumbled out- trying to make his voice slurred so it at least sounded deeper. Makoto smiled at him. Cheeky idiot. “It’s really good. As always.”

Makoto’s eyes lit up a little, though Haru always told Makoto his drawings were good, Makoto appreciated compliments. Especially because he didn’t get them from his dad. With that thought- Haru leaned over, pointing gently at the paper as not to smudge the heavy graphite marks. “I like the way you drew the veins of the petals, it’s really pretty.”

Haru watched Makoto bite his lips, trying to force down the shy smile. “Haru-chan~” Makoto giggled. Though his voice was deep he still giggled. “It’s for you, as always.”

“Mh, I know,”  Haru smiled, taking the paper as Makoto handed it over, rubbing his thumb over the edge of the paper. “I’m going to hang this one up. I really like this one.”

Makoto’s face turned another shade darker- his eyes widening a little, “R-Really?”

“Mhm. Unless you dont want me too.”

“No, no! I want you too! I’m just happy, I guess,” Makoto crossed his arms and laughed, Haru setting the paper cautiously to the bed stand, before getting back to his game. He’d hang it up with Makoto later.

After a few minutes of an intense battle between Haru’s precious Marshtomp and another CPU’s pokemon, Haru felt arms link around his torso- letting out a yelp as he heard Makoto laugh gently.  

“What are you doing?” Haru near spat, kicking his legs as Makoto lifted him with ease. He hated that. He hated that Makoto could lift him like he was a goddamn feather. “Put me down, Makoto!”

Since Makoto was a clumsy oaf, he ended up awkwardly turning Haruka before setting the small boy on his lap. Damn, could’nt Makoto just ask for Haru to sit on his lap? Haru’s back pressed against Makoto’s stomach, Haru letting out a frustrated huff as Makoto’s arms snaked under his, pulling the small boy into an embrace. Makoto was so big... He basically enveloped Haru as Makoto put his head on Haru’s shoulder, watching the blacknette play his game. Haru huffed.

“Did you really have to do that?”

“What? I wanted to cuddle.”

“You could’ve asked me, Makoto.” Haru huffed, feeling the air from Makoto’s lofty chuckle tickle his neck. Makoto was more mellow- as he had said, even to the point where Haru felt like he could tell Makoto anything and he wouldn’t even be offended. Such a character change in a few months.. Er, a year. It only felt like a few months, though. Makoto had always been the same- now, he was different. Not that it was a bad thing, Makoto was still Makoto. Honestly Haru preferred mellow, quiet Makoto.

“You make me feel so small,” Haru huffed, going back to his game once Makoto’s nose dug slightly into his neck. He felt Makoto grin.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“But you’re mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you, persay. Just mad at the world for making me small.” Haru gave Makoto’s wrist a gentle squeeze, knowing that touching Makoto’s hands for longer than a second made Makoto jittery. Damn Kisumi..

“It’s not all that fun being big, either.” Makoto mumbled, “Sometimes I wish I was as small as you, Haru. So I could slink into the background whenever I wanted. Not that you do that, you stand out.”

Haru huffed, patting Makoto’s big hands that rested on his chest, before going back to his game. It was weird, Makoto had been craving physical attention more and more, he was more touchy- nothing like the things dad had told him and Haru about when Makoto hit puberty, more like innocent touches. Cuddly kind of things. So did Rei- but Rei manifested himself in Nagisa, since Nagisa clearly craved the same attention from Rei he always had. But now whenever Makoto was over he’d try to cuddle Haru, touch him in some way. Haru didn’t think much of it, as, Makoto tried doing that with Rin and Rei, even Sousuke once. Rin on the other hand would get all sweaty and cough all awkward when anyone touched him, it was clear to see the boy would get highly uncomfortable with contact... Maybe different people went through puberty differently.

After a good hour of Makoto nuzzling his nose into Haru’s neck, and Haru playing pokemon, the two boys rolled off the bed, Haru first, and than Makoto. Makoto’s slow mannerisms really required patience...

Haru shut off his DS, setting it on his nightstand, until Makoto grabbed his attention with  small whimper of “Oh no-”

“What’s wrong?” Haru asked, looking back at the taller boy with a curious expression- but Makoto only let out a loud yelp in reply.

“Eh, Haru-just, don’t look,” Makoto sputtered, near diving back into Haru’s bed (Haru thought he was going to break it!), covering himself up in the blankets. Haru swore he had never seen Makoto’s face this red before, it looked like poor Makoto was going to explode.

“What's wrong?” Haru repeated, stepping towards the shaking male, his voice a little more stern because he knew treating Makoto gently got nothing done.

Makoto let out a shaky sigh, his whole body shivering along with it- but this look, his red face was something besides just plain out embarrassment. His eyebrows knitted, his shoulders relaxed, this wasn’t Makoto’s normal embarrassment.

“Ahm, Hah, you know how your dad told us about all that stuff in the beginning of sixth grade?”

“Mhm.”

Makoto looked away, burying his head in the pillow. “You know how your dad talked about, ahm...”

“What?”

“That. Arousal, thing.” Makoto’s voice got two octaves higher, his voice collapsing in on itself as his voice was not designed to make that sound, “That comes at random.”

“Ere-”

“Don’t say it!” Makoto near screeched, a whine concentrating in the back of his throat, “It’s so embarrassing!”

Haru huffed, “Well, not really, as long as it was random.” Haru sat on the edge of the bed, next to Makoto’s flushed form under the covers, “What’dya wanna do about it?”

“Well, I should probably go take care of it in the bathroom...”

“Alright.”

Makoto lifted his head up, blinking slowly as if out of confusion. “Really? Just, alright?”

“Mhm.” Haru grunted , patting Makoto’s head, watching the boy gently touch the spot Haru had touched him, a light smile on his face.

“You’re the best, Haru.”

Haru smiled- ruffling Makoto’s hair as the brunette just laughed. His weird, deep chuckle, that wasn’t as much of a giggle anymore. It was all airy and kind of wheezy, and came out all soft and gentle. He sounded like an adult. No longer a child. And Haru still was.

“I know.”

“I mean it, thanks.”

“Mhm.”

“Um, will you close your eyes so I can go to the bathroom?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Haru smacked his hands over his eyes, “Alright, I can’t see anything.” He waited, feeling the bed creak as Makoto slowly got up, the bed shifting up as Makoto’s feet hit the floor and he stood, “I’ll wait here.”

“Okay, Thanks,” Haru heard Makoto mumble, and with that Haru heard Makoto skitter across the floor. He opened his eyes once he was sure Makoto left his room, and then proceeded to hear Makoto’s sloppy footsteps as he dashed across the hall and clumsy with his big feet and frame.

Haru couldn’t help but smile. Stupid.

Haru flopped backwards onto his back, grabbing his dolphin which patiently sat on the nightstand, it’s plush blue form not as big as it used to be, but, from a mental standpoint, it was still just as important to him.

Haru lifted the plush above his head so it’s appeared to be looking down at him. “Makoto’s stupid.” He told the dolphin, “He says thank you for everything. It’s annoying.” Haru heard himself scoff- a smile lifting his cheeks, “I love him anyways though. He’s my best friend.”

Haru sighed, “I haven’t talked to you in ages. I promise I’ll make more time to talk with you.”

Haru didn’t know who he spoke to when he was talking to his dolphin. He knew the toy wasn’t real, but, he felt like something, somewhere was listening. And he did not want to make that force lonely.

After Makoto came back, all happy again, Haru and Makoto went downstairs for dinner.

Haru cooked dinner, that night. Mackerel, as always. As Haru and Makoto curled up on the couch, Makoto’s feet pressed against his, their plates in their laps- Haru noticed the claymation Christmas movies that would seemingly never lost their value had. The old Christmas movies that had never looked old, looked old.

Haru frowned, finding better entertainment in the blowing wind and sparkling snow outside, and, Makoto’s freezing cold feet pressed into his ankles. He’d noticed it too. Haru could tell- Makoto’s eyebrows knitted in a confused manner, his large knuckles tightening around his fork.

Haru quickly found that he was scared. Unsettled. Worried.

Makoto shook his head, a sharp sigh leaving his throat. “I’m bored.” It sounded like it pained him to say that.

“Do you wanna watch Kitchen Nightmares?” Haru asked- his voice just as tight and it even cracked down the middle like Makoto’s once did. Haru had taken a liking to all those competitive cooking shows, and, Gordon Ramsey was a cool person. But it certainly wouldn’t fill the void Rudolph the red nosed reindeer once did.

“Mh, sure.”

And with stiff fingers, Haru changed the channel.

/**/

Haru yawned, the end of the long school week signalled that, yes, Haru could sleep in for once. But still, as a mental alarm clock had scarred his brain, he woke at six. He checked the clock, grunted at the flashing “6:43” on the clock, before flopping back into his pillow with a huff. Brr.. Cold.

He looked at the mound of blankets in the corner of his bed, furrowing his brow as he realized Makoto had stolen all the blankets. Clumsy oaf... Haru growled- half asleep, drowsy, and his small body cold. His eyebrows furrowed, Makoto’s big form curled up all tight in a ball, the blankets wrapped around him like a cocoon. Or, possibly, a burrito. Either worked. His expression was soft, carefree, lips slightly agape as his eyebrows arched. Makoto wasn’t a noisy sleeper, nor did he move much. He usually took his little corner of the bed before going to sleep, and he stayed there. Sometimes he’d flip onto his back, but that was a rare occasion for hot nights when Haru was so damn hot he’d spread out his limbs and usually would end up with one of his hands in Makoto’s mouth.

But, when it was cold, that cuddly- warmth seeking side of Makoto was destructive. He’d steal all the goddamn blankets in his sleep, or, he’d press his gigantic body to Haru’s and near crush the poor boy. Snuggling whilst sleeping wasn’t bad- it was just that unconscious Makoto trying to cuddle wasn’t comfortable.

Haru rolled closer to Makoto, pawing and trying to tear at the blankets Makoto was curled up in- and it felt like the boy had glued himself to them. That and Haru wasn’t strong. He had limbs like twigs. Haru gave pulling uselessly at the blankets wrapped tight around his best friend’s body up after a minute. It was no good. They wouldn’t budge.

Makoto moaned quietly- “N-No- You’ve gotta put the seed in the sun- silly...” Makoto’s whole body twitched along with the half asleep whimper, and though Haru hated to pull Makoto out of whatever dream he was in, Haru climbed on top of the other male.

Haru tried shaking him awake, but half-awake Haru wasn’t best at that. Makoto pouted, trying to curl up tighter into himself, pulling his legs up even more.

Haru sighed- flicking his friend’s face, (gently) slapping Makoto’s cheeks, but Makoto hardly even responded. A simple moan or grunt would leave Makoto’s throat.

“Makoto. Blankets. Cold.” Haru tried shaking his friend again, “Waakke uup, stuupid.” Haru gave up that, and went to his last resort, pinching Makoto’s nose. Somehow that almost worked...

Almost immediately Makoto jumped, a long gasp emanating from him. Haru jumped back from Makoto’s sudden movements- that was the fasted he had seen Makoto move in a while...

Makoto blinked- putting together where he was, before looking at Haru with a disgusted expression. “Haru,” Makoto near gasped, putting a hand on his heart- absolutely flabbergasted that Haru would do that because Haru knew- he _knew_ \- how much Makoto hated that.

Haru would’ve smiled at the rather girly display from his best friend- but, he was exhausted. “Blankets. You stole them.”

“Oh,” Makoto glanced down at the mound of blankets that had sunken below his waist in his frantic attempt to get free of Haru’s death-hold on his nose. “Still. I hate that.”

“I know, It was the only way to wake you-”

“Hey, wait a sec,” Makoto paused- his disgusted expression wearing off, Haru snorting in iratation.

“I want to go back to sleep, Makoto.”

“No, wait a second,” Makoto repeated, putting a hand out- “Say something.”

“You’re really confusing me.”

“Haru!” Makoto near gasped- apparently, Haru had woken Makoto up completely with that nose pinch... A smile formed on his face- “Your voice is deeper!”

“Really?” Haru mumbled, squinting his eyes- “I think i’m just groggy.”

“No, no! It’s all smooth and- oh, wowee Haru,” Who the hell said ‘wowee’ anymore? Apparently Makoto. “You really do sound great.”

“It’s just my tired voice. My voice is deep when I’m tired.”

“No , no, no! It got deeper! I swear! It’s all smooth and pretty!” Haru huffed, tugging at the blankets, but Makoto didn’t give up his argument. Sleepy Haru was not in the mood to argue. Makoto grabbed Haru’s hand- extending his fingers to press them against Haru’s hand. “See! Look! Your fingers are longer!”

Haru snorted, a loud, overdramatic moan leaving his lips as he slid off Makoto and tumbled back onto his side of the bed.

“Haru-!” Makoto laughed.

“Uhhnmmm!” Haru moaned loudly in reply, kicking his foot into the mattress to signal he was in no mood to talk. “Blaankkkeettss! Cooollddd- brrr,” Haru proceeded to moan, hearing Makoto chuckle at Haru’s whines.

“Alright, alright,” Haru finally felt the warm embrace of blankets, sighing comfortably as he nestled down back into his pillows, Makoto’s warm heat joining the fuzzy feel. Haru smiled, closing his eyes, but flinched as he felt Makoto flick his forehead. “You’ll see when you wake up.”

Haru snorted, almost immediately dismissing Makoto’s words before he fell back asleep.

But in another few hours- when Haru was fully awake, he had his back on the bed- punching the air in total victory that his voice was finally deep. Like Makoto’s. Like Rin’s and Rei’s- he was an adult, sort of.

/**/

Nagisa followed close pursuit behind. He didn’t grow anything like Rei, Rin, and Makoto, but instead in his own fascinating Nagisa way. His voice got deeper and he got taller of course, but he didn’t act like the other boys- oddly enough. He got extra feely-touchy with Rei, but, that was about it.

Haru on the other hand watched himself grow with fascination- every day he’d jump to look in the mirror and ask himself; ‘Am I as big as Makoto yet?’

Every day, it was no, no, and more no. Haru grew alright, but not it the way he had prepared himself for. He didn’t get thicker limbs, his shoulders didn’t get wide- he grew into the body he was given the way he was supposed to, his legs no longer too short for his body and his arms no longer too long, his head finally looked like it fit on his shoulders, but... He looked... Like a woman.

All lean, his body even curved a little- his milky white skin not changing one bit. He wasn’t as bony, he was smooth like his voice. Smooth and deep- Haru’s voice was really the only thing he liked about himself now. He liked being up to Makoto’s shoulders again, he didn’t feel small height-wise anymore, but..

He hated it. It wasn’t anything he anticipated it being.

Maybe if he just waited a little longer, he’d grow into his lungs too.

He was stared at by the girls- a few murmurs of ‘When did Haru get hot?’ passing through the halls, because apparently he looked like an emo kid with his blue eyes, pale skin and black hair- not to mention not talking made him the poster child for ‘emo’, and, apparently emo kids were hot, or something. They’d try to talk to him, but Haru would send them a glare and they’d back off.

Haru still wasn’t big like Makoto, or fast like Rin, or smart like Rei, or cute like Nagisa.

Haru was still sick. Sick Haru.

He huffed- maybe he had to wait a little longer. Just, a little bit longer.

/**/

Haru had noticed that the other boys had body hair. Whilst in the seventh grade locker rooms it was hard to miss- it was so chock-full of teenage boys and axe spray, there was a lot of curly hair snaking out from arms and crawling up legs. It was honestly kind of scary- Haru didn’t like gym class because he often times sat out.

Makoto on the other hand was great at it. He loved the praise he got from playing sports and winning for his team- teams would always fight over who got Makoto to play. Because Makoto was great at offense and defence because he was just a great, big damn boulder that if you saw running towards you- you’d run in the opposite direction. Makoto loved praise, so, he’d do it. Haru didn’t think Makoto really liked sports all that much but Makoto was a people-pleaser.

Haru was still hairless nonetheless, he suspected it was because he was sick and all. Always sick. He had gotten a few looks from the other boys for his naked legs- but, with Makoto looming over Haru’s shoulder always the boys were too scared to do much else but look.

Haru sat on one of the benches, tying the laces to his sneakers, his now nimble, smooth fingers easily perfecting each curve and turn of the string. Haru snorted in slight frustration- running a finger briefly over his hairless legs, feeling how smooth they were, and near shivering with frustration. He wished he had body hair- he wanted to be normal. He didn’t want to be dainty.

Haru heard the clattering of a shower curtain from behind him, his head slightly turning in curiosity.

Makoto stepped towards him- wet and shaking and practically damn naked besides his underwear- and Haru’s mouth went dry.

Muscular. He had never noticed how damn muscular Makoto was until now- sculpted chest, curved abs, wide shoulders... Haru’s eyes ran all over Makoto’s body in a mere second before looking up at his eyes- the same eyes Haru had been looking at for a majority of his life. New body, same- droopy, gentle eyes.

“Hey Haru, do you have a towel I can borrow?” Makoto stuttered out, his long legs shivering- his thighs thick with the same muscle that covered his torso. Where the hell did all this come from? Makoto’s hard work at gym class? But gym was only forty five minutes for godsake!

“Yeah- it’s uh, in my locker.” Haru managed to get out, he was still getting used to the sound of his ever deepening and soothing voice, but right now, he felt like his voice was as it was before. He felt small once again- Makoto always made him feel small. But this was different. Not just small anymore. Like that was something more, adult-ish mixed in.

Haru noticed for the first time how big the buldge in Makoto’s boxers was. The little, chestnut hairs that started under his belly button and disappeared under the waistband of his boxers, teasing him. Makoto’s perfectly chiseled jawline and the bit of stubble that had begun to crawl over his skin. As Makoto thanked him and walked off, Haru noticed all the boys had it. Every single one.

Haru could feel himself sinking in on himself. Maybe he wasn’t just intrigued by deep voices but attracted to them. He crossed his legs tight, giving up on tying his shoes as he simply slumped on the bench. He had never felt more aroused- hell, he hadn’t felt aroused ever. He hated it, he simply hated it but there wasn’t much he could do.

Haru took a deep breath, but he only breathed in a long whiff of the now insanely alluring axe cologne.

And in that moment, Haru uttered the only thing that was on his mind besides ‘why am I attracted to these gross boys?’.

“I’m screwed.”

**  
**  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REST IN PIECES NANASE HARUKA  
> U WILL B MISSED
> 
> bY the Way Haru doesnt have a crush on makos (yet) baby's just realizing he's homo is all  
> sh haru we all go through this once in our lives  
> not really  
> -i fcking di d tjho lol-  
> ok so i just want to say that i know men don't go through puberty in one night- but all my man friends told me that had a growth spurt over night and their voice got deeper over night but it continued to happen until they were adults. so makoto isnt the size of a full grown man that would be terrifying he still just a lil baby boo (a massive baby boo but a baby boo)  
> thanks for comments in kudos <3 comments are highly appreciated! prepare for pimples, reigisa, and the abuse of the 'XDDDD' face by hazuki nagisa in the next chap


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> santas coming to town in the middle of march
> 
> christmas chapter because why not
> 
>  
> 
> did i mention ren and ran  
> slight warning// this chapter has a brief mention of rape and a few other serious topics considering Makoto's family life- nothing very explicit at all, but better safe then sorry
> 
> on a good note makoto is meme lord
> 
> ps im thinking of re naming this thing. Possibly Sonder - maybe Prince of Tides (Which won't make sense now but it will later) or a name thats a few words or something. I'm not really digging the title anymore as it was a last minute decision. I can't really think of anything good though

Christmas was soon- and, Haru wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Because, everyone knows that winter is fun and games until Christmas came to a end, making the magic of the cold and snow turn into a bitterness that lasted another few months. Plus, Haru knew santa wasn’t real anymore.

What he did like was spending time with his little family that was made up of Makoto and his father. Him and Makoto were basically brothers at this point, Makoto was at Haru’s house for every holiday, every special occasion. Haru liked it better that way.

Haru got through the first half of the cold winter with his new desire to be close to someone hence puberty, and, big ol’ Makoto was his first choice, and lucky for him, Makoto was always there. Now when Makoto would try to hug him close Haru would return it- letting Makoto’s size envelop him on the couch, bury his head into Makoto’s chest and squeeze his surprisingly soft but muscular body. Haru knew it was wrong. Wrong how he almost used Makoto like this- as all of Makoto’s touches were soft and innocent, Haru’s long fingers would purposefully brush over things he probably shouldn’t have. Makoto would understand if he ever fucking realised what Haru was doing- poor guy was completely oblivious. Makoto wasn’t the smartest in that sense. But Haru prefered it that way as Makoto would never realize Haru was totally gay. He didn’t want Makoto to know. Not that Makoto would stop being his friend, but in fear that Makoto would link more negative things to him, be scared to be his friend for the fact that his father was a looming source of discipline.

Even though Haru knew it was wrong, he’d relieve his frustrated, caged hormones with the loving cuddles from Makoto. Makoto kept his little frame warm too.

But then it started happening less, Makoto would only cuddle with him early in the morning when the two of them were still half asleep, and though Haru appreciate it, he missed feeling like he could no longer scramble into Makoto’s arms whenever he was cold, or, hormonally frustrated. It wasn’t like he had a crush on Makoto, more so Makoto was his relief, and the closest person to him. Unlike Makoto pulling everyone into a hug, Haru would only do it with Makoto, when they were alone.

They were boys. They weren’t supposed to cuddle. Makoto soon displayed that. It felt like he had no desire to cuddle anymore, he hardly touched Haru after a month- only doing so when he’d pat Haru on the back or shoulder, or maybe poke him to get his attention. It got to the point where Haru was almost aroused by an accidental brush of Makoto’s hand on his hip.

Haru tried to get over it, but he doubted he would. He hoped every morning Makoto’s head would press to his back and on of his arms would slide under Haru’s neck so Haru could use his arm as a pillow, and enjoy Makoto’s warmth in a shared sleepy haze- release the hormones and secrets that were trying to get out, but they no longer snuggled. Not even in the morning. And Haru had no relief what-so-ever. It was aggravating. But, it wasn’t like it was Makoto’s fault...

For dinner one night, Haru overheard Makoto and Haru’s father talking about Christmas as he cooked curry for the both of them, as well as a special treat of hot chocolate- as Makoto hated tea, but since Haru and his father loved it, Makoto would force himself to drink it too. so, for once, Haru made all of them hot chocolate so Makoto didn’t need to feel awkward.

Makoto spoke of his family. Not the bad man next door- but his mother. The mother he lived with for the first four years of his life.

And that since Makoto had spent the past three Christmas’ with Haruka’s family, he thought that maybe, he could see his mom again. Since his mom was apparently afraid of his dad, she was scared to visit, but since dad didn’t need to know she was here, why not?

Haru and his father were happy to oblige.

/**/

Makoto spent all of Christmas eve by the window, laying on the couch that had always been settled next to the window- his chest draped over the armrest as he waited for his parent to arrive like an excited puppy. Haru made him lunch- or, tried, as Makoto glanced at it and waved his hand to dismiss it. Makoto must be excited- that boy was always hungry. Always. Haru shrugged, set the plate down for when Makoto was hungry, and teasingly plopped onto Makoto’s back, the both of them letting out a small ‘oomf!’

“If you wait like this it will only take longer,” Haru said, climbing Makoto’s back like it was a mountain, before settling his head on Makoto’s, reaching down to pinch the soft flesh of Makoto’s cheeks. The closest they got was when they were ‘wrestling’. not really wrestling, just teasing touches. Haru was too weak to wrestle with Makoto, but he still tried.

Makoto chuckled, “I know, but, I can’t figure out what else to do but wait.”

“I know what you can do,” Haru said, before hooking his arms around Makoto’s neck and trying to pull him backwards- a strained groan leaving his throat as Makoto just chuckled.

“H-Haru? What are you doing?” Makoto laughed, clutching at Haru’s arms.

“I’m- trying to be Rin, You’re Sousuke, okay?”

“Haru that makes no sense!”

“Augh-!” Haru tried to give another yank, feeling Makoto’s shoulders lift off the couch, and Haru felt somewhat accomplished. “You’re- like a damn rock-!”

“You’re trying to wrestle, yeah?” Makoto said with a strain, since Haru was pulling at his neck after all. Haru didn’t reply, instead he settled his kneecaps right in the small of Makoto’s back, giving Makoto another sharp yank, until he heard Makoto’s back pop.

Makoto sighed in relief. He fucking sighed in relief while Haru was attempting to wrestle with him.

Damn this boy.

“Hah- That felt nice-!”

“Shut it, you!” Haru almost let out a laugh as Makoto did.

“You’re playful today.”

“I’m just trying to take your mind off staring at the window! It’s boring! Your mom said she's not getting here until noon!” Haru’s tone wasn’t that raised, but, it was loud for him. Makoto was the only person he could be this loud with, let alone try to wrestle. He knew Makoto was gentle, He’d never really hurt him, so it was safe.

“Alright, so you wanna wrestle?” Haru swore he could hear the smirk in Makoto’s voice- it was a rare tone to hear from Makoto, but it was certainly there.

Before Haru had time to react, he felt Makoto’s body suddenly lift, causing Haru to tumble backwards.

“Woah-!” Haru let out as he felt his head land on a couch cushion, Makoto’s skin on his gone- but, that was only for a few seconds, as Makoto was soon towering over him, his hand (gently) pressing to Haru’s chest.

Immediately, the raven started to struggle, waving his arms and trying to get up, but Makoto was so much stronger than him, so it was near useless. Makoto just chuckled- his smile genuine and gorgeous, but, Haru was too busy trying to slap Makoto or pry his hand off his chest.

Than, Haru realized he had legs, and aimed a sturdy kick right to Makoto’s chest.

Makoto clutched his chest, cringing in over-dramatic pain,  before falling to the side, flopping off the couch before hitting the floor with a small ‘oomf.’

Haru laughed, and peaked over the side of the couch, looking at his best friend’s body spread in theatrical death. Makoto peaked up at him- before smiling like a fucking idiot- totally aware what he was going to do before he said it. With a smirk, Makoto mouthed the words that burned Haru’s very being.

“Mm, watcha saayy.”

“Oh, my god,” Haru tried to fight back the smile that devoured his face, covering his mouth uselessly, as Makoto knew he was a hilarious shithead.

“Oh that you only meant well,” Makoto clutched his heart, “Of course you diid.”

Haru rolled off the couch, letting Makoto’s body absorb his impact, Makoto letting out a small groan in response as Haru’s body landed on his.

Haru pinched his nose- “Dummy.”

“I’m not a dummy!” Makoto laughed, batting away Haru’s hand, “You know who’s a dummy? Rin, Rin’s a dummy!”

“Mhm,” Haru settled himself on top of Makoto folding his arms so they just brushed across Makoto’s collarbone, laying on the male like he was a proud cat who had claimed Makoto as his. “I’ve taught you well.”

Haru heard his dad’s footsteps across the creaking floors of his old home, and, turned his head up to look- but was simply blinded by the flash of a camera. “Ow, hey,” Haru winced, ducking his head to rub his eyes. “Stop taking pictures of us.”

“Sorry,” Haru’s dad didn’t mean that apology, but he said it anyways- “You’re both in front of the Christmas tree,I couldn’t help it.” Haru’s dad sat down on the couch silently, folding his legs with a short huff as he looked down at the two boys. “I’ve never actually seen you two be rough with each other.”

“He kicked me!” Makoto whined- pointing to the middle of his chest, “Bring me to the hospital, Mr Nanase! I’m hurt!” Haru huffed- pinching Makotos nose hard as the brunette chuckled at his own humour, which than caused Makoto to cry out- his face scrunching- “Haru! Haru Haru, Haru! Owowow!” Haru eventually let go with a swat to his hand- “You’re so mean!” Makoto rubbed his nose, a heavy pout present on his face.

“I’m trying to distract him from the window, he’s been looking out it all morning.”

Haru’s dad laughed- “Well, I’m sure he’s just excited...”

“He wouldn’t even eat.”

“Woah.” Haru’s dad looked shocked, and Makoto let out an annoyed groan from underneath Haru, “Maybe we should bring him to the hospital.”

Haru and his dad both laughed-Makoto putting on a traditional pout, “Very funny.” Makoto’s eyebrows furrowed, and Haru pressed his finger in between them.

They did not rest there for long though, Haru’s father sipping his tea and Haru teasing and pinching Makoto’s face as the boy just pursed his lips and whined.

It wasn’t long until the three of them heard a car door from outside was when Makoto’s slow, gentle nature disappeared completely.

Makoto near knocked Haru off of him, Haru letting out a small grunt as he hit the carpet, rubbing his head as he watched Makoto jump up to look at the window, his normally calm, droopy eyes twice their size, his pupils retracting like some kind of machine.

Before Haru was going to ask him if it was her- Makoto sprinted out the door, completely leaving his shoes and coat behind. Oh boy. Haru snorted as the door slammed shut, Haru’s dad letting out a short chuckle- before getting off the couch with a slow, creaky motion. Haru’s father was old- he was having trouble doing more things now... It wasn’t too concerning.

“Let’s go get him, Haru.”

“Mh.”

While Haru was busy putting on his boots and jacket- as Nanase Haruka couldn’t risk going out in the cold like big ol’ Makoto could, Makoto was busy bounding outside, forgetting the snow existed- forgetting anything existed. Everything except the cute little purple minivan with the brunette haired woman stepping out- who he could almost clearly recognize as his mom, the lady he had only seen in pictures for nearly ten years.

“Mom!” Makoto near tripped as he bounded through the thick snow they never had the chance to shovel out of Haru’s walkway, doing an odd little hop to prance through the thick snow, his bare feet beyond numb, but it didn’t matter.

She almost immediately lit up, and Makoto finally kicked his way out of the deep snow, somehow falling straight into his mother’s arms.

“Mom!” Makoto cried, squeezing the surprisingly smaller woman tight- burying his face in his collarbone, his numb legs turning to jelly at the familiar scent of daisies and all those flowers that she had taught him about. It was like the blurred lines of fogged memory cleared up, and though she had aged a little, it wasn’t by much.

“Oh- Makoto-!” Makoto felt her arms around his back, and he almost felt like he was being held by the much smaller woman. Makoto did get most of his height from his father- his father was a large man, but, he didn’t remember mom being this small..! But it had to be her- that curvy figure, the same gentle, green eyes he possessed, it was all so familiar... “You’ve gotten so big! You’re taller than me- Oh, honey, I’ve missed you so much-!” Her soft hands wove through his hair- a feeling he hadn’t felt in ages, parental love- it near worked magic on Makoto. “I’m so glad you’re alright-!”

That was a comment Makoto wouldn’t have understood when he was little. But now he knew- he knew dad was abusive. He didn’t deny it any longer.

Makoto felt her long fingers on his cheeks- pulling Makoto away from the hug gently, just so she could kiss his face, and Makoto couldn’t help but giggle. He couldn’t stop smiling, not that Makoto ever stopped smiling.

“You look-” Makoto’s mother paused- that light in her eyes that she claimed a second ago fleeing her eyes, “Just, like your father.”

Makoto paused, his eyes flickering towards the ground nervously, but his mom soon picked up on the fact that comment made him insanely uncomfortable, and laughed, “Your dad was always a very handsome man.”  

Makoto found himself laughing- and simply dove in for another hug, his large form easily dominating his mother’s.

“Hey, is this that Makoto i’ve been hearing all about?”

Makoto near jumped at the voice- he had been so used to fearing men, all except Mister Nanase of course, but when he looked up from his mother’s shoulder (He refused to let her go, though.), instead he looked up to see another man, around his mother’s age, who wasn’t much taller than him. He looked back at him with brown eyes- but, almost an orange shade of brown. He wore a smile that was almost mischievous- as, mischievous as a forty-year-old could get.

“Um, I don’t know-” Makoto chuckled, almost nervously- but was happy to see someone looking down at him happily.

“Makoto, this is Kei-” Makoto’s mother said, almost nervously as she linked arms with the other man, “He’s my husband, now.” Makoto’s eyes widened in understanding, nodding- before turning to the male who stood next to his mother.

Makoto bowed respectfully- as, he still knew his manners,and very well,  thank god for that. “Nice to meet you!” Makoto near shouted, and he just heard the man- Kei, or, technically, his stepdad, sorta. Than his face filled with dread as he realized he didn’t get a Christmas present for him, as he had no clue this guy even existed, but if he did he totally would’ve gotten him Christmas present...!

“Wow, you’re a big fella,” Kei explained with a chuckle- ruffling Makoto’s hair much like how Mr Nanase would, and Makoto couldn’t help but chuckle- touching his head softly. “And you’re only thirteen, right?”

“Mhm,” Makoto hummed in reply, nodding his head. It was nice to see his mom happy, he could trust this man. Mom was never happy with dad. Mom always used to see pained- even around Makoto. Makoto knew why too- now he knew, he wasn’t meant to be here, his dad told him he was a rape baby- nothing more than that. But that was behind them now.

There was an awkward moment of silence, and suddenly, Makoto felt... Weird. Like, he had no clue what to do. The excitement wore off, and soon the ‘I missed you’s that were falling off his lips stopped coming. And he just smiled, his eyes blank but happiness coursing through him.

But soon, the back door of the van slid open fast, and Makoto’s head snapped backwards in suprise- watching as two kids popped out of the car like toys, both yelling “Surprise!” Before the girl tumbled out, plopping into the snow as the boy covered his mouth.

“Ren!!” The girl in the snow cried- no, scolded- like she was a parent or something.

Makoto gaped.

“Ren, Ran..! I was supposed to tell him first-” Makoto’s mom grumbled- stepping forward to help the small girl back onto her feet, brushing the snow off her shiny pink jacket, the girl wearing the same pout Makoto often wore himself. The boy flopped out of the car, standing next to the girl- and, it didn’t take much to realize who these children were.

“Alright, This is Ren and Ran. Your siblings. Er, half, siblings.” Makoto’s mom swallowed, watching as the two small kids tried their best to look cool- both of them looking up at Makoto like he was something scary and new, and, big. Makoto blinked, his eyes widening at the two children- “Honey, I meant to tell you, please don’t feel ba-”

“I’m a brother?” Makoto whispered, near in shock at the two children infront of him. The girl- Ran, had the same eyes as him and his mom, green and gentle, but Ren had the same eyes as Kei, brown, but he had the same colored hair as Makoto and his mother- just, a different texture.

Immediately, Makoto lit up. “I’m a big brother!”

With that, the two children smiled, “Onii-chan!”

Like they had been siblings for years, Makoto held out his arms and kneeled, the two kids charging to hug Makoto tight around the neck, nuzzling close to him as the three laughed. With little effort, Makoto lifted the two, the small twins sitting on his shoulder’s comfortably- “Onii-chan!”

Makoto than realized he needed to get them Christmas presents too. Wooh boy...!

But, nonetheless Makoto couldn’t not smile, feeling the little hands of his siblings tug at his slightly overgrown hair- (Makoto hadn’t cut his hair in a while, to the point where it was all shaggy and wavy in the back. Honestly, he kind of liked it like that...) , them laughing too. He had a family, an actual family! Haru and his father were his family, and just as important to him- but, he hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

Haru hadn’t meant to glare.

Standing on the porch he felt his gut burn with something as he watched Makoto appreciate the family he had, the mom he had. It was like something was suddenly missing in Haru’s life, and he knew exactly what it was. He related with Makoto, it was why they got along so good- Makoto’s restrictions came from his father while Haru’s came from his lungs, but, now the presence of his mom seemingly made up for that. Haru knew it didn’t. But it hurt to see Makoto have something Haru didn’t.

Haru’s dad sensed it too, and nudged his son’s shoulder with a half smile. “For Makoto” He said softly, his smile carrying that old, weathered look that Haru hadn’t seen since he was younger. It reminded him that his dad wasn’t simply his dad, but once had mom too, and he had loved her more than anything. That he tried his hardest to protect Haru from that same feeling of age. Haru nodded, a small hum leaving his lips as his dad gently pat his hair as he often times did, before the two made their way off Haru’s porch steps.

“Oh, oh, mom, you gotta meet Haru!” Makoto lit up once he saw his best friend walking towards them, pacing quickly as if he was panicked and didn’t know where to set them down. He eventually set them down carefully, speeding over to Haru to grab his arm, speeding the sickly teenager over to meet Makoto’s family.

Haru got to look at Mrs. Tachibana for the first time- and, she did look a lot like her son. Shorter, certainly, but had the same stockiness that Makoto had. And those gentle eyes- worn with wrinkles from past stress and exhaustion, but none the less they matched Makoto’s. Friendly, warm, inviting- it was like Haru could trust her immediately. “Mh, This is Haruka, he’s my best friend.” Makoto explained as he linked arms with Haru, “Or, he’s kinda like my brother, since I basically live at his house.”

Haru didn’t mean to freeze up. Socializing wasn’t his thing.

“Eh, Haru, c’mon- say hi,” Makoto laughed, one of his big hands resting on Haru’s head, just to simply force Haru to make some sort of nodding motion. “He’s always real quiet.”

“Shut it you,” Haru grumbled, gently elbowing Makoto’s soft stomach, the boy flinching just to let out a giggle. “Ah,” Haru shook off the ice in his veins, “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Tachibana. You may call me Haru.”

Haru watched as Makoto’s mom smiled, the same Makoto-like smile. “And, nice to meet you too, sir,” Haru than mumbled, turning to Makoto’s stepdad to perform a slight bow- with all respect.

“Nice to meet you, Haruka,” The couple said in exchange, both of them giving Haru a nod- as Haru backed up to stand right back next to Makoto. It sure was cold- what would Haru give to press right up to Makoto...

Next Haru felt two pairs of tiny hands on his pants- and looked down (It had been a while since Haru looked down at someone..) looking at the two children who slightly resembled Makoto. It was like wherever Haru turned he was met with the same goddamn face..!

Haru was never good with kids. He gulped. “Mm, H-Hi,” Haru mumbled out awkwardly extending a hand to pat one of the twin’s heads, watching as she lit up.

“Wooah! Haru is a handsome boy!”

Haru felt himself grow warm with that comment- though it was made by a four-year-old who probably didn't know what handsome meant.

“Mh, Thank you,” Haru nodded respectfully, before touching the child’s cheek- “You’re a very pretty girl.”

Ran let go a screech- her chubby cheeks churning a shade of red, cradling the spot where Haru had touched her, running off to her big brother- probably to tell him the great news. Big brother. Huh. Makoto was a big brother...

“H-Haru-” Next Haru felt a sharper tug at his pants, looking down at the slightly taller boy out of the two twins, his eyes sad- even droopier and more tired looking than Makoto’s used to be, “Am I a pretty boy?”

Haru paused.

“Mhm, yeah.” Haru decided that was the right thing to say. If the boy wants to be pretty, let him be pretty.

Haru could hear his dad and Makoto’s mother talking- a conversation that Makoto had obviously purposefully walked away from. And it was clear what it was about.

Makoto’s father. The bad man. How she was grateful that Makoto had someone to go to. That she was terrified of Makoto’s father.

Makoto’s smile was no longer all that real, he was trying to ignore the conversation as best he could and play with the twins. They were probably like two shiny new toys to Makoto.

Than Haru felt himself get offended when Makoto’s mom asked; “Is your son okay? He looks sick?”

She didn’t know any better of course. But it really hit the nail that- yes, Haru looked sick all the time. Felt it too. He had learnt to dealt with it but, whenever anyone mentioned it he really felt it.

“Ah, he’s just, sickly, is all.” Haru’s dad explained with a soft- nervous laugh, “He’s always been like this. His mother had it too.”

“Ah, and, where is your wife- I’d like to meet her?” Mrs Tachibana near asked, and, that was when Haru separated himself from the conversation and went to watch Makoto chase the twins around in the snow. He was still barefoot- and Haru worried for him, but Makoto wasn’t phased at all...

He was pretending to be some monster or something, and he was chasing the twins- making them pretend-shriek, constantly tripping face first into the snow, but he’d only get up and laugh. Makoto was clumsy. Real clumsy. But not even a face full of icy cold snow slowed Makoto’s happiness down.

He watched the twins try to skid over the thick snow n play-panic to get away from Makoto, laughing and screeching, and Haru still remembered how him and Makoto never did anything like that when they were little. Probably because Haru couldn’t. Haru’s immune system had built up since he gotten older, but, he was still sick. Constantly sick. But a little stronger. He sat on the steps of his porch, knees curled inward on his chest for protection from the cold wind, his head resting in his hands. He kept rubbing at his cheeks to de-numb the- he had no clue how Makoto was barefoot. He wanted to pull Makoto inside- the boy was going to kill himself, but he couldn’t dare rip Makoto away from his happiness right now.

“Haru, come play with us!” Makoto paused, wiping the snow off his face, white- icy flakes littering his brown hair and catching in his long eyelashes, a smile bedowing his flushed cheeks. Suddenly, Haru was taken back to first grade- when he first met Makoto and his scared little ‘Can I play with you?’

Makoto knew Haru had gotten stronger too, since Haru was just wrestling with him on the couch- but, that was besides the point, Haru got up, trying to shake off the cold before treading into the thick snow as best he could.

“You’re going to freeze to death,” Haru murmured, looking down at Makoto who was, once again, face down in the snow. He looked up and laughed, Haru cupping his face to wipe of the ice, before giving Makoto his scarf.

“I don’t think the scarf will help, Haru-chan.”

“Just take it.”

Haru felt two sets of hands pulling at his own much skinnier hands, willingly walking forward to follow the twins to wear they were trying to drag him. “Haru! Don’t get too close! He’ll get you!”  

Makoto let out a fake growl, and Haru couldn’t help but smile.

“Ah, yeah, he’s a real scary monster.” Haru tried to hold back his laugh because Ren and Ran were so serious about this game.

The next few minutes were spent with Makoto chasing the three of them around, and, Haru helping Ren and Ran up whenever they fell- and Haru simply laughing when Makoto fell. It was fun, kind of tiring, but it was the first time Haru had felt... Well, childish in a while.

Haru took a moment to breath, and once he was done- two, big arms circle his stomach, easily lifting him. Haru yelped- kicking his legs into the open air as Makoto held him by under his arms- “Makotoo-!” Haru hissed, hearing as Makoto laughed softly into his ear. “I hate it when you do thiis! Put me down!”

“Ah! Onii-chan’s got Haru!” Than, the twins came to Haru’s (somewhat) rescue, trying to tackle Makoto. Now, two children that couldn’t weigh more than eighty pounds didn’t seem like much- but this thing that Makoto did when he picked up Haru- or, anyone like this, left him pretty vulnerable, as though Makoto had thick thighs and strong legs to hold his weight, the tiniest bit of pressure could send him down with Haru’s added weight. Haru found out about this theorem when they were hanging out with Nagisa and Nagisa tried to climb on top of Makoto too and ultimately Makoto fell backwards and landed right on top of Nagisa- thankfully, the snow was there so no one was hurt. Like now.

With a small ‘Uwah-!’ from Makoto, he fell backwards, the snow crunching from underneath them, Haru, Ren, and Ran all landing on top of Makoto’s large form. The three siblings burst out into a fit of giggles- and Haru smiled.

Haru climbed off of Makoto, rubbing his cheeks to warm them up again- standing for a brief moment before a sharp blow of wind caused him to take a step back, and sharp exhale leaving his lips- the cold, it always burned his lungs. It suddenly felt like he was breathing glass, and Makoto was standing in a heartbeat.

“Haru? You okay?” Makoto asked, putting his hands on the raven’s shoulders- his touch gentle as Haru retreated to the crook of his arm to cough- and hard. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Haru, let’s go inside-”

The twins gathered around Makoto’s legs to look up at Haru with wide eyes. Like they were horrified, or something.

“Y-You didn’t-” Haru managed to get out, before returning to his coughing fit- “H-u-rt me.”

“Is it just too cold?”

“Ye-yeah.”

Haru now knew his dad was ontop of him, checking his pulse- asking him yes or no questions, it had been a while since Haru had an asthma attack, but Haru knew it was simply the cold. But his father always worried.

Everyone rushed inside, coats hung and Haru raced to the comfort of his inhaler, taking a few breaths and a gulp of warm water to wetten and warm his throat. Makoto wrapped himself in blankets after he made sure Haru was alright, grabbing his feet and whispering ‘Owowow’, under his breath because his feet were that cold. What an idiot..

Haru sighed, laying down on the couch, his feet pressed agaisnt’ Makoto’s hip, watching the twins run about Haru’s home and explore, While Mrs. Tachibanna and Kei tried to strike up some sort of conversation.

Christmas was tomorrow.

And than the long, long winter was in two days.

_Great._

/**/

Haru still had the dying tunes of Christmas music in his head, the glow of the Christmas lights that adorned the tree shining in his eyes, that warm, jolly feeling residing within Haru that Christmas normally brought.

Haru and Makoto had to sleep in the Living room, since, Makoto’s parents took Haru’s father’s bed- who took Haru’s, but Haru didn't mind sleeping on the floor. Actually, he minded a lot. He had gotten up three times in the past hour to get a drink, take a few supporting puffs of his inhaler, back and forth to the kitchen to the living room, than back to the kitchen than to the bathroom, than to the Living Room. He even had a cup of hot chocolate...

Makoto on the other hand was sleeping like a rock, as always. On the blow-up mattress Makoto’s breathing was the only sound that filled the room, the twins buried in each crook of his shoulder. It was an awfully cute display. But you could only marvel over how cute your best friend and his half siblings were for so long. Haru couldn’t help but grab his dad’s old disposable camera and take a picture so he could enjoy that sight when he wasn’t restless and irritated.

Ren and Ran wanted to see Santa, that’s why they had slept with Makoto and Haru, but the twin’s didn’t last very long. In Makoto’s arms they fell asleep in seconds- taking after their brother, who fell asleep minutes after.

Haru spent some time poking around in the presents that rested under the tree, trying to guess what he had gotten and checking to make sure he put Makoto’s present under the tree- he had gotten him some books on flowers, some new pencils and a sketchbook- all of which were pretty expensive, but for Makoto it was worth it. Haru admittedly had no clue Makoto’s siblings exsisted, so, he hadn’t gotten them anything, which was too bad because they really were sweet kids.

Tomorrow Haru would cook breakfast for all of them, he was decently excited. He loved cooking after all. Tomorrow would be a good day, but for now, Haru had to wait.

Restless and slightly frazzled, Haru sat down at the dining room table, sitting alone in the darkness as it sure beat laying next to big, tempting Makoto with his manliness and Haru’s new homo issues.

Soon though, Haru’s few moments of peace were interrupted as he near leapt out of his seat at the small hand that was suddenly pressed against his thigh.

Ren looked up at him with his sleepy eyes, even more droopy and disheveled looking since he had been sleeping- one hand raised to weakly rub at one eye. It was like he was looking at a small Makoto- but, skinnier, and a little different. “Haru,” Ren mumbled softly.

“Hey, you should be in bed, shouldn’t you?” Haru mumbled- leaning over to pet the small boy’s hair.

“I woke up and you weren’t there. Come lay back down with us, Haru-chan,” The twins had picked up ‘Haru-chan’ from their older brother as fast as he had picked it up from Nagisa. Haru didn’t mind it from them, it was cute coming from them. Ren sounded whiny and tired, and his voice was kind of deep for such a young child. “Did Santa come yet?”

Haru smiled- Santa, that legend he had outgrown but the word still held promise to it, “Mhm. I think so.”

Ren gasped as dramatically as a half-asleep four year old could, “Did you see him?”

“No,” Haru said, and Ren looked utterly disappointed, maybe children were Haru’s thing... He couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath, “But I saw a little red light in the sky.”

Ren gasped- his hands slapping over his cheeks- “You saw Rudolph, Haru-chan!”

“Shh,” Haru put a finger over his lips, Ren doing the same, “It’s our secret, just for me and you, alright? I don’t want Makoto getting worked up about it too!”

Ren nodded in excitement- and Haru realized these two kids brought something out of Haru that he hadn’t felt in a while. It was a nice feeling.

“Alright, let’s go, back to bed.”

“Okay, Haru-chan.”

Haru led the young child through the darkness, Ren holding onto his shirt as he did- walking back into the livingroom to find that slightly illuminated outline of the blow-up mattress, and the form of Makoto’s body underneath the blankets.

Haru couldn’t help but notice- with the aid of the white Christmas tree lights, that Makoto’s arm was still outstretched and open from where Ren used to sleep.

Haru knew he shouldn’t. But it was just too tempting.

He didn’t have a crush on Makoto- he just missed cuddling with the guy more than anything. Haru’s stress relief was right there.

Haru carefully lifted Ren into his arms, the small boy just enough for Haru to lift, before settling down right next to Makoto, putting his head on Makoto’s arm as Ren pressed his head to Haru’s chest- wedging himself between the two older males.

There. That’s why Haru was restless. He already felt sleepy just laying here, cuddling close next to Makoto’s warmth.

Makoto let out a light moan, but, besides that he did not stir. Ran let out her own wheezy breath and cuddled into Makoto’s armpit some more.

“Good night, Haru-chan,” Ren murmured, and Haru smiled.

“Mh. Good night.”

/**/

Ren and Ran were busy playing with their new toys- they had opened their presents first, with wide eyes and big smiles, and apparently Makoto’s mom had, thankfully, bought the twin’s a present that was labeled ‘From Makoto’, so the kids, and Makoto didn’t feel as bad. But, finally that Christmas excitement returned when he had four boxes on his lap, all wrapped in blue paper (Since, Makoto normally just used whatever wrapping paper his dad wrapped his presents in), two from Makoto, and two from his dad. As normal.

Haru liked to consider himself mature- but, when he tore through wrapping paper as fast as possible on Christmas day with an almost evil smile plastered on his face it was easy to remember that Haru was still pretty young. He could only imagine what it was like at the Hazuki household...

Haru calmed once he saw what Makoto had gotten for him, but, was happy nonetheless. Swimming goggles- the blue kind, from that expensive brand Haru always wanted to get his swim stuff from that company but it was too much, and Haru could feel his heart swell with appreciation. “Oh, Makoto..” Haru mumbled, shaking his head softly as he freed the present from the wrapping paper, looking to the side to see Makoto beaming at him.

“Do ya like it, Haru?” Makoto than paused, and frowned, “Well, I just realized you won’t be able to swim until summer, but..”

Haru than felt guilt swirl in his chest. Makoto hardly had any money. Makoto probably spent money that he worked really hard to get by shovelling people’s driveways on thirty-dollar goggles Haru didn’t even need. Because Haru didn’t swim competitively. He could buy ten dollar ones and call it a day.  He.. Didn’t need these. And he felt beyond guilty.

“I know you’ve been wanting to go pro and stuff, so, maybe these could start out? I know you only have cheap goggles, so, maybe these could be the start to something, ya know?” Makoto beamed at him- and Haru realized Makoto had more faith in Haru than Haru had in himself. And that was a huge feat on it’s own.

Haru wanted to tell him to return them- get his money back. But he couldn’t. Makoto just looked so.. Happy.

Haru smiled- a smile he meant, but he didn’t feel it was right, “Thank you, Makoto.”

“Alright, open the next one, open the next one!” Haru’s stomach dropped- right, Makoto had bought him another present. Damnit. The goggles were enough, why did Makoto spoil him to the point where it just made him feel bad?

Haru set the goggles to the side, tearing through the next present after spearing the cute little tag Makoto had stuck on it that read; “From Makoto!” With a poorly drawn snowman on it that looked like a preschooler drew it, but it was cute because it was from Makoto- and, he near obliterated the wrapping paper- but, without as much vigor as before.

A cookbook. Haru didn’t feel bad about this present, he could get good use out of this..!

“Ta~da!” Makoto exclaimed, a happy chuckle leaving his throat, “I looked everywhere for one that had a fish section in it, this one even has a few mackerel dishes I think! Also, theres a um, a few chocolate things in there too-” Makoto winked at Haru, and Haru couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Everyone knew Makoto was a chocoholic.

Makoto’s green eyes glittered with question and hope- and Haru patted him on the head, a smile crossing his lips, “Thank you. I love them.”

Makoto pulled away in a fit of giggles- rubbing his reddening cheeks. “Your turn,” Haru insisted, poking his friend’s tummy.

Makoto’s smile doubled, tearing open one of the two presents Haru had gotten him- the three books about flowers and what not that were wrapped together, and than the sketchbook with the pencils- and Haru was excited to see what flowers Makoto would fill that thing up with, but soon Haru was trapped in the biggest bearhug he had ever received.

“Thank you, Haruu-!” Makoto howled, rocking their bodies, “You’re the best! I love them sososo much!” Haru patted Makoto’s back as best he could with the vice-grip from Makoto. Makoto’s muscle mass had increased from all the shoveling he had been doing around the neighborhood, not to mention Makoto still pushed himself a little too far in gym. Still, Haru had a feeling he was exercising in secret in his house or something.

Soon enough they all parted for breakfast, sitting at the diningroom table with Christmas songs playing. Haru couldn’t help but whistle while he baked turkey and sliced potatoes- Makoto having to assist him with mashing the potatoes as Haru wasn’t strong enough, but in the end, it was the best breakfast Haru had in a while. Not because his food was fantastic- Haru already knew that, but it was the company. Makoto’s attitude seemed fresh and clean, the twin’s a refreshing spin to their quiet lives, Haru’s father happy to be entertaining guests for once- and Makoto’s parents just seemed happy to be there.

But there was something off about Makoto’s mother. Haru knew now the frustration he felt towards her wsn’t just because he himself did not have a mom, yet, he had no clue.

But after breakfast he realized it. When Makoto’s family left so they wouldn’t be spotted by Makoto’s father next door when he got home from work- when Makoto and the twins started crying because they’d miss each other, when Makoto’s mom made it seem like she couldn’t get out fast enough.

She had left Makoto. Left him with the bad man next door out of her own selfish fears. Started her own family. Forgot about Makoto, forgot that he was suffering.

And Haru could never forgive anyone for hurting Makoto like that.

/**/

Makoto had been in a weird funk since his mom had left. He missed her- it was clear to see, so Haru just comforted Makoto the best he could and watched him draw in his new sketchbook, making sure to compliment every single drawing. They’d lay in bed together in talk, or, watch TV, as now that Christmas ended a day ago there wasn’t many fun things left to do. Just winter. Boring, cold winter.

Haru’s dad left for work every day, leaving the boy’s alone for Christmas break- and, Rin came over the day after to visit, marveling over how cool Haru’s new goggles were, and Haru had made them all a pleasant lunch.

But, the day after that- which was two days after Christmas, Haru was strewn over Makoto’s stomach, the two boy’s in an ‘X’ position as Haru checked his new flip phone- AKA, the cool new thing to have, that he got for Christmas. Makoto got one as well from Haru’s dad.

His phone buzzed- which made Makoto jump from under him, but the boy simply shook it off and went back to drawing.

_“Haaii Haru :3 !”_

Haru huffed. Nagisa’s text talk was the most annoying thing ever to witness. _‘Hey’_ \- Haru typed back.

_‘How wuz ur xmas?’_

_‘Good. Yours?’_

_‘It was awesome-sauce! Rei-chan got me new skirtz!’_

_‘Cool, what color’_

_‘Yellow and orange, they r so awesome! What did Makoto get u?’_

Haru paused as Makoto quietly asked who it was he was texting- and Haru told him it was Nagisa, makoto chuckled, shaking his head. He too knew of the hell that was Nagisa’s text talk.

Haru typed back quickly- _‘Some cookbooks and new goggles.’_

_‘Oo! Rin told me about those. hes jelly xD’_

Haru paused. “Makoto.”

“Hm?” Makoto looked up from his sketchbook.

“What does jelly mean?”

Makoto blinked- his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “I um.. I’m pretty sure it’s something you put on bread-”

“No, no,” Haru batted the air, “This is what Nagisa just sent me; ‘Rin told me about your goggles. hes jelly.’”

Makoto let out an amused snort- knowing _exactly_ what he was going to say before he said it, “That makes sense- I mean, Rin is something you put on bread.”

Makoto laughed- and Haru smiled- “Smartass.” Haru cursed- slapping Makoto’s tummy.

 _‘Yeah. Haha. So, why did you text me?’_ Haru sent, it took Nagisa a moment to reply.

_‘Im having a xmas party tomorow! It’s gonna be amazeballs! We’re gonna exchange gifts, and sleep over, and partaay xD!!’_

_‘oh, sounds cool. I’ll tell Makoto.’_

Haru looked up from his phone- “Hey Makoto, wanna go to Nagisa’s Christmas party?”

“Sure.” Makoto didn’t look up from his paper, he was so focused. Haru shrugged.

_‘He says yes. We’ll be there.’_

_‘yus! awesome xDD! See u guys there!’_

Haru sighed, present exchange, huh... he’d have to go out and buy everyone presents.. Again.

Haru closed his phone, looking over to Makoto- “If Rin is jelly I wonder what flavor he is.”

Makoto chuckled, eyes flitting to look at Haru, “Definitely a mix of sweat and teen angst.”

“Ah, that sounds accurate.” Haru agreed.

**  
**  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bee boop!
> 
> From this chapter on I suspect chapters will start to get longer. Makoto's life will be a lot of the focus in this- but closer to the end as Haru grows I'll focus a lot more on his side of the story, as right now Haru doesn't have very strong feelings for much at all yet. But, from here forth I'll warn you- There will be mentions of rape- (I won't write it- I'd never write it, but it will be a prominent part of the storyline later on w/ one of the main characters), death, and abuse (A lot more then I've already written). I swear this fic won't be super sad, but, its going to have a lot of upsetting themes that some of you may be uncomfortable with! Also, as the tags say, Rin is ace, so i'll be writing with that later on.  
> I feel bad because these few chapters have been Makoto-haru centric, next chapter will be full of Makoharu goodness while at the same time the spectacular Rin and Reigisa snippits will be involved!  
> man i miss christmas ..  
> ANyHOw THaNKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT! I lOVE YOU gUYS <3  
> do you know how painful it was for me to write the nagisa-texting scene? Do you?
> 
> another note;// since chaps are getting longer they won't be coming out as fast. I'm also thinking of starting another fic (slay me), but I swear i won't lose my drive for this one. I absolutely adore writing this story!
> 
> ha one more thing  
> how was that ova u guys  
> fucking  
> rinrei  
> and  
> y a ndere so n Ma kos  
> i fu cki ng lo st i t


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop there it is. another chap with a cute beginning and a awful end i'm a great person  
> more so a chapter focused around the other's- since they are big parts in this story too! Rin will become increasingly more important in the following chapters as well as Soubutt ! 
> 
> aNd yeah  
> OH P S ! Is any one of the followers on this shitload going to Anime Boston this year? I'm going as Makoto and my buddy is gonna be Haru- it'd be pretty cool if anyone else is going!

  ****

Haru listened to Nagisa’s awful screaming and sucked up the need to groan and whine. Instead, he focused on Makoto’s warm back pressed against his own, and, the DSI in his hands. Rin’s pokemon team was strong- but Haru had raised his pokemon to be the very best, and anyways, Rin didn’t know how to strategize.

Rin’s tongue was clamped between his sharpened teeth- Rin’s adult teeth had grown in weird. Not crooked, but, his pre-molars on both his upper jaw and bottom were all sharpened to a point, including his canines. It was awfully weird, but Rin said they were great- ‘The better to bite you with’. Haru had gotten used to them mighty quick. His eyes were focused- jaw tensed in concentration as his stylus hovered above the screen. Deciding what move to pick so he could somehow take out Haru’s precious Vaporeon with his dumb Feraligatr.

Makoto’s large back provided the best pillow, and Haru leaned against him, Haru’s head resting on the soft, almost squishy flesh between Makoto’s big, muscular shoulder blades. Makoto was probably on his phone or something.

Nagisa and Rei on the other hand were being much too loud- Haru was sure Rei didn’t mean it, but he was. It had been a while since he had seen Rei, according to Nagisa, Rei has visited some family on the main island and had just gotten back today. It was one of the reasons why they were throwing the party. Nagisa acted like it was really christmas. He felt bad because he missed out Christmas with Rei.

Rei and Nagisa were close. A little too close. It was too the point that Makoto- who, was assumably forcibly homophobic (Though with Makoto’s nice nature he’d never say anything. It wasnt his fault anyways, it was his father’s) showed discomfort whenever the two got close. It was nothing like Makoto and Haru’s touches- the most Haru would do now was sit on the small of Makoto’s back if he was laying down on his tummy, or if Makoto was on his back Haru would lay his head on his tummy, but Rei and Nagisa- without a doubt, had somewhat of a fling. Sometimes, when Haru sat out on his front porch with Makoto, he’d watch Rei and Nagisa sit on Nagisa’s own porch, and Rei would look away just too wrap his arm around Nagisa’s shoulders and pull him closer. Or, whenever Haru slept over Nagisa’s house and Rei was there, Rei would hold Nagisa close as they slept, and even call Nagisa pretty. It was honestly cute to Haru, they were almost like soulmates..

Rei laid on the floor on his stomach,  the boy’s square glasses resting somewhere else as Nagisa laid next to him- busy playing some legend of zelda game on Nagisa’s gamecube- the one he got for Christmas. Nagisa was the only one playing but Rei was a bossy video game player and was yelling demands on how to beat the enemies.

Nagisa had’nt changed much through puberty, his voice smoothened but didn’t get much deeper- and, he got a little taller, hair a little thicker. But, Nagisa didn’t seem to mind.

“Hit it, Nagisa!”

“With what, Rei-chan!?”

“With the sword! The swoord! Hit it, Nagisa-kun!”

“I’m trying! Arrughh!”

Eventually Nagisa- or, well, Link died, and Rei took the remote from Nagisa. “I will beat this level for you, Nagisa-kun!”

Nagisa didn’t seem to mind, he just giggled, rolling closer to Rei in a child-like way and nudging himself under Rei’s arm.

Haru watched Rei’s face flush, but, ultimately he smiled, tightening his hold on the blonde boy.

Christmas music combined with the tunes of Zelda and pokemon, and Haru knew all of his friends were huge video game nerds. Except Makoto- Makoto seemingly grew out of Pokemon, the only video game he enjoyed now was Pikmin, which he borrowed Rei’s copy from time to time.

“Ah, Come on, come on,” Rin whispered under his breath, slamming his thumb over the ‘a’ button. Haru deadpanned- watching as his Vaporeon finished off Rin’s Feraligatr with an ice beam, and Rin writhed in defeat. “Oh, Come on! Haru, you’re too good at this!” Rin hissed- but, in a playful, whiny matter. The same way he used too when he was small.

“He’s been training all week,” Makoto remarked with a chuckle- looking over his shoulder.

Haru stuck his tongue out at Rin. Rin pouted.

Rin slapped shut his game system- “I’m done.”

“Wo-ah” Haru cooed, raising his hands in mock-attitude, “Drama-bomb.”

Rin snickered, simply because whenever Haru talked like that it was just too damn funny, because Haru’s deadpan never left even when he was trying to mock something. It actually seemed like he was serious, but Rin knew he wasn’t.

Rin and Haru both closed their systems to set them on Nagisa’s diningroom table- Rin, Haru, and Makoto all jumping when Rei screeched in agony that he had actually gotten the ‘game over’ screen for once in his life while Nagisa just guffawed like a madman.

“In all the games we play I never win,” Rin mumbled with a small sigh- his angsty, hormonal self kicking in. He tried to say it under his breath so it sounded like he didn’t want Haru to hear, but Haru knew Rin wanted him to. What an ass. But, a good ass. Rin was the good ass of the world. Haru liked him.

“Well,” Haru began, “First of all, they aren’t real games.”

“Yeah, but still!”

“Don’t try to argue.”

“Like you always win, I think I’m good, and then you just-”

Haru honestly got a little angry at that. He didn’t get mad at Rin much anymore, he just ignored Rin’s annoying tendencies and he knew that Rin was a great person with a surprisingly big heart, but that just flat out made him mad. Haru didn’t even get mad very often at anyone, especially not one of his closest friends.

“You can do anything you want, I don’t get why you need to get so mad over these things.”

“What do you mean?”

Haru could feel his skin start to prickle with irritation, “I have pokemon and board games- you have competitive swimming, soccer, basketball-”  With that- Rin started to see what he meant, his eyes softened, red eyes flickering to look towards the ground, swallowing softly and looking awfully pathetic.

“Oh you two,” Haru heard Makoto sigh, his back shifting out from under Haru’s head, only for Makoto to wedge his clumsy frame between Rin and Haru, “Just hug it out,” Makoto’s arm felt like a snake (A very muscular snake at that) when it wrapped around his waist, both pulling him and Rin closer in a surprisingly gentle and smooth manner, just proving how strong he was, Haru and Rin both struggling against his arms so Makoto couldn’t press them together- but, the two of them knew struggling against Makoto was futile.

Once Makoto did press them together- Haru let out a low moan, Makoto just chuckling his airy little asshole-laugh, and Rin just stayed silent.

But, to Haru’s shock- he felt Rin’s arms wrapping slowly around his stomach, Rin moving closer just to put his head on Haru’s shoulder, a deep exhale leaving his lips. The joke-hug, apparently, Rin had taken seriously. Haru could feel himself heating up from the rare contact with another male, and Rin was shy and cautious with all his movements, his medium- length hair tickling Haru’s neck.

“Ah, there we go, was that so bad you two?” Makoto chuckled, patting both Haru and Rin’s backs with his big hands, and even as Makoto did not hold them together Rin still stayed close, his fingers rubbing at Haru’s shoulders. Haru honestly felt like it was sensual, in some way.

“Sorry,” Rin mumbled- and Haru realized why Rin was hugging him in the first place. He was sorry for whining.. “I shouldn't have said that. I just forget you’re sick sometimes.”

“Mh,” Haru wrapped his arms around Rin’s chest, hugging the other male close- giving Rin a soft squeeze to show him it was alright, “It’s okay.”

Rin eventually pulled back, a small smile bestowing his lips - “Yeah.” Rin puffed- “It’s okay.”

“Mhm.” Haru awkwardly responded- and instead of leaning against Makoto, he turned towards the backing of the couch they sat on, leaning his back on that and awkwardly spreading his legs out a little too much. Neither Rin or Makoto seemed to mind, and Rei and Nagisa were much too involved with the TV right now.

“You can do it, Rei-chan! I beileve in you!” Nagisa cried, making Rei flinch with how close the two were.

“I’m trying-” Rei’s voice was hesitant and tight with determination, they were trying to beat some boss or something and Haruka was honestly amazed by Rei’s video gaming skills. Haru was good at Pokemon, but Rei was crazy good at Zelda.

Pfft. What a nerd.

“Come on Link, you can do it!” Nagisa jokingly cheered to the in-game character.

“Wow Rei, you’re really good at games,” Rin mused quietly.

“Yeah, wowee,” Makoto mumbled- Makoto was never good at battling games like Zelda, as the only thing that had slower reflexes than Makoto was a doorknob.

“Thank you, Rin-san, Makoto-san!” Rei had recently stopped the whole ‘senpai’ thing, but, he still used heavy honorifics for everyone. Which Haru didn’t mind, Rei was a boy who liked to keep a sort of properness to his name. Though, it was hard to see Rei as ‘proper’ when he was screeching from a video game.

“Almost-” Rei grunted, everyone falling silent for nerd-respect, “Almoost-” Rei repeated, until he hit the boss, it’s digital body flashing red, and falling to the ground. “Ah!” Rei cried- everyone unsure if he had actually beat it or not.

But a cutscene started playing, and so, commenced Rei and Nagisa’s screeches of happiness, “Ah!” The two boys looked at each other, and Rei’s arms shot up in the air- “Ahh!”

Rin started to clap like the asshole he was, Makoto chuckled, and Haru of course just watched. “Woo,” Rin cheered quietly- the three amused males watching Rei and Nagisa flop excitedly around the floor, happy to beat that level apparently, but sometimes Haru thought it was some weird unknown force that made those two happy.

Haru had gotten Nagisa new kneesocks- and, Makoto got him some cheap pink legwarmers or something because Makoto didn’t have much money. For Rin and Rei- Haru agreed he’d that they could pretend the present was from the both of them. Haru bought Rin some legskins (with the help of his dad, swimwear was expensive) with a shark on them because the fish reminded Haru of Rin, and they got Rei some shirt that was basically the mock nerd outfit that Nagisa had a good laugh at.

Mrs. Hazuki made cookies and poured eggnog for all of them- and, in all honesty, Haru went to ask Mrs Hazuki on multiple occasions if she needed help with cooking anything. She never did say yes and it stressed Haru out that he wasn’t the one cooking.

But, it was fun. All accept being surrounded by more boys- two of which were turning into incredibly handsome young men. Damn Rin and Makoto. Rei was very attractive- too , like when he was small he seemed like an adult and that still stood, and was easily the most handsome out of the bunch but he wasn’t Haru’s type. Haru couldn’t beileve that he even had a type. Rei was skinny, and bony. And though Rin wasn’t broad shouldered or ample as Makoto’s body was but he certainly wasn’t bony. And Nagisa, Nagisa was cute. Haru related with Nagisa and therefore did not find him attractive. Nagisa felt different. But, Nagisa flourished in his girly nature and small frame, whilst Haru hated his. Haru hated feeling like sweatshirts were swallowing him whole- he hated it when Makoto or Rin’s hand would brush his and he knew his hand would fit right in their palm, but, Nagisa loved it. He lived for that kind of thing.

At night after all of them had tired themselves out with all the talking- all except Haruka, of course, they all curled up on the blowup mattress together. Rin pushed himself into a corner- Makoto spread out his limbs and laid on his back, and Haru tried to make himself as small as possible as he was basically almost pressed against Rei’s back.

He of course had demanded Makoto move, but, Makoto had moved back in his sleep.

Makoto, who had been a peaceful sleeper about a week ago, was now restless. Haru would wake up on the floor sometimes as it became apparent Makoto had accidentally pushed him out in his sleep- or even worse Makoto’s limbs would end up on Haru or his hands in his mouth. And Makoto tasted of either salty sweat- which was gross, or of musk, if musk had a taste. Because that’s what he tasted like and it was so goddamn alluring it hurt.

Everyone was asleep, Haru just staring openly into the ceiling, remembering the time on halloween where Makoto got scared of a ghost and clung to him...  Good times. When Makoto still depended on him like that. But now Makoto as all big- small, airy moans leaving his lips that somewhat resembled a half snore. The airy little breaths were cute at first but after a while they started to get annoying- and Haru fastened his fingers around Makoto’s jaw and snapped his mouth shut. He moaned- turning to his side, big back that was more like a mountain turning to face Haru. At least he had gone quiet...

He heard Rin laugh.

So. Rin was awake too.

Haru scoffed, hearing Rin sigh- though he expected Rin to holler for him and try to start a whisper-conversation, he didn’t. Silence followed. Haru yawned- just staring up at the familiar, white ceiling that he always stared at whilst at Nagisa’s. He waited. He always did. Haru had trouble sleeping a lot during the night- during the day, all he wanted to do was nap... It wasn’t like he was stressed out. He just couldn’t sleep. If Haru was stressed out he’d be asleep.

“Psst, Rei-chan-”

Haru almost jumped with the voice. Nagisa’s quiet little coo startled him, and apparently, Rei nor Nagisa knew he was awake.

“Mm, Nagisa-kun,” Rei moaned in reply, his voice light and half asleep. Rei was a light sleeper for the most part, not that he studied Rei’s sleep patterns. Haru watched as Nagisa’s fingers curled around Rei’s shoulders, the blonde appearing to shake Rei, and Rei let out another few low moans of discomfort. “Mh, Wha..?”

Haru froze, closing his eyes- Nagisa clearly thought everyone was asleep. Rin was just awake a few minutes ago, was he hearing this too? Well, Makoto sure as hell wasn’t, that was for sure. Whatever Nagisa was up to he probably only wanted to share it with Rei and Haru was stuck in an awkward place of feeling he had done something wrong by being awake. “Do you wanna go sleep in my bed?” Nagisa asked Rei- and though Haru couldn’t seem much beyond Rei’s back, he notice the slight shift around Rei’s neck as  Nagisa wrapped his arms around the other male’s neck.

Oh. O-O-oh...!

Haru’s mind started to race. Of course, he knew that Nagisa just wanted to cuddle with Rei somewhere more private- but, Haru’s mind still managed to come up with weird situations. What if Nagisa and Rei were dating? Well, that wouldn’t be a surprise, but... What if they were gonna make out? Haru had seen some of the boys at school with their girlfriends getting into it. Weren’t they too young for that? Haru never thought his friend’s would be like that. But hell, Haru didn’t know if they were even gonna. They probably weren’t but yet Haru thought of it.

Slowly Rei got up and the two of them quietly padded to Nagisa’s room- fleeing from Haru’s sight when they turned the hallway.

Haru sighed, but Rin was the first to react.

Rin shot up, sitting upward as he looked at Haru over Makoto’s form- “You heard that, right?”

“Mhm.” Haru huffed, reaching over to pat Makoto’s chest gently, the large boy’s breath hitching, “Makoto’s out cold though.”

“He always is,” Rin huffed- “Let’s follow ‘em!”

“Rin.”

“Haaru-!” Rin put out his best pout face which, wasn’t much, as Rin lacked Makoto’s puppy eyes and getting used to Makoto’s pouts made everyone else’s pout seem pathetic in comparison, but Haru didn’t need much coaxing. The two males soon got up, Rin moving quickly and quietly to Nagisa’s room as Haru slowly followed- honestly a little hesitant.

Haru and Rin stopped by Nagisa’s bedroom- the door slightly ajar and the lights off in there, just enough so Rin and Haru could push their heads into the crack.

“I feel like we shou- Mphf!”

“Shut up!” Rin scolded softly, slapping a hand over Haruka’s mouth. Haru grunted in frustration immediately.

They sat on the edge of Nagisa’s bed, Rei groggily rubbing his eyes- the man looked like he was half asleep, and Rei’s face honestly looked like he was missing something without his red-rimmed glasses on.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei murmured lowly, his voice heavy from sleep, “Where did I put my glasses?”

“You don’t need your glasses, silly,” Nagisa huffed before walking into view, sitting next to Rei on the end of the bed, “We’re going right back to sleep.”

“But I wanna see you,” Rei whined, and Nagisa simply giggled. “You’re rather blurry at the moment.”

“You’re so blind, Rei-chan,” Nagisa giggled, touching Rei’s temple, Rei simply smiling and letting out a chuckle.

“Well, no, I am not blind. I have the condition hyperopia, and it’s highly common-”

“Blah blah, blah,” Nagisa chimed in, Rei letting out a small amused snort for a reply.

Nagisa settled on Rei’s lap- and Haru jumped as he felt Rin’s grip on his arm tightening, the two boy’s feeling like they should lean in to see what the hell would happen next.

Nagisa’s hands slid up on Rei’s cheeks, touching the hollows of the other boy’s face- Rei’s arms pulling up around his back to pull him closer- Haru and Rin’s eyes both getting wider and wider and Rin was starting to lean forward.

Rin wasn’t the only one leaning foreward.

Nagisa pressed his lip’s into Rei’s- and Rei treated it like it was no big deal. The boys pulled back and laughed, Nagisa putting his head into Rei’s shoulder- letting Rei hold him. Honestly, it kind of seemed right.

“When are we gonna tell the others?” Nagisa whispered, Haru biting back a awkward little smile as Rei kissed Nagisa’s wavy hair- and, though Rei and Nagisa were only tweleve- maybe, this was right. They both seemed so innocent about the whole thing- like, they were born to date or something. It wasn’t all that shocking.

“We could tell them right now, Nagisa-kun,” Rei said, his fingers running through the thick part of Nagisa’s hair. As a small boy Nagisa had very fine, thin hair, but now it was thick. Like a ocean of bouncy curls.

“But, Mako-chan might be uncomfortable..”

“Yeah...” Rei sighed- Nagisa picking his head up only to be met with a kiss to his nose- “That’s alright, though. He’s such a sweet guy, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Haru and Rin?” Nagisa asked.

“They love us, Nagisa-kun, I’m sure they’ll support us.”

Nagisa chuckled, nodding his head with the little girlish laughs.

Rin and Haru exchanged glances- both of them looking awkwardly touched by the scene infront of them.

“Nh, Haru? Rin?”

Haru almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the sleepy- and awfully loud voice behind them, and Rin reacted instead by grabbing Makoto and slamming a hand over his mouth. The sleepy boy hardly responded- Makoto was normally very slow, but right now he was especially slow, also considering he was half asleep. “Shh!” Rin hissed roughly, Makoto simply blinked in confusion.

“Hey-” Haru snapped his head back to look at Nagisa’s room- Nagisa looking around in confusion- “Did you just hear Mako-chan?”

Rei pursed his lips- “yeah?” Rei mumbled, Nagisa hopping off his lap-

Haru was jerked backwards by Rin’s hand- his arm near coming out of the socket as Rin hurriedly pushed Makoto foreward and pulled Haru, and once at the mattress Rin jumped up to kick the half-awake Makoto in the middle of the back, sending the large boy into the mattress with a quiet ‘oomf!’, Rin tumbling down as well and dragging Haru with him. All in one swift maneuver- Rin pulled the blanket over the three of them.

Haru and Rin grasped onto each other in fear as they heard someone's footsteps come from the hallway they were just in- and the voice- “Huh, I guess not. Just all in our imaginations- Rei-chan!”

Than, silence.

Rin pushed the blanket off the three of them, all of them sitting up. Rin huffed- “That was a close one!” Rin sighed- whiping his forehead.

“Ow-Owowow-” The murmurs from Makoto soon came into attention, Makoto rubbing the small of his back- the space Rin kicked, whilst wearing a sleepy pout- “Why’dya have to do that, Rin?” Makoto moaned.

Haru and Rin simply turned to each other and laughed.

/**/

It took so much convincing. More convincing than Haru could speak for. But, he had managed. On gym sign up day- he took the permission slip from his father that behind it held all the begging and whining Haru had the capacity for- handing it to gym teacher whilst proudly puffing out his chest while standing in the line for swimming signups. The gym teacher gave him a off glance, but you can’t argue with papers.

Rin was excited- but, when Haru walked to the indoor swimming pool the school had with the other boys and girls that had signed up for swimming- he looked back at Makoto.

Makoto was looking for him. It was obvious, the brunette was a little worried as he looked over the heads of a sea of kids who were all shorter than him. It was the first time they had split up on purpose. When Makoto saw Haru- he looked at him with a ‘why didn't you tell me?’ kind of face, and Haru suddenly regretted his decision.

Makoto had signed up for football.

But, Haru didn’t think about it for long once Rin was at his side- yelling nonsense about this being a new beginning for Haru- for the two of them, that they could race now. Like real swimmers.

Haru gripped at his goggles- the ones that Makoto had given him. Happy to actually be using them- Makoto would be proud. Makoto... Augh, Haru couldn’t beileve he just left him like that, though... Ah well, Makoto would be fine on his own. Haru shouldn’t be restricted about worrying about him so much. Haruka was fine without him- so Makoto should be too.

The first day of swim class was mostly getting lockers situated and stuff- but, by the second day, he was happily swimming about with Rin. He had never felt better- a full sized pool..! It felt so free- so, wonderful. The water against his skin, being able to twist and turn about in the water, watching Rin shoot past him and swim around with him- he had been waiting for this for a while. He finally felt like he amounted to Rin on something. Not to mention- swimming! He loved swimming into the deep end and watched the bottom of the pool go nonexistent, he felt so free here.

The third day, Haru got changed so fast him and Rin were the first ones out.

“Why don’t we race, Haru?” Rin suggested with a happy smile- “Before everyone is here. Just you and me?” Rin took Haru’s shoulders- glancing back at the door to the boy’s locker room.

“Rin, we aren’t supposed to sw-”

“Haru! Don’t be boring!” Rin groaned with a sheepish tease- “It’ll be fun, nothing will happen!” Haru looked towards his feet , then back at the pool, then back at Rin.

“I don’t swim for sport,” Haru said- “I swim because I’m free.”

“Ah! If you free, than you wouldn’t care what the teacher thinks!”

Haru blinked.

In no time, the two boys were on the launchers- Rin bending down into a crouch position- shooting Haru a smile. Rin knew what to do because he was taught expertly, but it was in Haruka’s blood. He knew how to swim- he knew how to treat the water, ever since he was born. Because water was not the poison air that encaged Haruka.

Haru took a puff of his inhaler for good measure before putting it to the ground- fitting his goggles over his face as Rin snapped his back- just like his father used to. Haru took a deep breath, that competitive spirit he got with Rin starting to make his heart race, just enough to make his breath increase slightly. He was something- he felt equal to Rin for once.

“One,” Rin said- focusing his eyes on the pool.

“Two,” Haru mumbled-

“Three!”

The two boys leapt, Haru going as hard as he possibly could, his legs like springs coming out of place. Right as he dived into the water- he felt some sort of rush, something that made him want to gasp but he knew he couldn’t. Adrenalin filled him- the rush of water against his skin, feeling equal- feeling free from his disease, it felt all too good.

The pool was a long one- as, this public middle school had a huge fund for some reason. He surfaced- hearing Rin’s splashing next to him. Next to him! Rin wasn’t ahead! He was right next to Haru- neck and neck-! Haru’s eyes narrowed, and he kicked himself forward, the water hugging him like it was welcoming him home.

Rin’s splashing grew more and more distance- Haru had never felt better.  Haru turned his head to the side for a breath before going under again, but- it hurt.

Haru paused- oh c’mon, not now! No way this was going to stop him now!

Haru let out a grunt, kicking himself forward as fast as he possibly could with a loud grunt- Rin was catching up with him, his panting- his splashing, it all became quickly apparent. The light at the end of the pool was closing quickly- the water flooding with darkness, the depth of reality.

Haru realised the next time he needed to turn his head for air- it burned, like swallowing a fire. It came down in the form of poison.

Reaching out towards the end of the pool- it seemed farther away, the little light in Haru’s head disappearing as blots of darkness covered his vision.

Rin slammed his hands against the cement wall of the pool- “I won!” He cried, with a laugh- his long hair dripping with water and almost feeling like it was weighing him down, “Whew! That was a great race- Haru?”

Rin’s chest immediately tightened. Shit.

His veins turned to ice- he felt like a damn ice cube in a glass of water, diving down quickly back into the water- going under the ropes that separated the lanes, shooting through the water with the thought that- His best friend was dead. Haruka had an asthma attack under the water, and he was dead now, and it was all his fault-!

This recurring nightmare. It always happened. It was like fighting the waves of the sea- crying out for his hero- the police pulling up to their front door, ‘dad isn’t coming home.’

He wasn’t letting that happen to Haru.

Fishing Haru’s limp body from the pool was harder than Rin thought- he felt cold, and Rin was seized by terror realizing he might be holding a corpse. But he continued, dragging Haru out of the water- his body providing with a lag, and all Rin wanted to do was get him out. Dragging Haru through the pool was hard enough but getting him out was worse- he was heavier than he looked, and Rin was only a little bit taller. Makoto made this look easy-!

Rin was a little rough, but he near threw Haru over the corner of the pool, the boy moaning in pain. Rin was actually happy to hear his friend’s yelp of pain, it meant Haru was alive. And alive enough to feel pain.

Rin settled on top of him- watching Haruka’s eyes flicker with blue before closing again- “Haru?” Rin yelled- waiting a response. But the smaller boy went limp. “Haru!” Rin slapped him. Hard. Haru’s head snapped to the side, the boy’s face scrunching up in discomfort, but nothing more.

Rin’s lips started to quiver- wheres the teacher? Where’s someone! The redhead looked up from the dying body of his friend- looking at someone who was stuck in the door, frozen by fear. “Don’t just stand there!” Rin screeched- his voice riddled by oncoming sobs. The boy sprinted back into the locker room, hopefully to get the teacher, or the nurse, or someone that could possibly help them.

He knew Haru was hesitant, he shouldn’t have forced him-! This was all his fault..! “Haru! Get the hell up!” Rin lifted his shoulders, slamming the boy against the floor. But this time, Haru didn’t respond. Not one bit. “Haru!” Rin’s voice split right down the middle, and with hearing his own voice crack and break, Rin let himself cry. Terrified- the guilt that he probably killed his best friend- that he lost another to the water. Makoto would blame himself- Haru’s father would blame himself, but Rin knew it the end it was all his fault-! “Get up!” Rin screamed, his voice pathetic- he watched the whites of Haru’s eyes peek through his eyelids, but then close again behind his eyelashes. Rin’s hands shook- he tried to slap Haru again, but he was so scared it just came off as a pat to the face.

Rin pressed his head to Haru’s chest, clutching his shoulders until Rin’s knuckles turned white, tears freely running down his face-

“Don’t let me lose you too...!”  

/**/

As always, Haru woke up in the hospital bed, his dad by his side- holding his hand. The beeping machine he hadn’t missed jabbering on like an unwanted friend. Three days. He’d be here for five days. He had tried breathing in the water and now he needed to get the fluid removed from his lungs- or, he had gotten it removed already because his body felt exposed and sore. He was told Rin had to drag his limp- cold body from the pool, and he was going to be suspended for a few days for endangering another student. That Haru had been banned from taking swimming in any school, ever again.

He didn’t mean to cry when he woke up. But he did.

“I’m never going to swim, am I?” He had asked his dad- but he was only returned by silence, and Haru felt himself breaking down. He didn’t ask for this. He didn’t ask to be in a hospital bed for most of his life- stripped from the only thing he ever wanted to do.

When Haru woke up on the morning of the second day- his dad gone, he had probably went out to get breakfast or had gone home to sleep for the night. Haru had no clue how early it was- the windows were gone, just him- the beeping machine, and his own thoughts. He felt small, smaller than small- hopeless, nonexistent. A feeling of dread coiled around his stomach and would not let go.

Just as Haru thought he was going to curl up and cry again- he heard a knock on the door- looking up from his hands to see a nurse coming through the door with a large man behind her- having to duck his way in awkwardly to even make it in the miniscule hospital door.

“Makoto-” Haru mumbled, Makoto flashing him a kind smile. Makoto looked tired- but not his normal ‘sleepy’ look. His eyes were red- his hair was disheveled. It was than that Haru noticed the split lip- his smile deterring from the pain of performing the kind gesture. Something had happened whilst Haru was here.

The nurse left soon after- and Haru opened his arms, Makoto returning it- and soon they were both comfortably pressed against each other. Haru’s breaths soon became rugged, wheezing as he tried his hardest not to cry, but one of Makoto’s hands gave his back a quick squeeze to let him know it was okay.

Haru cried. He cried for a while. His arms wrapped tight around Makoto’s thick neck, Makoto trying to hold him as best as he could with Haru tied up to the bed by wires and things that helped him breath, trying to maneuver his awkward body so Haru’s cannula wouldn’t get knocked from his nose.

Haru realized this was the first time Makoto had seen him cry. That meant this was the first time he had cried since his mom died.

He didn’t like crying- it made his face feel all gross and his already sick body feel worse, but here, in Makoto’s arms, it felt alright. Makoto was his childhood friend- the one who mattered most to him, and here it was okay. Makoto was silent, just spending all of his energy holding him in a warm embrace, his thick breaths tickling the nape of Haruka’s neck as he cried. No ‘Its okay’s, or ‘You’re alright’s, because Makoto knew it wasn’t alright. He knew Haru was the opposite of okay.

As Haru’s sobs died down into a mess of hiccups- each hiccup paining his chest, Makoto went to pull away. But Haru only pulled him closer- pressing his nose to the soft space of Makoto’s neck- “No-” He whispered, his voice shattered and broken, “Don’t let go. Please.”

He heard Makoto sigh- but it was almost relieved.

“We’re a mess.” Makoto said with a sad little chuckle, giving Haru’s body a gentle squeeze. Haru laughed back, his laugh everything that a laugh shouldn’t be.

“We are.” Haru agreed- feeling Makoto’s fingers play with a strand of his hair. Haru’s hands slid down slightly, and Makoto’s breath hitched. Haru got the idea, keeping his hands around Makoto’s neck. “He hurt you last night.”

“Yeah.”

Haru took a broken breath, moving his hands down carefully again- Makoto’s breath hitching again as he went completely still.

“It’s alright,” Haru mumbled- his voice scratchy and soft- beginning to rub circles in Makoto’s bruises back, making the other male’s stiff body go to ease. “I won’t ever hurt you, Makoto.”

“I know,” Makoto’s voice cracked a little at that- and Haru felt Makoto bite his lip, his body quivering for a moment before going still with a deep sigh.  

Makoto pulled away a little- just so he could look at Haru’s face, Makoto’s frown twitching. Haru knew he looked terrible. “I hate seeing you like this,” Makoto whispered, the words barely touching his lips. Haru’s shaking- thin form, he looked like he hadn’t eaten in four days,  his skin pale and lips flushed. Deep circles under his eyes that contrasted with the white of his skin like a deadly painting- his eyes red with sickness and hair rustle, Haru didn’t look good like this.

Haru sighed, his eyes flickering away for a moment. He pulled a hand up from Makoto’s back, gently rubbing his thumb along Makoto’s split, fat lip. The other didn’t look too good either, the same circles under his eyes- eyes red from a night of crying or exhaustion- probably both, dried blood caught in small peices in his hairline. Makoto’s hair had started to fall out not to long ago- his thick hair that was never really short but not long either had been growing thin- even some of his eyelashes had started to fall. It didn’t even look like Makoto tried to cover it up.

“I hate seeing you like this-” Haru repeated, and Makoto’s eyes narrowed and he pressed his lips together.

They hugged again. For what felt like ages.

It was nice to hear a voice other than the beeping machine’s.

“They said I can’t bring flowers. I would’ve. I’ve got some really pretty hydrangeas growing in my room,” Makoto whispered, petting Haru’s hair- “They’re blue. You’d like them.”

“I would,” Haru mumbled- running his hand through Makoto’s hair- “I like your flowers.” When Haru pulled his hand back, he looked to see eleven olive-colored, wavy hairs caught in his fingers.

“I like my flowers too,” Makoto chuckled- his words dry and weak.

Haru thought over his next words, trying to chose them carefully. He wanted to ask Makoto what happened with his father -but he knew that wasn’t right. He knew what he really wanted to ask. “Wheres Rin?”

“Rin,” Makoto mumbled- “He, he uh, He’s scared. To visit. I guess he’s ashamed of himself.”

“Well he shouldn’t.”

“I know,” Makoto mumbled- “But he’s really upset. Said he doesn’t deserve to be your friend.”

“Well, he’s just being stupid.” Haru snorted, and Makoto chuckled, nodding softly.

“Yeah. Rin’s stupid.” Makoto’s fingers prodded at the cannula, gently feeling the tube- and Haru didn’t even flinch. Makoto honestly seemed puzzled by the device Haru was hooked up to- and by touching it, maybe Makoto was trying to figure it out. “But he’s really sorry.”

“He doesn’t have to be sorry. Tell him that. Please.” Haru knew Rin probably had a nervous meltdown fishing Haru out of the water, he knew just by the way Rin spoke of his dad. Actually, Haru hated to put Rin through that... Makoto nodded.

“I’ll try to drag him here tomorrow. We can all hang out.”

“...And the day, after that?”

“I’ll come as long as you’re here.”

“Good.”

“Oh!” Makoto pulled away suddenly, his eyes widening a little- even lighting up, like he had remembered something happy. “Almost forgot-!” Makoto smiled a little, pulling the brown messenger bag off his arm to fish through it, taking out a few sheets of folded paper.

“These are from Rei, Nagisa, Sosuke-” Makoto trailed off, blushing a little, “And me.”

“Sosuke?” Haru raised an eyebrow, taking the cards.

Makoto shrugged, “I don’t know. Guess he felt bad for ya. Sosuke’s a pretty nice guy, Haru.”

Haru snorted at that, shaking his head as he opened Rei and Nagisa’s card first- Nagisa had littered it with glitter and penguin stickers.

_Dear Haruka-san_

_With sincerest regards, Nagisa and I hope you feel better soon. Nagisa insisted I write the card since I have superierior handwriting, yet still, this is coming from the two of us. Nagisa wanted to decorate the card since he says the hospital is boring and wanted to give you something to look at. If Makoto-san is delivering this to you, Nagisa and I are busy at the moment with studying. If not, well, we’ll be standing next to you. We hope to see you as soon as possible._

_P.S. We’re dating now. Nagisa wanted to let you know. God, help me._

_Warmest regards, Ryugazaki Rei._

Underneath is messy, thick handwriting, read ‘ _And Nagisa ~ : >_ ‘ underneath Rei’s neat signature.

Than, was Sosuke’s card- which in all honesty Haru was a little hesitant.

_Dear Nanase_

_Eh. I hope you feel better. We haven’t talked in a while, but, I guess you deserve a card. You and Tachibana have been going through some shit latley._

_See you around_

_-Sosuke._

_PS, you’re still an asshole._

Haru scoffed, but ultimately, felt like thanking Sosuke for the card... He hadn’t seen the guy around in a while...

Haru picked up Makoto’s card- and, in return- Haru recieved a ‘wait!’ from Makoto.

“Hm?” Haru looked up, giving Makoto a confused look, before watching the boy laugh a little.

“Can ya wait until i’m gone to read that one?”

Haru snorted- but, nodded.

The two talked for what felt like ages. Makoto kept Haru close to him, and Haru eventually explained what the thing in his nose was- and Makoto listened like he was five again. There was even a pleasant silence they shared, Makoto sitting on the side of Haru’s bed- keeping a hand on his shoulder while the two just rested. Tired and quiet, they were both wrecks- wrecks who enjoyed each other's company.

When Makoto left, he had fallen asleep- strewn across Haru’s thighs. The nurses had to wake him up- and Haru needed to pinch his nose to get him to rouse.

And when Haru was alone, he read Makoto’s card. He felt like he needed it- it was like still talking to him, in a way.

__

_Dear Haru_

_You’re my best friend. You mean the world to me- and, I know this is awkward, but, i’ve never felt so equal to anyone before. Thing’s have gotten so different since we hit puberty, and I mean- i’m huge, but, my dad’s been expecting so much more out of me latley. You help me through it, Haru. Whenever I see you- I feel like you’re proud of me, and that i’m making someone happy. It really helps. Please don’t give up. I’m so proud of you for sticking through with this big mess and helping me. We’ll figure out something, I’m sure you’ll be able to swim. You can do this, I know you can. And even if you can’t, you’re still the most talented- beautiful person I’ve ever met._

_Keep your head up, Haru._

_From Makoto_

Alone, in the quickly darkening hospital room, Haru smiled.

**  
  
  
**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in the end, it was a makoharu chap anyways  
> this is where the serious stuff picks up as I already have a awful plan for next chapter h a ha ha
> 
> this chap was a ton of fun to write actually! 
> 
> Thanks for all the lovin on this fic uwu luv u guys
> 
> aLSO BTW I made a track for this fic! Well, I made it ages ago- but its what I listen too whilst writing. love it if you'd check it out! http://8tracks.com/angryfemale/you-re-my-galaxy   
> also. if ur into 2 hour long playlists about memes- thats also on my 8tracks too


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh chapter  
> u h o h c h a p t e r
> 
> anyways  
> any of you guys go to anime boston? i just bought makoto stuff that's about it (me and my buddy have matching makoharu figures h ow c o o l) -and I go th this really cute sailor makoto plushie i ju st aaaaaaa)
> 
>  
> 
> in this chapter makoto falls like 10 times look out here comes trouble

He could feel it. The second hand grasp lightly onto his. He could never sleep well in the hospital, he was aware to every sound and feel- but, most were just constant. Like the touch of his father’s hand to his own right hand, the beeping machine that would occasionally shut off for a few hours, the creaking or shuffling of a cheap hospital bed beneath him. Sometimes the damned tubes in his nose would start acting up and he’d need to force himself awake so he could fix them.

But this time it was gentle- and the finger pads were bigger and warmer than his dad’s in an oddly awkward but soft way, and Haru knew who it was immediately. “M-k-to-” Haru breathed, his nose scrunching in an attempt to wake himself up, but his eyes only got heavier.

“I‘ve never seen Haru-chan look so bad before-” A distant voice- one Haru could clearly recognize.

“Ha, wake up, sleepyhead,” He heard Makoto next- and than a soft touch to his hair. Makoto- his voice only wanted Haru to go to sleep more. “I need to show the other’s you’re okay, yeah?” He was ignoring Nagisa’s concerns, but, his voice was so nullifying, Haru just wanted to fall right back to sleep...

“Haru, honey,” Next it was his dad- “Rin’s here.”

Haru immediately tried to open his eyes. Makoto- the boy who had been with him since childhood and was hurt as bad as him- his voice was soft and lulling. Whilst Rin’s was not. Rin believed he had almost killed Haru and Haru would not stand for that.

Haru forced his eyes open and in response the light in the white room burned his eyes, he hissed in slight pain as his nose crinkled and he could feel his skin flash with heat- a feeling Haru hadn’t had in a while. Heat... He had been cold for ages. The only warmth he had gotten was from his father’s hand and his laugh- and whenever Haru would read the cards the other’s had made for him he’d feel that warmth. But what he wanted most was for Makoto to comfort him again.

Makoto had started to put concealer on his bruises. Haru noticed immediately. The fat one on his temple- gone, reduced to a weird dark spot that could be blamed on lighting. The circles under his eyes, the one that dipped right below his undershirt- gone. The cut lip was the only thing that remained. But then Haru noticed Makoto’s happy smile and Nagisa and Rei behind him- and Rin’s figure peaking out from behind Makoto’s shoulder.

Nagisa awkwardly waved, shuffling closer to Rei- the other boy wrapping his arm around Nagisa before giving Haru a kind smile. Haru knew he looked like an idiot- blinking and trying to regain his eyesight, but he didn’t really mind the looming presence of his friends. They had been with him ever since childhood.

“Rin-” Haru coughed, trying to reach a hand out for his friend, but Rin did not return the favour. He only shuffled farther away. Haru frowned. “Don’t make the sick boy upset,” Haru half-joked, his eyesight becoming clear and his eyelids relaxing.

Rin didn’t look too good- he had circles under his eyes, he was clearly tired- Haru didn’t like seeing Rin so sad, it hurt. Especially because it was because of him...

“Rin. It’s okay.”

Rin coughed- shaking his head, “It’s not.” The other choked out, Makoto pouting slightly at Rin’s words, one of his big arms looping around Rin’s back to push the other forward- even against Rin’s will. “I hurt you.” He than said, swatting away Makoto’s hands.

“You didn’t hurt me, my body did. Not even my dad blames you. It’s alright.” Haru explained, his voice edgey with the drag of being almost completely sleepless and stuck in a hospital bed for a few days.

“But I-”

“Rin.” Haru scoffed, watching the redhead’s eyes widen a little bit with his dense words, “You wouldn’t hurt me. I know you, you wouldn’t.”

Rin’s eyes did the exact opposite of what they had done before, his eyes filling with tears- and Haru was taken aback when Rin just reached out for a pathetic hug. Crying and sniffling, Rin brought his face to Haru’s shoulder, hugging the other male tight- “I’m so sorry, Haruka.” Rin mumbled, his words thick with sadness.

“Rin-” Haru breathed, hugging the other back carefully- Rin, though Haru trusted him with all he had, had always been prickly. He was awkward, but not cute-awkward like Makoto.. But, his emotions were very unpredictable sometimes.. “Don’t cry, you baby..” Haru was never very good at talking. Comforting people wasn’t one of his strong points. The only way he knew how to comfort people was when he too was upset.

“I’m so sorry,” Rin was whispering, over and over again, squeezing at Haru’s arms and breathing hot exhales down his neck- “I’m so sorry, Haruka.”

“It’s not your fault,” Haru said again- he felt like they were repeating the same things over and over again.

Makoto put a gentle hand on Rin’s back to comfort him, biting his lip and giving Haruka a small glance that directly translated into; “This is the most awkward situation I’ve ever been in.”

Haru scoffed in agreement before just looking back to Rin, tangling his fingers in the others longer hair to hold him closer. It felt good to be with Rin again, though pretty awkward and a little scary, he was glad Rin was here with him. He had missed the guy.. He had missed everyone, Makoto had been the one who had visited every day as he had nothing else to do, but visiting hours were only so long and the only person who could stay with him for longer was his father. He liked his father’s company, the both of them didn’t talk much as they were both oddly secluded males, but his company was always greatly appreciated. He made Haru feel less scared and alone.

“B-But, what about swimming?” Rin mumbled, looking up at Haru with glossy eyes. Haru could only wince in remembrance, and look away. Rin took that as a clear answer. “I’ll never be able to swim with you, will I?”

“Hey-” Makoto and Haru’s father both said in unison. There was a moment of silence as if the two of them were getting over the fact that they were both the parental-figures in the situation. And then there was a second moment as if the two of them were deciding who should speak.

Eventually Haru’s father went first- “Not never,” Haru’s dad said softly, letting go of Haruka’s hand to gently pat Rin on the head- like, he did with Makoto when Makoto was small, “But for now, no.”

Rin nodded, burying his face deeper into Haru’s shoulder, and just staying there. Staying there for a while, his breathing calming, his body halting in twitching and shaking, his throat stopping the sobs from leaving his body.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Rin mumbled, pulling away- even though Haru’s arms did not want Rin to leave. The redhead pathetically wiped his nose, sniffling obnoxiously as he did so, and Haru’s expression just stayed open- curious, cautious. Like if someone were to try and see what Haru was thinking- they could. He never opened up his body and mind like that. But it didn’t stay for long.

“Rin-chan, there is no need to cry!” Nagisa beamed, the little blonde wiggling from under Rei’s arm to give Rin a stern pat on the back, before shuffling over to Haru’s bedside- “Right, Haru-chan? You’re fine, right?”

Haru paused, before nodding. “I’m alright.”

Makoto winced from behind Nagisa- as if it hurt him to know Haru was lying.

“You got our card, didn’t you?” Nagisa asked with hopeful eyes, and Haru nodded with a small smile.

“Makoto is a wonderful mailman.” He joked, and Nagisa lit up in a fit of happy giggles. The blonde seemed a little happier, maybe he was excited that Haru was okay.. Nagisa always was really caring for his friends.

“Rei-chan has really nice handwriting, doesn’t he?” Nagisa chirped, jumping a little when Rei’s arms wrapped around his neck from behind.

“Good evening, Haruka-san,” Rei greeted softly. Makoto shifted to sit down on the edge of the bed as Rei spoke, and, was clearly showing signs of discomfort. Haru could read Makoto by now, and the fact that Makoto was trying to get closer to Haru was a clear sign that Makoto wasn’t in a very comfortable state. Haru knew why too. It wasn’t his fault, but... “I hope you’re feeling better?” Rei asked, his head cocking to the side in a dog-like manner.

“I’m alright.”

“It’s odd they’ve kept you here for so long, is there any reason?” Rei asked- “Normally with things such as asthma they would only keep you in the hospital for a day or two.”

It was Rin’s turn to look- “Yeah,” Rin mumbled, wiping his face again, “Glasses is right. Why have they kept you here for so long?”

Haru swallowed, and like a small child, he looked to his dad.

“Oh!” Haru’s dad blurted out as if he caught on the idea, “Haru breathed in the pool water when he had his asthma attack, and he got mild chlorine poisoning.” Haru’s dad explained, “He’s still recovering from the whole stomach pump thing- I assume. Either that or they just want to keep an eye on him.” Haru nodded in agreement even though he had no recollection or knowledge of any of that. He knew about the stomach pump thing, but, that was about it... He didn’t really understand why he had his stomach pumped either. He breathed it in. It wasn’t like he drank the pool water... Ah well..

“Ah, That sounds troublesome,” Rei mumbled, his eyes widening a little- “Sincerest apologies, Haruka-san.”

“Meh,” Haru said with a shrug, rubbing his tired eyes- “It’s not really that that bugs me. I can’t sleep very well here. These beds are rock hard. That’s about it.” Haru mumbled, Rin giving a small wince as if Haru had slapped him.

“Poor Haru-chan,” Nagisa pouted, “I hope you can go home soon.”

“Me too,” Haru breathed, a short puff leaving his lips as Rei left a gentle smooch on Nagisa’s temple. Makoto flinched.

Haru immediately put his hand on Makoto’s back to soothe the other male- but he couldn’t help but feel frustration towards Makoto. Maybe it was the fact that Haru was most definitely homosexual. That he too was like Nagisa and Rei. And seeing Makoto flinch in accommodation to a simple kiss just turned his gears. It’s just a kiss. Theres no reason to get upset. Even if his dad raised him like that- Makoto knew better.

The rest of the visit went smoothly, Rin, and Makoto, eventually calmed down, and the five of them shared talks and laughs of amusement- and just relief to be back together again. Nagisa took Rei’s glasses and pretended to be him- using made-up, complicated words that made Rei gawk and try to correct Nagisa which made Nagisa’s point even more clear. It even got Rin laughing- and Haru was happy to see the redhead so happy again. It had been a while. He had worried about Rin- that the experience brought up memories of his father. No wonder Rin blamed himself.

Makoto sat at Haru’s bedside while Nagisa, Rei, and Rin basically put on a show for them. And they stayed, until visiting hours were closed and a nurse came in and told them they had to leave.

Nagisa, Rin and Rei all tried hugging Haru at once which really didn;t work - but nonetheless Haru tried to return the dysfunctional hug as best he could. Rei and Nagisa walked out with fingers intertwined and Rin waved to Haru until he was out the door- a big, huge smile bestowing his face. Haru smiled back.

Makoto hugged him tight when he had to get going, Haru closing his eyes just to enjoy the strong hug which lasted at least a half a minute.

“When are you leaving?” Makoto asked, still holding Haru close.

Haru’s dad but in- “Maybe tomorrow. The day after.” Haru had no clue when he was leaving, he didn’t have much contact with the doctors.

“Well I’ll visit you if you’re still here, yeah? I’ll see if the other’s are free, I’ll bring them too.” Makoto said with a small grin, and Haru returned it- nodding slowly.

“Thank you.”

“It’s no pro-”

“No, I mean it.”

Makoto chuckled, patting Haru on the cheek, “Text me, alright?”

“You know I will,” In return to the cheek pat, Haru poked Makoto’s nose, causing him to laugh and take a step back, poking his nose where Haru had as if to rub it off. “Bye.”

“Bye Makoto,” Haru’s dad cut in, he waved too.

“Bye, Haru, Mr. Nanase-!” Makoto smiled, “waving one last time before slipping his large body past the nurse in the doorway, bumping into her once and sternly apologising.

There was a moment of silence- and Haru felt his dad squeeze his hand- “You’ve got good friends. I never thought I’d love them so much.”

“I do,” Haru agreed softly, a smile crossing his lips as he pulled his eyes away from the door.

“I’m glad, I was friends with jerks when I was your age,” Haru’s dad explained with a short laugh- and Haru was a little surprised to hear that. According to his dad, Haru and his father were very similar at this age- personality wise, quiet and secluded. Apparently Haru’s dad was shy, though, as Haru wasn’t.

“Really?” Haru gaped, his eyes widening a little.

“Mhm,” Haru’s father responded with, nodding as he said so. But, he then glanced to the impatient nurse who looked rather annoyed, his eyebrows creasing upwards, “I should get going.”

Haru could feel himself shrink in the bed a little. He didn’t want to be alone.. “Ok,” Haru mumbled, his voice hinting a sad drawl, he didn’t want to stay here anymore, he didn’t like lonesome nights. “Bye dad,” Haru mumbled, feeling his dad’s fingers curve around his cheeks as his father kissed his forehead.

“You’ve always been like your mother.” Haru’s dad mused softly, Haru gaping a little- before smiling.

“Mh.”

Haru’s dad backed away, waving one last time with a small “Goodnight” leaving him, before the nurse closed the door behind him and Haru was left alone.

Immediately, Haru picked up his phone.

 _‘Hey’_ , He typed in, and almost immediately Makoto wrote back a ‘hey!’.

_‘Where are you?’_

_‘Riding my bike- on my way home still.’_

_‘Cool. Don’t fall.’_

_‘I wont!’_

There was a minute long pause between texts, and the next one made Haru chuckle quietly.

_‘I fell :( ‘_

/**/

The rest of seventh grade went on easy, no more swim team- no more gym. Makoto and Rin got to go to gym class whilst Haru was signed up for some free time in the library- honestly, he appreciated it more. In the library he could get his homework done, or, read a few cookbooks, maybe even draw. The best part about it was he didn’t have to witness shirtless boys everyday and compare their leg hair to his own.

Eighth grade was the same. Knowing he’d be graduating in four years was a little weird, as Haru had no clue what he was doing or where he was going with his life- all he knew was that he’d be going to the local highschool for first year, which, was after next year, so..

The thought that when he was little, he’d be looking up to people his age now, was a little scary. Haru didn’t feel like a big kid. He just felt like Haru. Weak, sickly Haru.

Makoto on the other hand was different. In school Haru did not feel like an equal to Makoto, he was approached by girls and boys alike- the girls usually just trying to flirt with him (Clueless Makoto had no idea, he just thought they were being nice), and the boys asked him if they wanted to be friends so they could hang out. Even Kisumi started talking to Makoto. Makoto even started being friendly towards him..

Nagisa and Rei’s relationship deepened, they started intertwining pinkys in school, outside of school they were either fooling around- eating icecream, or cuddling. They even started kissing on the mouth. Rin and Makoto both showed no signs of interest- Rin would be completely oblivious while Makoto would grow more and more uncomfortable. He was still just as close with the two of them- but Makoto would grow distant from everyone when Rei and Nagisa started doing couple-y things.

Haru had asked Makoto why. Why he was so bugged by it- and he had said it wasn’t like that, but Haru knew it was. At least Makoto knew it was wrong.

Haru mainly just spent most of his time either cooking or watching TV, his dad was often at work- and when he wasn’t, he was watching TV too.

Lounging around on a saturday was typical- though, it was missing Makoto, Makoto was at his house today- it was normal. Him and his dad just watched cartoons, as, Haru still found entertainment in some shows that were meant for kids.

It became quickly apparent that all was not normal when a blurred figure ran past his window twice.

Haru maybe thought it was a jogger and was too distracted by the TV to really pay attention. But, by the third time, Haru huffed and started to pay more attention to the window. His dad sent him an odd little glance for looking out the window like a damn dog awaiting it’s master- his lips pursed with curiosity.

Softly, Haru pressed his cheek to the window as the figure ran by again. He recognized the soft chocolate colored hair zoom by- and immediately thought- ‘What the hell is Makoto doing?’. He had been rather obsessed with exercise lately ever since being a big hit in seventh grade, Makoto was a people pleaser, he could just be running for the sake of running. He wasn’t very good at running, his large body was almost too much for him to carry smoothly and swiftly , He could just be practicing. But as Haru pressed his face closer to the widow to watch Makoto take off down the corner again- something didn’t feel right.

Haru eventually sucked up being the lazy bastard that he was and dragged his body off the couch, his hair a mess from Sunday morning daze and his clothes all frumpy, he huffed, waddling to the front door to peak out it, getting a questioning call of ‘Haru?’ from his dad, but Haru ignored it for the most part. He waited for Makoto to pass again, which, didn’t take too long.

Haru revealed himself to the light of outside, his barefeet tiptoeing against the dirty wood of his porch, watching as Makoto came up- panting and gasping for air as he slowed next to his house, pressing his hands to his knees and bending over to collect air and for a moment Haru was about to call out to him to tell him to come over and take a break- but than- Haru saw it. Or, him, but to Haru, he felt like an it.

“Makoto! Keep going!”

“Dad- please-! I-I can’t run anymore-”

“You’re still awake, I think you can run.”

He stood on Makoto’s worn, paint-chipping porch, most of his form concealed by the shade the porch provided with, but Haru could see a tall man with what looked to be a cigarette in his mouth.

Immediately, Haru was seized up by fear. There he was. The bad man. He’d never seen him before. This was the man who made the bruises on Makoto’s face and back, the cigarette burns on his skin- the circles under his eyes, the hair falling out of his head from stress, Haru was near horrified. He was witnessing whatever abuse this man tortured Makoto with. But this time it was in front of the whole neighborhood.

Makoto swallowed a gulp of air before his stumbled into a standing position, his heavy body looking as if it collapse at any moment, and he started to run again.

Haru knew Makoto. If his dad kept telling him to run Makoto would keep running util he doubled over from a heart attack. Makoto’s bulky body was not made for running, and exhaustion was clear on his face.

Haru ran out onto the sidewalk to block Makoto’s path, and Makoto stopped in his tracks with a skid so he wouldn’t hit Haru- “Makoto, What the hell-?”

“Not right now, Haru,” Makoto panted, his cheeks flushed- even now his tone was eerily polite. When Haru refused to move, Makoto lifted him from under the arms- literally picking him up like he was a child and setting him to the side before beginning to run again. “Just go inside, I’m fine!” Makoto yelled back in a eerily reassuring tone before beginning his sprint.

Oh no. Haru wouldn’t stand for this. He ran inside, his bare feet loaded with splinters from his porch and stones from the sidewalk- and though it hurt kinda bad it didn’t deter him.

“Dad- Makoto’s in trouble, we have to go-”

Haru’s dad was off the couch in seconds- at least Haru’s father looked decent as he had gone to work today, whilst Haru was a frumpy mess who probably couldn’t be taken seriously because of his attire. But Haru’s dad on the other hand could. Not like anyone would take a sickly boy with asthma seriously anyways.

Haru dragged his dad by the wrist outside, just in time to watch Makoto sprint around their side of the block again- why the hell wasn’t he running away for help? Was Makoto really that much of a pleaser?

This time around his feet were dragging and he was stumbling- and Haru needed to stop him somehow. Now was a good time to know if Makoto’s love or fear was stronger.

“Makoto-!” Haru shouted, jumping down the steps to his porch to try and slowly go after Makoto- get his attention somehow, and he had probably yelled his name three times and Makoto only noticed him when he was passing his own house and was nearly right on top of Haru anyways.

Makoto tried to skid to a stop as he had before- Haru could tell that one Makoto picked up speed he couldn’t stop himself fast- kinda like a train, in a way. But Haru could tell Makoto was too close and Makoto’s gradual slow really wasn’t helping anything, so he just kind of stopped completely- but his upper body overweight his legs and the boy fell face first into the pavement.

“Makoto!” Haru choked, falling to his knees as he heard a low yelp from Makoto.

Haru picked up his head- Makoto’s body shaking with exhaustion, honestly he looked better to be running anymore- well, that and his bloody, smashed nose. Shit. “Oh, man, Makoto- I’m sorry-  shouldn’t’ve...”

“Not you fault-” Makoto panted, near passing out from exhaustion just laying on the pavement. Haru realized that Makoto was probably numbed from exhaustion anyways. Haru tried to help him up- to his feet, but haru realized all Makoto wanted to do was lay on the pavement. His legs were shaking anyways, Haru doubted he even could stand, even if he wanted to. His breathing was rugged, and Haru tried shielding him from the near-summer sunshine that was probably making his skin bake.

“You okay?”

“I’m- I’m okay..” Makoto even said that with a relieved smile. Maybe he was happy his face was slammed into the pavement.

“I’ll fix up your face, don’t worry,”

“I know,” Makoto chuckled, sounding all drunken and tired, blood dripping down his lips and staining his teeth. It was gruesome, but Haru couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe it was out of fear more than anything. He had just broken his best friend’s nose.

Makoto’s eyes fluttered shut briefly- and Haru was about to call for his dad so they could carry Makoto inside and get him some water and let him take a nap, Haru looked up to see the wrong father.

His veins filled with ice almost immediately.

No,nononono ...!

Haru had always imagined Makoto’s dad as some scary monster with horns and sharp teeth, or maybe a figure made completely out of shade, or maybe he could never even fathom the evil creature that called itself Makoto’s father.

But maybe, this was worse.

He was tall, and wide, like Makoto, so he cast a shadow over Haru with his body and Haru swore it was something out of a movie.

He had Makoto’s eyes. Makoto’s gentle expression- the kind of eyes that belonged to a person who’d hold you and kiss your face when you’d cry, the same soft green color Makoto owned- soft features and a muscular body. No points. Fat, pink lips. Wide shoulders. messy brown hair.

It was like he was looking right at Makoto in twenty years. And it horrified him.

Haru instinctively held Makoto closer, trying to scoot away, Makoto’s body limp against him as he just let out a soft, exhausted moan.

“So you’re the boy who’s been taking care of him.”

Haru almost didn’t process that, it sounded too much like Makoto. Just a little deeper, scarier, meaner.

Haru didn’t reply.

“You can do a better job than I can?” His dad retorted, stepping closer, and Haru hugged Makoto closer- like Haru was any protection. If this guy so much as touched him he could probably break every bone in Haru’s body. Haru gulped- none the less, he was going to try and protect Makoto in whatever way he could.

“You’re going to kill him,” Haru squeaked pathetically, “He’ll die if he keeps running.”

“He’d stop before than.”

Haru paused- before shaking his head ‘no’. Not breaking eye contact, he just shook his head no.

Makoto’s dad didn’t like that. His eyebrows furrowed, and Haru braced himself, holding Makoto’s head to his shoulder- probably staining his sweatshirt with blood but Haru didn’t care.

“Hey-! Back off-!” Haru almost fainted from relief when he heard his father’s voice- and when he opened his eyes again, Haru’s dad had put himself between him and Makoto’s dad, Haru’s dad almost looked puny in comparison and Haru had never seen his dad stand up like this. He was such a shy, recluse man...

“You’re the man who’s been fathering my son.”

“You don’t care enough to check on him, but yes. That’s me.”

Haru gulped, his dad turning around to look at him with a near feaful expression- but his voice was low, demanding- “Haru. Get Makoto inside.”

“But dad-!” He sounded pathetic, just a stupid little outcry in which his voice cracked much like it used to when he was younger. He was scared. He wanted to protect Makoto to- he was scared for his dad, he didn’t want him to get hurt, he wanted to give Makoto’s dad what he deserved.

But he couldn’t. He was a weak, sickly boy who could hardly stand up for himself.

“Now, Haruka!”

That was the first time Haru’s dad had ever yelled -or, called him Haruka in such a serious manner. Haru actually flinched, his eyes wide- but he soon blinked away the feeling of shock and fear, looking down to his best friend.

“C’mon, Makoto,” Haru choked, getting up to kneel- slapping Makoto’s cheeks a few times to get him to wake up. “Makoto-” Haru choked, Makoto hardly was even opening his eyes, just a shimmer of green. Eventually, Makoto wrapped his hands around Haru’s neck and Haru somehow pulled Makoto up to his feet- letting Makoto lean on him as they walked inside no matter how heavy, nor how much it hurt.

Haru could feel his eyes start to sting. Not now, no, he didn’t want to cry.

Somehow, he had gotten Makoto to the couch- shutting the door tight behind him as a small hiccup left his lips, but that was it. He blocked out what was outside, the bad man- and instead ran to the kitchen to get Makoto some water and towels to soak up the blood from his nose.

He was near passing out when Haru came back- Makoto drifting in an out of consciousness. He was fighting to stay away- poor guy was tired...

Haru knelt down next to the sofa, running a hand through Makoto’s sweat-slicked hair- Makoto’s eyes flickering to look up at him and a dumb smile crossing his face.

It should’ve been cute. Haru should’ve smiled back.

But he didn’t. Because all he could see now were his father’s eyes.

He sighed- forcing the waterbottle into Makoto's mouth, and Makoto drank it hastily. He was a big guy, after all, normally Makoto could down three glasses of water in nine minutes if he was thirsty enough. But he near sucked the bottle dry in a matter of seconds. 

Haru touched his scraped up cheeks- softly letting his fingers graze the wounds- Makoto was still fighting to stay awake, breathing Haru's name. "It's okay," Haru soothed with a small huff, "Rest." 

Without hesitation, Makoto did just that.

Haru put his head to Makoto's chest, closing his eyes tight.

_Why. Why did these things have to happen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *smooches fav character* "I love u"  
> me: *punches fav character in face* "this is because i love u"
> 
>  
> 
> whoops  
> more sads in next chapter *b a Ck fli IP*  
> Im working on a Rintori fic rn tho so i'm not sure when the next one will be posted? Probably in a week or two- i'm excited to write the next chapter *hinthint makotos secretly a badass what* i fu ck ing lov e m a kot o s o mu ch
> 
> also not sure if you guys read these dumb things and i don't really expect a reply but what if I wrote a Steven UniverseXFree! fic. i mean. steven universe is the shit. free! is the shit. slam 'em both together. perfection.  
> if u dont watch steven universe dO I T n O W
> 
> OK thANks for all the comments/kudos! You guys rock! *smooches all of u*  
> im laughing so hard at the f u ckin g 'I fell :(' text why do i find my own writing funny


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my th is chapters bad
> 
> Sorry for the long wait im just  
> writers block  
> next chap will be intresting i swear  
> Makotos stress level is rising so i swear he's gonna get cool soon i s w ea r
> 
> oh yeah this is just super down hill from here btw shits going down 
> 
> ill post the next chap in idk soon maybe

“You look a lot like your father.”

“I know.”

Haru couldn’t help but try to scoot closer under the covers, Makoto’s jacked up nose only visible through the moonlight shining through the window. Gingerly- Haruka reached out to touch it, Makoto flinching at first before just letting it happen. It felt all scratched and a bump was on the side of it from that heavy impact. “You didn’t break anything, right?” Haru asked as he felt around, Makoto whimpering quietly with each touch.

“I don’t.. Think so..” Makoto uttered, and Haru felt his nostrils flare as he sighed. That set Haru off a little- as, normally Makoto’s gestures were very polite, and though Haru wouldn’t have noticed if he didn’t have his hands on Makoto’s injured nose- it was still a sign of aggression. Makoto was never mad, Haru doesn’t even remember him getting mad.. Haru tried picturing it. Scary. Makoto was too big to get mad, he didn’t wanna see that. His precious sleepy boy getting angry? Haru didn’t want that.

“You in a bad mood?” Haru asked, taking his hands away from Makoto’s face. The moonlight cast shadows on where Makoto bit his lip nervously- and Haru took that as a yes. “Thats okay.”

“It’s just,” Makoto uttered, before moving forward to touch Haru’s arms and press his forehead to Haru’s shoulder, “I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

Haru sighed- patting Makoto’s head. “I don’t mind. Stop worrying about me.”

“And, It’s not just that, I just...” Makoto’s body shook with another frustrated huff, and Haru tried hugging him closer to calm him down. That and Makoto was kind of snuggling with him. About time... “I feel like, you don’t- ah, you don’t depend on me like I depend on you.”

Haru blinked, opening his mouth to speak- but then closing it again for a few moments of thought. “I depend on you, Makoto.” Haru said carefully, feeling Makoto bury his head more so into Haru’s chest now- and Haru swore he was so happy he could feel his own arousal spiking. He felt awful about that- but, there wasn’t much he could do to help it. He hadn’t had any relief from this whole gay thing in a while. “You’re just.. More sensitive than me, that’s all. Theres nothing wrong with that. I like taking care of you sometimes.”

“But, I like taking care of you too...”

“You take care of me.”

“When was the last time?”

Haru raised a brow- ‘Seriously, Makoto?’ he thought. “When I was at the hospital, you came and comforted me every day.”

Makoto sighed- his side of the argument lost. Not that they were even having an argument.

But the small moment of seriousness in Haru’s brain disappeared when Makoto wrapped his arms around Haru, burying his face into Haru’s chest- legs intertwining silently. Haru’s heart exploded- ooh, thank god, he missed this feeling of cuddling with another man. He missed his release of what he kept pent up all day.

Haru held Makoto’s head to his chest, his skinnier legs intertwining with Makoto’s. A tiny, teeny boy holding a two-hundred-pound one- it was an odd sight. Haru reminded himself that if Makoto was ontop of him he’d be crushed.

“This isn’t gay, right Haru?”

God damnit, Makoto.

Haru wanted to say yes. He wanted to say ‘Yes Makoto, It’s gay and so am I now go to sleep.” But, of course- with those big, innocent Makoto eyes, Haru couldn’t tell him that. “No,” He said, the words coming out like thick tar. “But even if it was, why would it be bad?”

“I,” Makoto stuttered out- “I-I just, It’s not that i’m, like, those people. Homophobic. I’m not.” Makoto started his case and judge Haru was not impressed. “I swear to you i’m not. It’s just, I’m so afraid of my dad- like, what if he found out I was cuddling with you?” Makoto said, “And, I’m just not used to seeing it. It’s not like it freaks me out or anything, I mean, I’m really happy for Rei and Nagisa.”

There was an awkward pause, where Makoto just shook in Haru’s arms- curling closer in.

“I’m disgusting.”

Haru paused. “Excuze me?”

Makoto hesitated this time- “I-I’m-”

“I know what you said-” Haru near hissed, taking Makoto’s face into his hands tight- “But now don’t you ever say that again-!”

Makoto wasn’t disgusting. He wanted to tell him that, but, Haru was so bad with words. Makoto wasn’t the one who almost got a boner while his friend was having troubles.

Makoto whimpered, prying off Haru’s hands, another small set of whimpers leaving his throat until- before Haru knew it- Makoto was crying. Clinging to his chest, Makoto just started to sob, and Haru could only watch in terror for a few moments before hugging Makoto tight- rubbing his back (Honestly, Haru’s hand felt like a lone, lost human, in the huge mountain range which in this case was Makoto’s back.).

“Hey, Makoto- Don’t, don’t cry,” Haru tried to soothe, feeling a rock form in his stomach. Had.. He made Makoto cry? “Please.. I’m sorry- shh..” It seemed to be whenever Makoto cried- all stops were pulled out- “I’m sorry, you’re beautiful, please don’t cry.”

The sobs and Haru’s soft comforting continued for what felt like hours- until the both of them had fallen asleep from their own exhaustion- Makoto still held in Haru’s arms.

/**/

It had been a while since Haru had seen Sosuke. Last time he had seen him, Sosuke was in the middle of puberty and his shoulders were too big for his developing frame and his voice cracked like crazy. But now, watching Rin attempt to wrestle with his old friend in Rin’s front yard- Haru wasn’t sure if he should be amused or worried for Rin’s health.

Sosuke just sat on Rin’s porch, Rin trying everything to get his massive friend to fall, or just budge at least- but Sosuke wouldn't even move as Rin tried pushing on his massive back. Sosuke was even bigger than Makoto, and that was kind of scary..

“C’mon, you big lug!” Rin hissed, Sosuke’s expression painfully monotone and bored with the situation as Rin attacked him, “I can still beat you up! You think you’re so cool cuz you’re big-?” Rin pushed on Sosuke’s back, before shaking his shoulders.

Sosuke just snorted in reply. He had grown similarly to Makoto- all big, and wide, but his face always wore a cold expression. Either that or he just looked bored with everything. (Also , he had a big nose, but Haru felt like that was rude to notice.)

“Agh-!” Rin yelled out, trying to slam himself into Sosuke’s back, trying to tackle the other by lunging himself at him. That didn’t work either, but Sosuke at least winced. Instead though, Rin fell over Sosuke’s shoulder, but Sosuke hastily caught Rin before he could smash his face into the hardwood of his porch.

“Oi, Careful,” Sosuke grunted like a fatherly figure or something. Rin just growled.

“I am careful!”

“Mh,” The only way to describe Sosuke was a big fucking boulder. That’s it. And if he was a big boulder, Haru presumed he was a pebble. “You done with beating me up now?”

“Yeah..” Rin pouts like a defeated animal, just going slack in Sosuke’s arms. “We can’t even fight anymore you’re so big...”

“That kind of sounds like a good thing.”

“Shut it, you..”

Haru waited, wrapped in a blanket on his porch for his own stupid boulder to return. Makoto had gone out to get some milk and spices so Haru could cook as they had run out of ingredients. His dad was at work, and everything was rather boring- Haru found more entertainment in watching Rin and Sosuke than he did lurking inside like the little cave dweller he was. Anyways, his skin needed some color- he better adapt to the summer sun while it’s gentle before its beating down on him and angry.

Everyone was outside today, it was a nice day out, so Haru didn’t see why not.Though, Haru did look like the devil on a bad day- he always looked like that, it was just his face- but he was happy. His hair was disheveled and skin pale- he felt more fragile than ever, the blanket around him even felt heavy- but he was happy. Makoto had cried his eyes out last night, but Makoto seemed happier now, like a weight had come off his shoulders. It was nice to see Makoto back to normal, though he was wary for the other male still.

Nagisa and Rei soon came jogging down the sidewalk- Nagisa riding Rei in a piggy-back, a cone of strawberry icecream in one of his hands and a fistful of Rei’s hair in the other. They were an awfully cute couple- Haru had to admit.

But switching views from Rei and Nagisa to Sosuke and Rin- Haru noticed something. Sosuke was still holding Rin, Rin’s head on his shoulder. Sosuke’s eyes were closed as if he was napping (Lazy bastard), but, Haru could tell he wasn’t. Rin didn’t like being touched, especially not tenderly like that- watching Sosuke’s fingers brush over Rin’s shoulders- it was odd. Looked like something Rei and Nagisa would do, and, Rei and Nagisa were dating. But, Sosuke hadn’t even been over in a while..

Haru watched as Rin ran his fingers over Sosuke’s cheeks- Sosuke opening his eyes to look at Rin, and they started at each other for a moment before Rin flicked his face and Sosuke sputtered- Rin slipping out of his arms to run around the yard.

Haru sighed. Is everyone gay here?

Sure felt like it. Except Makoto.

Soon enough Sosuke had Rin pinned underneath his arms and Rin was flailing about- but the boulder was not going to move any time soon.

Haru felt himself grow groggy- though the sun was doing a good job of providing him with vitamin D. Haru knew he was depressed- he had ever since he nearly drowned in the school’s swimming pool. The only thing keeping him happy was that school would be breaking for summer, and his friends being around. Honestly, he found his friends more tiring than anything, all except Makoto since Makoto was always around and didn’t feel the need to talk twenty four seven.

Soon enough, Haru heard the thrum of bike tires and Makoto’s bike was skidding to a stop, and the carton of milk and a bag full of small species were in a bag- tied down to the basket. Makoto always looked awkward whilst riding a bike- they still rode his bike to school, though Makoto had gotten so big that Haru had to stand on the pegs-he could no longer sit on the back and cling to Makoto like a koala. But Makoto was just so damn big on a skinny little metal bike- it was a funny sight sometimes. It was his only means of travel, though.

“Hey,” Haru greeted as Makoto abandoned his bike- easily lifting the groceries.

“Hey,” Makoto replied with hundreds of more pep than Haru’s grumpy little ‘hey.’ That bright smile managed to make Haru a little happier, though. “Man, you don’t look to good..”

“I never look to good,” Haru huffed, running a hand through his hair to push it from his face.

“I’m glad you’re getting some sun,” Makoto said, sitting next to Haru as the raven just hummed in quiet reply, “You feeling okay?” Makoto patted at Haru’s shoulders- setting the groceries down.

“Mhm,” Haru hummed with a nod, “Thanks for getting those.”

“What were you planning on making?” Makoto asked, his hands dropping to his sides.

“The spices I need for mackerel. And the milk, I was planning on making brownies.”

Makoto’s eyes lit up. Haru knew that Makoto was very well aware Haru didn’t like chocolate all that much, so whenever Haru made it, it was all for Makoto. “Oh Haru,” Makoto crooned, a happy smile spreading his lips- “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Haru said- poking his friend’s cheek. “Maybe we can put some chocolate syrup in there,” Haru inquired, and Makoto started to keen.

“Yes please,” Makoto nodded hastily, “And... Can we put some mousse on them?”

“Maybe,” Haru smiled- “I’ll have to see if I have any heavy cream..”

“You’re the best, Haru!”

“You’ve already said that..”

“I know.”

/**/

It was a pleasant day. Or, it had started out with it being one. Haru had gotten himself out of bed this morning without a heaviness on his shoulders- the early fall air felt fresh and clean instead of cold and bitter. Makoto smiled at him when Haru left his house- Makoto waiting for him, his smile warmer than it had been in a while and Makoto too looked like he was having a good day. His smile was the kind that made Makoto’s dimples prominent and his eyes squint in the slightest- and Haru knew he was happy.

It was ninth grade. Before he knew it, he’d be a first year... Whew... It was odd, he’d be a first year-  and than, he’d be second year, than third, than an adult. Haru had noticed his views on ‘big kids’ were changing dramatically as he aged. But, still, life was normal- and Haru wasn’t even sure if he wanted it to be normal anymore.

Because normal was not swimming, normal was sitting in the bathtub for five hours every day while Makoto watched cartoons on Haru’s TV. Normal was being pale and skinny and hairless, normal was doing nothing but wait for Makoto to burst through the door carrying either a smile or bruises and tear stains. Normal was being scared of thunderstorms and hiding under the blankets with Makoto- but, even that was bad, because Haru noticed that him and Makoto could hardly fit on the same bed anymore.

But today was good. Today Makoto drew flowers and today Haru didn’t feel the need to try to test out what burning yourself felt like in culinary class. Today Haru’s body felt clean, today Haru didn’t feel sick. Today Haru watched Rei and Nagisa kiss on the lips- the real deal, and they acted although it was nothing and laughed. Today Rin didn’t look at Haru with guilt for the first time in a very long time. Today Makoto made flower crowns out of dandy lions and was going to give one to Haru until a blushing girl asked for it and Makoto gave it to her instead- and Haru knew she was going to run to her friends and they’d all shriek about how cute Makoto was, but Haru didn’t mind. Today was still a good day.

Haru stayed after school at Makoto’s request. On this good day, Makoto asked Haru if he could sit with him on the football field for a little while. Rei and Nagisa came too, and the four of them just sat in the empty football field, quiet and peaceful in the early fall weather.

Nagisa and Rei were rather quiet today- Rei laying on his stomach reading some book while Nagisa was on his back next to him- the two of them silent, their fingers intertwined. Honestly, Haru was convinced Nagisa was asleep..

Makoto whipped out his sketchbook long ago- drawing little tiny things, leaves and flowers and weeds, Haru had even borrowed one of Makoto’s pencils just so he could draw a little cat in the corner of the paper (Makoto, of course, had giggled in amusement.). He never asked why they were here. He never really felt like it. There was no need to, he was enjoying his time with his friends, and being outside for once.

But eventually, he heard a voice. A female- and Haru looked up, seeing a female figure on the other side of the football field calling for Makoto. Haru was confused- but, Makoto got up, pressing a hand to Haru’s shoulder to tell him to stay, and Makoto started to jog across the football field.

Haru paused, confused, feeling although he was being abandoned.

“Ah,” Rei looked up from his book, fixing his glasses to his face which were starting to slide off- a small, amused smirk on his face. “Well, he’s happy to see her.”

“Who is that?” Haru near spat, actually startling Rei. Rei looked back, and squinted to look at the girl Makoto was still jogging towards.

“I beileve that’s Kawahara Aimi, if I’m not mistaken.” Haru recognised that name- she was a year younger, and one of the many girls who had joined Makoto’s cult following of girls.

Haru squinted his eyes. He didn’t like those girls. They flipped a switch whenever Makoto would do anything and Haru knew nobody was that desperate- they were just pretending to that and it was irritating. It was a good five girls who’d do that, some were simply attracted to Makoto but didn’t do much else, and some were just completely unphased by him and went on their normal routines. But the girls who begged for Makoto’s attention got on Haru’s nerves.

Suddenly Nagisa’s body seemed to raise from the dead and he stole Rei’s glasses- putting them on his face and letting out a deep “I beileve that is Kawahara Aimi, big smart words! aah-” To mock his boyfriend. Rei scolded him before taking his glasses back.

Makoto and the girl- Aimi met in the middle of the field. Haru scooted closer to get in on the conversation.

“Hey,” Makoto greeted quietly, a small pant in his voice.

“You got the note?” The girl- Aimi, whoever she was Haru didn’t really care, asked. Makoto paused, and then smiled, with a nod. Haru watched the girl’s legs tremble. Eugh. Makoto was handsome and all, but, really?

Haru missed out on most of the conversation. It was useless stuff he didn’t need to remember, useless stuff like - how was your day? and stuff like that. Makoto was good at small talk. As in, he could keep this up for hours. He was a good listener but spoke when he needed too. Haru believed this was because Makoto had been friends with him- and Makoto knew to fill the void he needed to talk, but yet when Haru spoke he needed to listen because it was almost always important.

The only words that rang out important in Haru’s mind- when Aimi was getting ready to leave- when she said the words with a small smile at the ground it made Haru’s stomach lurch. “Will you go out with me?”

Haru knew Makoto would say yes. Makoto took a step back, a small laugh leaving his throat- before he nodded. Damnit.

Haru wasn’t jealous- not like that. But what if Makoto left him. What if Makoto started going over her house instead of his- what if she replaced Haru as Makoto’s safe haven. What if Makoto started saying to her ‘you’re the best!’ instead of Haru. What if she’d make him chocolate brownies and truffles like Haru did? The load of thoughts hit Haru like a fucking train, it near knocked the air out of Haru and he needed to slip his inhaler from his pocket and take a few puffs so he didn’t have an asthma attack right there and then.

Rei laughed. He laughed and shook his head and kept reading. “Straight people,” He had murmured under his breath.

No, no, no, Makoto was Haru’s, Haru didn’t want this. He knew friendship was no second place to lovers , and hell, Makoto wasn’t even her lover yet, but it still petrified him to the core.

Aimi had probably run away screaming about how she was dating Tachibana Makoto, but, Haru’s fear had overridden his system.

Makoto came back with a dopey smile on his face, plopping himself down next to Haru.

“I was asked out!” He said with a sigh. Like he was relieved or something.

Haru took a deep breath. Okay, it’s.. It’s okay. Support Makoto. “Cool.”

“It’s the first time i’ve ever been asked out by a girl,” Makoto said, hugging himself, and Haru could only huff. If Makoto was that innocent as to miss the looks those girls were giving him, Haru wished him luck.

“Do you love her?” Haru asked, absentmindedly.

Makoto just shrugged his shoulders, that dumb look still on his face. Well look at it this way, at least Makoto was happy instead of crying. At least today was still a good day for him.

On the way back home, Nagisa yelled Makoto’s ear off on how he had gotten a date and he had missed the whole thing because he was asleep- and Rei just laughed, and yet scolded Nagisa at the same time.

Everyone was happy today. But that had changed.

Haru just felt as sick as he alway did.

/**/   
He didn’t normally mind it when he was sleeping alone. But tonight he did.

Tonight he just grabbed the dolphin stuffed animal that sat, abandoned on his shelf, hugging it tight. It was raining- fuck, the rain just made him feel better. He thought he related to the weather for a few minutes. The thrum of rain on the windows just felt peaceful to Haruka.   
He wrapped his arms tight around the little blue dolphin, taking a deep inhale. It still smelt like home. It had been a while since he slept with this thing, but, he felt so lonley tonight. He needed it. It wasn’t Makoto’s fault. Makoto had a girlfriend now. It wasn’t like Haru should be so irritated but he was- he was Makoto’s number one, he was scared of losing him. He shouldn’t be scared. Makoto wouldn’t leave. But yet the fire in Haru’s belly refused to leave. He wasn’t mad at Makoto, he was mad at everything else.   
It took him a while to fall asleep, wallowing in his own anger and sadness, just letting all his bad thoughts and curses come out in frustrated tears which were lost in the little dolphin plush and the duvets wrapped around his thin body. But when he did, it was a light sleep- so light and pleasant he could hear the rain thrumming on the window. It was nice. Relaxing. He felt awake and weightless, it was good, because Haru had felt awful heavy latley.   
But than his bedroom door swung open and near gave Haruka a heart attack, a tall figure standing in the door way and-

Oh god, it was just Makoto.

Honestly Haru wanted to yell at him for barging in in the middle of the night, being a sneaky bastard and just slipping into his house. Though it was close, this wasn’t Makoto’s house, he couldn’t just come in like that!   
Haru let out a small, frustrated growl, until his eyes adjusted and he could see the suitcase that Makoto held in one hand and then bruise that hid one of his green eyes from view it swelled so much.  
“Hey,” He croaked- his voice quiet and rasped. He wasn’t crying. He just looked as tired as Haru did. “Sorry.”   
“It’s okay,” Haru mumbled- trying to wipe his eyes from the sleep. He should’ve reacted with shock, but Haru had just woken up. He couldn’t really force himself to do much. Haru shuffled up in bed, weakly kicking his legs out from the covers to sit on the side of the bed. He patted the space next to him.

Makoto put his stuff neatly on the floor, destroying the neatness of his actions by near ripping off his shirt and throwing it to Haru’s floor. It made a loud wet slap- Makoto’s body soaked. Rain, Haru assumed. He sat next to Haru.   
It was worrying to Haru that Makoto had his stuff. Like, a suitcase. Of stuff. He normally just brought over a few outfits to wear and maybe a sketchbook, never a whole suitcase.   
Haru wrapped an arm around his back, trying to pull Makoto closer. He just looked tired, the deep circles under his eyes had returned- he looked almost like he was stoned or something. They just stayed silent for a few moments, Haru knew Makoto would talk if he wanted too.

“I went over Aimi’s.” Makoto said blatantly, his voice still just a tired creek.  
“Was it her who punched you?”  
That managed to get somewhat of a smile from Makoto, but he shook his head despite knowing Haru was joking.  
“Well we were watching a movie. And than she tried to kiss me.” Makoto sighed, running a hand through his hair- Haru wanted to feel jealous, but he knew that’s not what Makoto wanted. “I’m just not ready for that. She’s known me for like, three days. I feel more like her trophy to show her friends than her boyfriend. I don’t know. Girls are weird.”   
“Kou’s cool,” Haru mumbled, before trying to touch the bruising around Makoto’s eye. He winced and pulled away.  
“Yeah, Kou’s cool.”

“Well, what about this?” Haru asked, gesturing to the bruise.  
“I went home like right after. And than when I got home dad got real mad at me because he went through my stuff while I was gone and found some of my sketchbooks and the books you got me for Christmas a few years back.”   
Haru swallowed. He knew what that meant.  
“Sorry Haru,” Makoto solemnly apologised, and Haru shook his head. Makoto didn’t need to be sorry. “I just, I’m not really, he was so disappointed.”  
“Well you know you shouldn’t feel bad about it.” Haru said sternly- sugar coating things for Makoto wasn’t effective. Even still, Haru could see the guilt in his eyes.  
“But I do.”  
“I know.” Haru sighed, pinching Makoto’s unbruised cheek, “What happened to the stuff he found?” Haru knew the answer, but he wanted to make sure.  
“Gone.” Makoto said- almost with longing in his voice, “So many notes, observations- gone.” He huffed in frustration, running a hand through his hair as if to soothe himself. When Makoto’s hand pulled away, a few strands of hair were caught up in his fingers, “I still have a few Sketchbooks left, and my newest one which is good. And I have all the stuff I’ve kept here.” Haru nodded in understanding. “All the surviving stuff is in my bag, you don’t, uh, mind me doing this, do you?”

“Course not,” Haru replied, “It gets lonely without you here.”

Makoto smiled at that- “Aw, Haru..”   
“You look tired,” Haru said, Makoto not really doing much in reply, “Lets go to bed.”

Makoto didn’t oblique.   
Soon the two were curled up in the blankets, Makoto in dry sleep clothes, their backs pressed together. Haru still clutched the dolphin, it was odd having it with Makoto around- but Haru doubted Makoto cared.   
Makoto went out like a light. Haru couldn’t be happier to have him sleeping.  
Haru promised himself he’d make it all up to his best friend tomorrow. Make him hot chocolate, and, watch TV with him or something. Do Makoto stuff with him.   
Still, Haru couldn’t help but feel a little scared.  
The soft look in Makoto’s eyes was fading. Haru didn’t want it to.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> makoto turns into a car and haru realizes he's sexually attracted to automobiles
> 
>  
> 
> and the kisuharu arc begins. not that it matters much. (Kisumi is going to be a side relationship ovbiously not the main part of the story like at all)
> 
> rin is also gonna be a theater major did i mention  
> hah a this stupid fic isn't at all lik e the show

When Haru passed the sign ups board- he was surprised to see “Matsuoka Rin” scribbled in for a three o’clock audition. It was a little puzzling- Rin, a theater kid? But then Haru spotted ‘Matsuoka Gou’ written underneath Rin’s name- and Haru figured Rin was just supporting his sister.

Kou was pretty cool- for the most part. She didn’t like being called Gou and she made her point by shoving it into everyone’s minds. She was actually kind of scary, and followed the Matsuoka tradition of being pushy and unpredictable. She was a little calmer than her brother though, and he often saw Kou pestering Rin about something through the halls. They were the poster siblings, in every way. Haru had also seen Sousuke and Kou hanging out- and Haru knew that Sousuke was everything but straight, so he doubted it was for romantic reasons. Like Haru had Makoto, Rin had Sousuke. (Honestly, Makoto was better.)

  
“Makoto turned down the football team again.” Rin told Haru one day, the two of them sitting on the curb together- Makoto out to go pick up the food they had ordered for takeout- because Haru was craving pizza and he had no clue how to make it.  
“What do you mean again?”  
“You didn’t know?” Rin asked, his voice a little dumbfounded. His legs shifted, and Haru payed close attention to the near unnoticable after-shave, light red prickles that danced up Rin’s legs. He was a swimmer after all. Rin shaving his legs almost gave Haru some confidence, though he knew Rin just shaved his off. Rin noticed Haru’s staring and ran his hands down his legs as if trying to hide them. But then again, Rin knew he looked good in shorts anyway. “Apparently they’ve been nailing him with invites. He always turns ‘em down.” Rin said, “I’m getting the feeling Makoto doesn’t like sports.”

“Not exactly,” Haru said- “He’s a gentle guy, you know that. I don’t think tackling people to the dirt is his thing.” Rin huffed and nodded in agreement, “I think Makoto’s more of a um, volley ball kinda guy.”

Rin snorted, looking at Haruka with a puzzled expression, “Volley ball? Why volley ball?”   
“Why not volley ball?” Haru said, returning Rin’s confused glare.  
“Its just such a weird sport..” Rin’s brow creased, and he shook his head- digressing from the topic, “Anyways, how does he stay so fit? It’s weird. Makoto’s like, buff.”   
“His dad is too, I think it’s just his body type.” Haru explained- trying not to freak out about those awful memories of Makoto’s father.  
“Theres bulky, and than theres muscular.” Rin huffed, “And Sousuke’s ripped, but he trains really hard for wrestling. Like, Makoto doesn’t do anything.”

“I think his dad makes him exercise a lot,” Haru shrugged- his argument was dying. Ah well.  
Rin shrugged, muttering something that was probably a joke but to slurred to understand. “Doesn’t he live with you now?”   
“Sorta. Mostly, actually. What’s left of his stuff is at my house now.”   
“Poor guy,” Rin sighed, stretching an arm back over his head. Rin’s normally longish hair was pulled back with a purple scrunchie that was most likely his sister’s. Oh Rin. Speaking of Kou..  
“So I saw you signed up for the school play.”

Immediately, Rin’s face flushed with red.  
Haru almost laughed.  
“W-Well, it was just for Kou! Not like, I actually l-like that kind of thing. I’m a swimmer.” Rin explained- Haru rolling his eyes at Rin’s ridiculous reaction. “I can’t act, Haru, you know that! I just did it for Kou! She was scared at auditions, I didn’t want to let her go alone!”   
Haru wanted to laugh- but the bigger joke was how pale Haru was compared to Rin’s bronze skin. Jesus. This boy spent all his time outside.. Rin was the beaming image of healthy, active teenager. Haru was jealous.   
“Yeah, right,” Haru huffed, Rin letting out a defeated moan.   
Soon Makoto was parking his bike- taking the pizza box and another bag into his arms- “I got breadsticks!” He admitted like an excited child.  
Haru had stood, and Rin looked at him with waiting eyes.   
“You wanna eat with us?”  
“Yes please.”   
The three boys hurried inside to feast on Italian food and over-buttered bread-sticks, in which Makoto ate a good half of. Damn this boy can eat...!   
/**/   
Rin was gone a lot for rehearsals. Apparently he had lied- he was a good actor. Because he got one of the main roles on accident.  
Makoto was always over- dad’s work hours increased, Nagisa and Rei were still dating, Haru still had bad lungs and was yet still as gay as ever, and Aimi didn’t come up much anymore. Thank god that was short lived. Makoto was hiding from her as to not hurt her feelings. He was doing a damn good job too. Though Haru wished he’d man up  to it and tell her, but Makoto had enough of his plate right now. Rin was right, Makoto had been going to the gym- and Haru only realized it now as Makoto basically lived with him.   
But, Makoto was always stressed now- his eyes looked tired and he’d get frustrated with himself for thinking so slow when he did homework, and Haru would end up doing most of it for him because Makoto would quit after a while. He had never had a problem with being a slow thinker before- Makoto wasn’t very smart unless you gave him time to figure something out, and it was like he no longer liked that part of himself. He no longer liked his gentle, slow appearance. The only time Makoto would truly relax was when he was falling asleep or drawing. But even his drawing time was starting to dissipate.  He still spoke of the little flower shop he wanted to run, and he was happy when he talked about it- but he talked about it as nothing more than a day dream. Like the same way Haru spoke of swimming.   
Haru pondered telling Nagisa and Rei about him being gay. He did. They both slept over one night while Makoto was at the gym or something- and they just laughed and Nagisa said that he had known the whole time. They all left it at that. Haru wished it could be that simple with Makoto.   
Whilst Makoto was stressed all the time or so it seemed- he distanced himself from everyone in school. It was as if he was afraid of hurting anyone. Rin was gone for rehearsals. Nagisa had a weird class schedule. Haru ended up spending a lot of his time with Rei, which wasn’t at all a bad thing. Rei was a very intelligent boy and certainly interesting, Haru liked listening to him. Haru found he was more of a listener than a talker- listening to people talk about their days soothed him, in a weird way.   
It had been the first time in a long time they had all gotten together. Rin, Rei, Nagisa, and Makoto- Haru hadn’t seen them in the same place in a while. Rin apparently didn’t have practice today, as after school- they were all sitting out on one of the cement walls that held one of the schools many garden areas.  
“What about that one, Mako-chan?”  
“That’s a um, gaura, I think.”  
“Mm, and that one?”   
“Mmh, Hearts dicentra.”  
“Mako-chan knows so much about flowers!”   
“Mhm.”   
Nagisa sat next to Makoto- Rei’s arm around the little blond as it always was, studying some butterflies or something closely- adjusting his glasses in the way only a smart kid could. Nagisa enjoyed testing Makoto’s knowledge on flowers, every time all of them went on walks Nagisa would point to some flower and ask Makoto what kind it was. Makoto almost always knew.  
Haru hopped up onto the wall next to Makoto as his friends all greeted him, Rin scooting over to make room. “Do you not have rehearsal today?” Haru asked Rin- and Rin shook his head.  
“These butterflies are attracted to this particular flower,” Rei mused- loud enough for everyone to hear- for some reason. Haru didn’t really care much for butterflies.   
“I don’t really know much about butterflies, but yeah,” Makoto hummed in reply, being the nice boy he was and making sure Rei’s words didn’t go unappreciated.   
The next few minutes were spent with Nagisa still quizzing Makoto, Rei silently marveling over damn butterflies- and Rin and Haru’s quiet mingling.   
The peace they had was short. It was when Haru noticed a flash of red hair coming towards them from one of the sides of the school- Haru knew something was off.  
Kou was on her brother in seconds- pulling and yanking, pulling Rin off the wall with an unknown amount of strength.   
“Oi, oi!” Rin was immediately scolding his shorter sister- ragefully pointing a finger at her- and Haru almost wanted to laugh at how Rin treated his sister like a dog in training. But Kou wasn’t her normal irritated self- she looked scared, and Rin noticed it too. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Rin’s brow creased in concern, cocking his head to the side.  
“It’s- Ah- Sousuke-” Kou had obviously been running for a while, she seemed pretty tired- and with that, Rin’s eyes widened a little.  
“What about Sou-chan?” Nagisa asked innocently from the wall, swinging his legs back and forth. But, Rin did not answer his question- and him and his sister were off in a minute, back towards the way Kou came.  
There was a pause between the four remaining boys, Makoto and Haruka exchanging glances. Makoto eventually jumped down from the wall- offering a hand out to Haru, but directed his words towards Nagisa and Rei. “Come on, we better follow them.”  
They didn’t have as much haste as Rin and Kou did- those two were much too energetic. Even more so than Nagisa sometimes..  But, anyways, Haru was sick and Makoto was rather slow, so even if they wanted to run there they probably couldn’t get there too fast. Haru wasn’t even the least bit concerned- It was more of a slight curiosity on what was going on with Sousuke, and why Rin and Kou were so worked up about it- but once the small group of boys rounded the corner it made a lot more sense.   
Haru should’ve figured- as Sousuke wasn’t one to back down from a fight- and apparently he was so stubborn that an upperclassmen who had started fighting him for some reason had literally knocked Sousuke out. Oh.   
Makoto immediately put himself between the fight and the others- but that didn’t stop Haru from looking around his side- Sousuke was still, partially awake. His eyes flickered open- blood running from his nose freely, but if he was really awake he would’ve been up and fighting again.  
Rin unfortunately, had the same, awful, stubborn nature as Sousuke. And Rin had gotten there far before Haru and his friends had.  
His cheek was already starting to bruise, and Haru stabbed Makoto with his fingers to get the large male to move out the damn way- but Makoto wouldn’t. He was frozen. And Haru knew Makoto would’ve acted- he would try to stop it, if it weren’t for the terror that had seized him up. Haru assumed it was because it reminded him of his own abuse.  
Rin was stumbling back from an unseen blow- cradling his cheek in his hands for a brief moment, before growling in anger. Of course Rin would be an idiot- Haru knew he’d attack anyone who touched his best friend.   
It was brief. Rin charged forward again- a quick yell leaving his throat, fist forward- teeth clenched, until-  
Haru heard the sturdy sound of knuckle-on-skull, he had never even heard that noise but somehow he knew what it was- and Rin was on the ground, almost falling right next to where Sousuke did. He heard Kou let out a short scream, and the Upperclassmen shush her violently- before Kou ran off to presumably get a teacher. Kou was a lot smarter than her brother.   
Haru did recognize this guy- who, Haru didn’t know why they were fighting, nor if he had a violent streak- all Haru knew was that he was a second year and clearly had more fighting experience than Rin, and Sousuke. But, that didn’t stop Haru.   
“Rin!” Haru couldn’t help it- his friend was hurt. Haru wedged his small body between the brick wall keeping him pinned and Makoto’s body, Makoto letting out a short hiss and tried to grab Haru, but Makoto’s reflexes were those of a doorknob. Haru ignored the other boy, collapsing to his knees to try and wake Rin up. God, he hoped he didn’t have a concussion...! “Rin...Rin!” Haru shook his friend, the redhead not even responding. “Wake up!” Haru heard Sousuke moan from his side, and- he realized that Sousuke was taken down. Sousuke was huge. Sousuke had a thick skull and was a smart fighter. Whoever this guy was- he was strong.  
Haru swallowed, holding Rin’s limp body a little closer as he turned, his body freezing as he saw the attacker looking straight down at him, fists curled. He was big, and old, and.. Something wasn’t right in those eyes- he looked crazed, crazed mad- and Haru felt small. Like when he saw Makoto’s father small. But right now he knew if he could take Rin out in two blows, this boy could break Haru’s thin bones with ease.  
“You want some too?” He didn’t sound sane- Haru deemed that this boy wasn’t even right in the head. Haru braced, mentally preparing himself to wake up in a white room with his father looking down at him, getting ready for the beeping machine for another week-!   
But, nothing happened. No, something happened- Haru heard it, another strong slam of flesh against flesh- a angered shout, the scrape of shoes against the side walk and someone unwilling to go down.   
Haru opened his eyes, only to be seized up with a worst fear.  
Oh, no, Makoto-   
Haru took a closer look- though, and saw the same anger the boy who had attacked him had in those once gentle, green eyes. Makoto was angry. No, more than angry- he was enraged, whatever patience he had just seemed to snap in that moment, and he looked more like an angry animal than a human.   
Haru knew Makoto had attempted to tackle the other male just from the noise it had made against the pavement, and though it didn’t work all the way, he had knocked the other boy back.   
“Don’t you dare-” Makoto panted- his face contorted in an expression Haru had never seen from him before- “Don’t you dare touch him.”   
The two stared at each other for a minute, before the upperclassmen ran at him- and even though Makoto was mad, his reflexes were still slow. This time a blow to the face made Makoto stumble back, a small yelp leaving him- and Haru grew worried as Makoto went still.   
He took his hands to his face, touching the now split lip he sported gently. He seemed to ponder over it a moment- it wouldn’t surprise Haru if he was- his expression going from slight surprise, back to the anger before.   
Haru was right. Makoto was terrifying when he was mad. Sousuke was one thing- though he was bigger, Sousuke had an odd attitude that seemed to fit being mad. But Makoto, Makoto was slow and gentle- and liked flowers and puppies, and treated everyone with such care and amity. It was scary to see him like this, he seemed bigger- more powerful, and now Haru could see how strong Makoto really was when it came to physical.   
Haru wanted to close his eyes, but he just couldn’t. Seeing Makoto like this was scary- this situation was scary, and yet, Haru found it.. well, pretty damn hot. That was the easiest way to put it. The power the brunette exerted, the force and dominance he put on by standing up straight and trying to make himself bigger, it was something Haru had never seen- though scary, the dominance and confidence Makoto had was alluring. Not to mention, Makoto was protecting him. What made him this mad was the thought of Haru getting hurt.   
And once more, the two males charged- but this time, Makoto thought before the other did, slamming a hard blow to his left temple.   
On the way down, Makoto aimed another at his chest. This had him staying down.   
Haru thought he was done, he could breathe again- but Makoto stepped closer and lifted his foot-  
“Makoto!” Haru shouted, no, he didn’t want to see a murder scene- he knew Makoto would regret this terribly later and Haru refused to let Makoto make it any worse than it was. Anyway, Haru did not want to see his best friend smash someones face in.   
As hoped, Makoto stopped immediately- his eyes softening just enough. He backed off.   
Makoto scowled- turning to the boy on the dirt- “Touch him again, and I’ll blind you.”   
Those words stuck with Haruka for a while.   
/**/  
  
Haru was lost in thought for a while. That Makoto had even gotten violent- that Makoto’s stress level raising too high resulted in that, that Makoto did that protecting him- and, what was especially worrying, was that Haru found Makoto attempting to murder someone hot. When Haru came back from his mind journey, Makoto was sobbing with Rei and Nagisa desperately trying to comfort him in some way, Rin was sitting next to him with a busted lip and a bruised eye- Sousuke and the strange boy were nowhere to be seen.   
All Haru could do was sit. For once in his life he forgot how to comfort Makoto. He just ran a hand over Makoto’s arm- clutching the muscle lightly, trying to remind him that he was here. But, Makoto did little to react- his sobbing just increasing. He was near hysterical. Haru knew this would happen.   
“Rin,” Haru called softly, turning to the other male.   
Rin hunched his shoulders up, turning his head away.  
“Rin, answer me,” Haru hissed softly, but he never got an answer.  
It didn’t take long to figure it out. Kou and Sousuke were on their way out of the school and the upperclassmen boy called Kou some name. This kid apparently had a past experience with drugs, or something, and when Sousuke got angry it just got way out of hand. Though he found that out from the principle, not any of his friends. Sousuke was kicked from school for a few days for endangering other students, as well as the boy who had caused the whole mess. But, he had a much worse punishment than Sousuke. Makoto got off with a warning- as it was hard to punish someone who was sobbing and begging to apologise to the boy who had just attempted to demolish three other students including Haru.   
They went home early that day. Makoto stayed with Haru. But today all Makoto did was sleep- sleep in the space that Makoto always did. The space in his bed with the dip in it- the dip that was always warm and smelt like him like Makoto left a part of himself there.   
And Haru let him.  
/**/  
It was the first time Haru had seen him smile in a long time. Well, a week since Haru had seen Makoto smile. But it felt like a while. All he did was sleep and eat, even with all his unhealthy eating Makoto only seemed to get bigger and more muscular- a thick but good layer of fat just formed around his body, making Makoto even more fucking desirable.   
But seeing Makoto sitting on the edge of the bed- watering the little flower he had decided to plant in a pot on the night stand, his smile soft and his movements as gentle as someone watering a plant could get. His hair and face all messed up and tired- circles under his eyes and his skin pale from only sleeping- but his smile true. This is what Makoto liked to do. It was his passion- and Haru could tell by how goddamn happy it made him. It was the kind of smile that brought that fragile, gentle-caring look into his eyes again, his dimples sink into his face, the flare of his white teeth just barely peeking above his lips. Haru was just happy to see the bastard smiling...  
Haru used the opportunity- sitting next to him on the bed, wrapping an arm around his large back.   
Makoto hugged him back- wrapping his arm around Haru’s shoulders to tug him closer. Haru felt Makoto’s cheek rest against Haru’s head.   
There was the warmth. A pleasant tingle, right in the seat of Haru’s stomach.   
He pushed his head against Makoto’s neck- just taking a big whiff of that near sugary scent that Makoto had- before relaxing, just enjoying the short moment.  
/**/  
Haru could feel the burn of eyes on his skin- a certain pair of foxlike eyes- trying to keep their innocence but Haru knew they were everything but that. As if he had dyed his hair to prove some point to Haru, some point to everyone that he had changed from the little slur-spewing , homophobic, racist brat he was last year. He had changed certainly over the summer but Haru didn’t trust him- a makeover and no longer saying those awful things was not enough for Haruka to beileve in him. His once blonde hair was grown out (It was probably why Kisumi was able to get such a great shade of light pink- his hair was rather light before) just enough so that he had wavy, cotton-candy soft hair, his features had always been soft but now they just looked softer with Kisumi not looking all squinty-eyed and mean, and his outfits were just simple hoodies and shirts instead of the sexist shirts he seemingly never had gotten in trouble for. Haru thought he was a pig. He shows up to school after months of absency looking like this- and he thinks everyones forgiven him because he’s handsome. Haru refused to fall for those cunning but nice looks- even if Haru was the gayest man on the planet and Kisumi was the definition of adorable. Haru knew on the inside he wasn’t.   
But, of course- Haru had been paired up with the bastard for some cooking project. Haru didn’t know anyone could ruin cooking for him.   
“Oh, Haru-!” Kisumi whined- very much like how Makoto whined his name. Haru didn’t like that. He shouldn’t be calling him Haru- either, Kisumi wasn’t his friend. “You really need to measure, you almost poured in too much milk!” All of Kisumi’s words were light and playful, he wasn’t angry- but Haru was.   
“I know how to cook.” Haru growled lowly- just wanting to shove Kisumi to the side and finish mixing the damn cake by himself. He didn’t need this fox-eyed, pink-haired freak telling him what to do.  
Kisumi blanked, before just laughing. Honestly he seemed kind of hurt. “I know, but, it was still over what the instructions said. I’m just being careful.”   
Haru snorted. “Mh.” He wanted to ask Kisumi why he decided to join cooking class after being absent for months. But he decided not too. He didn’t need to bother with his life. Kisumi wasn’t his friend.   
Makoto was absent today. Again. That meant he was really upset. But Haru knew that. Haru missed him- but, Makoto was seemingly getting better. He’d be back just in time for class sign-ups for next year. First year. Weird. Haru felt so old, but yet not at the same time.  
Kisumi was cutting off Haru’s thinking train with his own question.   
“Hey, should I stir it? Or, do you want too?” Kisumi asked- pushing open cuppboards, “I mean, stirring is kinda tiring. We could take turns. Or, didn’t the teacher say we should get a mixer?”  
“No one else is using a mixer,” Haru huffed, looking around at the other people who were pleasantly working together. Haru wished he had gotten paired up with somebody else.  
Kisumi blanked again, and than he smiled- again. “Oh, right,” Kisumi replied, taking out a good sized mixing spoon. “This’ll do, yeah?”   
Haru didn’t answer and instead let Kisumi answer for himself. The pink-haired boy took the bowl, a sigh leaving from his lips as his eyelids drooped a little, as if Haru had drained the energy out of him. Well, good. Haru didn’t like him talking anyways. Why should he care for someone who was so judgemental?  

Kisumi stirred at the batter, his teeth biting at his fat bottom lip in thought. He was silent for a while, and Haru just awkwardly stared at a burner. The burner wasn’t even on.   
“So, hows Makoto been? He hasn’t been in school for a while.”   
“I should say the same to you.” Haru replied- near emotionless as Kisumi’s eyes just widened in what could be fear. “He’s been gone for a week. You’ve been gone for two months.”   
Kisumi just let out a nervous little giggle and left it at that. Haru didn’t even want to know- he was just irritated on that Kisumi was wondering where Makoto had been while he had been gone for ages it seemed.   
Maybe he was just skipping. Skipping for two months? Haru felt like he’d be suspended by now if he did that- so, there had to be something.   
Once the cake was in the oven, Haru was reileved. He sat down on the floor- back to the over door. Just waiting for Kisumi to say something stupid again. But he didn’t.   
/**/  
At lunch, Haru found peace with Nagisa, Rei, Rin, Sosuke- And Makoto’s unfillable empty chair. He’d be back soon. But for now Haru could focus on time with his other friends.  
Or so he thought. Because once he saw that head of pink hair coming down the lunchroom- Haru knew he was in for some serious torture.   
“Can I sit with you guys?” He asked, clutching just a small bag of chips and a bag of candy, his smile hopeful and painfully genuine. Haru expected Rei and Nagisa to say no- those two had mostly been the butt of all KIsumi’s old torture- Nagisa and his skirts and girls clothing- the fact that they were dating, it was easy to target them, but Nagisa just smiled at Kisumi. Haru’s heart sank.   
“Yeah, go ahead!” Nagisa chimed- Rei nodding along as if Kisumi was a whole new person. Kisumi smiled back- and went to the closest open chair to him- which was next to Haru- and, was Makoto’s seat.  
“That’s Makoto’s,” Haru murmured lowly, looking up at Kisumi with a cold expression. Kisumi just looked confused.  
“But he’s, not here?” He asked, and Haru’s eyes only narrowed.  
“That’s Makoto’s seat. You can’t sit there.” Haru restated, and Kisumi got the idea- going to the other empty seat across from Rin and next to Rei. Haru could feel anger bubble in his stomach. Nagisa and Rei had fallen for it too.   
The rest of the lunch was spent with Nagisa and Kisumi laughing together over things- Kisumi patting Sousuke’s big muscles as if he wanted to get down with him (Worst of all, Sousuke just let him.) and Haru sat through it all with a pounding headache.   
/**/   
The first day Makoto was back in school, Rei and Nagisa were squealing with glee- happy to see him, the large brunette laughing in mere happy fun. The other’s couldn't see it- but Haru could, the tired glint in Makoto’s eyes.

The word spread fast about Makoto snapping- some applauded him, the girls only swooned more- but Makoto’s ‘girlfriend’ was no where to be seen, and Haru was glad. Maybe now Makoto could get better. He’d always make sure to touch Makoto’s shoulder with a supporting gesture whenever Makoto looked really spacey, and Makoto would snap out of it and smile.   
The flower drawings on the edges of Makoto’s worksheets became less frequent but Haru didn’t think much of it. Maybe he’s just tired.   
For the rest of the year, Rei and Nagisa were still dating- Makoto was as sleepy and slow as ever, and Kisumi still sat with them, happily chatting away at a constant rate. Makoto even fell for it.  
Rin made his world premire as an actor at the ninth grade play- all of Haru’s friends went including himself to see Rin preform and dance with his sister or whatever- and Haru had to admit- Rin seemed more for acting than he did swimming. And that said a lot. The way he did it just seemed so natural- Haru forgot that he was even watching Rin play a character in a play. On the way out, Rin’s mom and Sousuke buried him and his sister with ‘good jobs’, and afterwards Sousuke and Rin shared a hug that was much too long for two best friends to share.  
Pfft. There is no way they are straight. Haru could tell.   
Kisumi continually pestered Haruka about life- keeping up the calm gentle act , but yet he still had some sort of annoying zest to him.   
At the end of the year, Haru watched Makoto take a panflit for next year’s football season, and Haru felt a knot in his stomach. Makoto studied it. For a while. And on the bike ride back home- Haru thought Makoto would throw it out once they got back to Haru’s house, but he didn’t. Makoto kept it. And has intentions on joining. The little flower Makoto was watering just last week was starting to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry these have been tajking so lo ng animating is taking up all my ti me
> 
> this chaspter wasnt very g ood * ^ *


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET WRECKED 
> 
> theres a lot of gross stuff in this one  
> csa warning (just a mention but its still present)

Man- Haru loved summer, but he hated the little ants that would invade his house. He always felt like he was stepping on something whenever he’d walk anywhere in his home- the only safe place being his bed. He felt like the ants wouldn’t go in his bed- it was weird reasoning, and he knew they’d go in his bed nonetheless, but Haru still felt they wouldn’t. Even outside felt better than his house.  
Haru loved summer despite that- the warm, fresh feeling on his skin, the sun never failing in making him sweat. He’d sit outside with Makoto and eat popsicles with him, he’d watch Rin exercise and train by running around the block whilst dragging Kou behind him in a wagon for a little extra challenge. Kou would always blow airhorns when Rin would drag her- screaming stuff like “It’s a 4/20!” and that somehow never stopped being funny.   
Sousuke started coming over to help Makoto train for the upcoming football try-outs- and Haru thought Makoto was being a little too obsessive over it because they literally had the rest of the summer until than. But it was- once again- very attractive to watch Makoto try to fight. Sousuke taught him how to tackle and block- and the fat Makoto had gained from the past year only seemed to get thicker and make him even blockier and warmer. While Haru had two pancakes for breakfast Makoto would stack five on his plate and eat them without trouble. Haru didn’t mind the thought of Makoto doing football any more- maybe Makoto just wanted to try something new. Haru wouldn’t refuse him that.   
Makoto playing football wasn’t the least of his worries.  
Every day when they’d go out to ice cream- every, single day, Kisumi somehow knew. He’d come- riding his dumb red roller skates with that same dumb smile, waving his arms like no body could see him.   
Haru believed Nagisa was inviting him. No way Kisumi was exactly on time every, single, day, just out of mere luck. And Nagisa was always happiest to see him. That also might be because Nagisa and Kisumi’s high-energy levels got along.

Looking down those purple eyes, his soft strawberry hair- and more importantly his mild panic as he tried to frantically lick up the drips going down the cone of hi icecream- the ice cream that fucking matched his hair. Rediculous.

Makoto was wearing one of his tank tops- his new found muscles bigger than ever. Kisumi and Haru both kept shooting looks at them.

No, he’s my Makoto. You’re not allowed to look at him. That’s what Haru wanted to say. He wanted to smack his dumb face upside the head. But, all his friends loved Kisumi. Haru hated it-he didn’t deserve it, but yet he couldn't act against Kisumi because his friends loved the strawberry-haired freak.  
Haru was wearing one of Makoto’s tanktops to prove to Kisumi how Makoto was his, and him and Makoto were closer than close. That and Haru looked good in Makoto’s clothes because they’d hang off his shoulders and expose his chest in the slightest. Girls found it attractive, and so did Haru. Also, Haru liked wearing Makoto’s clothes for the reason he felt safe in them. Cozy and warm- no matter how cold it was. Plus whatever Makoto washed his clothes with smelled really good. Like candy or something. Candy and dishsoap.

Sousuke and Rin sat across from each other, doing some weird hand this across the table. Their normal seating arrangement on the icecream bench was interrupted by Kisumi’s presence- he sat inbetween Sousuke and Rei, Rei and Nagisa sitting next to each other as always- Rin across from Sousuke, and Haru in the middle of Makoto and Rin. This left him sitting right across from Kisumi. And Kisumi kept looking at him, like, in a weird way. In a way that made Haru want to flush and hide his head- but yet, his blood boil with anger.

“Hey Haru-chan, want some?” Kisumi held out his icecream cone- offering it to Haruka. Ew. Gross. Kisumi gave Haru a suggestive little wink, and Haru immediately shook his head.

“I don’t like ice cream.”  
Nagisa let out a dramatic gasp- “You don’t like ice cream, Haru-chan?” He seemed offended, his pink eyes narrowing as he put a hand to his chest- “Everybody likes icecream!”  
“I don’t,” He replied simply- and as if to prove his point, he stuck the spongebob-shaped popsicle back in his mouth.   
Then again, Rei was eating frozen yogurt. Ice cream was, according to him, filled with artificial sugars. Like frozen yogurt was any worse.  
Makoto eventually asked for a lick of Haru’s popsicle- and Haru let him- they had been friends ever since they were small and it didn’t matter much. But it did matter. Because when Haru licked over the spot that his best friend’s tongue had touched- Haru had shivered in delight. He could nearly taste it- within the lemony popsicle was a little tang of chocolate from the icecream Makoto was eating, and Haru knew- that was the spot he had licked.

 _Dear God_ , Haru thought- _Stop being so weird, Haru._   
But then again, Rei and Nagisa were feeding each other (Well, Rei was feeding Nagisa- he still refused to eat ice cream), and it wasn’t all that different from what Makoto and Haru had just done. But Nagisa and Rei were boyfriends. Did Haru want to be Makoto’s boyfriend?

No, no, of course not. Makoto was just his very attractive friend whom Haru was really possessive over. Not like he had a thing for him.

Haru wasn’t the only one to be amused by that action- though, because Kisumi’s eyes flickered with amusement. He had caught it. He had caught how Haru shivered when he shared the damn popsicle with Makoto. Haru regretted it, because now Kisumi was really watching him like a hawk, his lips slightly puckered in what could either be amusement or interest. Maybe both.

Eventually Haru went to throw away the stick that was covered in melted popsicle juice and the wrapper, walking a few picnic tables over to the trash can that was right next to the little icecream hut.

But when Haru turned around to go back- Kisumi was just right there- leaning slightly on the trash can. Haru near lept out of his skin.  
“Hey!” Haru scolded in a harsh whisper- “Don’t follow me!”

“I was just,” Kisumi pursed his lips- ripping off the paper that surrounded the cone of his ice cream and throwing it into the trash, “Throwing this out.”  
The way Kisumi said it seemed sly and wrong in every way- and if anything, it just freaked Haru out.

“If you try anything,” Haru started- glancing over at the table where his friends sat, “Makoto will hear me- and he’ll hurt you, bad.” Well, that sounded weak. Haru was weak. He was a little sickly boy, who wanted to mess with a little sickly boy? Apparently a lot of people. “I know you were absent, but Makoto almost killed a guy for me and-”   
“Woah, woah-!” Kisumi laughed, putting his hands out, “I wasn’t gonna try anything, Haru-chan.”

“Don’t call me that,” Haru growled, beginning to storm off back to the table -where he could bury himself in Makoto’s side. But he felt a hand at the overly-large tank top he wore, and stopped. “Hey.” He growled- turning around to see big eyes looking back at him. Kisumi had a light hold of his tanktop, his skinny fingers curling around the fabric in a gentle way. He wore a dumb smile- one that Haru didn’t want there.  
“I just have a question,” Haru narrowed his eyes as Kisumi spoke- “So are you, like, gay?”

Flashbacks. When Kisumi called Haru and Makoto gay- when Makoto started to fear that depending on Haru was bad, when Haru and Makoto stopped holding hands.   
“It’s none of your business!” Haru hissed under his breath, turning around to face the taller male.

“Woah, hey now- It’s just a question.” Kisumi said, his carefree tone ever-present, Haru’s rage only building. He acted like he wasn’t a homophobic little brat - maybe that’s what he was doing, right now. Maybe Haru just couldn’t pick up on it.

“Just a question!” Haru’s voice was gaining volume, and Kisumi’s happy demeanor was just getting more and more silent. His eyes were just getting wider, he seemed to be getting smaller- and Haru wanted it that way. He wanted to show dominance over this guy. He wanted Kisumi to know that he did not have the upperhand. “Did you forget ? About all those awful things you said to my friends? You made Nagisa afraid to express himself- you put Rei in a bad position because he wanted to be a good boyfriend but he couldn’t with you interrogating them, you made Makoto cry- and you’ve caused countless girls to think they’re not worth anything-” Haru was mad, really, fucking mad- “More importantly, you made Makoto cry,” Haru felt big- for once in his life, he felt the dominance that Makoto and Rin had, and it felt damn good, “And you tell me that it’s just a question!”   
Kisumi’s expression broke- the happiness gone from his face, but at the same time he looked scared. Scared of what? Of Haru? Honestly, Haru wanted him to be scared.  
But apparently Haru had gotten too loud, because Makoto was pulling Haru back (As Haru was basically on top of Kisumi and he didn’t even know it), and the other’s seemed rather panicked expect for Sousuke who just looked flat out angry. But now with Kisumi. It was with Haru.

Makoto didn’t look to happy either. That just got Haru more angry.  
“What?” Haru spat, ripping himself from Makoto’s grasp-, but before he spat out a few more accusations he could hear the low sounds of whining and sniveling became present and Haru looked over his shoulder to see Kisumi’s eyes filling with tears.

Oh, no, Haru hadn’t meant to make him cry! He just wanted to protect his friends and-

“I just wanted to b’friends with you guys,” Kisumi murmured- his voice thick with on coming sobs- and Haru’s throat went dry.  
He ran off before anyone could say anything- and Haru felt his gut twist as silence rocked their little friendgroup.  
“Haru, what the hell?” Rin snapped- and Haru felt the fabric of his tanktop knot in Rin’s hands as the redhead pulled him closer. Was.. Was Rin threatening him? Haru wanted to fight back- tell Rin off, but Haru was just shocked. He made Kisumi cry and now his friends were all really, really mad at him and Haru had no clue what to do. “It’s hard enough for him as it is-!”  
“Rin,” Haru knew he’d be somewhat saved- though scolded, when he heard Makoto’s voice behind the both of them. “I don’t think he knows.” Rin glanced up at Makoto, his eyes twisted in anger, but he loosened in defeat. He dropped Haru’s shirt, and Haru huffed as Rin stormed off, dragging Sousuke along with him. Haru didn't think much of that- Rin had a temper. What he did think much of was the fact that Nagisa looked a little shocked yet angry, and Rei wore a look of puzzled frustration.

“But why wouldn’t he know? Kisumi really likes Haru,” Nagisa mumbled, it was the first time Nagisa had called Haru by Haru- and not by ‘haru-chan’. Haru wished he could say he was relieved.

“I think,” Makoto reasoned- Haru turning to him again, “Haru would react better, he deals with me all the time, he doesn’t know.” Makoto was explaining it to Nagisa and Rei, while Haru felt that Makoto should be explaining it to him. It was frustrating, and at the same time- Haru felt cold and cruel for making someone cry. He kept telling himself that Kisumi deserved it- but did he really? He didn’t feel like Kisumi deserved it anymore. Nobody deserved it.

“What do you mean?” Haru near whined, stepping a little closer to Makoto- his eyes blown with slight panic, “What happened to him?”

“Oh, Haruka-san,” Rei mumbled, and he no longer looked all that angry- just remorseful, in a way. Like, second-hand remorse. He stepped closer, but Makoto put a hand up and smiled in a weird way at Rei- like, the smile a mother would give.

“I’ll tell him.” Makoto insisted in a gentle tone, Haru knew it was because Makoto knew Haru and was good at talking to him, he was better than everyone else at talking to him.

Haru ducked his head, closing his eyes.

He felt a small hand on his shoulder, and looked up to meet Nagisa’s eyes. “It’s okay, Haru-chan, you didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Haru near demanded, but his voice was pathetic and weak, he didn’t want to cause any more damage.

He then felt an arm around his shoulders- a big, strong one, and he knew it was time to go. “C’mon, Haru, let’s go home,” Makoto said, giving Haru’s body a quick squeeze with his one arm, “We’ll see you later, Nagisa- Rei,” Makoto smiled, giving a small wave, and the other boys returned it.

The bikeride home was silent. Haru just pressed himself against Makoto as the air became hard to breath and muggy and the clouds got darker.

/**/

Haru pushed himself against Makoto’s chest as the darkness closed around them. His broad chest- heavy heartbeat, it felt good. His bulky form almost made a bed for Haru’s much smaller body. He just curled his fingers in the fabric of Makoto’s undershirt and listened to his slow heartbeat. Always slow, always slow. He never wanted it to change, he wanted Makoto to stay like this forever. Slow and steady- Makoto was Haru’s rock, his gentle composure and loving energy would always have enough patience for Haru. For the first time in a while he didn’t feel sick- sick didn’t matter here, pressed against Makoto and warm and happy. He had forgotten everything at the icecream parlor and it was because Makoto made it go away.

The rain hit the ground outside, it was calming and soft but yet Haru didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to cherish this, right here. Listening to Makoto’s heart, being close with him. Right now it felt less like a release of what Haru trapped inside- right now he just loved Makoto. And Makoto let him. Makoto let himself.

Makoto’s hands would shift over Haru’s body- not because he was uncomfortable, but he was simply exploring the other male’s body. Touching the notches in his spine as the thunder banged outside, touching strands of his thin black hair, just exploring- innocent, curious touches are what made up Makoto’s feeling. Haru didn’t mind.

There was a long silence shared between the two of them. They didn’t talk for hours, but that was okay.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Makoto had finally spoken, his voice blending in with the rumble of thunder. “Or , maybe you did. You were just trying to protect us, I know.” Makoto’s voice was soft spoken and reassuring, and Haru didn’t argue.

“I know you’re trying to protect me from him.”

“I, I was-” Haru hesitated, lifting his head to look at Makoto- but Makoto’s attention was to the ceiling and Haru put his head back down on his chest.

“But I can take care of myself now.”

“I know.”

“You don’t need to worry about me anymore, Haru.”

“But I always will.”

Makoto let out a small chuckle, finally looking down from the ceiling to look at Haru, a small, calm smile on his lips. Makoto touched his hair. “I know.” He said.

“You might be big but you’re still soft,” Haru mumbled, closing his eyes as a flash of lightening lit up the room briefly- “You’ve always been that way.”

Makoto took a while to reply. And when he did, it was something Haru didn’t expect to come out of his mouth. “High school is going to be a big change, Haruka.” The use of his full name startled him. Makoto hadn’t called him that in.. Years. Had he even ever called him Haruka? When did he even know that Haru’s full name was Haruka? Haru only remembered telling him ‘call me Haru’ and the name Haruka never came up.

Makoto’s body shivered. “And I’m scared.” His voice was a mere whisper.

“Me too.” Haru decided not to question Makoto’s use of his full name. He decided it didn’t matter now.  

“I wanna be stronger, Haru. Real strong.”

“You are strong.”  
“Not in the way I want to be.”

Haru closed his eyes, his grip on Makoto’s shirt tightening- “No, I like you like this, you’re good like this.”

Makoto didn’t say anything else.

That fight had changed him. Haru knew it had. In some way- Makoto realized something, he realized Haru wasn’t as strong as he put himself out to be. Haru knew- he knew Makoto realized that now. He knew Makoto was going to try to be strong for the both of them now. Haru didn’t want him to be.

Haru wanted to say more, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t find the words- and even if he did, he’d then have to find the courage to say them.

The next thing Makoto said wasn’t about himself- Haru wished it was, yet he was glad it wasn’t- “So about Kisumi.”  
“Yeah, about Kisumi.”

It was then Haru realized he liked his boring, normal life. Because it was his life. His life, with slow Makoto, Rei and Nagisa dating, and nearly-gay Rin, and uneventful days with bad lungs.

/**/

It started out with a simple phone call. Haru was starting to question himself when he saw Kisumi standing at his door with a dumb smile like nothing had ever happened between them. Like Haru inviting him over erased everything he had said. Haru didn’t mind. Actually, he was happy Kisumi didn’t show up at his door in tears or something like that. That would be awkward.  
“Hey,” Haru said after a while- his mouth going a little dry.   
“Hey, Haru-chan.” Kisumi said- before pausing to look around, trying to look around Haru, “Wheres Makoto? He’s normally here.”  
“Him and Sousuke are at the gym together.”   
“What about your dad?” Kisumi then asked, Haru stepping inside- Kisumi following.   
“At work.”  
“Ah.”

This was weird. Haru could feel the strain of awkwardness surround him. “You sit,” Haru motioned to the living room couch- “I’ll make some tea.” Perfect excuse. Did Haru even have tea? He had been catering to Makoto these past few days and he had only been making hot chocolate and some weird energy smoothies that Sousuke said were good for him to build more muscle. Like that boy needed any more muscles,..   
Haru took a sigh of relief when he was alone in the kitchen, leafing through the cabinets to see that they did have tea. Thank god.

Haru was padding back into the living room- watching Kisumi look at all of the knick-knacks and photographs Haru had in his house -golden dragons and paintings of fish, his arms folded in his lap and wore an expression of innocence.   
In silence, Haru sat down on the opposite side of the couch after pouring Kisumi’s tea in a mug- Haru pouring his own before setting the flowery kettle down. Haru forgot the taste of tea- so much hot chocolate, it was nice to have it back. He sighed- his breath feeling like pure steam.   
“Hey, Haru,” Kisumi said after taking a few sips of the tea- “Is that your mom?” He pointed to one of the many pictures of his mom- the lady with the long, black hair and blue eyes. There were many pictures of her, but the one Kisumi pointed at was the one framed in the middle of the mantel, the one with all the items of remembrance and a small ash pit underneath it. Haru just nodded.

“Ah, she’s very pretty.”

Haru couldn’t help but smile. Yeah, she was. Very pretty.

“Man, you’re quiet.” Kisumi laughed- looking at Haru again. “You always talk to Makoto.”  
“Yeah, because he’s Makoto.” Haru uttered, trying not to get angry at the obviously accidentally rude remark.

“You guys have been friends for a while, eh? I can’t remember a time i’ve seen you two apart.”

Haru nodded. He had been with Makoto most of his life. It was weird to think about- but yet it felt normal. He was Makoto’s best friend. Nearly his brother. Makoto was his.

Silence was shared. Haru and Kisumi were both drinking the tea Haru had made. It provided as a distraction- a reason not to talk, and when Haru drank it all, he felt terror grip his bones.

“So,” Haru started- Kisumi’s eyes darting to their corners, “You have some explaining to do.”

Kisumi visibly went pale. Haru huffed.  
“Makoto told me the jist of it. You don’t need to be scared to tell me.” Haru mumbled, but now Haru could see how the teacup was shaking in Kisumi’s hand. “I’ve dealt with taking care of Makoto most of my life. You can tell me.”

It took Kisumi a while to reply- but when he did, it wasn’t what Haru wanted.

His voice was shy and gentle- a little scared. “Can I ask you a question first?”

Haru knew what was coming. But, he nodded.

“I just see the way you look at Makoto sometimes, and the other day when you shared your ice cream with him -and, sometimes you look really flustered in the changing rooms like you’re having trouble with something, and I was just..” Kisumi trailed off- shaking his head, “Are you gay?”

Haru paused. Kisumi apparently took that silence for anger. “Not that it’s a bad thing! I um, I know better now.”

“I don’t know why you need to know, but,” Haru huffed, “Yeah. I’m pretty sure.” Kisumi almost seemed to loosen up a little bit, “Your turn.” Haru said, and Kisumi breathed. Haru realized it was the first time Haru had ever told anyone of his sexual shenanigans.

“Well, I, um,” Kisumi started to shuffle his feet out of fear but that could’ve been the strong stare Haru was giving him, “I was um, you know. My dad.”

“Your dad,” Haru repeated.  
“And, he had a brother. and he’d babysit a lot. But he wasn’t a good man.”  
“Like Makoto’s dad.” Haru said- thats what Makoto had told him.  
“Yes, but, no, not exactly,” Kisumi ran a hand through his hair as if he were trying to distract himself from the problem at hand, “He’d touch,  you know.”

Haru gulped. He knew.   
“And that’s where I learned all that stuff. It still doesn't give me a pass for all the awful things i’ve said, or done, and, you know.” Kisumi didn’t like finishing his sentences. But Haru got the general jist of things so he didn’t mind all the ‘you know’s. “And I’m really sorry for all the things I said. And, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just thought you’d understand with how you take care of Makoto and all.”  
“Well, I don’t understand if you don’t tell me.” Haru huffed, and Kisumi laughed a nervous, flitty kind of laugh.

“I know. I was scared to tell you. I don’t want you to think less of me.”   
“I think more of you if anything.”  
That was a bad thing to say as Kisumi lit up.

Haru gulped- rubbing the side of his neck, “I’m sorry that happened to you, Kisumi.”   
“It’s okay. I’m alright. My mom found out and now I live with her. I’m not really sure whats happened to my dad and my uncle and stuff.” Kisumi explained- than finished the rest of his tea with a sort of pep, he seemed much more relaxed. Haru was glad. That was better. His cheeks lifted in somewhat of an odd smile- like, it was hardly there, but Kisumi was noticeably happy.

“You wanna watch TV?” Haru asked after a while- but this silence wasn’t awkward, and Kisumi nodded a happy yes.   
Haru turned on the TV, and the two just watched some show in silence. But this time it was a good silence as Haru could breath a little- he could feel the tension float away.

It became apparent he had fallen asleep at some point as the next thing he knew the sky was darkening and the sound of the door opening had woken him up. Haru blinked, lifting one had to rub an eye, lifting his head from the back of the couch. He had a crook in his neck from his neck bending over the back of the couch to keep his head upright.

He saw Makoto- setting his gym bag down, all sweaty and gross. He was probably going to take a shower, he looked tired, but when he stood up from setting his gym bag down, his green eyes widened a little in Haru’s direction.

Haru groaned quietly, looking down to see Kisumi had fallen asleep in his lap. Oh. Well.

But that wasn’t the worst of it- Haru had a hand just softly tangled in his pink hair- and it felt all soft and cottony. But it wasn’t just placed there- no, it was there in a way it was intentional. His thumb just touching the shell of Kisumi’s ear- Haru was aware when he had done this.

He looked at Makoto and shrugged. Makoto shrugged back.

Haru also put a hand over his lips- telling Makoto to be quiet. So that Kisumi would stay asleep. Since when did he care of Kisumi was comfortable...? Well, he did look awful cute right now- mouth slightly agape, his nose pressed gently into the soft of Haru’s stomach. It was weird, but.. Nice. Haru couldn't help but smile- just a little.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his head- a big hand. “Makoto!” He scolded in a whisper, and heard the lofty chuckle of his best friend.  
“I’m gonna go shower.” Makoto said with a small laugh.   
“Shower good, you stink.”   
Makoto laughed again, and he heard Makoto’s footsteps pacing up the stairs with heavy-tire thumps.

Haru went silent- feeling his hand unconsciously card through Kisumi’s soft hair. Eventually- the other moaned, and Haru saw violet eyes peak out from behind his eyelids.

Again, Haru put his finger to his lips- “Shh.”

Kisumi went right back to sleep, just nuzzling closer to Haru. Haru let him.   
/**/  
Haru woke up again later- but this was in the act of his head being smashed against something.  
He yelped- and heard a familiar ‘Waah! Haru!’, and knew exactly what was going on. He could feel strong arms around him- and he was clearly not lying or sitting. Makoto was trying to carry him to bed like the idiot he was.   
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Haru was forcing his eyes open- just to feel Makoto’s grip tighten around him so Makoto could pull Haru’s body closer. Makoto had tried to manuver the two of them through the door and in result smashed Haru’s head into the door frame.   
He was fine, his nose just hurt. Haru moaned in frustration. “Mako-too..”   
“I know, m’sorry!’  
“Why didn’t you just wake me up and tell me to go upstairs?”  
“I didn’t want to disturb you...”  
Haru sighed, “Of course you didn't,” Haru felt Makoto’s warm body against his- and decided to grip it. Might as well take advantage of what Makoto was offering to him. Touching the new muscles on the underside of Makoto’s arms, pressing his head to his collarbone. “Did Kisumi leave?”   
“Yeah, he left a few minutes ago,” Makoto said- “He said to kiss you goodbye for him or somethin’.” Makoto chuckled, shaking his head- “What a spazz. Anyway, i’m guessing the turnout of inviting him home was good?”  
“Mh.” Haru just nodded- too tired to tell Makoto. Anyways, Makoto probably figured it went well as Haru had let Kisumi sleep on his lap.   
Honestly, thinking about it... Kisumi was cute.   
No, no, all boys were cute to Haru. He showed interest in a lot of them.   
But, still. Admittedly attractive. And now Haru didn’t feel sour feelings towards him- Kisumi knew what he had done was inexcusable, but what happened to him was too.   
Haru sighed- gripping Makoto tight.   
Soon Haru was awkwardly being placed into his bed, and he grunted and kicked Makoto in the stomach a few times to let him know how much of a dork he was for thinking it was a good idea to carry Haru to bed. Makoto just laughed.   
Haru kicked the covers down, it was too hot for them. He sighed- finally somewhat comfortable. He could sleep now.   
He thought Makoto was going to join him, but Makoto just gave him a soft smile and an endearing ‘Night, Haru-chan.’

He was leaving Haru’s room. Where was he going? It was pretty late. Haru didn’t want Makoto to sleep at the bad man’s house tonight. Haru wanted him here. Makoto moved in with him last year and hardly ever slept at his own house- where was he going?  
“Makoto-” Haru called, and Makoto stopped dead in his tracks. “Where are you going?”   
Makoto turned and looked at Haru with the same amount of confusion in his eyes as Haru felt. He didn’t know where he was going either. “..The kitchen,” He had to ponder his answer- though, Haru could tell Makoto wasn’t lying. But what Makoto was doing was finding a reason not to go to bed with Haru.   
Haru knew he couldn’t think over his words sometimes. He just had to blurt them out as they came into his head. “Stay.”

Makoto froze for a moment- before nodding. He paced back to the bed- taking off his shirt so he was only in his sweats- and crawled into bed with Haruka. Much better. The dip Makoto made in his small little bed always made Haru feel like he was going to fall in it when Makoto wasn’t there.  
It was almost automatic. Makoto wrapped an arm around Haru- Haruka cuddled close to his chest, replacing his pillow with Makoto’s chest. His fingers rested on the bare skin of Makoto’s abdomend. Close. This is what Haru liked the most.  
It took Makoto a while to speak- and when he did it came out a hesitant whisper. “We can’t keep doing this.” He said, and Haru felt a knot in his stomach.   
“I know.” He did know. He knew it was wrong. Makoto was straight. Even if Haru was gay that didn’t make a difference. Makoto was a straight male who was his best friend. Best friends don’t do this, no matter how good it felt. Haru rubbed a finger over Makoto’s tanned skin.   
“And I know it feels good- I like it too, it’s just,” Makoto puffed, “You’re my brother, Haru. You’re the closest person to me. I can’t, we can’t do this.” Haru wanted to ask him why- if it felt good, no one was watching- but, Haru knew. He couldn’t get addicted to Makoto, he couldn’t crave him. It would be wrong- unfair for the both of them. “I’m sorry.”  
“I know, Makoto,” Haru dug his face closer- his body felt cold, even pressed to Makoto. Even in the summer heat. He felt uneasy and cold. Makoto sounded the same- he sounded sick and unsure of himself. “It’s okay.”   
“Just, this’ll be the last time- okay?”   
“Okay.”   
Haru felt Makoto’s chest huff in a heavy sigh, his strong arms tighten around Haru- and suddenly, the last conversation didn’t matter. Haru’s grip tightened on Makoto- and he dug his body closer. Warm- again.   
Haru jumped a little when he felt Makoto’s hands slide up his arms- skin rough but gesture gentle. Haru’s head was then nearly engulfed by those hands- his hands resting on his cheeks only to rub his index finger under Haru’s jawline. Haru’s heart started to hammer- and he could feel Makoto looking at him. It was like Makoto knew Haru was gay or something -but he couldn't have know.   
Makoto’s hands cradling his face then angled up Haru’s head just enough- and when Haru felt a warm, heavy puff of breath dance across his forehead, his spine shook with what could’ve been anticipation- but was also just the sheer fact that Makoto was so.. Oddly tender with his movements. Normally Makoto was slow and uncoordinated but right now- that felt oddly right. He had never been handled with so much care before. Haru let his eyes flutter shut- his mouth gaping open just a little.

One of Makoto’s hands slid from his cheek to press a thumb underneath Haru’s lower lip and his fingers curled under Haru’s chin- and the gesture alone made Haru’s body so damn excited he swore he was going to throw up. But, in a good way. A good throwing up.

Makoto kissed him- on the forehead, but a kiss none the less. Haru didn’t care where the hell it was because it was just as good as Haru imagined a smooch on the lips to be. Makoto was just so gentle- and slow, and perfect. The kiss was oddly slow for one on the forehead. Maybe Makoto was imagining it was on the lips.

His lips were soft. Warm and plush against Haru’s skin and everything Haru imagined them to be like. He realized he had imagined what Makoto’s lips would feel like.   
After the soft forehead-kiss, Makoto let go of Haru’s chin, breathing out ‘Haruka’ in a mere sigh- the heated breath used to form the name huffing against Haru’s skin.

His full name. This time- it filled Haru’s heart with endearment, not fear, as it had the last time Makoto had used it.

“Makoto,” Haru replied- his voice soft and hesitant.

Before Makoto had the chance to squeeze Haru into a un-escapable bearhug until the two boys fell asleep, Haru lifted himself just enough to press a supple kiss to Makoto’s chin, knowing it wasn’t going to work wonders on Makoto like Makoto’s kiss had on Haru- but, he wanted to try. He wanted to make Makoto happy and show the same amount of affection to Makoto.

He swore he felt Makoto shiver. He could’ve been imagining things.

Soon Haru’s head was nestled underneath Makoto’s chin- the two boys cozy and warm, embracing each other for what Makoto saw as the last time.

Haru kept an open mind. But, honestly- he was just a lovesick boy in denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear im gonna lose 50% of my viewers for this one  
> oh well kisuharu f u ck yeah
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing that last lil part with the forehead smooches ! plus. idk. i have a thing f or chin smoochies as well- its just, aaa so cute
> 
> btw if u cant tell its not the last time they cuddl e haha
> 
> b ye


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chap makoto learns that hot dogs come in all shapes and sizes

 

“That’ll be good in it, too!”   
“Mh, hey- thats too much milk.”  
“Oh, sorry! How about we add some cocoa to cancel it out?”  
“Sure.”

Haru never would’ve thought he’d be willingly cooking with Kisumi. It was summer for godsakes- no teacher from cooking class to force them to work together, no project that they had to finish. Haru had willingly invited Kisumi over to cook with him, and honestly, it was fun. Well- not fun, but enjoyable. Haru didn’t find things fun as much as he found them pleasant. He wasn’t even making the dish for himself- it was for Makoto as always as Haru really enjoyed making chocolate dishes. Haru didn’t like chocolate, so he could make them for enjoyment and give them to Makoto.

“What made you want to cook, Haru? You’re pretty good at it.” Kisumi asked as he sprinkled a little bit of salt into the batter, a smile gracing his features.  
“My dad cooked a lot when I was little.” Haru explained, “It’s also the only thing I can do with my asthma.”   
“Yeah.” Kisumi said- “That makes sense.”  
“What about you?”  
“Oh, I just like making things I can eat.” Kisumi laughed- and Haru put on one of his little- hardly recognisable smiles. But the way Kisumi’s teeth scraped at his lips told Haru Kisumi had noticed. “Well, I uh, think the batter looks good!”  
Haru paused- looking at it to make sure every ingredient was in there- a few small chunks in the chocolatey batter. “We have to smooth these out.” Haru said, reaching out for the wooden spoon- only to feel Kisumi to the same, the taller’s fingers tensing for a moment as his hand landed on Haru’s as they both rested on the spoon’s handle.

Haru froze. It was like, no- it wasn’t like anything. It wasn’t like when Makoto would hold his hand because when Makoto did that they were young and innocent. Now Haru understood the whole hand-holding thing, and Kisumi knew he was gay. There was something behind it- yet, it was pretty dumb as it was an accident and came straight out of a cheesy romance novel. Yet it was nice. Haru felt himself flush and look away as Kisumi’s fingers slightly curled around his knuckles.

Haru didn’t have to worry about who would let go because Kisumi was the first to jerk away- but it wasn’t relieving as the taller seemed startled and scared- but in a weirdly confused way. When Haru turned to look at him as Kisumi was starting to walk backwards- his eyes widened but yet he looked dumbfounded as if to what force pulled him back and scared him so bad. “Kisumi-” Haru murmured, concern turning his expression.

“I’m okay” Kisumi gasped out like someone was choking him.

“Don't lie,” Haru shot back almost immediately, approaching the boy as he stopped stumbling backwards. Haru knew what was wrong- though, he wasn't good with emotions, he couldn’t have Kisumi scared. He didn’t want that. “I know you’re not.”  
Kisumi looked totally vulnerable for a few moments- and Haru knew he didn't have any intentions on speaking.   
  


Haru huffed- his body heaving with the action, “I won’t hurt you. You’re safe with me.”  
“I know-” Kisumi finally just choked- shaking his head, “I don’t want to hurt you.”  
Haru suddenly felt bad. He probably scared Kisumi half to death when he yelled at the poor guy and Haru could see the effect of his words on Kisumi now. He was scared of being like the man who abused him- he realized he was becoming him and changed. That’s why he was absent all those months- Kisumi found peace within himself and he didn’t need to be scared of what the man who abused him was. He didn’t need to put up an extra layer of defense against people.

It was weird. Seeing the toll of whatever happened to the other boy effect him. Makoto never reacted to things that reminded him of his dad like this- but, than again, Kisumi and Makoto were two very different people.

“You won’t hurt me,” Haru said, his voice all awkward but his thoughts genuine, “I know you won’t now, it’s okay.”

He thought Kisumi was going to cry for a few seconds- but Kisumi seemed to snap out of it with a nervous little fit of giggles- and Haru breathed a sigh of relief. “There, you’re alright. It’s all over now.” Haru breathed- more so reassuring himself if anything. Haru couldn't wrap his head around what happened to Kisumi when he was younger. All he could do was feel bad- it was hard to be sad about something he couldn't understand. That’s what made it worse- he couldn't understand it. It was that bad.

Eventually- Haru lead Kisumi back to the counter- they got the cake mix stirred and into the oven.

For a few moments- Haru just kind of stood there, staring at the flashing numbers of the oven’s timer.

Haru thought over what he was going to do before he did it- being gentle with his movements- timid and weary, he slid his fingers between Kisumi’s in the most sensual way he could. He didn’t want to set Kisumi off again- but he wanted to let him know he was okay now. Haru wanted to help Kisumi get passed what happened to him.

“See?” Haru said after waiting a few seconds- feeling Kisumi’s hands tense, “You won’t hurt me, and I wont hurt you. It’s okay.”

Kisumi broke his serious expression with a somewhat melancholy chuckle, turning his head to look at Haru. “You’re right.” His hand relaxed into Haru’s, and the two boys stayed like that- holding hands in the quiet of the kitchen, Haru watching Kisumi’s expression as the boy seemed to be going through different ones but none of them worried Haru this time. Kisumi was simply thinking- his eyes squinting just a little.

The buzzer for the timer went off and Haru had to let go of Kisumi’s hand to get it- wrapping some of it up and putting it in the fridge. They all sat down at the table- and Makoto immediately showed immense pleasure from the dish that Kisumi and Haru had made for him- like, was it normal to get that excited for chocolate?

/**/

Haru was thinking it was time to get out of the tub when he noticed his fingers felt spongy and looked all wrinkled. He didn’t want to get out- but, maybe he should. Invite Kisumi over so they could cuddle on the couch or go on a walk with Makoto. But he just didn't feel like it. The only thing he felt like doing was being in the bathtub.

Haruka sank down in the tub so the water lapped around his nose- his kneecaps breaching the surface just a little. He sighed- feeling the ripples form around the simple snort. He closed his eyes- trying all his might to actually rev himself up to drag his dying, sick body out of the water. Who knew the thing that made him relax the most could very well kill him. j

Suddenly all the misty heat that had formed from the steamy bath was escaping from the room and Haru jumped upright when he heard the door swing open.

“Oh, Hey Haru,” Makoto chirped like everything was normal. Haru huffed- immediately frowning at the brunette.  
“The door was locked,” Haru said awkwardly- he remembered locking it. Makoto paused, and shrugged. Haru realized he was naked and glanced down at his visibly naked body through the clear water. Shit. “Don’t tell me you broke the door.”

“I don’t think I did,” Makoto shrugged- approaching the sink, and Haru put his arms on the side of the tub so he could pull himself out. Makoto responded immediately- “No, no, you don’t need to get out. I just need to shave.”  
Thank god.

Haru didn’t want to get out- that and he was naked.

...Wait, Makoto needed to shave? Shave what? Haru gaped a little as Makoto started to lather up his face with shaving cream- and just before he covered his jaw with the white foam- the prickly hairs that dusted Makoto’s jawline- a light chocolate color, just a shade lighter than his hair color.

Oh c’mon- No fair.  
Haru touched his own jaw as if comparing his baby-smooth skin with Makoto’s.

He huffed- and decided it was pointless. Haru hid his hairless chin in the water- the slight ripples in the bath touching his nostrils. Screw facial hair. He didn’t need it. Haru was too cool for body hair.

He heard Makoto hiss at some point- and Makoto was cradling his chin- the blade he had been using to shave clattering to the sink. “You okay?” Haru asked quietly- and Makoto’s eyes widened before he nodded.  
“Just cut myself with the razor- I’m okay.”   
“Clumsy.” Haru snorted- closing his eyes and trying to imagine Makoto wasn’t there and Makoto couldn’t see the fact that Haru was stark naked. Who just walked in on someone in the bathtub like it was no big deal?

Haru mentally scolded himself- he needed to stop that. Accusing Makoto of things. Makoto was already starting to hate one of his most redeeming qualities and Haru didn’t want to lose him to self-hatred. He needed to stop ridiculing Makoto for things- even if it was just mentally.

Haru closed his eyes tight- before hearing Makoto muse something that made Haru jump upright.  
“Woah, hey, your dick is weird?”  
Haru retorted with a gasp- sitting straight upward to cover his junk. He stared back at Makoto with a shocked scowl- that, wasn’t meant to be a scowl, but he was certainly shocked. “What do you mean?” Haru wasn’t hard. He wasn’t- he knew that. No erections right now. But still- Makoto had seen him naked. He didn’t even worry about what Makoto was talking about- Makoto had looked at his dick.

“No, no- Take your hands away, I wanna see- it’s so weird..”

“What do you mean weird? It’s my penis!”  
“I know, but, it's like... Let me see!” Makoto had washed his face off,  now free of shaving cream- and was now leaning over the tub- his eyes wide with curiosity and innocence. An innocence that Haru was dumbfounded by. Maybe Makoto really didn't suspect Haru was gay.

Haru returned those words with- somewhat playfully- pushing away Makoto’s head with his hands. That ended badly because apparently Makoto wanted to see Haru’s dick so bad that his reflexes actually worked for once and Makoto grabbed both of Haru’s wrists like handcuffs.

Haru squirmed as he felt Makoto’s eyes on him- small protests leaving his lips as he crossed his legs but it really didn't do much as to hide.

Haru huffed in frustration- his face a deep shade of scarlet from just frustration and embarrassment, his wrists still wiggling in Makoto’s grasp so Makoto wouldn't cut off the circulation to his hands.

“Weird,” Makoto remarked- and Haru still had no clue what he was even talking about. Haru’s thing was normal. It wasn't like there was anything wrong with it- “Why do you have so much.. Like, skin?”

Oh. That was it.

“The head is completely gone,” Makoto mumbled as if mesmerized, but yet kind of freaked out at the same time. Makoto’s dad really must not tell this boy very much. “It’s underneath all the skin..”

“Oh Makoto,” Haru breathed, Makoto finally letting Haru’s hands go- and Haru rubbed at them to kill the irritation in his skin. Makoto didn’t know his own strength, Haru figured. “I was never circumcised, I guess.”

“What’s that?” Makoto sat down next to the tub- his eyes beaming with curiosity. It was kinda cute the way Makoto looked so oddly childish, that is if he hadn’t just forced Haru down so he could look at his dick.

“It’s like. mm,” Haru had no clue how to explain this- “It’s like when you’re born you have this thing called foreskin I guess. Which is what I have. Some people have it removed at birth.”

Makoto blinked- a small “Ooh,” leaving his lips. Haru snorted and shook his head, giving Makoto a small pat on the head.

“Don’t ever call my dick weird again.”  
Makoto laughed- his smile making his eyes close- “Sorry Haru, I won’t.”

A few moments later Haru got out of the tub- dismissing that as one of the weirdest things to happen in a while. That and waking up with Kisumi asleep on his lap, but Makoto pinning him down so he could call his dick weird was certainly up there with the weird shit that happened in Haru’s life.

/**/

Haru went out with Nagisa and Rei for ice cream, but, they walked as Haru didn’t have a bike. He normally rode with Makoto, but, Makoto didn’t come today.

“Makoto, I’m going out to get ice cream,” Haru had said, Makoto just lounging on the couch and watching some show- moving a little dragon nicknack that rested on the coffee table with his big toe.

Makoto had looked at him and perked up- just a little, and they just stared at each other for a moment. Haru was confused- wouldn’t Makoto ask to come? Maybe he didn’t wanna go or something.

Haru just replied with a single ‘bye’, before stepping out the front door. It only hit him now that it was kind of cruel- but he tried not to think about it. Makoto normally never seemed to hold onto things for so long, or at least, not that Haru knew of.

Once they had sat down with ice cream in hand- Haru watched Rei and Nagisa feed each other and they talked about dumb stuff together. Like how Rei’s science classes were doing and the fact that Nagisa wanted to study sea life when he got older. Haru agreed that that would be cool. Haru ate that classic spongebob popsicle he always had- but it would never compare to the taste that Makoto left behind on that popsicle a few weeks ago.

“Is Makoto really going all out with that football thing?” Nagisa had asked- and Haru simply nodded, sinking his teeth into the popsicle before retaliating as- damn- that was cold. “Weird, I never saw him to be a football kind of guy!”

“Me neither,” Haru huffed, “He’s trying to change himself, it’s annoying.”

“Well, I don’t really think that’s the case, Haruka-san,” Rei said politely, Rei was much too polite to ever get mad at him, “Maybe he’s just trying new things. He’s probably trying to make you happy, you’ve been rather tough on him lately. Not that it’s a bad thing.” Rei licked at his cone of frozen yogurt- as, again, Rei still thought ice cream was too sugary and artificial. “He’s probably just thinking he should toughen up, and this is his way of showing it.”

“I haven’t been tough on him,” Haru snorted. No way, he had never. Some times he got irritated at Makoto, but he got irritated with everyone. Haru was just a grumpy person. No way he had been tough on him- sure, Haru could be aggressive, but not that aggressive. Not to the point where Makoto felt he needed to change himself. Haru wouldn't accept that, no, he wasn’t like that. “Makoto’s just a people pleaser.”

“Exactly,” Rei said, pointing his index finger in a ‘i'm a smart person’ kind of way. Haru huffed and gave up with that conversation soon after. There was people Haru could argue with- Rin, Sousuke, maybe ever Kisumi. But Rei and Nagisa were not those people. Rei and Nagisa had sort of an innocence about them, something that Haru would feel bad if he yelled at either of them. Plus, he cared about them greatly.

Haru started to stare at his spongebob popsicle- lost in thought as he remembered the oddly husky taste of Makoto when he had tried his popsicle. He tasted like chocolate- but yet, the faintest hints of tea and coffee- making for a rather manly taste. Haru never really thought he’d be fantasising over what Makoto tasted like. Haru wondered what he tasted like. Probably sickness and salted mackerel.

Haru soon found himself texting Kisumi to come to get ice cream. Watching Rei and Nagisa feed each other- Haru was getting kind of jealous. He thought about texting Makoto, but Makoto wouldn't do that with him and Kisumi was. It was a selfish move, but Makoto basically lived with Haru so there was really no harm done.

Soon Kisumi was turning the corner on his dumb rollerskates- hopping over the curb, and Nagisa and Rei looked honestly a little worried when Haru locked eyes with him. That was right- they didn’t know Haru and Kisumi had made up yet.

Kisumi smiled at Nagisa and Rei- sending them a little wave, “Hey,” He said, his voice soft but oddly smooth. Kisumi had an odd voice for a man, it was completely smooth, no weird pitches or tones in it, but yet oddly gentle and soft. Makoto’s voice was gentle, but it had a weird little crack down the middle that always made him sound like he was whining in some way, as well as his voice being deeper. And Haru’s own voice was smooth- but, in comparison to Kisumi’s, Haru’s voice was much lower and deeper. Kisumi’s voice was almost like a girl’s but yet boyish enough to be pretty damn cute.

“Hey Haru-chan,” Kisumi crooned, plopping down on the bench next to Haru, the hard wheels of Kisumi’s skates smacking against the ground.

“Hey,” Haru replied- biting into his popsicle and shivering from the cold feel- “Don’t call me that.”

“Hah, sorry,” Kisumi almost immediately wrapped an arm around Haru- and though all they had really done still was hold hands (Hell, they weren’t even dating), it felt oddly right and Haru leaned into it, his face only flushing in the slightest.

Rei and Nagisa blinked- exchanging a glance. That was before the wild grin spread Nagisa’s lips.

“Oh-! Oh! You guys are-!”

“Not dating,” Haru cut Nagisa off. Nagisa frowned.

“Close enough,” Kisumi said with a small swat of his hand, grinning back at Nagisa. That re-kindled Nagisa’s fire and he slammed his hands down on the wooden bench.

“Aah!” Nagisa shrieked, his little hands balling into fists.

“I was getting a feeling..” Rei noted softly, “But I thought It would be with Makoto-senpai..”

Haru immediately got defensive- “He’s my best friend.” He remarked, and then Kisumi lit up with giggles.

They spent a few more hours eating ice cream- Kisumi eventually got his own, and Kisumi asked if he could try Haru’s popsicle.

Haru hesitated. For two reasons. One reason being almost all of the popsickle was gone and if Kisumi had some than Haru wouldn’t have as much. The second, more important reason was some defensive feel in Haru’s chest that wasn’t right- he knew it had to do with Makoto trying some those weeks ago. What if Kisumi wasn’t as good tasting as Makoto? What if Kisumi was trying to replace him? No, Kisumi wouldn’t do that. Kisumi was innocent enough and Haru trusted him by now.

Haru soon found out after letting Kisumi try his popsicle that- indeed, Kisumi tasted like candy. And it was so different than Makoto’s taste- Haru couldn’t compare the two. One was not better than the other, nor, were they just as good. It was weird. They were so different from each other...

/**/

Kisumi went home with him that night. They held hands the whole way home and Haru couldn’t stop taking heavy swallows of air to keep himself from going to the hospital. Or, that’s what it felt like.

Makoto wasn’t home when Haru and Kisumi got back- he had left a cute little note on the door that said ‘Went out with Sousuke to the gym! Call me if you need anything!~Makoto’ with a little smiley face on it, and another poorly drawn cat.

Kisumi and Haru wasted time by watching three whole subtitled episodes of Kitchen Nightmares- watching kitchen shows was Haru’s favorite past time- no matter where they were from. Haru fit in a little nintendo gaming as well- something he hadn’t done in a while, all while leaning against Kisumi’s shoulder. It was nice- being intimate and close with another male, another male who probably shared the same feelings for Haru as Haru did for him. It was warm, and weirdly arousing. It wasn’t, sexy, or anything like that. But the sweet gestures made Haru excited.

It was certainly nice knowing that Kisumi wouldn’t ask Haru to stop like Makoto had.

Haru reminded himself he didn’t need Makoto- at least, he didn’t need him in a physical sense. He had Kisumi now, Haru didn’t need to hug and cuddle up to Makoto to feel loved and safe. He didn’t. Makoto didn't want him either- so now Haru could have Kisumi. Haru had to move on from Makoto, since, Makoto didn’t want that.

Later that night- Kisumi called his mom so he could sleep over. It was the first time Kisumi had slept over and honestly- Haru was a little bit more excited than he should have been. He liked Kisumi- he liked him a lot, he was soft and funny and kind. Though he could be a little loud sometimes, Haru didn’t mind too much. And Haru’s sympathy didn't just come from Kisumi’s hardships, it was really because Haru liked the guy. He had moved on from what Kisumi was before.

They had gone upstairs at some point, into Haru’s room as they both tucked under the covers and turned on Haru’s air conditioner so they wouldn’t bake.

There was little hesitation as the two boys huddled against each other- legs intertwining and chests pressed against each other. Haru could feel that Kisumi’s heart was racing too. It was a comfort knowing that the two of them were just as gross and awkward as one another, a teenagers first relationship was always weird.

Relationship..? Could Haru call this a relationship? Haru had never felt this with Makoto, probably as they had known each other all their lives. The only time Haru felt like this was when Makoto kissed his forehead. Maybe this was what dating felt like- hearts racing and awkward little fits of laughter. Dry lips and constantly being somewhat horny.

Honeslty- Haru would do a lot just so he could grind up against Kisumi’s thigh which was teasingly close to his crotch. But then again, Haru felt like that was wrong. He wanted Kisumi to make the first move so Haru would feel ok about touching him. If they ever did touch. Haru just had the mindset that thety were dating now- even though they hadn’t said anything.

Haru wondered if Kisumi would react like Makoto had upon seeing Haru’s dick for the first time.

Then he thought about a few other things- like, if Kisumi could swim, or, what Kisumi’s nipples looked like. Haru imagined them being pink like his hair. That would be great.

It was nice having someone who wanted to cuddle just as bad as Haru did. The two kept adjusting themselves, Haru nuzzling between Kisumi’s collarbone and Kisumi trying to hug Haru closer.

One of Kisumi’s arms was pinned awkwardly between their chests, and the other was draped over Haru comfortably. Kisumi tried to fix that by trying to move it under Haru’s neck so Haru could rest on it like some sort of fleshy pillow- but, Kisumi just accidentally whacked Haru in the face.

“Ah-! Haru, I’m sorry!” Kisumi cried, his hand going back to its awkward position of being pinned between their bodies. Haru rubbed at his cheek- where Kisumi had accidentally hit him.

“It’s ok.” Haru mumbled, trying not to smile at how distraught Kisumi looked about hitting him. But then Haru caught Kisumi’s eyes- and the two boys stared at each other for a moment, before Kisumi exploded with a giggle and turned his head away- Haru also turning the other way.

Pretty eyes... Really pretty eyes. Haru wanted to stare at his cute face longer but he just couldn’t. It was weirdly awkward but also endearing- knowing the two of them were just as dumbly flustered as one another.

“Here- Mh,” Kisumi mumbled- bringing his hands up to cup Haru’s cheeks- lifting his head just enough so Kisumi could press a warm kiss on Haru’s cheek.

Oh, god, that felt good.

Haru couldn’t compare it to Makoto’s forehead kiss as they were just so different- anyways, it wasn’t like Haru was even thinking about Makoto right now. Kisumi’s lips were soft and skinny- but were wet and left a small moist feeling on Haru’s cheek. It was nice- Haru didn’t even want to wipe off the wet feeling Kisumi left behind.

“Better?” Kisumi asked- a hopeful smile on his lips, and Haru nodded, a grin spreading his lips as well.

Okay, this was happening. Haru took a small breath, scooting up a little to press a kiss to the tip of Kisumi’s nose. Kisumi pulled away after Haru parted- giggling like mad as Kisumi touched the spot that Haru kissed him. This was weird- and stupid, but it felt good.

“Cute,” Haru mused gently, and Kisumi flushed.

Kisumi retorted with a kiss to Haru’s forehead- and Haru replied back with another to his cheek, and the two just fondly kissed and nuzzled each others faces- Kisumi sometimes just laughing, and Haru sometimes pulling away because it was so much and so new. Though in between Haru’s legs- it was boiling, but at the same time he felt oddly warm and comfortable and he didn’t want to mess it up by trying to get sexual with Kisumi.

By the end of the night, Haru was comfortably tucked into Kisumi’s chest, their legs intertwined and Kisumi holding him- managing to slip an arm under Haru’s head.

/**/

Haru woke later to his bedroom door opening. Haru was always a light sleeper, maybe it was so if he stopped breathing he’d wake up immediately. He had trained his brain to do that, but now he was an extra light sleeper. Haru sat up- the arm Kisumi had around him falling to Haru’s knee.

“Nh, Haru-” Kisumi called- his voice heavy with sleep. Haru placed a hand on his head- softly flattening Kisumi’s hair.

“Shh,” Haru hushed gently- looking up to see Makoto in the doorframe. He was getting so.. Big. It was weird. His torso was like a square with soft edges- big and muscular. “Hey,” Haru called softly, flushing a little as he realized Makoto had probably seen Haru and Kisumi huddled up together.

“Hah, hey,” Makoto greeted- and Haru could hear the awkward flit in Makoto’s voice.

“Did you just get home?” Haru asked- looking outside to see how dark it was, and Makoto shook his head. Makoto was a terrible liar- so it was clear that he was telling the truth.

“Got home from the gym at nine, i’ve just been watching TV downstairs.” Makoto said with an honest smile- the awkward look in his face leaving. Makoto was always relaxed around Haru, even if Haru was cuddled up against another man. “It’s eleven now.”

“Ah.”

The two just stared at each other for a moment- Haru trying not to get lost in his eyes. Those gentle, droopy, green eyes, that held years of trust between the two. Haru would always trust his Makoto- but, Haru had to stop seeing Makoto like that. It wasnt fair.. And honestly, Haru couldn't help but feel anger at the brunette for not talking about his feelings and instead just flat out denying Haru. It frustrated him- but Rei’s words about being tough on Makoto almost scared Haru out of being angry.

“Should I go sleep on the couch?” Makoto asked- he didn’t really sound trouble by it, it was just a nonchalant question. But still, Haru felt bad.

“No, no,” Haru mumbled, shaking his head- but he realized if all three of them were to fit on the bed they’d all have to cuddle close- and Makoto probably wouldn’t like that. “We have the uh, blow up mattress.”

“I think the couch is more comfortable than that old thing,” Makoto chuckled with a smile. He stepped closer to grab his pillow- Haru handing it to him, and then Makoto playfully ruffled Haru’s hair with a large hand. “Don’t make that face, I really don’t mind.” Makoto reassured, and then Haru realized he was pouting. He just felt.. Bad. “Goodnight,” Makoto smiled- waving Haru off as he left.

“Goodnight,” Haru replied- his voice soft and weary, watching Makoto close the door behind him.

Haru sat in silence for a while. He almost felt like crying and he didn’t know why.

“Haru,” He heard Kisumi breath after a while- the soft tone literally spooking Haru because of the looming silence that came over him- the small chirp in the darkness.

Haru sighed- rubbing Kisumi’s scalp with a gentle touch. “Shh, Kisumi, I’m right here.”

Kisumi sighed- seeming to calm. It didn’t take long for Haru to curl back up with Kisumi- pressing his face into his chest.

Kisumi hugged him tight- pressing his nose to Haru’s forehead. “Haru-Haru, Haru..”

It was cute- Kisumi’s sleep-enhanced babble. It almost made him forget. But even with the warmth of Kisumi’s body next to him, Haru just felt cold.

“Shh, It’s okay, go back to sleep.” Haru whispered.

Kisumi fell silent, Haru squeezed his eyes shut- and all he could feel was cold.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapteer was short aaaaaa
> 
> im trying to make the kisuharu a lot diffrent from the makoharu element- in the way Haru feels comfortable with Makoto nomatter what the sit, and with Kisumi Haru's nervous but yet happy and excited. I don't want anyone to feel like Kisumi is 'replacing' Makoto- I'm trying to build up to the later drama :>
> 
> thanks for all the comments and kudos! It means so much!  
> I have no idea what im going to do in the next chapter. help.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy chapter yay!  
> sorry this took so long. I'm working on another fanfic, that and drawing stuff- so yeah. it's taken me some time I've had some bad writers block from this thing (so some things arent too good) but I read through some comments from the previous chapter and they just make me so happy!  
> I have been imaging the roadtrip scene in my head ever since I started writing this, and I just feel so disappointed in it. I didnt do that scene justice.
> 
> edit:// added an extra scene in the beginning that includes a phone call from kisu!

Haru woke up to the buzzing sound of his phone.

Instinctively, Haru looked over to the sleeping mound next to him- checking if Makoto was there. He was sleeping on his stomach, his head turned to the side, his shoulder blades like mountains that shifted when he breathed. His brown hair was strewn over his pillow, it had been starting to get long and honestly it was attractive and all Haru wanted to do was cut it so he didn’t have another reason to lust over Makoto.

Haru huffed, sitting up to glance at his phone on the nightstand.

The screen read Kisumi’s name- and Haru found himself panicking a little. Why would Kisumi be calling so late at night?

Haru took a deep breath and answered it. “Hello?”  The world was dizzy around him, and Haru had to blink a few times to adjust to the light of his phone.

“Hey,” He heard Kisumi breath on the other side of the phone- and suddenly Haru wished he was here with him. He wished Kisumi was pressed against his back- touching his sides while whispering these words in Haru’s ear in the overly friendly way he does. “Did I wake you up?” Kisumi sounded like he just woke up himself. Kisumi’s always cute when he gets up. His pink hair sticks out all weird and his violet eyes shift from being open to closed. Plus Kisumi talks in his sleep and hes always murmuring nonsense when he’s first waking up.

“Yeah, but that’s okay,” Haru laid back down in bed- pressing the phone to his ear by pinning it between his face and the bed. “I like talking to you.” Haru pushed the covers up around himself- the airconditioning in his room was a must because if his room got too humid ever it would clog up his lungs with wetness and mucus. And that wasn’t good, especially for Haru. So, freezing cold summer nights it was. But the blankets trapped Makoto’s body warmth, so Haru didn’t feel too cold.

“Ok, good,” Kisumi laughed on the other side of the line- and Haru smiled himself. “I was just.. I just wanted to talk.”

“You should be sleeping, nerd,” Haru mocked quietly, and Kisumi just chuckled again.

“I know.” He heard something shift- Kisumi was probably in bed too, “I just.. Feel, lonely, I guess.”

“That’s ok, I like talking to you.” Haru sighed, licking his dry lips. “It’s cold in my room.”  
“Really? It’s really hot in mine. I wish I was over there.” Haru agreed. He wished Kisumi was here too. But, Haru didn’t want Kisumi walking over here in the middle of the night. Even though the threat of some pervert stopping Kisu was lower since he was a man, Haru still worried for him. And anyways Haru’s dad wouldn’t appreciate someone stopping by at one in the morning. “Mhm, Haru, I really do wish I was there.”

Talking about this made Haru’s sides tingle- trying to create the feeling of Kisumi’s fingers on his shoulder’s. “Me too..”

“Maybe I can come over there?”

“No, Kisu- I don’t want you getting hurt.” Kisumi laughed at that, though he sounded a little sad. But, he probably expected that anyways. “How about you come over first thing tomorrow? I think Makoto is going out with Sousuke again, so we can be alone.”

“Sounds good,” Kisumi laughed. Since, they werent really official- ‘alone’ meant cuddling and kissing each other’s faces without having to worry about anyone watching. It never meant anything sexual, though Haru imagined soon it would. He felt legitimate sexual attraction towards Kisumi, and Kisumi felt it back. Haru could tell. Though, he was always very careful with Kisumi for obvious reasons.

“I um, what was your day like?”

“I spent five hours in the bathtub today.”

“Woah! Really? Isn’t that... unhealthy?”

“Nah.”

They spent the next twenty minutes talking- and Kisumi spent the bulk of it talking. Haru was normally quiet- but since he was tired he was even more quiet. Kisumi’s voice was lulling- calm and sweet. Kind.

Eventually, Haru found himself dozing off- so he had to wake himself back up and say bye to Kisumi.

“Mh, Kisu, I gotta go. Im’ really tired.” Haru murmured- feeling Makoto shift next to him, snuffling quietly. Haru didn't fear waking him.  That boy slept through everything.

“Ha, same,” Though Kisumi laughed- it seemed tired now, drowsy. He let out a soft moan, “Thanks for helping me sleep, Haru.”

“No problem Kisu,” Haru knew Kisumi was the only one who he’d call by a nickname of any sort. Maybe Rin’s sister, but she demanded people to call her Kou. Haru started calling Kisumi ‘Kisu’ on his own accord. “Goodnight. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah! Goodnight,” Kisumi laughed, his giggles slurred from being sleepy. Cute... But, than Kisumi went eerily quiet- before saying “I love you.” Like, he was testing out the way it sounded. Shy and hesitant, yet, testing.

Haru’s heart skipped a beat, and he swore in that moment he’d stop breathing and he’d have to wake Makoto up. But, of course not of that happened- but it woke Haru up completely.

“I, I uh, love you too.” Haru managed to say back during his shock- and soon the two hung up, and Haru laid there in silence.

Kisumi loved him. Haru knew that, he had known that Kisumi loved him, but to hear it.. Hearing it was amazing.

Haru couldn’t stop smiling.

Kisumi loved him. And Haru loved him back.

/**/

 

The next morning when it was so early and Haru’s hair was still messy and his breath had been ravaged by that awful morning scent- Kisumi was smiling happily at his front door, wearing a t-shirt that looked like it was designed by a five-year-old girl (It had a cartoon bear with sunglasses that said ‘bear-y cool!’. It was so ugly it was cute.), and jeans. Haru was still in his sweats and a stained sweater.

Makoto was still shuffling about upstairs- or at least he most likely was- Sousuke normally came here early to pick him up.

“Hey,” Kisumi greeted him- “Brr! You’re right! It is cold in here..!” Haru was pulling him inside to shut the door behind him- not wanting to let that said cold air out.

“I didn’t mean for you to come over this early,” Haru mumbled- taking Kisumi’s hand as he lead the taller to the couch- making him sit.

“Well, It is ten already...”

“Sh, I sleep in. Do you know how warm Makoto makes the blankets at night? It’s amazing.” Kisumi giggled as Haru flicked his nose, touching his nose softly where Haru had touched it. “I gotta go brush my teeth.” Haru straightened out his back, trotting into the kitchen- which, was on his way to the bathroom.

He thought it was Makoto standing at the counter but then realized Makoto didn't stand straight up and proud like that, nor did he have black, shaven hair.

“Hey,” Haru paused, grunting angrily, “What the hell are you doing in my house?”

Sousuke glanced back at him with a bored glint in his teal eyes. Him and Makoto were really starting to look similar, at least their body shape. One of Sousuke’s hands was wrapped up in bandages at the knuckles- Haru guessed he had hurt himself in wrestling or something. But, the other uninjured hand was working at the blender. Haru’s blender. “Eh?” He asked, just like any dumbass would.

“I asked why you’re in my house.” Haru repeated.

“Makoto let me in, I ran out of smoothie stuff for him so Makoto said I could come over and make one.”

“You do know this is my fruit, right? You can’t just eat it.”

“It’s for Makoto, not me. It keeps his endurance up. He’s bad at managing that.”

Haru hadn’t asked for a summary of Makoto’s exercise routine,and Haru huffed. “Just make it quick”

“Got it, Nanase,” Sousuke was being semi-sarcastic. Honestly, if Haru didn’t know Sousuke as well as he did- he’d be terrified. Sousuke always wore a scowl like he was angry and always sounded irritated like he’d snap your neck at any moment. But, Haru had seen how Sousuke treated and interacted with others. He was.. Like, a grumpy old man. He didn’t pose a threat unless you really hurt someone who was important to him. The way Sousuke handled Rin, it was kind of like magic. His expression would soften, and he’d always touch Rin with care and always talk to him in a very supple tone. He was still a lazy bastard though. He was scary looking, but awfully kind and gentle. 

When Haru returned from brushing his teeth and trying to make his hair a little more neat, Makoto and Sousuke were walking out the door. Haru immediately said goodbye to his best friend- Makoto reaching out to ruffle his hair and Haru deemed it had been useless to try and brush it before.

It didn't take long for Kisumi to lay down and Haru to plop himself over Kisumi’s chest. Haru pressed his nose to the soft skin of Kisumi’s neck- covering him with soft, quick kisses. It felt good. It really, really felt good. Warm. Cupping one of Kisumi’s cheeks so he couldn't pull away- Haru playflly covered him in an array of kisses to the face- making Kisumi laugh and try to squirm away. A cute giggle, that broke out after a sound of ‘pfft!’ escaping Kisumi’s lips. Cute, cute, cute...

Haru would rub his sides and Kisumi would nuzzle against him- the two boys spending the day in the way they both wanted more than anything else.

Haru couldn't help but feel... Incomplete when he realized Kisumi’s hand wasn’t big enough to cover one side of his face. Kisumi had slender, petite hands- Haru’s hands were bigger than Kisumi’s. Haru couldn’t help but picture Makoto’s hands- big and strong, the kind of hands that could more properly hold him close and strong arms to cradle him. But, Haru cut that out as he realized he liked Kisumi’s small hands, they were different and new and exciting from Makoto’s big comforting ones. Haru held Kisumi’s hands close- peppering kisses on them as almost an apology for thinking like that.

They spent the day napping and coddling each other- Haru pressing his face to Kisumi’s shoulder and napping. Kisumi was an awfully light sleeper- he’d murmur useless things in his sleep, his voice gentle and airy. And whenever Haru would change his position Kisumi would jolt awake before settling back down. It was annoying and cute- Haru liked his sleepy murmurs of ‘Haru, Haru..” If Haru would go to a position that wasn’t close or tender. But, whenever Haru would wake up and find that Kisumi was still asleep- Haru would try to marvel and kiss at his cute, peaceful expression- but as soon as Haru shifted to do so Kisumi would open his eyes. That was honestly a little annoying.

Man, Haru was so gay. So so gay. He couldn’t even fight it anymore. He was nearly as gay as Rei and Nagisa. It wasnt at all like being with a woman- Haru had never even been with a woman and he just knew. Being with another man was.. Exciting, but not in the way that love normally was. It certainly felt right- whatever the feeling way.

Haru eventually got into a correct position without waking Kisumi up- touching his cheeks and brushing his fingers over his lips- watching Kisumi’s eyes flutter open and shut. Soft murmurs of “H’ru..” Leaving Kisumi’s lips, and Haru would just kiss him on the nose to get him to be quiet. It was nice. Warm. It made Haru’s stomach flit with butterflies and warmth curl happily in his stomach.

It must’ve been at least two hours- because Haru woke up to the sound of the front door being open. He must’ve drifted off at some point- his head on Kisumi’s chest and his feet bent at a painfully awkward angle over the arm of the couch. They should’ve gotten out the futon or something..

Kisumi jerked awake as expected- letting out a sleepy ‘gnuh?” as he did. Haru thought it was Makoto- checking the clock on the wall proved to be it was only twelve, and Haru’s dad got out of work around six at night. But, it was his dad- once Haru saw that the figure walking in had black- straight hair and a skinny figure.

Haru didn’t care enough to get off of Kisumi. He just huffed- adjusting his feet and curling closer.

When Haru’s dad walked in a little farher- the three just exchanged glances.

Thankfully Kisumi was still basically asleep- “Hey Nanase-san.” Kisumi yawned- not really all that phased by the fact Haru’s dad was there. This must be weird. Haru realized he never came out to his dad- simply because he found it would be to complicated and boring, and he assumed his father wouldn't really care all that much.

“Mh, Um, Hello, Kisumi-” Haru’s dad said, his voice sounding more confused if anything. Haru waved awkwardly, sucking in a little breath. Maybe coming out to his dad would’ve been less complicated than this.

Instead- Haru chose to avoid the topic of Kisumi holding him all together. “Why are you home early?” He asked, bringing his arms up so he could sit up a little- his elbows leaning on Kisumi’s chest

Haru’s dad took a moment of silence, staring at the two boys tightly huddled together on the couch, before also deciding to ignore the topic by answering his son’s question. “Well, my boss is giving me a week off work, and she’s giving me a vacation pass, sort of thing.”

“Cool,” Haru said- only really understanding that his dad had some days off. Haru knew he worked in an offce of some sort but that was about all he knew, not that it really mattered as Haru’s dad enjoyed his job and it got food on the table.

“So  I was wondering if you wanted to invite your friends?”

Haru blinked “Huh?” He was still rather sleepy- and watching Kisumi drift back to sleep was making him tired.

Haru’s dad seemed to realize he was tired, so he just simply rephrased his question.

“Invite your friends to come on vacation with us.”

Oh, Haru blinked in understanding. “Sounds cool. Thanks, dad.”

“We’ll be there five days, okay?”

His father’s words were getting fuzzy, and Haru just nodded- leaning back into Kisumi’s chest. He felt his dad’s hand on his head briefly- patting his hair, and Haru let out a small laugh that probably just came out as  snort.   
He woke back up later- Kisumi no longer under him, but instead seated next to him, snacking on some chips and watching tv. Though, he had placed a soft hand on his head, his fingers rubbing circles in Haru’s scalp.  
“Hey, who told you that you could eat my chips?” Haru said, sleep thickly clinging to his voice- and Kisumi just laughed, feeding him a chip.  
/**/

Haru couldn't beileve he had said yes to Rin’s ridiculous request.

There he stood. Big, tall- and his eyes painfully nonchalant. He didn't care that he was barging into Haru’s plans. Yamazaki stared down at him- seemingly deterred by the annoyance in Haru’s eyes. He was big, and stupid, and dumb. Like a pointy, mean Makoto. Haru hated his guts.   
Rin had said bringing Sousuke would be good. If Rin and Haru focused on each other, Makoto could have Sousuke. And if Haru and Makoto focused on each other, Rin could have Sousuke. It seemed like a good way to avoid conflict but Haru was really starting to regret it.

Plus, Sousuke took up a lot of damn room in the car. And Haru just invited all of his friends. Haru’s dad didn't oblige but he certainly worried about cramming seven teenage boys into a car.

Rin hit Sousuke’s chest on the way into the car- playfully sticking his tongue out at him, “C’mon big guy, get in the car.” Rin teased- slipping inside the tiny car that was somehow going to hold all of them. Sousuke turned- breaking his glance from Haru to look at Rin. But- Sousuke turned back to face Haru as he took a step back. His eyes lowered as if admitting defeat.

“Thank you for letting me go, Nanase.” Sousuke snorted, irritation in admitting that lacing his voice, “I haven’t been able to spend as much time with Rin as i’ve been wanting, between training Makoto, and doing fighting stuff..” Sousuke huffed, rubbing his neck as Haru was shocked. After that, Sousuke awkwardly slipped into the car after Rin.

It ended up working perfectly. Sousuke and Rin pressed themselves to the corner- Sousuke halfway holding Rin in his lap- Kisumi and Haru in the same position but on the opposite side, Rei and Nagisa sandwiched between them. And, Makoto took shotgun, avoiding all the gay that was going on in the back seats.

Haru thought the road trip would be okay. Six hours in the car- that sounded alright. They’d stop at a break area on the way there, have some lunch and get going again. Haru’s dad started up the little car- and the old vehicle began chugging down the road.

They drove next to the ocean silently for a moment or two. Haru pressed his face to the hot glass of the car window- a tank top he borrowed from Makoto hanging off his shoulders- one of Kisumi’s legs awkwardly pinned between Haru and the car door. The peace was momentary- as expected from a roadtrip with Rin and Nagisa onboard.

“Pump up the tunes, Nanase-san!” Nagisa suddenly cried- making everyone in the car jump (Including Sousuke- who Haru swore Sousuke rocked the car a little). The silence was gutted- Nagisa tearing at it with sharpened fangs, Rei quietly scolding him but it was no use. Once Nagisa already attacked, there was no stopping him.

Haru’s dad chuckled- almost weakly (He thought Haru was only going to bring Makoto and Kisumi...), and turned up the radio. Makoto’s facial expression was happy- but Haru knew he was saying ‘thank god im not back there..’. It made Haru smile a little.

Some old rock songs echoed through the car, which were the only ones Haru’s dad had- but Nagisa somehow knew almost every single one. It was honestly cute- Nagisa being the sole jammer, trying desperately to make this road trip more fun. Well.. Not fun. But, Nagisa’s version of fun. He was trying to turn the car into a party.

After the first song though and everyone was entirely bored- Nagisa’s excitement started to die down. The next song rolled on, the beginning chords of guitar strings thrumming- but Nagisa stopped wiggling in his seat. The little blonde sat still- his singing ceased, a pout on his face. But, the singing of the classic song started- and Nagisa lit up when he heard an additional voice from that of the radio.

Haru’s mouth almost went dry. Makoto was singing.

He looked back at Nagisa- happy and reassuring as can be, green eyes glistening as his mouth formed words. He didn't seem to know the song very well as he mumbled over some words- but it was enough. Haru wanted to turn down the damn radio just so he could hear Makoto’s voice better.

He never knew Makoto could sing. And he was damn good at it- his voice carrying that smoothness it always had when he spoke into his singing. Soft, and yet oddly strong at the same time. He seemed so calm, so smooth. So beautiful. It apparently came as a shock to everyone in the car that Makoto could sing- because even Haru’s dad looked a little shocked.

But, Nagisa was happy. Nagisa starting his ‘singing’ again, and Haru realised Makoto was even more of a gentleman than he thought. He did that to make Nagisa happy. The two of them had their awkward little jam sesh in the car, but Nagisa looked happier than Haru had seen him in a long time. He really, really appreciated the small act of Makoto just singing with him. Though, as Nagisa was more yelling than anything, Makoto’s smooth voice started to shatter as he too was getting excited, and the two of them were just yelling lyrics together. Haru didn’t mind. It was cute.

Rin started begrudgingly saying the lyrics, but it didn't take him too long to join and the three of them were obnoxiously saying the lyrics. Except, it wasn't too bad. It was cute- and fun, watching his friends have mindless fun.

Over the next hour- everyone joined in. Even to the extent that Haru's dad was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as they drove down the highway. Sousuke was mouthing the words quietly- Rei had just completely let go his ‘smart boy’ nature and had let Nagisa use his glasses as a makeshift microphone, Kisumi and Haru were exchanging questioning glasses but saying the words nonetheless. When they’d stop at red lights, the drivers of cars next to them would stare- but that didn't stop them. Everyone was smiling.

Seeing Makoto’s eyes squeezed shut- a smile so big his dimples became prominent, his teeth flashing behind his lips. Haru wasn’t sure if he had seen Makoto have so much fun before.

After they stopped at the rest area to eat and climbed back into the car, everyone was exhausted. It didn’t take long for Haru to fall asleep- propping himself on Kisumi’s chest, listening to his love’s steady heartbeat. Everyone was silent, but this time it was a good silent.

/**/

“Race you to the pool, asshole!”

Once all of them had stuffed all their luggage into the hotel- Rin was making a deadline for the pool. No explanation either- he just ran out the room and started down the stairs, and Haru was quick to follow him. They both had changed into their swimsuits previously- as they had all planned on going swimming, but not as soon as they got settled.

The hotel was big. It was in a bustling part of Japan, but yet, quiet. The resort was beautiful, not beautiful enough to be five stars- but still pretty close. It was an ancient theme sort of thing and tried to mock a earlier time in Japan, and it did a pretty good job. All there was at this place, despite being pretty, was a swimming pool, a big arcade, a restaurant- and a huge mall nearby. Well, the pool was certainly enough to keep Haru entertained. It would be relaxing, they’d just be hanging here in a comfy little hotel room with a big pool to keep them entertained.

Rin was fast. He bounded down the steps- but Haru had enough stamina to keep up. For once, he didn't feel sick. Leaping over stairs at a time, Haru chased after the other, the two boys yelling. Rin kept his distance though, and they stayed at a constant distance from each other. “I’m gonna beat you! I will!” Rin shouted, and Haru only went faster.

He could hear heavy steps behind him which meant his friends were chasing after the two of them, but Haru didn't focus on that.

They soon reached the ground floor of the hotel, the two of them skidding across the hardwood floor in their bare feet, some other residents watching them in interest. Haru caught up to Rin as he had tripped a little on the way down the stairs.  The two of them were near neck and neck, and despite trying to prevent it- Haru was laughing. The two of them were. Haru felt all warm and fuzzy, especially when he saw the big sign that read ‘POOL’ on it, with an arrow pointing left. The two boys shot down the hallway that lead to the pool.

The two boys barreled through the door- slamming it open as they ran. Haru felt the sun on his skin and the rough concrete of the pool under his feet, he saw the reflection of the blue water of the pool, and he sped up.

“Shit!” Rin cursed suddenly- and he started to slow down as he desperately tried to unzip his vest- and Haru silently thanked Makoto for letting him borrow his tanktop. The tank top was so big, Haru slipped out of it easily. He slipped his arms out the headhole- the fabric falling to his knees, and he easily hopped out of it- beelining for the shiny pool water.

Haru leaped.

He heard the sound of impact, and every sound went silent. The laughter of children as they played in the pool, the sound of seagulls screeching- all of it went silent as he entered the water. It was cool, and comforting against his skin, bubbles running up his arm and stomach. He let himself drift for a second- before he heard another crash in the water that signalled Rin had jumped in.

Haru had one thought- he had won.

Haru surfaced, taking a sharp inhale as he broke the water. He stared back at pouty Matsuoka Rin- his red hair soaking wet and pushed infront of his face, and before Haru knew it- he started to laugh.

He had done it. He had won- he had won for once. He beat Rin. He was a sickly, small boy- pinned up against Rin who was strong and trained every day, and he had won. Somehow, he had won.

The huge smile on Haru’s face soon spread to Rin’s face. “I won,” Haru murmured under his breath- his eyes wide and he could tell he looked like the happiest man on earth, like he had won the goddamn olympics or something.

Rin smiled too- “You did it, man.” Rin laughed- and Rin looked just as happy for Haru as Haru was for himself.

Haru slapped the pool water with his arms- his laughter exploding into something greater- “I won!”

Haru didn't feel sick. Not a trace of it. The sun felt good on his skin- and he felt so free, he wasnt short of breath, he wasnt tired, he was great. And he wished he could do it all over again.

Rin gave him a hard high-five after fixing his hair so it was no longer in his face, and Haru felt so damn proud of himself.

The door that Rin and Haru barreled through was opened again- and Makoto tumbled through, pale in the face- his eyes angled in worry. “Haru?” He murmured as Haru met eyes with him- and Haru gave him the biggest smile he could manage.

The others pushed through, relief flooding Makoto’s expression. Rei, Nagisa, Kisumi, Sousuke and Haru’s dad- they all looked relieved that Haru wasn’t dead.

Rin pulled himself onto the wall, sitting on the pool edge so his feet were in the water. “Guess who won our race?” Rin remarked snarkily, gesturing his head towards Haru.

His friends and father paused in confusion- their eyes widening before all looking at Haru in sync, and Haru felt damn good. It was a warm, happy feeling that bursted in his stomach.

After Haru’s immense joy passed, all of his friends were getting ready to go in the pool- applying sunblock and establishing seats, Haru mindlessly watched a few kids play in the water- people trying to get tan by reclining in their chairs. It was a big, inground pool, that at the deep-end was surrounded with fake rocks for a rather beautiful display. There was a handy little kid area, and the big pool was almost empty. There was a little juice bar which Sousuke took no time in ordering the biggest size of nachos he could get.

It was bright and Haru could already feel the way his pale complexion was angry with him- but, to him it really didn't matter at the moment. Getting into the pool again, Haru let out a sigh, and his friends were quick to follow. Sousuke even abandoned his overly large bag of nachos (Though, Haru assumed he’d eat all of them later.).

Haru sat in the water for a long time. Submerging himself completely, enjoying the quiet and comfortable embrace of the cool pool water for a few minutes- only coming up to breath. That as until he surfaced to breath and realized Rei and Nagisa had gotten into an intense water fight- splashing each other, and Rin’s competitive side dragged him in and he was splashing the both of them as Rei screamed in terror.

Haru felt a tugging at his hand, seeing Kisumi smiling widely at him- “C’mon! Let’s get them!” Kisumi laughed, and Haru grabbed onto Kisumi’s back and the two of them ran through the water together- Kisumi launching himself into Rin, Haru and Kisumi landing right next to Rin and getting him wet with a huge splash.

“I’ve been hit!” Rin cried- clutching his chest as he fell backwards in the water. Haru resurfaced- Kisumi too- and he was starting to laugh A cute little lofty sound, Kisumi grabbing his mouth with his hands and giggling into him.

Haru smiled- just a little, before he pounced on Kisumi- knocking the two of them into the water.

The five of them fought for a while- Haru observing silently for most of it until Kisumi realized he wasnt playing and knocked Haru underwater. It was fun- Rei kept picking up Nagisa and dunking him underwater, Rin would swim underneath the water and pull Kisumi under by the ankle for a few moments, and they just spent the time splashing each other and trying to avoid each other skillfully even though they were already all soaking wet.

Haru than realized- where the hell was Makoto and Sousuke? The others seemed to realize it at the same time, everyone standing still for a moment and exchanging glances. It was at the right time- though, because suddenly Haru was stunned by a loud yelp and a huge splash.

Makoto surfaced in the wake of the splash- spitting water from his mouth- “Sousuke!” He scolded- crossing his arms.

Sousuke stood a few feet away- a dumb smirk on his face. “I win.” He said- his entire body dry except the portion that was in the water.

Sousuke had thrown Makoto in- and, since Makoto was huge, the impact of his body was enough to splash everyone.

Honestly, it was a little scary. Sousuke had managed to carry Makoto over silently and then toss Makoto like it was no problem. Sousuke was way too strong.

Sousuke smiled, all five of them crossing their arms and making some form of irritated face. “Sou-chan! No fair!” Nagisa whined, his curly hair so wet it had gone completely straight.

Makoto’s hair was covering his face- it was nearly turning green now that it was wet. He just let it hang infront of his face- standing still for a moment. Haru was going to ask if he was hurt- but than Makoto barreled for Sousuke- the water around him splashing up as he ran- and he leaped onto the slightly larger male, knocking Sousuke completely into the water.

It didn't take long for Rin, Kisumi and Nagisa to start cheering the two huge boys on- the two of them knocking and tackling each other into the water repeatedly and splashing each other- it was an intense game of water-fighting, that was for sure. But, the two of them were laughing- everyone was happy.

All of them once again joined in the water fight game.

To Haru, nothing existed but this. He wasn’t stressing about how hot Makoto looked without his shirt on, he wasn’t coughing or out of breath, his skin felt new and warm, and his mind was in pure bliss. He wasn’t stressing about his future, nor his past- all that existed was the fun he was having with his friends. The pure innocent fun of having a splash fight with his friends, all of whom were much to old to be playing, but that didn't matter.

It brought him back to some time more simpler. A place where Haru’s only worry was that he had ran out of coloring books for him and Makoto to color through. A time where having weak lungs didn't matter as much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, with the help of comments from previous chapters, I snapped out of my writers block a little. It really helps me keep going when I get comments- and even though I appreciate every kudos and tagged bookmark, I just love seeing what you guys like about this so I can improve on it and put more of it in! Also you guys give me a lot of ideas !  
> Tried to focus on the other characters this chapter, especially Rin/Sousuke. Rin's going to have a huge influence later in the series as Haru's go-to-guy as well as Kisumi, but I think i've established his roll in this enough.  
> singer!Makoto is my shit! 
> 
> ps, the next chapter has a confession in it. it's a good confession. : // v // :
> 
> edit:// im on a whole new fucking world with the free! dub. I can't beileve makoto said "i wanna see what it feels like to kick your ass." how can you mess up that bad? how?? HOW??? like the voice acting is good (besides rin and haru..) bUT THE SCRIPT IS SO PAINFUL?  
> i'vE GOT BACKSTROKE FOR DAYS!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got this asshole done  
> i had such bad writers block and you cn tell. i literally forced myself to write this chap, so its pretty awful until the end! Im proud of how i wrote the last page or so, but the rest is super bad augh
> 
> !! anyways. somewhat filler chapter that still has an important thing in it???? idk . you guys probably know whats gonna happen  
> sorry for taking so long!!! ; // v //; I am super greatful for all the attention this fic has gotten, i've just been focusing more on my art- as well as school just starting up again for me. thanks for being patient!! it's so weird to have a fic that could be considered popular... Its amazing!! thank you all so much!!
> 
> summary of this chapter: smol angry rin throws a fucking hissyfit because he lost his dumb boyfriend who has no sense of direction

Haru hissed in his reclining beach chair as he felt wet, slimy locks slap onto his stomach. He had been taking a nap by the poolside, trying to get somewhat of a tan so he didn't look like a glowing beacon of pale- but apparently Kisumi had different plans.

Haru opened his eyes and frowned at Kisumi, who had laid his head on Haru’s stomach- his hair soaking wet since he had just gotten out of the pool. Kisumi kneeled next to the chair Haru was reclined in- his fingers curled around the frame of the pool chair. Kisumi ignored Haru’s frown- smiling brightly at him.

“Hey there, hot stuff.”

“There is people around.” Haru announced- and by that, he meant Makoto was around. Haru didn't really care about other people, anyways, most of them had left once Haru and his teenage-male friends interrupted the peace the pool had. The only people remaining were parents with their young children, but those people were more focused on making sure their children didn't drown.   
Kisumi seemed to realize that- and Kisumi’s violet eyes started to flick back and forth- checking for Makoto. Haru and Kisumi both spotted him at the same time- and he was a few chairs away, probably sleeping or something. Haru also spotted the rest of his friends- Rin and Nagisa were taking turns on letting Sousuke throw them in the pool, and Rei was watching to make sure no one cracked their head open. “Makoto’s sleeping,” Kisumi said slyly.

“Whatever, get off,” Haru whined, “You’re wet.” Kisumi laughed and winked- and Haru just frowned. “You’re so gay.” Haru muttered quietly- and Kisumi flicked his tummy, making Haru flinch.   
“I am! Gay for you.”   
Haru flushed a little more than he should’ve. Haru and Kisumi werent... Official. Sure, they kissed, and, they exchanged ‘love you’s on the phone, but still they weren't technically officially dating. Haru brushed off the comment quickly, though, glancing at Kisumi’s bathing-suit. It was a lighter red (not to be mistaken with pink), and had darker red strawberries all over it. That matched his hair. And the strawberry icecream Kisumi always got also matched that.   
Kisumi pursed his lips, smiling slightly between his puckered lips- “Saay it.” He crooned, and Haru raised an eyebrow.  
“Say what?”  
“You know what.”  
“No I- Oh.” Haru grunted, biting his lip- “I’m gay for you too, Kisu.”  
Kisumi smiled and winked, and all Haru could do was scoff, looking back up at the impossibly blue sky above them. His fingers tangled in Kisumi’s hair- and he let out a soft breath.

Haru closed his eyes- listening to the sounds of seagulls and their quiet peeps, and his friends playing like children in the distance. Feeling Kisumi’s eyelashes flutter against him ever so often- and his wavy hair quickly drying in Haru’s fingers. When Kisumi’s hair was wet it felt slimy and kind of gross- since his wavy hair would curl more and feel awfully weird- but, Haru didn't really mind at is was Kisumi’s hair and his hair wasn't gross at all.

It was probably a few minutes until Haru heard the sound of a wet slap nearby- the sound of a wet foot or hand hitting against the concrete ground. Haru’s eyes opened, refocusing to the space in front of him instead of the sky- and he saw Makoto walking by them.

Makoto’s eyes glanced at them briefly, looking at Kisumi before meeting Haru’s eyes- and he immediately looked away, probably from shame at being caught while staring. It wasn’t a shameful glance at all- nor, the opposite, it wasn’t Makoto simply acknowledging them either. It was something else- something that made Haru’s stomach turn.

Makoto had gotten used to the whole gay thing ages ago- with Rei and Nagisa being a thing for a few years now, so Makoto’s glance wasnt shock or discomfort or anything like that. It was a sad little look- Makoto’s bottom lip being clamped down under his teeth as he bit at it- his eyes narrowing a little. Longing- it was a look of longing. Possibly jealousy- but not a hateful jealousy, more of a sad, accepting one.

Now that Haru thought about it, ever since that night where Makoto swore off cuddling, Haru wanted to show Makoto that he didn't need him. He wanted to make him jealous on a certain level. That wasnt what Kisumi was for- Haru genuinely liked Kisumi. But still- making Makoto want him was something Haru had always wanted.

Haru realized that Makoto still wanted him. Not in a physical sense- but, in a friendship sense. Makoto wasnt gay, and Haru thinking that Makoto was trying to be mean to him was just cruel. Trying to make Makoto jealous was just flat out mean - Makoto didn't deserve that.

“Kisu,” Haru mumbled- patting Kisumi’s head, “I’m getting up.”

Kisumi lifted his head with a quiet snort, and as Haru got up, Kisumi crawled into the chair Haru was just in.

Haru strode up to meet Makoto- who was just padding his way across the cement ground and to the small snack bar at one side of the pool.

“Hey, Makoto,” Haru called- Makoto looking over his shoulder to meet his eyes.

“Hey,” Makoto smiled, stopping so Haru could catch up to him. Haru slowed to a stop at Makoto’s side, patting one of his broad shoulders and tearing his eyes away from Makoto’s dripping wet, shirtless torso (Goddamnit). His hair looked funny when it was sopping wet- the chlorine brought out that slight green tint Makoto had in his otherwise brown hair, and instead of being fluffy and long, it rested flat on his head. Haru glanced back at the pool, watching as his friends were now just sitting peacefully on the wall and chatting. Haru caught the dance of Sousuke’s fingers along Rin’s spine- and the furrow in his brow from interest. Rin was completely oblivious.

“What are you doing?” Haru asked- awkwardly trying to make it up to Makoto with disguised apologies, and Makoto shrugged.

“Just getting a snack,” He said simply, “I’m hungry.”

“Do you, uh, mind if I join you?” Haru asked, feeling awkward about asking Makoto about something so simple, something that Haru knew the answer to already.

Makoto smiled- this big, bright smile that he was clearly trying to hide his slight excitement. “Of course!”

They sat together at the small food hut, eating fries together and talking about dumb things. It was just them, sitting together- for the first time in a decent while. Haru hadn't even slept with Makoto next to him in a while as Kisumi would normally sleep over every night, and Makoto would either sleep over Sousuke’s or sleep on the couch or one of the futons. Honestly, Haru felt.. Bad. He thought having Makoto jealous would feel good- but, the happy smile on Makoto’s face as they sat and talked together, really made Haru happy.

/**/

That night, Haru’s dad ran off to his own room to escape the toxic teenage boys- and Makoto ended up awkwardly staring at the three beds. One, had already been claimed by Sousuke and he had already promptly picked Rin up under the arms, and carried him to the bed. The other Nagisa had decided to jump all over- and that one was clearly his and Rei’s. And Kisumi was already laying on his stomach on the last remaining bed.

Well, sleeping on the floor was nothing entirely new, so Makoto grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the last empty bed and-  
“What are you doing?”

Makoto froze, turning to look at Haru who had emerged from the bathroom in sleep clothes- his voice muffled by the inhaler that was still in his mouth. Makoto never knew he could be more intimidated by a small, shirtless skinny boy with an inhaler caught between his lips.   
“I was uh, gonna sleep on the floor,” Makoto said, gesturing to the floor. His eyes widened a little- and Nagisa started to howl.

Haru took one last huff from his inhaler- setting it down on one of the two nightstands. “No,” Haru said sternly, but simply. “You’ll sleep with me and Kisumi.”

“Not meaning to butt in,” Sousuke grumbled from the second bed down with a struggling Rin in his arms- Rin kicking and punching him to let him go (Possibly because Rin was much too embarrassed to enjoy cuddling with the larger male.), “I don’t think Makoto wants to sleep with you.”

Makoto immediately shot back, “I-I do, it’s just that..! Um..” Makoto uttered, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Kisumi rolled onto his back to sit up on the edge of the bed, wearing a hoodie much too big for his body. The hotel room was pretty cold, the air conditioner was way too high, and Haru was already starting to shiver. “It’s not that I’m afraid that you two are gay, or anything.. It’s just weird sleeping next to any, um, couple.”

“We’re not dating.” Haru reminded him softly, and to make that statement even weaker he went to crawl into Kisumi’s lap to protect his shirtless body from the cold and pressing against him. “We won’t cuddle in bed or anything.” That was a hard statement to confess. He had been planning to snuggle in next to Kisumi at the end of this long day, but, he couldn't let Makoto sleep on the floor for godsakes.

Makoto shrugged ,taking an awkward step back, and Haru huffed. “Makoto, you can sleep in between us so we don’t do anything, would that be better?” Haru could hear a low, soft whine leak from Kisumi’s throat. Haru honestly felt the same way, but right now Makoto was more important than cuddles.

Makoto smiled a little- and he looked convincingly better about sleeping with the two of them. “I don’t want to be a burden..”

“You aren’t,” Haru said, and in moments Makoto was hugging the both of them.

Soon after, Sousuke had gotten out of bed, carrying Rin with him like he was a child with a stuffed animal. Rin, was still struggling. Nagisa was laughing in reply and Rei had this weird, smug look on his face.

It was weird. Sousuke had mentioned before coming here that he wanted to be closer to Rin and didn't have the time for it. But, Haru hadn’t imagined that Sousuke, literally, wanted to be closer to Rin. To the point where he had carried him around for most of the day. Weird...

In a mere hour the lights were off and they were watching some movie on the small, cheap hotel TV. Haru spent this time nuzzling up against Kisumi, where Makoto was too entranced in the tv to notice or care. Digging his nose into his neck, kissing his face, and just resting his head on the taller’s shoulder. It was nice. The way Kisumi would grab him around the waist made him shiver.

Though it happened in an hour, Kisumi was on the other side of the bed and Makoto was between the two of them- though, Haru now had to suppress his urge to just snuggle up with Makoto. It was hard, it was the first night in a while he had slept alone. He was normally with Kisumi, either pressed against his back or his chest- but it now it was odd having nothing to hold in his arms besides blankets.

Though, despite that it was nice feeling Makoto’s warmth against him- that was something he missed. He hadn’t felt it in a while as he normally slept with Kisumi now, but Makoto’s warm body heat was radiating onto Haru’s back and it felt pretty good. Haru looked out over the other’s beds, he could hear Rei and Nagisa whispering quietly to each other on the other side of the room- and could see the dark mound on the bed next to theirs that indicated Sousuke and Rin were finally happily huddled up against each other. How strange...

Besides the small whispers from Rei and Nagisa, Kisumi’s sleepy moans and the steady breathing from everyone else, it was silent, and dark. Haru honestly liked it- he had a long day, and his body was basically melting into the duvets. He fell asleep eventually, feeling Makoto’s arm pressed against his back.

//**//  
Rin dragged everyone to the big shopping mall the next day, of course. Rin was pretty into fashion, and swimming, so they found the biggest sports store possible and let Rin drag them around. Haru realized the only reason Rin probably went with all of them is because he had a hard-on for sportswear. So, Haru followed the herd of boys, clutching Kisumi’s hand- and in the other hand was a flat soda. He kept up a steady conversation with Makoto about god knows what- the background pop music ringing in his ears.

Rin would pick something up, the group would stop- watching in intensity to see if Rin would actually pick something out, and he’d normally set it down and continue in silence. Everyone with continue with a groan, much too bored of the stench of rubber that lingered in the store.

Haruka let out a soft noise when Rin finally picked something up- a pair of goggles, but then sadly continued to walk over to the running section. Haru grumbled something, his grip tightening on Kisumi’s hand out of mere frustration, and Kisumi just let out a soft little chuckle that honestly sounded a little nervous.

“Maybe while we’re here I should look at some stuff for football,” Makoto mumbled to himself, and Haru immediately cursed under his breath. Like this trip to the mall could get any worse. “What do you think, Haru?”

Haru thought for a moment, sports was something Haru did not want to get Makoto into, nor, did Haru want the reminder that he’d be forcing himself to play football during school. “I don’t want to get separated from the group.”

“Ah,” Makoto nodded, a soft smile on his face. “You’re so thoughtful, Haru.”

“Not really..” Haru mumbled under his breath, shrugging softly in reply. Honestly Haru was being the opposite of thoughtful at the moment, more so selfish if anything, but if Makoto thought he was being thoughtful that worked too.

Eventually Haru felt a broad shoulder bump into his own, and Sousuke had turned around to speak to Makoto for a moment. Nothing secret, just saying “I’m going to go look at the wrestling stuff,” Sousuke had said- he probably didn't want to interrupt Rin’s intense train of thought as he stared at a pair of red legskins.

Makoto waved him away with the smile, and Haru watched his broad frame disappear through the aisles upon aisles. Haru huffed, exchanged a small glance with Kisumi and Makoto, and they all kept going.

It took Rin fifteen minutes to notice Sousuke was gone- and by than Nagisa was whining like a child to leave.

“Where’s Sousuke?” Rin mumbled, his head snapping up suddenly as if he literally realized Sousuke was gone that very second. “Where is he?”

Haru grew a little uneasy as Rin seemed really panicked about the fact he was gone, and, Kisumi looked and Haru with a smile. “Someone misses his boyfriend,” Kisumi silently mouthed, and Haru snickered a little.

“Ah, he went to go look at the wrestl-” Makoto piped up, a helpful chime in his voice, but Rin only cut him off.

“What?” Rin snapped, and everyone paused. Though, through everyones shock and worry, and the almost fearful expression on Makoto’s face, Haru scowled.

“Don’t yell.” Haru said sternly to Rin, watching as Makoto’s eyes flickered to look at the ground- as if he was a child in trouble.

Rin seemed to just ignore Haru, and paced forward, pushing Rei and Nagisa to the side. “Which direction did he go in?” Rin asked, the agitation still clear in his voice- but he at least wasnt yelling. Makoto pointed behind him, his eyes wide. He was probably wondering, why the hell was Rin worried about Sousuke going off on his own. Sousuke was no lost child, quite the opposite.

Rin wordlessly started to jog in that direction, and everyone wordlessly followed him- laughing awkwardly to break the tension.

“Rin, I’m sure Sousuke is fine-!” Kisumi called, a small laugh in his voice as- this situation was weird and it was like Kisumi to laugh.

Rin cut him off with a snap, a loud ‘tsk!’, and then continued running towards the boxing aisles.  

Once there, Rin stopped in the middle of the aisle. He cupped his hands over his mouth- “Sousuke? Sousuke!”

No answer. Haru huffed, rolling his eyes, while Makoto certainly looked a little more caring about the whole situation. “Rin, I’m sure Sousuke is fine-” Makoto reached out a hand to touch Rin’s shoulder, but once again Rin let out one hell of an over dramatic huff, letting out a brief shout and hitting away Makoto’s hand. Haru knew Rin could be moody, but the look on Makoto’s face- he just looked utterly destroyed.

“Why would you let him leave?” Rin said in a loud tone- not really a yell, but now Haru could find traces of worry in Rin’s voice. Makoto took a step back- broken words and apologies spilling from his lips. Haru could see that something was terribly wrong. Rin was easily agitated and could be really moody, but Rin loved Makoto- he’d never yell at him like that unless something was really wrong. But, Haru honestly couldn't think of a reason of why letting Sousuke go on his own was such a big deal.. Sousuke, very clearly, did not have any type of anxiety, Sousuke did well in crowds, and Haru doubted there was some perverted kidnapper going around who had a kink for fifteen-year-old boys who could probably kill someone in mere seconds.

“Rin, calm down,” Haru said in some stern voice, something like a parent would say. Rin snorted, his hands going into his hair- and he let out this weird, irritated cry. “What’s wrong?” Haru asked- and he saw Kisumi starting to rub Makoto’s shoulders from the corner of his eye. Kisumi was probably trying to help soothe the situation as well.

Rin seemed to crack at Haru’s ‘mommy’ voice, his voice getting soft again. “Sousuke has no sense of direction.” Rin explained softly- turning to look throughout the store again. “I’m not kidding. I’m pretty sure he has some kind of mental illness that prevents him from knowing where the hell he’s going. I’m not kidding, it’s bad.” Rin’s glare seemed to grow hopeless, and he looked down towards the floor, “He could be anywhere by now.”

Haru didn't mean to laugh. But he did. A snort passed his lips and Rin shot him a glare. “Sorry,” Haru lied.

“Ah, Rin-san,” Rei spoke up, stepping out from behind Makoto- “I’m sure Sousuke-san hasn’t gotten that far. It’s only been twenty minutes, he probably knows better than to leave the store.” Rei suggested, and Rin immediately interrupted him.

“Trust me, he doesn't.”

Ah, Haru couldn't help but laugh again, Sousuke was an idiot after all and Rin was admitting to it. Now Haru knew for sure he just wasn't being mean- Sousuke was stupid.

“Try calling him!”  Nagisa suggested, and that was possibly the only suggestion that Rin listened to. He called- and everyone stared in anticipation, waiting to see if Rin would talk.

The life in Rin’s eyes looked nonexistent as he angrily shoved his phone into his pocket. “It’s dead.”

“What?”

“His phone is dead!” Rin yelled, and Haru started comparing Rin to an angry dragon who had stolen his darling princess-Yamazaki away from him.

Haru thought Rin was about to start screaming- but, he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a moment- and everyone looked on in interest to see if Rin would blow up or something.

“Let’s look for him.” Rin said calmly, though, there was an edge to his tone.

Haru guessed it was better than looking at the same bathing suit for hours- Haru guessed.

/**/  
Looking for Sousuke hadnt gone well. Nagisa and Rei split from the group to look through the sports store, whilst Haru went with Rin, Kisumi and Makoto to scout over the rest of the huge mall. And, of course, looking for him was surprisingly hard.

Sousuke was tall enough to see over the heads of a crowd, but that wasnt really the problem. It was the fact that they just couldn't locate where he was. Haru had given up on looking- just letting Kisumi’s hand drag him through the crowd, listening to Sousuke’s name being repeated by Rin and Makoto like a song.

Rin was, clearly, done. He looked stressed and awfully upset, and Haru felt bad for him. Haru would be in the same state if he lost Makoto, but at least Makoto was smart enough to come back.

“What if we do one of those missing child announcements?” Makoto had asked, and Haru thought that was a pretty good idea.

“He wouldn't know where the service desk is,” Rin huffed. Okay, there was no way Sousuke was that clueless. Maybe Rin was right, maybe Sousuke did have some kind of mental illness where his sense of direction was all screwed up. Haru huffed- jeez, now he felt bad for calling the guy dumb. Sousuke really was a nice guy, but he always wore this ugly scowl on his face, and he certainly made Haru writhe in his own anger. Haru didn't know why he had such a strong hate for the guy, he just did.

Eventually they had all sat down at the food court, Rin collapsed- head in his hands, back slouched, with the most pathetic pout on his face. Rei and Nagisa had met back up with them, and to Rin’s dismay, they had no clue where Sousuke was either.

“What if we don’t find him?” Rin asked at some point- his strong, angered filled voice reduced to an awfully pathetic whimper, “What if it takes all day?” His eyes glanced over the white table the six boys all sat around, and Haru was starting to grow on edge. He didn't like it when his friends were upset, it stressed him out, especially because Haru was no good with words or comforting people.

“We will,” Makoto soothed, rubbing Rin’s shoulder with a hand- apparently Makoto had this whole comforting thing covered.. “We’ll find him, I promise, Rin.” Makoto said with a smile- and all Haru could see behind it was genuine care. Haru’s eyes shifted downwards, and he felt Kisumi’s arm wrap around him, as if Kisumi could sense how awfully stressed he was. Not because they lost Sousuke- sure, Haru was a little worried about not finding him, but that wasnt his main concern. He just felt some sort of negativity curl up in his chest. Kisumi pressed his lips to Haru’s temple- but did not kiss him. He just held him there. Haru returned the gesture, leaning into the touch- not caring so much that his friends were watching.  Makoto was busy helping Rin anyways.  
“We’ll find him, Rin-chan! We’ll look every corner of this mall until we find him!” Nagisa chimed in happily, and Rei returned that with a affirmative ‘Yes!’ as if to reassure Rin further.

“Thanks,” Rin said- he was appreciative, but he just sounded weak. It was rare Haru saw Rin so... Scared, sensitive, open. Haru had only seen him like this after Rin was worried that he had killed Haru all those years ago after the incident with the pool.

Haru saw the lights outside dimming, and he started to worry. It’s getting late.

“I just,” Rin seemed to notice how late it was too- his eyebrows knitting together, and Haru swore in that moment Rin would start crying, “I hope he’s not getting worried. I mean, he’s not the kind of guy to panic, but if I were all alone and I had no idea where I was,” Rin said- his voice soft, “I’d be pretty scared.”   
The foodcourt they all sat in was starting to empty. Haru received a text from his father- asking if they were ready to go.  
They began searching again- this time, Rin was near screaming Sousuke’s name into the almost empty halls of the mall- Haru watched as his hands started to shake- and his eyes would water, and at this point Haru was starting to feel pretty hopeless too. If he had lost Makoto, like Rin had lost Sousuke- Haru would be losing his mind.   
Haru could see how desperately Rin was trying to keep himself together, his fingers digging into his arms and his sharp teeth biting restlessly at his poor bottom lip- his eyelids blinking furiously to keep away whatever tears were there. Makoto and Nagisa were trying to keep Rin together too, giving him little supportive hugs, or small promises, or pats on the back.   
Haru squeezed Kisumi’s hand tight for the last few minutes they were there.

The loud voice echoed across the nearly empty mall- a female over an intercom.  
“The mall will be closing in ten minutes, please make your final purchases.”  
It didn't take long for Rin to lose it.

Nagisa forced him into a hug, but Rin didn't fight it- his taller body awkwardly slouching to reach Nagisa’s height, and he just started crying. The slow sound of a sob escaping Rin’s lips burned Haru’s ears- and he just froze.   
Kisumi let go of his hand- rushing to Rin’s aid, trying to help somehow but ended up just pacing circles around Nagisa and Rin- his face stricken with worry. Makoto started to pace- back and forth- very fast, his expression riddled with worry and him and Rei started yelling solutions that they had all tried already- back and forth.

Nagisa was silent as he hugged Rin- his eyes clenched shut as he just let Rin cry onto his shoulder, Rin wasn’t even holding back anymore. Haru started to shake- listening to Rin’s garbled shouts of ‘Sousuke!’ and loud cusses as he cried, and sobbed. No one was even around- and if there was someone around, they had left. Rin was loud, and everyone’s frantic screaming and Rin’s crying echoed through the top floor of the mall.

Haru shuffled forward- deciding he had to do something to comfort his friend. He couldn’t just stand and watch Rin’s world collapse around him.   
“Rin,” Haru let his brush against Rin’s sweater- feeling the fabric before he let his palm press into Rin’s back, feeling the heave and curve of his back as he cried. “Please don’t cry.” Haru whispered, almost feeling himself choke up a little- he was just so damn stressed at this point, and he had no clue what would happen next. Would they call the police? Drag Rin back to the hotel kicking and screaming? All Haru knew is that he wanted Rin to stop crying, and he wanted that damn bastard Sousuke to be okay.  
It was during Haru’s intense focus did he hear it. It sounded like a distant sound- simply a creak in the building, but it was rhythmic- and the sound grew into a developed noise, accompanied by a constant slap against the tiled floor. A distant pounding of boots. Running, growing closer. Haru turned, looking out across the empty mall hallway- and he saw a flash of black- growing ever closer.

Haru never thought the sound of that bastards voice would sound so sweet.

“Rin? Rin!” The noise he had heard earlier- the sound Haru blamed on something else, was Sousuke's distant voice- “Hey! Rin!”

Haru could tell the idiot was just blindly running through the mall and didn't even see them- as, Sousuke was on the opposite side of the gap in the floor which showed through to the second floor, and honest to god, Haru smiled.

Haru nearly shoved Rin to get his attention. The redhead only looked back at him with a tear-filled glare, his face red and puffy, but he stopped and looked confused when he saw Haru smiling. “Found him,” Haru said simply- looking off into the direction where Sousuke was sprinting towards them.

Rin just looked shocked.   
Nagisa let go of him- and Rin immediately started to run. Everyone fell silent as Sousuke finally noticed he was running right towards them, and even from the distance Sousuke was at- Haru could see the way his face lit up.

“Rin!” Sousuke cried, and Rin just returned it with a shout of Sousuke’s name. Sousuke dashed to meet them- finally getting close enough to where Haru could hear that the guy was literally giggling out of joy. Sousuke looked exhausted too- looked like he had been on edge now, but now he just looked like a giddy child.

Sousuke opened his arms- and Haru closed his eyes a little in fear that the two would crash and get into a horrible accident because Sousuke looked more like a speeding train- damn, he had never seen the guy go so fast..

But, Rin just leapt into his arms instead of them crashing together, and Sousuke held him tight. Rin cried- and hard, clutching to the other male and Sousuke just smiled like an idiot, holding Rin close, letting him cry. Haru could hear him murmur things like “I’m sorry,” to Rin, but Rin simply didn't care and drowned out whatever apology with his sobs.

It took Rin a while to start talking, but when he did he let Sousuke have it. “I fucking hate you!” He’d curse, hitting Sousuke’s broad shoulders, but he didn't dare to separate from the larger male. “You’re terrible, and I hate you!”   
Sousuke would just agree with a smile- murmuring things back like “I know, I’m terrible.” Basically, he was just trying to calm Rin down in any way he could.   
Everyone just stood in slight awe- though, Haru could tell Makoto was antsy to give Sousuke a big hug when Rin and Sousuke were done.

It took Rin a while to calm down- his face just pressed to Sousuke’s shoulder as soft hiccups still left his mouth, clutching to Sousuke’s back. He didn’t dare let go- but Sousuke’s arms didn't either. They returned the hug equally.

“Hey Rin,”Sousuke croaked after a while- “Look at me,” He mumbled- his voice all gruff and stupid like it always was. “Please.” Sousuke sounded like a pathetic at that moment- but Rin knew Sousuke didn't care about sounding pathetic or not.

He did, Rin’s glance shy and hesitant because his face wa gross with tears and snot- but, Sousuke just smiled. A smile that was dumb- and made Rin angry in a weird sense, but than he felt the cold feeling of something pressed against his lips- and Rin knew Sousuke was kissing him.

Haru gagged. Just a little. He turned his head backwards and covered his mouth with his sleeve- and everyone looked somewhat surprised but, hell, everyone expected it to happen eventually. Sousuke loved Rin and that was obvious. But it was still.. Good to see? If that was the right phrase for it.

It didn’t take long for Rin to start cussing and swearing and his sobs started to come back- but Haru didn't mind it to much this time. It was a happy sound. He just clutched Sousuke harder, and the two stood together again, Sousuke burying his face in Rin’s hair. Haru swore he could hear Sousuke murmuring- things like ‘I love you,” but, that could’ve simply been the way Sousuke’s energy was coming off.

They went back to the hotel after that. Rin not daring to let go of Sousuke- even through his mean words directed at the tall male, he refused to let go. And the admiration in

sousuke’s eyes never left.

As they walked back, before Kisumi wrapped his arm around Haru’s shoulder- Haru caught Makoto staring at him again, this soft little smile on his face.

“What?” Haru asked, and Makoto just lit up in nervous chuckles.

“Ah, sorry, Haru-” Makoto explained in lofty little noises, Haru scoffing. He wanted to hug him- hug him like Rin hugged Sousuke, but, Haru knew Makoto didn't want that. He’d never force that out of Makoto. Instead, Haru smiled back at him- patting his back, and Makoto’s face lit up.

When they were all back in the hotel room- and Haru watched as Sousuke and Rin cuddled up together under the covers- the room silent except Rei and Nagisa’s soft murmuring, Kisumi and Makoto’s sleepy breaths, and the hum of the heater clicking on in the room, Haru’s mind was simply only at peace. He didn't know why, but the feeling of Makoto’s arm pressed against his back tonight felt even better than it had the night before.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've got any questions, or if you have an idea of what i could put in the next chapter, come find me at http://lace--prince.tumblr.com/ !!!!!  
> @myself happy birthday on sunday lol
> 
> <3 love you guys!! thanks for all the support aaaa ~


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kisumi is memelord
> 
> im legit scared to write kisuharu now aaa
> 
> harus an asshole In this chapter and I still love Makoto way too much he Is an angel

The cold, crisp feeling of the fall morning on Haru’s pale skin was somewhat refreshing, but then there was the awful shtick of having just woken up. Haru looked at the clock as he padded back upstairs- 5:50 AM  
Haru sighed, he was already dressed- the faint sizzling of mackerel on the stove still ringing in his ears. The mound on his bed was still peacefully asleep- Haru could hear him breathing. Makoto was not a morning person- that was certain. He was someone who was very proper and would get up on time almost every day. Almost. The first day back was always hard- there was a weird feeling in Haru’s stomach that he was in fact a first year now.   
But this morning, Makoto routine was off, so that meant Haru’s was too. He’d normally be in the bathtub, but, he needed to be the responsible one for once.  
“Makoto,” Haru called softly, sitting on the edge of his bed and shaking one of his heavy shoulders gently. “Time for school.” A low whine bubbled from Makoto’s throat. “Me too,” Haru sighed- he didn't want to go to school. He didn't want to be a first year, he felt weirdly old, that and he didn't really like school all that much. He’d miss the summer.  
He watched Makoto’s blonde eyelashes flutter, green eyes peeking beneath his eyelids. “Come on,” Haru mumbled, ruffling Makoto’s already messy hair lovingly. “You gotta brush your teeth.” Haru took Makoto’s arm ,attempting to drag him off the bed. He knew very well that he wasnt strong enough, but, he just wanted to see. Nope. Makoto was dead weight, he was way too heavy, especially when his body was completely limp. Makoto started slowly push his body out of the bed- trying to push himself up into a sitting position. “Your football tryouts are after school, right?” Haru asked, and Makoto groggily nodded. His eyes were still glued shut- but, he was trying to blink them open. His normally messy hair was even messier. “I’ll make you a good lunch, then .”   
“th-ks,” Makoto murmured, plopping back onto the bed with a low moan.

“Come on, breakfast is going to burn,” Haru said with slight irritation in his tone, patting Makoto’s back before leaving the room. God, just seeing Makoto all snuggled up under the covers like that made Haru want to do the exact same thing. Not face the ever-so-present force of time by willing it away under the covers with his best friend. But, Haru forced himself to leave the room. Tomorrow morning Makoto’s routine would be back on track and Haru could be sitting in the bathtub until Makoto went to get him out, instead of trying to get them both ready. He depended on Makoto a lot, to be honest. But today, until Makoto got used to waking up early, Haru would let Makoto depend on him.  
Haru made his time well, making them both a lunch- Makoto’s filled with a little extra protein and carbs since he did have tryouts today. If Makoto didn't make those, he’d be crushed. He worked so hard all summer...   
Haru was finishing up his plate of mackerel (Makoto’s was probably cold by now, did he fall back asleep?) when he heard the doorbell ring, and he huffed. Who the hell would be here this early?   
Haru cracked the door opened, and a half-asleep Yamazaki stood there, some weird container in his hand, filled with some reddish liquid. Rin stood by Haru’s gate- half-straddled on his bike. He waved. Sousuke must’ve dropped by on his way to school to drop... Well, whatever the hell this was off. His hair awkwardly combed back, and this look of utter exhaustion was plastered on his face. Haru guessed Sousuke wasn’t a morning person, but now it was a fact. “Here, give this to Makoto.”  
Haru glared, raising an eyebrow. But, Rin was literally right there, and now that they were dating Haru felt less inclined to pick on Sousuke. “Why?”  
“It’s some, uh,” Sousuke was clearly struggling for words- he was exhausted, “Uhh, protein drink thing. It’s not poison.” Though Haru could tell Sousuke was trying to make a joke, his half-asleep tone just made it sound like he was trying to cover up that it was poison with a bad lie.  
“Yeah, alright,” Haru said, taking the cold bottle from Sousuke, “Thanks.” Haru waved to Rin one last time, before closing the door.   
He set it down next to Makoto’s plate, sighing softly as he went to go try and wake the larger male up again. Jeez, Sousuke got up before he did...   
//**//  
The bike ride to school was cold, and Haru had to puff at his inhaler the whole way there to provide him some comfort to his stinging lungs. He buried himself into Makoto’s jacket as he smoothly rode his bike down the street, rather slowly as he was still pretty sleepy, but Haru didn't mind. He liked going slow. And having an excuse to hug Makoto as he stood on the back of the bike. His head raced about being a first year. It was like Haru just wanted time to stop, or, for the next three years to be over. He couldn't explain it, he just didn't want to face the reality of having to make some of the most important choices in his life in the next three years. It scared him.  
Haru was honestly a little disappointed to see his schedule. No classes with Kisumi, or Rin. Honestly Haru liked having classes with Rin as they’d both fight and see who could get the better grade in that class and getting good grades helped in the long run, and he liked having Kisumi in his cooking classes- but him and Kisumi ended up with two different cooking periods.

Though, in his math class, he had both Rei, Nagisa, and Makoto. Haru had missed Makoto all last year, only being able to see him at lunch- but now he had guaranteed lunch time with him and having a class with him. Since Haru despised math, having Makoto there should motivate him decently, also Rei and Nagisa being there was a plus. Nagisa was fun to be around, and Rei was really good at math. That would help, being around him. Though at lunch, there was some disappointed mumbling from Nagisa about missing ‘Rin-chan and Kisu-chan.’   
Ah well, Haru literally lived across the street from Rin, and Kisumi was a block down the road. Haru could visit them whenever, and he’d always meet up with them afterschool.   
Though, the first day of school did leave Haru feeling a little empty. He didn't want to go through a full, entire year of school again. He wanted it to be over, he missed summer already..  He missed it badly. Ached for time to go back.

Haru went home with Rin that day since Makoto had to stay after for signups. They all just walked home, Rin walking his bike. Haru watched as Sousuke and him held hands and laughed softly about stupid things.

Haru had smiled a little at that , they were good together.

/**/

It must’ve been hours of snacking and watching TV until Makoto came home, plopping his bag down. He was all sweaty and gross- and Haru made some snooty comment at him before deciding now was a good time to make dinner.

“You get in?” Haru asked from the kitchen, and he heard Makoto hum a ‘I dont know’.  
“I’ll know tomorrow,” Makoto piped, even though he sounded exhausted, he still sounded happy. “I think I did good though.”

“I bet you did,” Haru replied- a soft smile on his face (Makoto couldn't see him smiling as he was turned towards the cooking meat in the stove pan. “You worked really hard this summer.”

“Gee, thanks Haru,” Makoto laughed- he let out a soft wheeze and sighed. Poor guy sounded exhausted..

“Even if you don’t get in, i’m still proud of you.” Haru stated- his voice coming out a little awkwardly. He was honest, obviously, it was just something embarrassing to admit. He wanted Makoto to know that, though.

He heard Makoto laugh - “Thanks Haru,” He could hear the smile in his voice.

“Why don’t you go shower? Dinner won’t be done for a while,” Haru explained, why was beef so hard to cook... “You’ll feel better after.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Makoto mumbled, he sounded a bit hesitant but Haru knew he was also aware that he didn't smell too nice, and knew a shower was for the best. Haru heard the couch creak as Makoto got up, “I’ll be quick, I don’t wanna miss dinner.”

“I’m making it for you, I don’t really like eating cows,” Haru stated dumbly, and Makoto let out a whine.

“When you put it like that you make me sound heartless..” Makoto whined- but Haru could tell it was a joking whine.

He felt Makoto cuff him over the shoulder gently- which was a slight surprise and made him jump. Such a rough movement from Makoto.. Though it didn't hurt, it certainly wasn’t like him to do that. Maybe he picked it up from Sousuke- Sousuke did cuff Rin over the shoulder a lot to show ‘manly’ affection to him.

Makoto seemed just as surprised by Haru’s reaction, pausing in his steps. “Something wrong?” He asked, his voice somewhat apologetic.

“Did you pick that up from Sousuke, or something?” Haru asked, probably sounding rude on accident, but he couldn't really tell.

Makoto looked at his hand, “Oh,” He paused, “probably. He does do that to Rin a lot.” Haru nodded. “If it bugs you, I won’t do it again.”

“No, it’s alright.” Haru stated, turning back towards the stove- poking at the reddening meat. “Just weird I guess. You’re turning into Sousuke.”

“Me? Turning into Sousuke?” Makoto laughed, shaking his head , “No, no. That’s like me telling you you’re turning into Rin.”

“It’s called a joke.”

“You’re so mean, Haru.”

Makoto put his hands on his hips briefly- and Haru felt a smirk creep up on his cheeks.

“I’ll be gentler next time, okay?” Haru nodded in return- about to tell Makoto to go shower already, until he felt Makoto wrap his arms around him and give him a quick squeeze. Haru flushed- feeling Makoto’s skin against his, he shivered at the affection. Oh boy...

Though, Makoto’s gross, sweat-soaked t-shirt kind of ruined the magic, and Haru cringed a little.

“Sorry,” Makoto apologized with a smile, “I should’ve showered first.” Haru snorted. Tell me about it. “Just wanted to say, uh, thanks Haru.”

With that, Makoto wordlessly went to the bathroom to shower, and Haru didn't quite know why Makoto was thanking him. He hadn't done anything. He really ,truthfully hadn't. Why did Makoto thank him so much all the time? Haru wasn't irritated by it, he was just wondering.

They sat down together and had a peaceful dinner, watching TV together as Makoto thanked him heavily for the great meal.  
/**/  
Makoto got on the team, and Haru couldn't help but feel slightly bitter about it. But Makoto’s smile always affected him- a smile had managed its way onto Haru’s face when he had told him. Soon Makoto was staying after school for practice, and instead of riding home on Makoto’s bike with him- he’d just walk home with Kisumi. One day Kisumi brought his skates and a wagon for Haru to sit in, and the rest was pretty explainable.

Before he knew it, Kisumi was helping him dress for Makoto’s first game of the year. It was starting to get cold, so- Haru popped on one of Makoto’s big ugly sweaters and some warm sweatpants- though, he felt a little intimidated when he saw Kisumi was wearing a godawful tux.  
“What are you doing? It’s a football game.” Haru had retorted, looking at him. He did look awfully cute all dressed up like that, though.   
“Well, It’s Mako-chan’s first football game,” Kisumi purred, poking Haru’s nose as he went to comb his hair, “It’s a special occasion.”

“Well, yeah,” Haru agreed, plopping on the couch, “But it’s not the kind of occasion to wear that.” Kisumi frowned, playfully at that, combing his bangs back and securing them with a bobby pin. “Well now you just look stupid.” Haru remarked, and Kisumi started to laugh.

“I think I look good.”

“You do, but you’re hair looks ridiculous with that fancy outfit on.” Haru walked over to him and pressed on his hair- Kisumi putting on a pout. “If you’re going to wear your hair like that than put on something more appropriate.”

“Since when did you care about clothes, Haru-chan?” Haru went to go grab a extra sweater for Kisumi so he wouldn't look like a total idiot ((Though black slacks and a big sweater don’t go together too well). Haru huffed at Kisumi’s comment- calling down to him.

“I don’t want my boyfriend to look like an idiot,” He snorted, and slipped up the the stairs.

He nearly forced Kisumi into the sweater- it was the most ‘Kisumi-like’ thing he could find, a plain light blue sweater with big pockets. And Kisumi pouted. He pouted like a baby.

“But I look good in the tux, right?” Kisumi had asked, and Haru nodded.

“I don’t want it getting dirty. And you would look stupid if you wore your hair like that with the tux.” Haru explained, brushing the sweater off. “But you looked nice in it.” Kisumi smiled at that- and then looked down at the sweater he was wearing.

“Isn’t this Makoto’s sweater?” He asked, “We’re both wearing Makoto’s sweaters.” Haru simply nodded, and Kisumi laughed- “Should we pick him up some chocolates or something?”  

“No, I’m going to make him some dessert after the game, you can help.”

“I know!” Kisumi chided, “Let's make a cake and write ball is life on it!” Haru replied with a simple no. “How about life is ball?” Haru said no to that again.

There was a knock at the door, and Rei and Nagisa were waiting outside. “Are you guys ready?” Nagisa piped happily, and Haru nodded, taking Kisumi by the hand to lead him outside.

“Where's Rin?” Haru asked. The redhead said he’d be picking them up.

“Rin-san and Sousuke-san are saving us a seat.” Rei chimed in,  and the four left- Haru clicking the door shut behind him. There was no hand holding- though, Kisumi attempted, but the sleeves on the sweater Haru was wearing were much too long and Kisumi had to shove his hand up them to even try to hold Haru’s hand. In the end he just ended up holding onto Haru’s wrist- and Haru didn't really mind.

/**/

Haru had sat down with a big thing of buttered popcorn- though, Kisumi and Nagisa were quick to shove their hands in it and act like it belonged to them. Nagisa even started feeding Rei them- jeez, could Haru have some food privacy? Right when he got there he knew this wasn’t going to be the funnest thing ever, at least for him. A little too busy, a little too crowded, a little too rowdy. Haru wasn’t a sports person- and Haru knew Makoto wasnt either. This was a weird change in character for him...   
Rin had nudged Haru’s back, and Haru turned to face him. Rin looked weirdly serious judging from his expression- especially since moments ago he had been happily chatting with Sousuke. Rin pointed to the right, a good ten rows of seats down and ten rows away, “Isn’t that Makoto’s dad?” Rin asked, quietly- as if not to upset Haru.

Haru’s stomach knotted a little. It was.   
He nodded silently. No matter how long it had been- he’d never forget that face. The face that looked way too much like Makoto’s.   
“Ah,” Rin sounded bitter, but he went to sit back down. The pair sat behind them- and soon enough, Haru heard their faint chatter and laughter from behind them. Haru somewhat envied their relationship.

But looking back at Kisumi’s smiling, happy face- Haru brushed off the feeling. His nose was already red , and he was sniffling. “Arent you happy I made you put on that sweater?” Haru asked, pulling Kisumi’s red- shaking hands into Haru’s big, loose sleeves to help warm him up. Kisumi smiled and nodded.

Though Kisumi’s hands were curling around his- it was still a bitterness that rose in his chest when he saw Makoto’s father. Never had he attended anything of Makoto’s before- that, and there was some small petite woman sitting next to him with an innocent smile on her face and her fingers in his. Haru wanted to tell her to run.

“That’s my boy,” Haru swore he could hear those words from the man- but, there was no way he could’ve heard if he had, he was much too far away. But, Haru knew he was saying something like that. Haru remembered how Makoto used to say his father always wanted him to play sports.

It felt wrong now- it did. Now Haru had an uneasy feeling about Makoto playing sports- it seemed sleazy, unright. This wasn’t Makoto.

Haru narrowed his eyes. licking his cracked lips as he let go of one of Kisumi’s hands to get a puff of air from his inhaler. This wasn’t right. Haru worried for Makoto now. But, Makoto had certainly worked hard... Still, Haru was mad at him, at least a little. Not being true to himself. Honestly, Haru felt a little offended, had he not done a good job showing Makoto how much of a good person he was with his gentle smiles and flower gardens?

Haru snapped out of it when Nagisa stuck his whole arm into his bag of popcorn, which made Haru jump. “Sorry, Haru-chan,” Nagisa sheepishly apologised, feeding him a piece of popcorn from his hand.

It was a good fifteen minute until the game actually started. Haru tried to keep track of Makoto- but he got lost in the uniform and the tons of players piling over each other. It was weird to think Makoto was part of that- it made Haru uneasy . Though, Haru couldn't see anyone doing badly, so he assumed Makoto was good. Sousuke seemed to know because him and Rin’s cheering was starting to make Haru’s head hurt.

It had been a while of not knowing which one was Makoto until Haru got bored and decided to take a bathroom break- dragging Kisumi along with him so he didn't get lost on the way back. Plus he just wanted to bring Kisumi.

“Stay here.” Haru said when he went into the bathroom stalls in the school ((He refused to use any of the make-shift bathrooms outside, gross.)), pushing down on Kisumi’s shoulders. He knew Kisumi was a scatterbrain and would probably wonder off if not told to stay. Kisumi smiled at him- but he seemed a little off. Silence. No teasing words- no ‘alright’. Nothing. It was weird. Honestly Kisumi hadn't talked in awhile- just small nods and smiles. Genuine smiles- but no words indicating he was alright.

When Haru got back from the bathroom, he greeted Kisumi- taking his hand, and started to walk. Though, he got a sharp tug from Kisumi, keeping him standing by the bathroom.

“Haru,” Kisumi’s voice was gentle and wary- sounded like a little wheeze, but it was awfully shaky. “Can we take a break?”

“Break from what?” Haru asked- his voice gentle though, he was wondering.

“From, that-” Kisumi gestured his hands towards the doors, “Them, the crowd- the uh, the yelling.” Haru noticed his hands were still shaking, even though it wasn't cold anymore. He was overwhelmed. Haru had to remind himself Kisumi was a trauma victim.

Haru simply nodded, and they both sat in silence for a long while. Kisumi cradled his head in his hands and breathed- slow and purposeful, and Haru started to rub his back when he deemed it was safe to.

“Do you want to go back to my house?” Haru asked- his voice a mere whisper. He was scared of hurting Kisumi.

“No, no,” Kisumi put his hand up- shaking his head, “Makoto’s worked hard for this, and I want to be there for him.”

“We don’t have to,” Haru said, and he than swore Kisumi glared at him. It startled him.

“Of course we do, don’t push of his feelings like that.”

“He doesn’t actually want this, you know.” Haru said- his voice a little sad. “He’s doing it to impress his dad.”

Kisumi breathed, “Exactly. He needs support right now, I don’t think he likes himself very much right now. We need him at a place where he’s comfortable.”

Haru didn't really understand quite what Kisumi was getting at, but he didn't want to argue with him considering Kisumi’s unease. His voice was all lofty and shaking, and his face was pale. “Yeah, you’re right,” Haru whispered, combing his fingers through Kisumi’s hair.

“I’ll be alright in a few minutes,” Kisumi breathed, and Haru pulled him into a hug. Kisumi excepted it, just digging his head into Haru’s shoulders, a small ‘thank you’ leaving him.

They stayed like that for a great while- until Kisumi stopped shaking and he was happy and calm again.

Haru kept asking if he was okay, but it was to stop whatever argument he wanted to make about Makoto coming out.

/**/

“How was I, do you think I did good?”

Despite how exhausted Makoto looked- he was awfully peppy. A smile on his face- he kept urging Sousuke on to tell him how he did. Sousuke went on this long story about every little detail of the game like he memorised it for years, and it made Makoto awfully happy. He was near bouncing on the couch. Haru had no idea how Sousuke even knew which one was him...

Haru had left Kisumi alone with the cake for a minute. A minute. And when he came back Kisumi was frosting the last ‘L’ on ‘ball’ and giggling like a madman. “Ball is life,” He whispered under his breath at Haru, and Haru slapped his shoulder.

They had all sat down for cake- Makoto thanking Kisumi and Haru for the cake- a huge smile on his face. It had been a while since Hru had seen him this overjoyed- and though Haru was happy for him, it didn't feel right. Why couldn't Makoto just be happy with himself..?

Haru’s dad dropped off a box of chocolates, but he quickly had to go to work after that. They all ate happily, all except for Haru- who couldn't stop thinking.

“Something wrong, Haru?” Makoto had asked- and Haru smiled and shook his head. He was happy that Makoto was happy, but he certainly wasn't proud. Makoto was happy because he made his father happy, like that was all he was worth. Haru knew that wasnt right. He loved Makoto, dearly- always had, cared deeply for him. Thats why he was upset. This wasnt right.

Haru heard a knock at his door later during the ‘party’. If seven teenage boys eating cake calmly could be considered a party..

Since it was Haru’s house, he had gone to open the door.

Makoto’s dad was just as threatening as the first time. He wore that smile- Makoto’s smile, but something seemed painfully strained about it when he saw Haru. Haru near threw up at the door in all honesty- and he realized how small he was compared to the man. The room went silent, all except the little terrified gasp from Kisumi. Apparently Kisumi knew who he was too- either that or he was worried Haru would get crushed by the huge man in the doorway. Maybe both.

Haru glanced back at the couch. Makoto’s expression was near unreadable. He wasn’t afraid, or happy, or angry- but he wasnt blank either. He looked like he was cringing, but there was more to it than that. Sousuke cracked his knuckles- he could clearly read the anger on his face. His teeth were gritted- and Haru had never seen Sousuke look so mad before. Haru wished he could look that threatening, but the terror that seized him was far greater.

“This isnt a good time,” Makoto stuttered awkwardly- but Haru found bravery in himself.

Haru brought up the courage to speak- “Please get out of my house,” He whispered, his voice a pathetic whimper. He watched Makoto’s dad smile expand- trying to hide some angered look.

“Ah, Nanase’s boy, I should’ve known better.” His voice sounded strained. He looked way too much like Makoto, it scared him.

But, just like that, he left.  

Haru closed the door behind him- and watched as Makoto’s head lowered in shame. At least Makoto had an appropriate reaction. Haru breathed a sigh of relief. Kisumi near tackled him in a hug- dragging him back over to the living room to sit. “Was that your dad?” Kisumi asked- turning his head to Makoto. Makoto nodded. “You two, uh, look very alike.” Makoto nodded again.

“I swear,” Sousuke hissed, “If I ever see him again-” Rin slapped him- telling him to be quiet.

It took a while to coax Makoto out of whatever sad state he was in, but, with a few ‘manly’ back pats from Sousuke and Haru sitting next to him to run his fingers through his hair- Makoto snapped out of it.

The rest of the night went on alright. They laughed, and ate cake- and by the end of the night Haru and curled up next to him- their backs touching.

**“You did good today,” Haru whispered, and he watched Makoto smile through the darkness. Haru was a good liar.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok the lasy words are bolded and im too lazy to fix it lol   
> <3  
> I'm so scared to write kisuharu now lol


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is the shortest chapter in this entire series?? wow sorry
> 
> i just wanted this out on makotos birthday, i literally wrote the entire of this one in like. an hour. sorry, next chapter will be a lot better/
> 
> the only thing worth mentioning is that kisumi calls makoto a stud

Haru sat on the couch- suckling the end of his inhaler, just incase it turned out he did need it. Silence filled the home.

He was at practice, his teammates probably throwing him a little party. The best player ever they had said- for a first year, at least. It was natural to Makoto, his bulky body, his size, his sheer determination to make others happy. To make his father happy.

Haru started to shake- cold. He took the blanket off the end of the couch, curling up in it. He liked being alone, but he more so enjoyed being alone when Makoto was around. If that made any sense. Makoto provided a sense of comfort, even if he was in the bathroom or taking a nap on the recliner, or just sitting there quietly too. He missed him.

Memories flickered through Haru’s head- memories that were now linked with Makoto’s very existence. Halloween. A few weeks ago. Makoto said that he could get him into a party since he had connections now- and so, they all went. Haru was hesitant, and for good reason.

It was a costume party, but nobody had worn a costume. Haru had worn a little t-shirt with a skeleton on it to feel like he was participating at least.

Smoking, coughing, drinks. Makoto looked on edge and so did everyone else. The home was covered in  a green carpet that made the scent of cigarettes stick to the house. Makoto went to try and find his friends- Nagisa and Rei had split off together, and it was only him and Rin.

Rin helped him find a place where he could breath, taking to Haru about leaving. Yes. After a while Haru had agreed. He wanted to leave. Leaving sounded good. He texted Makoto.

But as he was doing so he felt hands on his knees and then on his chest- skinny, thin hands, and a hevy weight on him. He looked up to see a girl.

Haru remembered the awkward hollow feeling in him when he saw her. She was drunk-  or high, or something, Haru couldn't tell. “If you weren't so good looking, i’d say you’re a fag,” She had said something along those lines- and that was when fear started making Haru stiffen. He could smell the cigarettes and booze on her tongue, but then she seemingly got a glance at Rin and instead started crawling to his side of the couch.

Now that Haru thought about it, he almost felt offended.

She asked him about his teeth- said something about biting, and then Rin was dragging Haru away, Haru’s lungs deciding not to work as he started to wheeze, coughing and gasping as they ran out of the home together.

Makoto apologised for the whole thing. Haru said it was fine- it wasnt his fault, which wasnt a lie. It wasnt his fault.

Haru pushed down on the inhaler , the medicine filling his throat as he let it. He started to feel a tickle in his throat- and he rolled his eyes in mere fustration of whatever coughing fit would come next.

Makoto was stepping through the door as the first cough left Haru’s throat. His face contorted in worry, and soon Makoto was hugging him close- patting Haru’s back. Makoto smelt like sweat and dirt, Haru didn't like that smell- normally Makoto smelt fresh and clean, it worried him. Though, Haru couldn't focus on Makoto’s smell as he was coughing, and it started to hurt. Makoto held him close- Haru’s head on his shoulder as he coughed. He was warm, and Haru could feel his breath on his neck- his hand rubbing circles in his back.

“Thats it, Haru,” Makoto had dealt with this many, many times, “Shh...” Makoto patted his back, and honestly it helped clear up whatever was going on in Haru’s lungs. After only little, tiny coughs that tickled Haru’s throat were passing instead, Haru wrapped his arms around Makoto.

“Happy birthday.” Haru said weakly, small coughs still leaving him.

Haru felt Makoto smile. A weak, sad little smile, but a smile.

/**/

Dinner was nice. Somewhat loud because of Rin and Nagisa- but it was nice to see Makoto smile. As almost traditional, Haru gave Makoto a new sketchpad- and this time, a nice, nice set of colored pencils that had costed him a decent amount of money. When Makoto gently unwrapped the thing with way more care then he should have, his eyes lit up- and Haru smiled. They twinkled with that familiarity. Haru was afraid they’d go to waste- as Makoto hardly ever drew anymore, but, he hoped not. Those pencils were expensive...

Nagisa had slapped a party hat on Makoto’s head at some point and Haru watched him wear it for the rest of the night- until everyone left and it was just him and Haru, biking home quietly together.

They had gone downtown- a somewhat of a far drive, let alone bikeride- away from their little oceanside town. Haru’s home was separated from the downtown by a body of water that his very town ran across and a long, long bridge that was exposed to the open ocean. Haru had been on this bridge a few times- but, never at night, and, never on a bike. It was chilly- but Haru made sure to press himself close to Makoto. There was a good reason as to why he was- too, so Makoto couldn't tell him to back off. It was cold. Anyways, Haru didn't think Makoto wanted Haru to stop hugging him.

He pressed his cheek to Makoto’s warm back- watching the waves crash underneath the big bridge- the stars twinkle in the sky, the only sound that of a cold breeze. Every Once in a while, the breeze would be so hard Haru would flinch and dig himself into Makoto’s back- cling to his chest, the dorky sweater vest he wore- before peeking back out again. He’d feel Makoto’s bike sway every once in a while with the wind, but Haru didn't feel like he’d fall. He pushed himself against Makoto’s back- pulling up his hood, keeping nice and warm from the heat Makoto gave off.

It was silent most of the way home and Haru did not mind. He enjoyed the quiet. The only noise that was really made was when Makoto tried to cross the road just as the light turned green and someone almost hit him and he let out the highest of shrieks. He laughed it off later.

They got home and watched what felt like hours of competition cooking shows and old pokemon episodes. Until Makoto had passed out- his head on Haru’s hip, his breathing soft- a little smile on his lips.

Haru combed his fingers through his hair and enjoyed the little silence they had. Haru’s mind was quiet- the only sound was that of the distant lull of the voices on the TV. No noise rocking his brain like he had with Kisumi- no shakes and nervous laughter. Just silence. Golden, wonderful silence. Haru prefered it this way.

/**/

Haru was sitting on the couch- eating a huge bowl of pasta after school to help with his feeling of exhaustion. Butter and cheese basically caked the bowl as Haru ate- watching yet another episode of someone getting shamed on television about their bad cooking by an angry man with a accent.

Haru was starting to enjoy his silent moments, even though he liked Makoto’s company, he did feel good knowing Makoto was busy with something else so Haru didn't have to feel bad about being completely alone. He didn't have to worry about Makoto’s wellbeing too much. Though he was worried about this whole sports thing...

It was hours until Makoto got home. Haru had even taken a nap in his absence, and when he was waking up- Makoto was stepping through the door. Seven. It was seven at night.

Haru opened his mouth to scold Makoto for being so late- and that he should’ve called or texted him, because he knew if he was awake he would’ve been worried sick about Makoto- but, Makoto just plopped down on the couch, all sad. The couch creaked with his weight- and his head was in his hands, and Haru was struck with worry. “Makoto?” Haru uttered, scooting closer to place a friendly hand on Makoto’s shoulder- “What’s wrong?”

Makoto just huffed. Haru sighed. “You can tell me, c’mon.” Haru said- a little forcefully. He knew Makoto needed a little push sometimes.

Makoto sighed- and he took a moment, before lifting his head. His eyes were reddened- at least the one that wasn’t starting to bruise. It was merely a mark, it was still forming but it was clear he’d probably have somewhat of a black eye tomorrow. The area around his eye was dusted a light purple. Haru let out a weird little shocked noise- and Makoto’s shoulders hunched as if to hide himself.

“I-I got into a fight.” Makoto mumbled, turning his head away. “I’m sorry.”

His eyes were soft- filled with a sort of regret that Haru very much recognized from many instances. His eyelids hung low- casting shadows over his eyes, a prominent look of sulk on his face.

“But- how?” Haru asked- his eyes a little wide. He poked the slight bruise, and Makoto flinched.

“I-I mean, I didn't fight anyone. I guess one of the guys at practice was angry for a first year being able to play better.” Makoto uttered, shrugging, “He punched me once, but- it hurt, I, I don’t know..” Makoto hid his head in his hands again. Haru sighed- wrapping an arm around him.

“It’s not your fault, Makoto. People shouldnt get mad at you for such a dumb reason, let alone try to hurt you about it.” Haru said, and Makoto shrugged.

“I feel like its my fault..”

“Well it’s not.”

Of course Makoto would blame himself. Haru knew Makoto well enough to know that.

Makoto gave up arguing with a sigh. Haru wasnt very good at comforting- but he was good at making Makoto be quiet. That probably wasnt a good thing. “C’mon, I’ll start a bath, you need to get washed up.” Haru suggested, standing from the couch to pull Makoto to his feet. Makoto followed in silence- only nodding.

Haru walked him to the bathroom- turning on the water to the tub as he helped Makoto peel out of his sweat-stained shirt. Gross... Haru could see a little open wound on the side of Makoto’s temple- and decided he should probably clean it.

Haru made him sit on the toilet seat, breaking out the first aid kit. Haru dabbed a little cotton ball in some anti-biotics, than proceeded to rub Makoto’s little cut. It was pink and fleshy- and Makoto winced when the anti-biotics hit it, pouting and turning his head away. Haru clicked his tongue. “Ma-ko-to,” Haru groaned quietly, holding the side of his head so he could keep Makoto’s head still. He could feel Makoto’s hard jawline through the roundness on his cheeks- even though Makoto was soft and appeared that way too, pressing down on him, it was easy to feel the muscle he had. It made Haru quiver- and Makoto shot him a weird glance, but only smiled. Thank god, a smile. Haru smiled back sweetly.

He eventually left Makoto be so he could bathe. Bathe away the dirt and small splotches of blood on his face. When he came out his hair was dripping wet and he was wearing the sweater Haru often stole from him. It made Haru feel weird seeing Makoto wearing the sweater Haru wore- even though it did belong to Makoto. Haru tried to shrug it off.

They watched TV for a while- and Haru saw Makoto’s expression change many times throughout the night - he was in thought. “I kinda wanted to go back to my house,” Makoto had said, just awkwardly as there wasnt any topic floating around, “But, I felt like dad would be mad with me for not fighting back.”

Haru sighed- “Don’t fight back. That isnt you.” Haru mumbled, patting Makoto’s back. His eyebrows furrowed in thought for a moment- before he nodded. “But don’t ever be afraid of coming over here, I’ll never get mad at you, Makoto.”

Makoto smiled at that.

That was somewhat of a lie. Haru had been angry with him for the past few days now. Haru was angry with him for not being himself. Maybe Makoto was starting to see how toxic this sports thing would be for him...

Haru sure hoped so, honestly. As Makoto sat there with a bruised face- Haru didn't know how much of this he could take.

/**/

Another day Makoto came home in silence. No bruises- no nothing, just a puzzled look on his face. He grabbed a blanket wordlessly- he didn't even say anything as Haru offered him food, he just plopped down next to Haru and threw the blanket over them.

He hunched into Haru’s touch- he wasn’t hot, or sweating like he normally was when he came home. He was just as he was when they left to go to school. His skin was clean and warm as he pressed his face to Haru’s neck, his nose resting in the crook of Haru’s neck- his legs curling up to rest in Haru’s lap. He used one arm to hug Haru close, and Haru felt his heart skip a beat.

“Just once,” Makoto uttered, his voice muffled by Haru’s shoulder but yet satisfied, “Only this once.”

Haru wrapped his arms around him. And there was silence- just Haru holding Makoto. He felt so snuggly and warm- Haru was content. Content to the point where he flickered in and out of consciousness, his head resting on Makoto’s- breathing in a gentle scent of cinnamon and vanilla that Makoto’s shampoo consisted of. Makoto just wanted to be comforted- it was clear, and Haru could only laugh at how Makoto kept saying ‘just once’. They both knew it wasnt true, anyways, it was awfully cute how shy Makoto was about it.

“This is the last time, okay?” Makoto had said as he pressed a kiss to Haru’s shoulder- “Last time, I swear. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Sh,” Haru had shushed him. Makoto sighed- nodding and shaking his head in turn as eventually his breathing evened out. They sat together- Haru rubbing his back on and off as they watched TV together. Haru felt calm- it wasnt the same excitement feeling he got from Kisumi and... It was a nice change. Plus, it was Makoto, Makoto had always mattered the most to Haru- Makoto was his brother, his best friend, his connection with Makoto was one that could not be explained. But it was a good, close one.

/**/

Haru could start to see Kisumi’s blonde roots coming through- they were light enough in contrast to the pink in his hair- they looked more like highlights. Kisumi’s hair was nearly naturally white, and honestly- the blend of pink was really cute. His bakc was to Haru as he stirred the batter for yet another dessert they were making. Since they were in class- Haru couldn't cling to his back and kiss his neck like he wanted too - he’d been craving some kind of loving feeling latley, but being in class severely limited that.

“Sorry I haven’t been over a lot this week, Haru,” Kisumi said in a slight whine- “I’ve just been so busy..!” Haru walked over to Kisumi’s side, his hands brushing over Kisumi’s free hand. Kisumi only laughed.

“It’s fine.” Haru mumbled - “Makoto’s been extra clingy lately- he keeps me company.”

“Oooh- Damn,” Kisumi crooned- winking at Haru, “What would I do for a stud like him-”

“You’re gross! He’s like fifteen!” Haru huffed- slapping Kisumi’s shoulder, but he couldn't help the laughter- “Wait, no, sixteen now. Keep forgetting.”

“Yeah, he’s legal, Haru,” Kisumi crooned- but only lit up in laughter.

“Stop being gross.” Haru said, pushing Kisumi away so he could have a turn stirring so his participation grade for today wouldn't be completely terrible.

Kisumi made Haru’s heart flutter and mind race. Makoto made Haru’s mind calm. Comforted.

Haru thought about that for a long while- it was odd, how different they both were. Haru snorted and tried to push the thought away as he gripped the handle of the wooden spoon.

That night, Kisumi stayed over. But, that night, Makoto did not come home. He texted Haru he was staying with his dad.

Haru had felt his stomach churn.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday to my son, my husband, and me
> 
> holy shit i love makoto so much kill me hes so cute shit f U ck ((hes my favoerite i lo ve him os mu ch i leik aaaaAAa my son))


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * gets roasted for the kisuharu scene*
> 
>  
> 
> christmas chapter?? i'm pretty sure christmas is celebrated in Japan it's just not a religious thing, correct? aah i dont know. i mean they had halloween in this fic so i'm sure it doesnt matter anymore. so its like, things from japan and things from america idk,, america and japan had a baby that is where they live

Makoto’s sleep had been fitful. That’s why Haru imagined he’d been sleeping at his own house more and more- he was worried he’d wake up Haru or something. But Haru knew it wasn't true.  It wasnt unstandable, actually at first it was kind of cute. His little airy moans and sleepy murmurs, how he’d hug and dig himself into the sheets. But in the morning he always had this sort of irritated edge- no matter how much Makoto tried to hide his agitation, Haru knew it was there. It was because he was tired, he wasn't sleeping well- and the mornings in which Makoto got up before Haru were now unheard of. But now at least he could bathe longer in the morning...  

Normally the agitation would be gone as they walked through the door to go to school. Makoto looked more like Sousuke did in the morning- with a resting scowl on his face.

It was starting to irritate Haru- not Makoto , but the fact that he was distressed all because of this dumb sports thing. It wasn't him and he knew it, he was forcing himself into it, and Haru didn't understand. Makoto didn't have anything keeping him from his dream. He was wasting it. Maybe Haru was jealous.

A knock on the door. The only people who could be here on a friday night was Rei and Nagisa, or Kisumi. Makoto didn't knock, so he was out of the question, and he wouldn't be home for another hour anyways. Haru shuffled up to the door- finding Kisumi standing their with a big smile on his face. “Hey,” He chirped- and than, just pouted. “Why arent you dressed?”

“Hm?” Haru mumbled, looking down at his naked legs- except for a pair of fish boxers.

“You were supposed to go to the movies with me, Nagisa and Rei today!” Kisumi said, and Haru bit his lips. Oops.

“I can go get some pants on,” Haru said, realizing that Kisumi still had his skates on- “You can come in if you want.”

“Do I need to take these off?” Kisumi asked, and Haru shook his head.

“Just don’t fall.” Kisumi let out a little laugh, and walked inside, his skates sliding against the hardwood for a moment. Kisumi waved hello to Haru’s father- who seemed entirely uninterested in the fact Kisumi was wearing roller skates. “Hey, Nanase-san.” Kisumi said in a small chirp, and Haru’s father smiled at him in between sips of tea.

“Wowee, Haru-chan,” Kisumi said as he glided through the home slowly after Haru on his skates, his skates clacking against every tile on the kitchen floor , “I think this is our first date!”

“Not really,” Haru mumbled as he started to march upstairs, “It’s with Nagisa and Rei.”

“Double date?”

Haru shrugged. He almost didn't want to admit to it, and Kisumi laughed. He waited at the bottom of the stairs for Haru like a patient dog, and when Haru came back down- fully clothed, Kisumi sat up and smiled. Haru had pulled on Makoto’s sweater- so he could feel like Makoto was coming with them. He missed him. He wished Makoto didn't have practice so they could all go to the movies together.

That idea stuck with him. If Makoto didn't have practice- he’d be coming with them.

Haru started to worry. On nights even where Kisumi didn't stay over, Makoto slept over at his father’s sometimes. Haru felt like whatever ‘special’ friendship they had was dying. All because of Makoto’s dumb need to be masculine. Haru hated that. If he had to pick something about Makoto he hated, it was that.

Kisumi was a good extra six inches taller than Haru when he was on the skates, and walking side by side with him whilst Kisumi was just rolling across the sidewalk was a little odd. “Why dont you walk?” Haru asked, and Kisumi laughed.

“It’s easier,” He said- “You should get a pair of skates too, Haru!”

“I don’t do things with wheels.” Haru explained softly. He’d only ever been transported by Makoto’s bike and his dad’s car, wheels seemed intimidating.

“I can teach you!” Kisumi chirped.

“No way.”  

Kisumi didn't listen as he stopped, sitting on the curb to take his skates off- no, no,no ... ! Haru glared at him, and Kisumi only beamed up at him. “C’mon, Haru! I won’t let go of you!”

“Kisumi, you don’t have shoes...” Haru uttered in a weak argument, but that died when Kisumi pulled out a pair of battered sneakers from his bag. Haru sighed, accepting his fate. Kisumi was going to teach him to skate. He supposed it’d be useful to get places, but he always had Makoto and his bike.

Haru tied them tight- they were a little too big, but not by much as Kisumi was relatively the same size as him. Though, pretty pink rollerskates didn't really suit Haru’s fancy. He wiggled his toes a little- before trying to get up. Fear stuck Haru immediately realized he’d fall flat on his face if he got up- and sat right back down on the curb, reaching to untie them. “Hey!” Kisumi said, “Don’t tell me you’re giving up already!”

Haru scowled at him. Kisumi laughed. “Okay, okay, i’ll help you up, ready?” Haru sighed and nodded.

Kisumi stepped in front of him- taking Haru’s wrists in his as he pulled Haru up, but almost immediately Haru realized Kisumi was no Makoto and wasn't strong enough to pull him up on his own- and Haru nearly fell. Haru let out a loud yelp as Kisumi caught him.

Kisumi’s arms were tight around the small of Haru’s back- awkwardly holding him there. Kisumi lit up into a fit of nervous chuckles- “Oh god,” He said inbetween laughs, “I almost dropped you.”

Haru frowned. “Why’s that funny?”

Kisumi took a deep inhale to clear himself of his giggle fit, before lifting Haru again back onto his feet. The skates hit the cement road, and Haru’s legs wobbled. Scary. Haru did not like things with wheels. “I don’t-”

“It’s okay, I won’t let go of your hands, yeah? I’ll catch you if you fall.” Kisumi’s hands retreated from Haru’s back, and went to hold his hands- and Haru felt warmed by the gesture but yet pissed off that Kisumi wasnt letting him back out.

“We’re gonna be late for the movie...” Haru mumbled, his legs shaking as he grasped onto Kisumi tighter then he ever had before, his knuckles turning white.

Kisumi smiled- “It’s in an hour,” he said, “We’ve got time.”

Haru sighed in defeat, letting Kisumi pull him down the street. Kisumi was walking backwards, his eyes trained on Haru’s legs- “Keep your legs steady, Haru.”

“It’s hard,” Haru whined softly- “I’ve never felt so tall before.” Kisumi laughed at that, giving Haru’s body a hard yank which made Haru yelp.

“Sorry!”

“You clutz... We really shouldn’t be doing this-”

“No, no, you’ll get the hang of it!” Kisumi said- “If you get the hang of it, i’ll buy you a pair.”

“I don’t want a pair.”

“Sh, It’s for the best, cutie.”

Oh god, Haru hated pet names. But he loved them. Damn this guy- Kisumi could play him like a fiddle.

Kisumi saw the way Haru’s scowl left his face, and he smiled. Smiled like the cheeky, adorable bastard he was. “Just think about it, not having to wait around for me or Makoto to pick you up from school,” Kisumi explained with a smile.

“But I like riding home with you and Makoto.”

“Yeah but I have to pull you home in a wagon sometimes, do you know how hard that is?” Haru puckered his lips at that. Fine. He’d give it a try without whining. Kisumi smiled at Haru’s expression, letting go of one of his hands.

One of Haru’s legs jerked a little and Kisumi’s voice came out almost as soon as it happened, “Legs still, Haru, just relax. It’s like standing.”

Haru swallowed and nodded- and now Kisumi was walking at his side. Their arms were stiff- possibly so Haru could move forward without moving.  

“Okay, I think you’re still enough,” Kisumi mumbled to himself, “Alright! Now you just gotta move yourself forward.” Kisumi demonstrated with his own foot- moving it backwards. “See? just like that. It’s easy.”

Haru breathed, feeling Kisumi’s grip loosen on him. Haru did so with a deep breath- exhaling as he moved his foot.

Kisumi let go. What a douchebag.

Haru moved forward on his own- successfully, without falling. At first it felt kind of good- until he realized he was drifting into the middle of the street and didn't know how to stop. “Kisumi- Kisumi!” Haru called with slight panic in his voice, and Kisumi ran up to grab him.

“See! You did it!” Kisumi chirped, softly pulling Haru back over to the sidewalk by his hands. “Did it feel good?”

Haru snorted- “It’s like you’re talking about sex.” Kisumi laughed at him, “But, yeah , for a second it was nice. Then I felt like i was going to get hit by a car.”

“Well, once you get the hang of it, you won’t feel like that anymore.”

“Kay,” Haru said, gripping Kisumi to tell him to stop walking. “I’m going to take them off now.” Kisumi let him take them off, this time. Apparently proud of what he had done.

They went to the movies in peace, Nagisa and Rei meeting them there. It was a nice, peaceful break- a nice, enjoyable friday night. Haru wondered what Makoto’s friday nights consisted of- his smoking friends, the smell of liquor. Haru preferred his weekends to be spent like this.

Though, the empty seat next to him- only made Haru grip the sweater he was wearing tight. Makoto’s sweater. He missed him.

/**/

The next day there was a pastel pink bag sitting on Haru’s doorstep that was for him, with a cute little note that was signed ‘~From your pretty boy, Kisumi’ with a little winky face drawn next to his name. It had said; “I told you I’d buy you some skates! I know pink isn’t your thing so I got you some blue ones. Baby blue skates for my baby blue < 3 ! They’re kinda cheap ones since I don’t have a lot of money. Have fun! Promise me you’ll practice, even when i’m not around < 3 !” In Kisumi’s neat, cursive writing. Haru loved him. He really did.

It was Haru’s first experience with love being returned, and, honestly he knew that his past self would be cursing him for falling in love with Kisumi, out of all people. Haru knew Kisumi could only be one of many, but for now, Haru would cherish him.  

Makoto had perked up from where he was sitting on the couch- “Whos it from?” He asked.

Haru sat down with the bag, pulling the skates out. They looked less like Kisumi’s skates- and not as shiny and cool, but Haru really didn't care. They were a baby blue color as he had promised. “Skates, from Kisumi.”

“But you don’t know how to skate?” Before Haru had a chance to respond, Makoto answered his own question, “He forced you to learn how, huh?”

Haru smiled a little and nodded. “Oh, Kisumi’s such a weirdo.” Makoto laughed, “Weird, but nice.”

“He’s not all that nice when he’s forcing you into roller skates and at the same time calling you pet names,” Haru laughed, and Makoto chuckled along. “I guess it’ll be useful for when Kisumi’s not around and you have practice.”

Haru held the little note between his fingers, reading it through again. His baby blue... Hah, cute.

When Haru had smiled- Makoto smiled too.

/ ** /

It had started to snow. Haru watched with somewhat fearful eyes as the snow had started- falling in soft clumps outside. He hated winter. It was cold and made his throat burn- it played as a reminder to him how sick he really was. The white pieces were a weird contrast to the night sky, and Haru zoned out completely as he watched them. He saw the figure of someone walking around in Makoto’s house from the same window- licking his lips.

Haru saw a second silhouette in the window- a slimmer, smaller one. A soft moan from Makoto let Haru know that he was still in his bed with him. Makoto’s eyes were clenched shut tight as he groaned and struggled underneath the covers- and Haru could only wonder what he was dreaming about.

Haru slicked his hair down- covered in sweat, and sighed.

Makoto had done this to himself. “Makoto,” Haru called softly- his voice a tad annoyed, “You okay?” Makoto only twitched in reply, a soft breath leaving him.

Haru grumbled something incoherent, before leaning over him- running his hands through his hair which seemed to briefly calm his sleeping best friend- “This is your fault, you know,” Haru mumbled, “All these nightmares. You know you can stop them, don’t you?” Haru grunted as Makoto’s teeth grit- his whole body wracking with a shiver. “Of course you don’t,” Haru said, “You never realize these things...”

Makoto was just... Makoto. Haru knew he’d always be like this. Stubborn, and trying to make everyone but himself happy. That didn't make Haru too happy.

The next morning was quiet, and Haru sat in the heat of the tub. The only place that didn't make him feel sick.

He pawed blindly for the tea he had left resting on the closed toilet seat, sitting up and raising his shoulders out of the bath only to sip at it softly- before setting it back down.

It must’ve been an hour like that- just enjoying his precious snow day to it’s fullest by spending it in the bath. Relaxed- his breathing loose and lungs feeling absolutely normal.

Just as Haru started to drift off to sleep- he heard the door open.

“Hey,” Makoto loved walking in on him. Though, this time, Haru was ready, no way he was getting caught off guard naked. Anyways, it felt better being in the bathtub in his bathing suit. Makoto took a second. “...Are you?”

“Yes.” Haru answered immediately, glanicng at the purple jammers. Makoto cracked a smile.

“Only you..” He said- as he sat down by the bathtub on the floor. So, Makoto wanted to talk. “Well, I was wondering, uh, could I have Christmas dinner with you guys this year?” Makoto asked, and Haru snorted.

“Of course, you have dinner with us every year.” Haru said, sipping on his tea again.

“Yeah! I know, I was just, making sure.”

Haru shot him a questioning glance, but then realized Makoto was just doing his ‘trying to be a decent person’ thing. “Ah.”

It was a while before Makoto spoke again- at least five minutes.

“I don’t know, I just feel like you don’t want me over as much.” Makoto mumbled, resting his head in his hands. He looked like a pouting child. “You’ve been hanging out with Kisumi a lot more, and, I’m not mad at you for it. I was just making sure I could come over.”

“Spending time with Kisumi doesnt mean I don’t like you,” Haru said softly- and Makoto laughed.

“I know. He’s just someone new, and, I guess he is your boyfriend after all. It makes sense you’re spending more time with him.” Makoto explained, his tone rather calm- he wasn’t sulking at all. Makoto was good at rationalizing, Haru was glad he wasn’t upset.. “And I’m not taking it personally, I swear, I was just making sure I could come over.”

“Well, uhm,” Haru mumbled, his legs shuffling in the bathtub, “You can come. I’d prefer it if you did, honestly.”

Makoto smiled- this big, genuine smile when Haru said that. “I’d prefer to be here too, Haru.”

Haru smiled back at him, and it was moments like these when Haru remembered why he loved Makoto so much.

/**/

It was the next weekend after when Makoto handed Haru a shiny blue bag with wrapping paper inside, and Haru was puzzled. Christmas was literally in a week- Haru wondered why Makoto was giving him a gift; but the somewhat nervous smile on Makoto’s face was making Haru worry.

“I got something for you,” He said, his voice kind but Haru could nearly detect an edge to it. An edge? Was Makoto in a mood? He was acting weird- something that would be a kind gesture to the normal eye, but since Haru had known this guy for so long, Haru knew when Makoto was in a weird mood and when he wasnt, even by the slightest of hints.

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Christmas is in a week.”

“I know!”

Haru huffed and sat down on the couch- opening the package. A new winter coat. A dusty blue one, with grey buttons up the side- that looked on the brink of expensive. Haru had needed a new winter coat, he just didn't take the time to get one. Haru blinked- staring at the soft fabric between his fingers. Haru could’ve easily bought this with his own money- or, his father would’ve bought a jacket for him. He appreciated it, obviously- it was a pretty handsome jacket and would probably make Haru look a little older. He was just.. Confused.

“Do you like it?” Makoto asked- almost seeming stressed by Haru’s silence.

“Very much,” Haru said, and Makoto smiled in relief, “Thank you. I needed a new jacket.”

“I know,” Makoto said- sitting down next to Haru on the couch, “It’s blue, your favorite color.” Makoto pointed out- and then it all made sense.

The rollerskates were blue. The rollerskates that Kisumi got him.

Makoto was jealous.

Haru couldn't help but feel a little triumphant. He bit back a small smile- it was like getting back at Makoto for pushing him away for years, and it felt kind of nice. Haru acknowledged that was a dick move, but then again, Makoto lied about taking it personally when he was talking about Kisumi. He was taking it personally. Makoto was jealous of Kisumi.

Makoto looked panicked in seconds- like he realized Haru knew what he was up to. Makoto took the jacket quickly- “H-here! Let me hang it up for you, yeah?”

Haru bit back his smile, and nodded. “That’d be great ,thanks.”

Ooh boy, revenge was sweet.

/**/

It had taken a few tries outside with Makoto holding onto his hands to prevent falling as he practiced, as well as Kisumi’s expert knowledge on rollerskates to get Haru to learn how. It was something that was like walking- it just increased his walking speed without any more effort, perfect for someone with his condition. Haru was grateful for the skates now that he knew how to put them on and stand by himself without feeling the intense fear of ‘im going to fall and die’ .

Now he’d skate side by side with Kisumi on the way home- holding his hand and actually keeping up. And days where Kisumi would stay after for extra help- Haru could actually get home in a reasonable time. Not only that, but he could go to the little grocery store whenever he wanted and get his own food and come back within roughly hour and a half. Before that task would’ve taken him an extra hour.

But, whenever Makoto offered to go out to the grocery store or didn't have practice, Haru would ride with him on his bike . Always pressed close, always enjoying the warmth.

When Makoto parked his bike by the house and began walking it to the garage, Haru followed. Makoto glanced at him- as if surprised ((They did this every day Makoto rode him home, though.)), and then bit on his lip. Something was on his mind.

“What?” Haru asked, and he could see the way Makoto’s eyes squinted slightly as if saying; “dammit, he caught me.”

Makoto turned his head, walking into the garage to set his bike down- and closed it. Then , he spoke. “Ah, umm, weird question.” Makoto said, and Haru nodded. “Do you think, maybe I could, ahh, try to invite my mom and my siblings to dinner?”

Haru smiled at Makoto, and Makoto shuffled his feet. “Only if its alright.” He added.

“I don’t really know,” Haru said- “I’d love them over, but, we’ll have to ask my dad.”

/**/

It was a yes from Haru’s dad. And a yes from Makoto’s mom. And just like it used to be, Makoto spent the whole day waiting- his face pressed to the window.

Haru tried to make him food, but just like last time- Makoto waved it away. Haru sat on the small of his back for an hour- just feeling Makoto breath, and he even took a nap at some point.

Haru remembered last time this happened. Haru had tried to wrestle with him- only to kick Makoto off the couch and for him to repeat some dumb joke. Those times were fun- when Haru was playful with him and they had fun together. Their relationship had been more and more strained since then- but, Haru assumed it was because they were getting older.

But on occasions, Haru would watch Sousuke and Rin wrestle outside. It looked more controlled now- and maybe Rin was just helping him practice for matches, and Sousuke was helping Rin get his offensive strength up. But he’d watch them in Rin’s front yard- Sousuke playing defense as Rin punched and kicked at his curled hands. Rin knew how to drop kick now- Haru had seen it, and it was pretty damn impressive. Kind of scary. Rin was swift but yet real strong, he was a good medium height but dense packed. Haru knew now that Rin was someone to not reckon with.

So if Sousuke and Rin still wrestled like little boys- why didn't Haru and Makoto anymore? Haru liked to think it was their personalities. Makoto was so gentle and mellow and Haru was so... Haru.

“Hey, Haru,” Makoto said, not taking his eyes away from the window, “Do you remember, back then , when I was doing the same thing i’m doing now, and you tried to fight with me?”

They were so similar, it scared Haru.

“Yeah.” Haru said, folding his legs as he sat on the recliner chair. He watched Makoto smile this sad little smile.

“That was fun. I wish we could go back to then .”

“Me too,” Haru agreed. It was then he had the hope that he would get better.

Makoto turned to look at him and laugh- but then there was a knock on the door and Makoto was on his feet in seconds. Haru hadnt heard a car pull up- he doubted it was Makoto’s mom- and when he heard Rin’s voice shout “Merry Christmas!” He could tell Makoto was disappointed.

As Makoto walked back into the livingroom, defeated- Rin and Sousuke followed. They both had santa hats on- the whole thing, and Rin just smiled.

“Yo,” He greeted Haru, a wave of his hand accompanying it.

“Yo,” Sousuke then only repeated Rin. Makoto laughed under his breath through his sulking expression .

“Hey man,” Rin cut right to the chase, “Do you have any cookies? Or like anything sweet? I’m dying for some chocolate.” Sousuke nodded in agreement. He too was dying for some chocolate. Haru groaned- getting up from his chair and walking to get whatever chocolate he had.

He found a bag of chocolate chip cookies- fresh out of a packaged box, and poured them on a platter to set them on the living room table.

Rin dived for them, shoving two in his mouth, before thanking Haru with his mouth full. Sousuke took one- and Makoto reluctantly reached for one. Makoto could never fight his temptation for chocolate.

“So, why’s Makoto so pouty?” Rin asked, and Makoto let out a small gawk in return.

“His mom's visiting, he thought you were her.” Haru explained- folding his legs as he sat on the floor by the table -so he too could snack on the cookies.

“Ah,” Rin said, “What time did she say she’d get here?” Rin asked, and Makoto pouted.

“About two hours ago.” Makoto slouched and looked at the ground- and then proceeded to take another cookie and ate it with the pout still on his face. Rin gave him a supporting pat.

“I have a question, now,” Haru said, and all three of the boys looked up- “Sousuke, did you willingly put that on?” Haru pointed to the hat, and the large male snorted.

“No, as a matter of fact,” Sousuke said- glancing at Rin, “He’s been trying to get me to do it for years. Now that i’m his boyfriend, apparently I have no choice but to now.”

“I threatened i’d break up with him,” Rin chirped- as happily as anyone could while mentioning a break-up. “I can’t date someone with no holiday spirit!”

“My family doesn't even celebrate Christmas...” Sousuke snorted, and Rin laugh and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Gross.

“So, what are you guys doing on this fine X-mas eve?” Rin said- folding his arms behind his head and stretching his back. Haru shrugged- looked at Makoto, and then he shrugged too.

“I guess we’re just waiting for my mom,” Makoto explained.

“Theres gonna be a party and Nagisa’s house tomorrow, he probably invited you but you don’t bother to check your texts,” Rin laughed- “I’m thinking of going, but Sousuke won’t go. He’s really passionate about not celebrating Christmas.”

“Well, I mean...” Sousuke mumbled- and Rin elbowed him gently in the side to silence him. Sousuke cracked a smile.

“You guys gonna go?” Rin asked- as if whether he went or not depended on Haru’s answer. Haru glanced at Makoto- Makoto shrugged, and Haru shrugged back.

“I guess it depends on my mom..” Makoto said, biting his lip as he reclined backwards.

“Ah, by the way,” Rin said, “It’s a sweater party, if you do go.” Rin then  aggressively pointed his finger at Haru- a smile on his face- “So wear a sweater! a real ugly one!” Makoto laughed, and Haru only stuck his tongue out at Rin.

Rin didn't leave though. Oh no, he stuck around. Rin curled up in Sousuke’s lap and Sousuke held him- his chin resting on the top of Rin’s head. Sousuke seemed pretty content with that, but Rin, Rin wasn’t. After five minutes Rin got tired of cuddling and started kissing his face- and than his lips- making all these weird little noises like he was trying to brag to Haru how great Sousuke was.

“Mhm- Mmmh,” Rin would say- not in a sexual way at all, more of a awkward kind of thing. It was clear Rin was bragging.

At this, Makoto laughed nervously and went right back to looking out the window. Makoto was used to having pairs of boyfriends around now it seemed, but, this was such an awkward show that even Haru wanted to hide his face from the shame.

It was, sadly, late when Rin and Sousuke left. Now, Haru loved Rin, he really did. Rin was his closest friend next to Makoto, and Haru really liked having him around. But, Rin didn't seem to have any personal space boundaries- especially with Sousuke. So, whenever Sousuke tagged along, especially now- Haru didn't enjoy the awkward atmosphere he got from the two. Though, they were never sexual with each other- just genuine sweet smooches and subtle nuzzles. Still awkward, nonetheless.

Haru had decided to take a shower late that night- not a bath, as he wanted to be Makoto’s company for a while longer as when he looked out the window Haru could tell the hope from Makoto’s eyes had vanished. But, when Haru came back- Makoto had fallen asleep on the couch.

Haru had smiled- and than frowned, realizing that Makoto had been waiting all day and she never came. He sighed- going upstairs, only to drag the heavy blanket from his bed and down the stairs.

He sat on the couch next to Makoto’s sleeping body- half of his body slouched onto the arm of the couch- his arms nearly hugging it. Haru took the blanket- wrapping Makoto in it- before than nuzzling underneath it as well. Warm. The blanket was lined with a soft faux fur, and was big enough for the both of them to share. It was nice- feeling Makoto’s warmth but not being pressed against him. Haru just enjoyed the soft thrum of Holiday songs that Rin had turned the radio to when he was still here.

When Makoto started to stir- Haru rubbed his back, and he only moaned softly and fell back to sleep.

Makoto’s mom never came.

When Haru’s dad got home that night- Makoto woke up. He was sad and disappointed- and tired, he wanted to go to bed. But Haru could see it in the way his jaw clenched ever so slightly- Makoto was aggravated. His tone was dry and flat, his lips curled in this weird way- he was angry. Haru didn't blame him. Makoto was a boy, and so was Haru- anger was a dominant emotion for them both. But, Makoto was such a gentle person, it was weird for him to get agitated like that...

Haru’s dad called Makoto’s mother- who, according to the static through the phone couldn't make it.

They both comforted Makoto, or tried to. Makoto appreciated it- certainly, there was a smile on his face and genuine ‘thank you’s leaving his lips, but, he was still upset, and nothing could stop that.

/**/

The next day, though, Makoto’s anger was completely gone as he ate dinner with them. He’d been rather peppy that day- as, it was Christmas after all, they were all happy.  But when Makoto was eating he seemed his happiest.

“I live with the two best cooks ever!” Makoto had stated with a happy chirp- and Haru and his father were staring at Makoto like he was a judge for some cooking competition. Makoto seems to catch on. “Ten out of ten!” He said as he tore off another piece of chicken.

They all ate happily together- Haru excited to play his new pokemon game Makoto had gotten him- on the new DS his father ha gotten him. It was happy- and Haru completely forgot about anything that was going wrong on this day.

/**/

“Hey! Haru showed!” Was the first thing that was yelled at him as he walked inside the Hazuki household- and then he realized the mess he had gotten himself into.  “Oh- and.. Is that Tachibana?”

Haru sighed as he saw a group of girls sitting on Nagisa’s couch- and Haru recognised them easily. The Makoto fanclub, basically. Well- the ‘I like guys who play sports that don’t have red hair’ group. There were other girls there- but, they were just talking in a corner wearing pajamas- and there was also one playing the same DS that Haruka got- just in a different color.

Haru had a realization as he watched the girls in their pajamas throw a chip at the girl playing on her DS- who than promptly caught it in her mouth without even looking away from the screen. Haruka fucking loved girls.

“Oh- U-Um, hi,” Makoto stuttered out with a friendly ,though nervous laugh- “I only thought Rei, Nagisa and Rin were gonna be here..” Makoto than mumbled to himself- but, it was a happy sound. Makoto was a happy, social person.

Sousuke sat begrudgingly on the couch- Rin sitting on his lap, with Kou next to the two of them. Nagisa and Rei sat then next to them- as well as a small, silver haired boy Haru didn't’ recognize.

Haru waved- and so did Makoto, and than Kisumi was rounding the corner from the kitchen into the living room . The boy lit up immediately when he saw Haru- and the two walked over to each other to share a hug.

“Hey-” Kisumi said- planting a kiss on Haru’s forehead, he smiled, “I don’t celebrate Christmas but here I am,” Kisumi said with a laugh- “and it’s pretty fun.”

“Yeah, I like it.” Haru said, Christmas was less of a religious thing here, and more of a fun thing they did. Haru liked it a lot- presents and dinner was nice. “I got you a present.”

“Oh! I got you one too!” Kisumi chirped. By now- his hair was entirely that platinum blonde color- the light pink hair dye totally gone. Haru missed it- but his naturally blonde hair was pretty cute too. Kisumi fumbled with a bag- pulling out a small little box that was neatly wrapped in blue paper. Once again- it was addressed to ‘Baby blue.’ Gosh, that was adorable, but from judging the little smirk on Kisumi’s face- he was really proud of coming up with that.

The two of them tore open their presents for each other- and, Haru smiled at the little ring in the box- that  had the small words of ‘breath-taker’ engraved on it.

“Oh,” Haru laughed, crudely, “Where you find this? The jewelry store for people with lung problems?” Haru said with a soft little laugh- pressing his thumbs against the little ring.

Kisumi shrugged- “I have my ways,” He said with a laugh- “Keep going.”

The next present was a little dolphin keychain- a stuffed a thing, that when you squeezed it, it made these hideously loud dolphin noises and it scared Haru when he did it. What a dork...

Kisumi opened the present Haru had gotten him- which was a baby blue moon he found at a store for ten-year-olds, but, it reminded Haru of Kisumi nonetheless.

He smiled- “Thanks Haru,” Kisumi said, and Haru nodded with a smile- Kisumi brought him close again to kiss him on the forehead, and the two went to sit down.

Already- the girls in the group were holding Makoto down basically- though, Makoto wasnt putting  up any fight anyways.  He was laughing- though, Haru could tell it was his nervous laugh. “Flex for us! C’mon!” They’d yell- and he’d do it, and they’d all laugh and keen.

“I’m glad you came, Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirped- and reaffirmed it with a nod, “I’m glad Rin told you! You never check your phone!” Haru shrugged. He didn't like his phone- he only texted Makoto when he stayed at his dad’s house.

“Looks like you got Sousuke to come,” Haru said - and he realized why Rin was sitting on Sousuke- he was keeping him from escaping.

Sousuke snorted in annoyance. “He said he would ban cuddling for a week...” Sousuke mumbled with a pout, and Rin laughed.

“I was only joking!”

“Yeah, right...”

“You guys are gross!” Kou said- standing from the couch, “I’m gonna go play with Hana.” Kou broke out her old DS, and sat down with it, next to the girl who had caught the chip in her mouth earlier.

“Oh! Haru!” Rin said- grabbing the silver-haired boy who had jammed himself in the corner of the couch. He let out a soft yelp- Rin letting go of him with a chuckle. “This is my friend Ai, we swim together.”

Haru gulped- and than- waved, “Hi.”

Ai, according to Rin, was someone built similarly to Haru. Really.. They looked pretty similar, except Ai was younger and had chubbier features. Really, he struck Haru as odd- a small boy, one like him. Someone frail with feminine features. Ai looked at Haru just as Haru looked at him. It was weird knowing there was someone else like him...

Ai smiled at him. The boy had a beauty mark underneath his lip. Haru smiled back.

The night was fun- watching holiday movies and cuddling up to Kisumi- talking with his friends.

Makoto looked severely uncomfortable- the ‘makoto fanclub’ girls were combing their fingers through his hair- cooing and making him flex- trying to get him to take off his shirt. Rin was too sharp looking ((and, he had red hair)), and Sousuke was too gruff and scary for them to swoon over. But to them, Makoto was perfect. A combination of brute force and strength but also he had the sweetest, softest personality and a handsome face.

Haru had to say.. Though Makoto’s new hard, well-toned body was.. Well, hot, Haru missed his stature before he started all this sports stuff. He’d always been wide and strong, but, hs muscle had never been so tight packed. Makoto was always kind of chubby and soft- warm and gentle. His new body almost reflected this new persona...

By the end of the night Makoto had gotten tired of all this and looked rather stressed- Haru would be too.

Haru went to use the bathroom- and Makoto followed- finally escaping.

“Man, I thought this was gonna be fun,” Makoto said with a pout- crossing his arms, “This is ridiculous... I literally can’t beileve this is happening.”

Haru laughed softly- shaking his head, and Makoto let out a moan.

“It’s not funny, Haru!” But Makoto started to smile too, and they were both laughing.

Haru clung to Makoto’s shirt- his head snapping backwards as one hand went to fan himself. “Oh! Tachibana-san! Show me your muscles again, pleease!” Haru mocked- pulling off his best girl-voice.

Makoto started to laugh- and than he made a guttural noise from the back of his throat. “Ah- baby, you come to see the gun show?” He asked- his voice deeper than normal- before he flexed his arms and punched the air, “Bah-bam!” Makoto said- and the two of them started laughing again. It was times like these he felt genuinely connected to Makoto,  he had felt so separated from him lately, but right now.. He was reminded how close he really was.

“Hey-” Haru said- “do you mind if I feel?” Haru asked, and Makoto looked dumbfounded before he understood. He smiled and nodded- and Haru continued- “I haven’t felt since you were chubbier..” Makoto flexed his arm- and Haru wrapped his hand around Makoto’s bicep- and, his fingers were far from wrapping all the way around. “Wow,” Haru mumbled quietly- “You’re getting so strong..”

Makoto lit up with a smile- putting his arm down. “I still got a long way to go.” He said happily- and Haru nodded.

“No wonder they keep wanting to feel your arm,” Haru laughed - and Makoto scoffed.

“Pshht, but still , it’s weird...” Makoto shrugged- rubbing his arms , “My arms are starting to get tired from flexing so much..” Makoto crossed his arms- “I don’t get it, Sousuke’s way stronger than me..”

“Yeah, but he isn’t half as handsome as you are.” Haru said- and he watched Makoto turn two shades redder.

“Wait, you’re serious?” Makoto asked- a giddy smile starting to appear on his face- “You think i’m attractive?”

Haru snorted- and rolled his eyes at Makoto. Makoto must’ve known how attractive he was, he was super handsome. “Did I tell you about the time Kisumi called you a stud?” Makoto shook his head ,”Well. Kisumi called you a stud.”

Makoto gasped- and then started laughing. Laughing hard.

“Gee, thanks, Haru.”

They sat in Nagisa’s kitchen for a while, talking and laughing together- eating cookies in the privacy of being a few feet away.

They went to sit back down after a while- and, the girls latched onto Makoto’s legs and pulled him back to sit on the floor, and Makoto mouthed a ‘help me’ to Haru as he resumed his place underneath Kisumi’s arm.

Though Haru loved Makoto- honestly, he deserved it. Maybe it was these little things could show Makoto that forcing himself into sports wasnt a good idea. Makoto- despite all these signs, was still as stubborn as ever.

So when Makoto mouthed the words of ‘help me’, Haru pretended he didn't notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im trying to have each chapter have one kisuharu scene and another short one but idk  
> im enjoying the kisuharu element so?? idk
> 
> i had a lot of fun w/ this chapter tbh ,, the cute makoto scenes were a lot of fun, the kisumi scenes were fun, rin eating their cookies were fun, the sad makoto scenes were fun, it was just fun i liked writing this chapter... tho i do miss writing them whilst they were in puberty : C haru getting a deep voice was honestly the funnest thing to write  
>  holy shit im sooo excited for the free! movie!! i hope the sub comes out soon!! : O  
> if u have any suggestions or just wanna talk , shoot me a message @ lace--prince.tumblr.com ! 
> 
> PS ,, i'm taking fic commissions, write me at tumblr if your interested ! (It's at most 1.00 usd for each page depending on what you want, just for a rough estimate )


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friend who is reading this told me she really likes how happy and cute rei and nagisa are. i decided they were a lttle too cute and happy  
> haha shout out to jenezy ilu <3333 
> 
> tw for rape, though it isnt described directly or anything, its still there
> 
> yeah this is a bad chapter  
> ah yeah another btw haru is a dick to makoto in this chapter

“Guess who is bringing me on a date!”

Haru lifted his head from the desk, cursing the confusing math problems on the board that mixed with the sound of Nagisa’s voice.

Haru than glanced at Rei- who gawked awkwardly. “Don’t brag, Nagisa-kun!” Rei said in a startled tone- “They don’t need to know!”

The sound of Makoto’s scribbling pen was silenced- and, his voice continued outwards, “aw, you two are sweet.” Makoto said with a smile- and Rei covered his mouth and let out a sound as if he were choking while Nagisa laughed.

“Rei-chan is bringing me to one of those fancy restaurants in the city!” Nagisa crooned- tapping his fingers against his pencil, “He even made reservations and everything.”

“Ah,” Haru mumbled- “You two are going alone?” He asked. Nagisa nodded happily. Just the two of them- Haru was happy for them, yes, but.. The city was big, and, not the most friendly place ever, though it was pretty. They were boys who had grown up in a small, friendly place where crime was unheard of. And though it was painful to admit- Nagisa looked a lot like a girl ( Especially if he was wearing girls clothes), and that only made the chances of something bad happening to the two of them much higher. “Is someone driving you?”

“We’re walking,” Rei said in a heavy sigh, “Nagisa said his sisters would be utterly devastated and ask to come with us, and my mother has some sort of appointment that night.”  Rei than smiled- “I don’t really mind walking though.”

“Yeah! It won’t be too long.” Nagisa chimed in- and Haru nodded. He decided the two of them would be fine.

“My dad can drive you,” He just threw out as a suggestion. Rei shook his head in a polite manner.

“Thank you for the offer, Haruka-san.”

Makoto smiled at Haru, tapping the corner of his paper with his pen. Sitting on the corner of his paper was a poorly drawn cat, and Haru smiled. Haru proceeded to draw a shitty anime drawing of Makoto, complete with cat ears and a tail- along with his name and an arrow pointing. Makoto had laughed.

At lunch, Haru chewed on his lips and watched Nagisa and Rei talk to each other- hardly listening in on their conversation. He just recognized their voices and their tones - the way they looked at each other. He also recognised when Nagisa would put on Rei’s glasses that he’d feel worried that Nagisa would get a headache. Those two were like.. His kids. They were only a year younger than him- Rei was nearly two years younger (He had skipped a grade when he was very young, apparently his mother thought he was too smart for pre-school), but yet Haru had this mother-like protective feel about the two of them.

‘These are my gay sons, back off,’ he thought to himself- a smile on his face. Haru stole another chocolate kiss from Kisumi’s lunch without him noticing. Or maybe he was noticing- he just allowed Haru to do so.

“Haruu-” Makoto whined from next to him- “I’ve been eating mackerel all week-” Haru looked to Makoto, a prominent pout on his face. Haru made him lunch every morning- as, Makoto couldn't cook, and usually because of limited time Haru would make him the same thing that Haru made himself.

“Then make your own lunch,” Haru stated boldly, and Makoto whined. Haru sighed- patted Makoto’s back- and gave in. “Fine, tomorrow i’ll make us curry, or something.”

Makoto smiled triumphantly- and reached out a hand to cuff Haru over the shoulder. Another rough gesture. “Thanks Haru.” Haru shrugged.

He rubbed his shoulder- frowning a little. It was weird. That gesture was natural to Makoto now- it was something Sousuke did as a ‘manly sign of affection’, and now all this masculinity Makoto was nailing into himself was really starting to stick. Haru shivered at the thought of Makoto being someone who was rough and harsh- like the other boys who went here, like his father.

Haru and Kisumi walked home in almost silence- Makoto off doing some sports thing somewhere.

/ ~~ /

That night Nagisa sent him pictures through text message, with the caption ‘what outfit should I wear, Haru-chan?’

The first picture was of Nagisa in a fancy outfit- hell, all of them were fancy, but this one was a suit and tie and slacks- Haru had never seen him in something like that before. He looked good -and happy, but also it was alien to see Nagisa wearing something so masculine. The second was him in something more feminine- a outfit that mostly consisted of greys and blacks, a white sweater with a black, cuffed shirt underneath, and some weird cat leggings. The last one was a lot like the second- just more colorful.

‘I think i’m going to go with either one or two, Rei-chan said it was a fancy restaurant!’ Nagisa typed, ‘What do you think , Haru? : 3 c ? ‘

Haru bit his lip, but then made his decision, ‘They both look good on you ,but I like two a little more. Those cat things are cool.’ Haru typed, and Nagisa replied rather fast.

‘I was thinking that too, Haru-chan! I’ll text you w/ date updates > : 0 ! “ Nagisa typed, and Haru laughed under his breath.

‘Have fun.’

‘Thanks, Haru < 3 , ur the best!’

Haru smiled- reclining against Kisumi’s chest as he turned off his phone. Kisumi had fallen asleep- he was someone who slept an awful lot. Though, he was still a light sleeper- and that still kind of disturbed Haru. He reached back to play with his hair, and Kisumi let out a sleepy laugh. So soft- it was all blonde and cute now, and Kisumi kept complaining about how he had to dye it again.

It must’ve been an hour of flipping through channels when Haru got another photo text from Nagisa- a picture of him and Rei all decked out in a suit and a a little purple bow-tie (He obviously hadn't volunteered to be in the picture.) with the caption ‘Rei-chan’s looking snazzy ; ) Say hi to Kisu-chan and Mako-chan for me!’

‘K’ Haru texted, ‘enjoy your date. Stay safe.’

It was then Nagisa went silent, and he could only assume him and Rei were focusing on walking to the restaurant.

Makoto got home shortly after, tired and sweaty, he passed out almost immediately after on the recliner- and now, Haru had two adorable sleeping boys in his living room.

/ ** /

“Well, no more practice for a while.”

Haru looked at Makoto from the bath tub- Makoto was probably coming in to shave , or brush his hair or teeth- or maybe, just maybe, he was coming in to talk. Makoto sat down on the floor.

“What do you mean?” Haru asked, cocking his head.

“The season is over, Haru,”  Makoto laughed -”It’s waay too cold.” He demonstrated this by rubbing his hands over his shoulders- making a dorky ‘brrr!’ sound to accompany it. “Is it warm in there?” He then asked, and Haru nodded. “How long have you been in there for?”

Haru blinked and looked down at the water- pondering the question. “A.. A hour..” Haru said- unsure of his answer.

Makoto gawked- “Ha-ru!” Makoto moaned- “That’s unhealthy! Anyways, I think it’s been much longer then an hour!”

Haru snorted- he wasn’t in the mood for Makoto’s motherly outbursts. “Mind your own business.” He near snapped.

At that, Makoto went eerily silent.

It was Makoto’s ‘thing’ to take care of Haru, it was his ‘thing’ to take care of everyone else. He was the mom of his friend group- the caring ,kind one who always had to know what you were up to. Haru had gotten used to it- but ever since this whole sports mess- it had been irritating him more and more. Had Haru been to harsh? Yes, probably. Was Makoto being dumb? Yes, he was.

Haru looked up at him once more- Makoto’s eyes were slightly wide- as if he were trying to process what Haru had said. After a while of that puzzled look- Makoto’s head dipped to the floor in a submissive gesture that a dog would do- and he sulked a little. No pout. That meant Makoto took that seriously. “I’m sorry,” He said softly- his voice hardly above a whisper.

Haru thought for a moment. “It’s fine.”

Makoto, without a word- stood from the floor, and paced out of the room. He stopped at the door- as if trying to figure out what to say because he didn't want to be rude and leave silently- “I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine, Makoto,” Haru breathed- sinking further in the tub. And with that- Makoto nodded and left, closing the door very, very gently behind him. The door hardly clicked Makoto was so gentle with it.

Haru sank down in the bathtub. He felt bitter. Bitter about Makoto, bitter about himself, and bitter about everything else.

/**/

It was that night he saw Makoto drawing for the first time in a long time. It was weird- since Makoto had been faking the masculinity thing lately, seeing him draw was almost alien. Now that the walls he had made crumbled a little bit- Makoto seemed vulnerable. Haru knew he was the only person who saw Makoto like this- wrapped in a blanket- sitting on the recliner with his strong legs crossed, only wearing a pair of green boxers and a fitted shirt. It was weird to see the way his strong arms would tense whenever he’d be really careful with the pencil- his jaw would clench- his eyes would squint behind his glasses . It was interesting- watching Makoto draw again. He hadn’t in so long.

Haru walked by the recliner many times- trying to sneak a look, but alas- the angle of the chair and Makoto prevented him from doing so.

They hadn’t spoken since earlier that day- the bath tub. Haru knew Makoto wasn’t mad or upset with him, Haru wasn’t mad with him either -they just didn't feel the need to talk today. That, and Makoto probably did think Haru was upset with him.

Haru squatted down next to the chair- putting his head on the arm rest. Makoto didn't even notice him until he called. “Hey,” Haru said- and Makoto’s hand stopped moving and he glanced down at Haru. He inched the sketchbook away- holding it closer to his chest- like he was ashamed but also wanted to protect it. “Can I see?” Haru’s voice was gentle- he wanted to make it known to Makoto that he wasn’t upset with him. Not right now, anyways.

Makoto gulped- slowly, Haru could see the bob in his throat, He shrugged- first, taking his glasses off his face. “I, I um,” Makoto stuttered.

“Please?” Haru then asked. It was rare he begged.

Makoto noticed that too, and his eyes widened a little. Makoto sighed- and nodded, handing Haru the sketchbook before quickly looking away.

Haru smiled. He couldn't help it. He was almost afraid to touch the page- in fear of smudging any of the precise lines Makoto had made. Flowers- Makoto couldn’t draw anything but flowers- and damn, he was good at it. The drawing was beautiful- one he had been obviously working on for a while, it was a whole mix of different kinds, stems and leaves, each line perfectly and cleanly laid out- the smallest details hardly visible but added to the picture no less. This is what Makoto loved- it was clear just from the picture.

“I know it’s not that good- but,” Makoto stuttered after a while- his head still turned away.

“Makoto.” Haru said sternly, and Makoto looked at him, clearly fearful he’d be scolded again. “This is amazing, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Makoto smiled- faintly- he knew Haru was being honest.

“Thank you,” Makoto ‘s voice was that soft- almost-whisper like tone he used to say sorry earlier, and at first Haru smiled, handing him his sketchbook. But then Haru recognised the sadness and slight irritation in his tone- not with Haru, but with himself.

Haru decided Makoto had to work that out for himself. The whole masculinity thing. It irritated Haru to no end- and Makoto was pushing all of his buttons on it on accident, but, Haru needed to hold out. Makoto would figure it out for himself .

Makoto put his glasses back on and kept working, making Haru smile all the while- knowing Makoto was doing something he loved for once.

/**/

Sunday came around. Haru found himself checking his phone. Silence from Nagisa- and silence from Rei. He hadn’t gotten any ‘trade requests’ from Nagisa on pokemon, hadn’t gotten a single text message from him, hadn’t heard any updates whatsoever. Nothing from Rei either- which was expected, since Rei used his phone hardly ever. Nagisa always loved to keep Haru informed, even if he knew Haru barley checked and didn't see half of them. There was nothing.

Haru was worried of course- he was worried sick for his friends.

Makoto had made the first real attempt to contact him on sunday night. Makoto just got up and marched right on over to the Hazuki household- a little pep in his step. Haru watched- only to see a feminine figure answer the door- who could only be Nagisa’s mom, or his sisters.

Makoto talked briefly- before walking back with a small pout on his face.  
“So?” Haru blurted out- grabbing Makoto’s shoulders. Makoto shrugged, biting his lip.

“He isnt dead,” Makoto said- somewhat happily. Haru’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I know that, dummy.” Haru snorted- “Do you know where he is? Is he hurt?”

Makoto shrugged -”I don’t know what happened , but his mom told me he’s in the hospital. He should be fine, and stuff, but we can’t visit him from what she said,” Makoto pouted and lowered his head- and Haru did the same. “No word on Rei.”

They shared a long moment of silence until one of them spoke. Makoto was the first. “Gee, I hope they’re alright...”

It was only at school when Haru was told what happened.

/ ** /

At lunch, Rei had a big, fat bruise covering one side of his face. He tried to hide it awkwardly- ducking his head away, covering it with his hands, but it was such a big bruise it was nearly impossible to hide. And Rei soon realized that- and the shame on his face was prominent- and Haru didn't dare speak a word to him because he felt as if it was none of his business. Rei looked like a deer in the headlights- eyes wide and boy slouched down as he weakly covered the bruise.

Kisumi and Haru shot each other a glance- one of worry, but also of question.

Makoto reached out to speak- and Haru could just imagine the gentle tone he’d use- that was until Rin cut him off with a snap. Rin sounded scared almost- but also angry.

“Rei.” Rin hissed- making Rei whimper quietly as he tried to cover the bruise again. He was even wearing a new pair of glasses- it was easy to tell the bruise was there. “What happened.”

Rei swallowed- and looked to Rin- and suddenly Haru felt really irevelant. “Nothing, Rin-sa-”

“I asked what happened- we can all see you have a bruise and Nagisa hasnt texted any of us in days.” Rin continued in the same harsh tone- and with a defeated look Rei lowered his hands.

“Rin- take it easy-” Makoto warned softly- and Sousuke grabbed Rin’s arm in a gentle hold before Rin shook it away.

“Why should I? I’m worried!” Rin continued to snap- and Rei was sinking in his seat. But- Rin quickly grabbed the other boy by the collar- hoisting him up in his chair- “Who did this to you,” It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. “Whoever did it- I swear, I swear they’ll regret it.”

Rei shook his head- awkwardly stumbling out of his chair and into a stand- getting away from Rin. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Rin-san,” Rei mumbled shyly, but, at the same time he was trying to be stern. It wasn’t working. He was already shaky coming to school - all anxious and jumpy, this was just making it worse.

Rei getting up didn't deter Rin- though, Rin didn't get the hint and stood up so he was basically on top of Rei- “It does matter!” Rin snapped, “Why the hell won’t you tell me? Where is Nagisa? Who did this to you ? What happened!”

“I can’t-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit- Rei! Tell me! I’m doing this because i’m worried!” Rin was starting to cry merely out of frustration. Makoto stood up, and Haru was starting to sink in his chair. He wasn’t embarrassed- but he felt weird now that the whole cafeteria was staring.   
“Rin- C’mon,” Makoto warned in this gentle but oddly overbearing tone. Rin let out an irritated grunt to show Makoto he recognized the threat- but, still didn't care.

Haru knew how.. Passionately emotional Rin was. He was just worried for Rei- he wasn’t trying to be mean- Haru just knew it stressed him out when others were hurt. It scared him. Rin was simply worried for Rei- and Rei probably knew it too, but wasn’t in the mood for it.

“No! I want to know!”

“Rin-san, please!” Rin- along with everyone else was surprised that Rei had yelled. His voice was shaky- but yet, he looked angry as well. “It is really none of your business! When Nagisa comes back he will tell you if he wants to! It’s not my place!”

Rin shook off whatever shock he had- as Rei yelling just seemed to stress Rin out even more, and he clenched his teeth. “Not your place?” Rin yelled- “You’re the one with the big fucking bruise on your face!”

Rin probably didn't mean to- but he swayed forward just enough to startle Rei and knock the skinny boy to the floor. It was in a weird spasm of bony legs- and Rei laid on his stomach on the floor for mere seconds, his glasses knocked from his face. Only than- Rin stopped. Rin was crying at this point- fat tears streaking down his cheeks, but no sound left his mouth.

Though it became clear Rei was crying when he lifted his head from the floor- sitting slouched over on the ground, one arm over his eyes to hide whatever tears were falling from his face. Haru knew he was crying- the little whines leaving his body were quiet- and his back started to accommodate to heavy breathing.

Makoto had scooped Rei to his feet in moments- and Rei just cried on his shoulder for a great while until Makoto decided it was time to walk him home- or to a help office- or something, because Rei wasn’t stable enough to stay .

Rin just collapsed on Sousuke’s chest- and Sousuke held him for a great while until it was time to go to their next class.

That exchange made Haru feel empty in all the wrong ways. He looked at Kisumi- wondering what happened, where Nagisa was- who punched Rei, and his stomach felt sick with worry. Kisumi only kissed his forehead- and Haru saw the same confusion in his face- the same confliction.

It was after school did Rei text him- he guessed Nagisa had told him too, and explained what happened. His words started off with a ‘sincerest apologies, Haruka-san,’ and things like that.

According to Rei, they went out on their date as normal- Rei and Nagisa got to their restaurant in an hours time. It was only after they ate their meal- when Rei was paying and Nagisa had stepped outside to wait for him, did it happen. Nagisa looked like a girl out there in the dark, in a skirt, those tight leggings.

From what Rei knew he had went outside after finishing paying- and found Nagisa in a nearby alleyway with some guys- his angered screams muffled with a hand. He wasn’t crying- no way, Nagisa was feisty and was obviously pissed off. Whenever one of the men’s hands would slip- Nagisa would try to punch, kick, anything. Rei described that anger in his eyes well- like he was writing a book about it, and Haru remembered thinking that this was Rei’s way of venting. Trying to get it out of his head and on paper. But then it was gone in a second once he saw Rei- and, Rei felt small and scared and unsure what to do. He apparently had pulled out his phone and started to shuffle away to call the police- knowing very well it was for the best and there was no way he could fight those men. But he had to keep an eye on Nagisa- make sure they did kill him, and it was that thought that made Rei freeze up and in that time one of them grabbed him. Grabbed him and punched him hard- hard enough so that he crumpled to his knees and passed out.

He wrote about remembering how the last moments he could remember was the concrete ground against his face and Nagisa’s muffled- angry yells.

It was thankful Rei had called the police before he was knocked out- as though no real information was given through the phone, Nagisa’s yelling was heard before the man who knocked Rei out destroyed his phone. So, the cops came eventually- Nagisa fully conscious whilst Rei was still crumpled on the floor.

Rei explained that Nagisa was stabbed- possibly to subdue him while they did whatever happened next. Rei didn't say it- but, Haru knew. Haru knew what happened just from the attitude of the text, and the final sentence of ‘they didn't care that he was a boy.’   
The final words Rei texted were small updates on Nagisa’s condition, now that he was healed pretty much he’d be home tomorrow. Rei wasn’t sure when he was coming back to school. Honestly- Rei wrote the words like he was surprised that they were both still alive.

Makoto got the same exact text, and, Haru and Makoto shared their worries and concerns with each other. Haru baked a cake, and planned to go over to Nagisa’s tomorrow. Makoto said he’d get Rei something- they’d be a tag team to make their friends feel better.

/**/

Haru marched over to the Hazuki household the next day- holding a box with the little cake inside. Strawberry- Nagisa’s favorite. He asked permission first from his mom who had answered the door, and with that, he to Nagisa’s room.

He knocked twice, and then waited. It took a moment- but Nagisa’s voice came out. “Who’s there?” He asked.

“It’s Haru,” Haru replied with- and Nagisa opened the door fast. Well, Haru was glad he was happy to see him.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa chirped- and Haru almost laughed he was so happy to see he was alright- let alone using such a happy tone. Nagisa took Haru’s unoccupied hand- shaking it happily- “You came to see me!” Haru smiled and nodded- and then, Nagisa flinched- his hands going to grab at his stomach for a brief moment. “Ah, sorry! Come on in!” Haru felt worried at the gesture- but Nagisa continued without falter.

“Whats in the box, Haru-chan?” Nagisa asked after Haru closed the bedroom door behind him. Nagisa’s tv was still on, he’d probably been watching it. He wore fluffy pajama pants and a big sweater- it was too long for him but fit his frame rather well. It was probably Rei’s.

The two sat on the end of Nagisa’s bed, and Haru opened the box- handing it to him. “It’s a cake.” Haru said rather plainly, and Nagisa smiled.

“Is this strawberry?” Haru nodded, “I love strawberry, Haru-chan! Thank you!” Nagisa smiled happily- setting the cake to the side.

“So,” Haru said- “Rei told me what happened.” Nagisa’s smile faltered. But, thankfully, he wasn’t trying to hide that he was upset.

“Yeah,” Nagisa shrugged- “I’ll be okay, Haru-chan! I’m alright!” Nagisa then continued with, and Haru smiled- patting his shoulder.

“I’m glad.” Haru said, breathing a sigh of relief. He should’ve known that Nagisa would have a reaction like this- Nagisa was a tough boy. He didn't let anything get in his way. “You feeling ok right now, though? Anything hurt?”

“It still hurts a little where they stabbed me, but that’s normal,” Nagisa said- pointing to his stomach, “Thankfully they didn't hit anything that was important! Me and Rei-chan got lucky. I’m a little sore, too, and I got scraped up a little bit, but i’m good.”

Haru breathed a sigh of relief- “That’s great.”

“I’m not going down that easy,” Nagisa explained, “I’m glad they got caught, now they can’t harass any girls who arent as strong as I am! I feel kinda like I took the bullet for someone, you know? Is that weird?” Nagisa asked, and Haru shook his head, smiling. He touched Nagisa’s shoulder again, and Nagisa giggled. “I mean, it was pretty scary, I thought they were really gonna hurt Rei- but everything's okay in the end, isn’t it?”

Haru wished he could be as positive as Nagisa was... He was such a peppy, pure person. Haru could barely get over it. Haru hummed and smiled at him, patting his head. “I heard Rin-chan pushed Rei in the cafeteria, is that true?” Nagisa asked after a while- his legs swaying by the side of the bed.

Haru took a deep breath, “You know Rin,” He said, “He gets really passionate when he’s emotional, I’m sure he didn't mean to.” Nagisa laughed at that- for, some weird reason, “I think he did it because he cared, or something. I think pushing Rei was an accident, Rei just slipped because Rin got too close and startled him.”

“Ah,” Nagisa said, “Rin-chan’s weird.” He laughed, and Haru laughed to.

Haru left the Hazuki household feeling a little better, a little relieved, and a little proud of Nagisa. He hoped Nagisa enjoyed the cake and got better soon. Now, all he had to do was wait until Makoto got back home and told him about Rei’s state of mind.

When Makoto got back- he told Haru how Rei was seemingly doing fine. He blamed himself- as expected, but, Makoto said when he left he looked good. Happy. A little sad, but, happy. Apparently Rei also politely forced Makoto to study for a upcoming math test with him, and, Makoto was feeling pretty great about that test now.

/ ** /

It was when Nagisa came back to school did Haru realize it. The same shaken look in his eyes that Rei had- Nagisa had . Fear. It was only expected- he could’ve gotten killed, he did get stabbed, it was justified. But Nagisa looked unsettled and... Almost tarnished, in a weird sense. Like he’d been dirtied- lost some of the innocence and light he always carried with him.

Haru made sure to ask the both of them throughout the day if they were alright, just shooting the both of them small questions to make sure they were both alright. Nagisa would just chirp in reply- and Rei would normally nod and say something polite. The thing was, the both of them werent lying. They were alright. Just, not the same.

/ ** /

Kisumi came over during the week- his hair re-dyed and everything. The same shade of light pink- honestly, Haru didn't know why he liked dying it so much- his natural blonde hair was hardly any different from the shade of pink, but, it was cute nonetheless. He’d come over, and the two of them would go down to the park together- in the middle of winter. Curled up around each other on a park bench and drinking hot chocolate. Haru had finally started to relax after the week full of worrying for his two friends. Rin and Rei made up- happily, and the two of them were close again.

Once back from their freezing trip to the park- Makoto wrapped the both of them in blankets and put on a tv show- the three boys curling up on the couch together. It was nice, Kisumi was pressed to Haru’s chest- bundled up in blankets like a cocoon, and Haru was starting to pass out. He yawned- greatly, before closing his eyes and trying to drift off to sleep.

He felt a weight get lifted off the couch- and than  pair of lips that were certainly not Kisumi’s press against his forehead. They were warm- and his breath was hot against his skin. Haru was so shocked he almost opened his eyes again- but, Makoto thought he was asleep, it’d be mean to embarrass him like that... Haru sighed.   
“Sleep well,” Makoto muttered- and now it was certain the kiss was from Makoto.

Haru shivered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well
> 
>  
> 
> happy birthday rei
> 
> i might not have another chapter out for a little while do to christmas and stuff 
> 
> oh yeah happy holidays !!! whos excited for the free! movie haha? i had a dream where me and my friends stole a police car so we could drive to japan. yeah . im really F U cking excited  
> if anyone can tell im pouring my feelings into makoto. I dont know why i didnt write this fic from his perspective as Makoto is the one character I heavily relate to in the show and its like. hard writing this from harus perspective? since Makoto's the one you're supposed to be sympathizing with (at least in this arc), its really hard writing this from harus point of view ugh


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i talk about pokemon and kisumi is an angry houseiwfe  
> this fic lost all direction lol
> 
> ok but this picture reminds me so much of makoto in this fic http://imgur.com/ahfdpCb im screaning

Makoto looked at Haru as if Haru kicked him in the face. He didn't wear his normal puppy eyes and pout as many assumed that would be looked like if he got kicked in the face. It proved he’d matured- the face he made was that of sadness, yes, but also confusion and this sort of bitterness that could’ve been anger. 

“You weren't there,” Were the only words Makoto really said, not his normal ‘Hey! How was your day?’. He sounded more sad than accusing, so, Haru didn't get defensive.

“Yeah.” Haru answered, and Makoto made this weird disgruntled noise.

“You knew it was tonight, right?” Makoto than asked- he was genuinely asking, as if he was trying to find some reason to excuse Haru of his actions. No, Haru wanted him to know he was angry with him. Haru was angry with him for being stupid, changing himself even though he had a choice not too, whilst Haru had no choice but to live with himself. 

“Yes. I did.” Haru answered. He turned his head to the side.

Now Makoto really looked like he had been kicked. Hard. He could only see the expression out of the corner of his eye- and, it kind of scared Haru.

Makoto’s answer was bitter and small- just a little bitter statement of ‘oh.’ Before he walked away. Quick and brief. Haru turned his attention back towards the TV- his heart hammering in his chest. 

‘He deserved that’, Haru reminded himself, trying to calm himself down. 

Haru didn't see Makoto at all for the rest of the day- even when he went to bed, Haru noticed that Makoto’s overnight bag was gone. 

The only thing that was left of his presence was the blue flower on the nightstand- this was how Makoto told Haru he was moving out. 

 

/**/ 

 

Haru felt a little broken about it, but at the same time, when he’d see Makoto drag himself home- worked to the bone, he was glad Makoto walked into the door’s of his father’s home instead of Haru’s. He wanted to take care of Makoto but at the same time it scared him- scared him seeing Makoto in such a tired state every day. The boy was going to kill himself at this rate- either that or he’d kill someone else. Makoto was losing sleep, Haru could tell just by looking at him in the halls, and a tired Makoto meant an agitated one. Haru could hear it- the edge to his voice during lunch, the way his nose would scrunch up if Nagisa got even a little too loud, and in the halls if girls swooned after him he’d get this irritated glare. These were things only Haru noticed- small, minor things, but it made Haru worry nonetheless. 

Apparently he wasn't the only one who could notice though- because Kisumi pulled him to the side one day during lunch. It was weird to see the two people Haru cared about most talking without him. They went out into the hall- so, Haru did the only thing that sounded right. He followed them.

He promptly hid himself behind the door, and it seemed Makoto had already spilled out his emotions for Kisumi to hear. Makoto didn't do that with Haru- it made him awfully jealous.

“You enjoy sports?” Kisumi asked, and Haru tried to act natural as he moved in closer, hiding behind one of the school’s pillars and yet trying to act natural at the same time.

Haru assumed Makoto nodded- “I mean, I do, I think.”

“Be honest,” Kisumi laughed, and Makoto returned the chuckle.

“I really don’t like it,” Makoto laughed back- and Haru saw red. That’s all it took? He never thought he’d be this jealous of Kisumi- the very boy he was dating for godsakes. “But, I like making people happy, and I think I am. I got a lot of new friends and I... I really like the attention.” Makoto lt out a sigh , “the attention's really nice. I know it’s selfish, but..” 

“It’s not selfish!” Kisumi chimed in reassuringly, “No way is wanting positive attention selfish. It’s not hurting anyone, is it?”

“I don’t think so,” Makoto agreed, “And, I like, feeling like.. Manly? As dumb as that sounds..”

“It’s not dumb,” Kisumi reassured, “It’s validating. Especially with the situation with your dad, I get it, yeah? You aren't hurting anyone, so it’s all okay.”

“But, I get into a lot of fights and I.. I don’t think Haru is happy with me.” 

Haru almost threw up. His stomach churned at the mention of his name- and even though he wanted Makoto to know he was angry with him, having him admit it and sound so sad about it hurt. Especially now that Kisumi and him were mysteriously close, it made him incredibly jealous. 

“I don’t, I don’t want to talk trash about Haru,” Kisumi started- and Haru felt even sicker. “And I’m not! I’m just, stating my opinion. I mean, I love Haru. But, he’s wrong, okay? You’re doing just fine. I’m not sure what his problem is, but, you’re doing fine. You just have to make sure to take care of yourself.” 

He heard Makoto hum- and utter a small;”Thank you.”

“Don’t hesitate to call me, alright?” Kisumi said, and Haru could imagine the sickeningly sweet smile on his face. “I’ll always be there if you need anything. I don’t care what you do, you’re always my friend. But as your friend I need you to be okay, and I need you to take care of yourself, alright?” Haru heard Makoto sniffle- he was crying. Oh god- he was crying. “Aw, c’mon big guy, don’t cry,” He heard Kisumi laugh- “Do you mind if I call you every once in a while? Just to check in?”

“N-no, I don’t mind,” Makoto responded, his voice kind of thick in the way where he was holding back some knot in his throat. Right now, Haru felt a knot in his stomach. 

There was so many things wrong. Kisumi was his- not Makoto’s. And, the other way around too.  Makoto was his, not Kisumi’s. How could Kisumi just.. Do that? Sweet talking Makoto wasn't the way to go about taking care of him- he needed someone to be stern with him, and... Haru was jealous. Incredibly jealous. Jealous of Kisumi and jealous of Makoto. 

Haru heard a small slam of body contact - and he knew Makoto and Kisumi were hugging. Muffled hiccups followed, and the sounds of patting and soft comforts. 

“Thank you,” Makoto whispered, over and over again.

“There's no need to thank me, Makoto, i’m just being a friend.” Kisumi would answer.

Eventually Haru saw them get up and almost had a heart attack. He pushed the hood on his sweater up- but, thankfully, they didn't see him as they walked back. 

At least Haru thought. Because Kisumi turned around and looked right at him- like he knew he was there the whole time- and glared at him like an angry parent. 

Haru felt himself starting to shake. 

/**/ 

The next day Kisumi came over and towered over him like an angry parent- his arms crossed, his gaze intimidating, but yet he had this look of gentleness and control over himself so Haru admittedly wasn’t scared of him but the conversation that was coming. 

Haru pressed himself into the couch cushions- averting Kisumi’s gaze.

“It’s not very nice, you know,” Kisumi started, and Haru’s mouth went into a straight line, his eyes going somewhat wide as he looked to the side. “You being mean to Makoto.”

“I’m not being mean,” Haru argued weakly. 

“You aren’t his parent,” Kisumi cut him off, sitting down next to him with a heavy sigh on the couch, “Just because he’s doing something you don’t approve of doesn’t mean you have to bully him out of it,” Kisumi said, “he’s confused and he’s trying to figure himself out. You have to support him, as his best friend, yeah?” Kisumi’s hand pressed over Haru’s- Kisumi was having a hard time keeping a straight face and staying aggressive with Haru.

Haru shrugged. Kisumi frowned.

“Okay,” Kisumi sighed, letting go of Haru’s hand, “There's something personal going on here, isn't there? I doubt you would be so intent on being hard on him unless there was something personal.” Kisumi looked entirely unimpressed- huffing as he stared at Haru- who, Haru was quick to look away. “What’s on your mind?” Kisumi asked almost accusingly. 

Haru gulped, and took a deep breath.

Kisumi’s eyes widened as if he just discovered sliced bread- “That’s it,” Kisumi said, and Haru grew fearful because it was like Kisumi knew why he was being so hard on Makoto- Kisumi was a sly social bastard. It was probably because he had spent half his life bullying people- he probably was a social mastermind because of all that. “Your asthma. Your jealous because your asthma.” 

Haru stayed silent- but pressed his lips together, leaning back further into the couch. 

“I’m right, aren't I?” Kisumi’s eyes looked predator like- “you’re angry because you feel like he’s wasting the life he has while you can’t enjoy yours because of your asthma.” 

Having it spoken seemed even harder for Haru to admit. It hurt him- honestly, made him angry. Haru felt like a mess of emotions- just everything at once crumbling down. The ever growing pressure to grow up,  the pressure of jealousy over Makoto and Kisumi, the ever growing feeling of pressure in his lungs. 

“..Haru?” Kisumi whimpered after a minute- his expression going soft in a flash. Kisumi’s soft fingers were on his face in seconds,  wiping away his tears, holding him into a hug and kissing his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Haru, I didn't mean to make you cry- I just..” Haru wrapped his arms around Kisumi, pounding his head into his chest once.

“Shut up,” Haru whispered in nearly a hiss- a broken, hopeless noise. “Shut uupp..” 

Kisumi just cradled him- Haru’s face pressed into his shoulder. The two of them were mostly silent- occasionally Kisumi would pat Haru’s back and whisper something soothing to him, but mostly, they shared a thick silence. It hung in the air and Haru choked on it a few times. 

The end of the night rolled around and Haru was curled on the couch, Kisumi striding back in from the kitchen with a plate of cookies in his hands. He set it on the coffee table- sat next to Haru’s curled body, and started to pet his hair. Soft, gentle touches- his eyes just gazing over Haru- and, it felt kind of nice. He felt much calmer- much more.. Loved. He didn't like it when Kisumi was mad at him. He didn't like feeling ignored or less loved than someone else- he realized that now- and the plate of fresh cookies and the loving, sympathetic gaze on Kisumi’s face was a reminder that Kisumi did indeed love him. 

Haru sniffled weakly, and reached for a cookie. 

 

/**/

 

Haru laid around for most of the weekend. Kisumi went on a short vacation to visit his grandmother at Tokyo, and would be back on monday night, so Haru was mostly alone. 

He was enjoying his alone time. Haru liked being alone. He liked being able to not talk to anyone and not feel guilty about it- he liked feeling free to do whatever the hell he wanted. He missed Makoto- that was for sure, but Makoto just stopped by for dinner and watched TV with Haru and his dad for a couple of hours last night. He’d probably be back again tonight- Haru assumed, and when the clock struck four Haru decided it was a good time to start preparing dinner again. He texted Makoto, something along the lines of ‘come over’, and even if Makoto didnt , Haru’s dad would be home in an hour anyways.

Though right as Haru was about to bust open the pork from the fridge he heard an angry knock on his door. Haru sighed and walked over to the door- but before he even opened it, the door flew open.

Haru jumped out of the way and saw an angry Rin march into his house. “I need to punch something!” Rin proclaimed, proudly and loud, and as Rin stormed off into Haru’s house- Haru closed the door behind him.

Haru found Rin on the couch, screaming into a pillow- and Haru was rightly frustrated with the whole display. “Hey,” He said, sternly, “I didn't say you could come in.”

Rin looked up from the pillow and completely ignored him. He rolled off the couch and started to pace- and Haru’s frustration turned into slight amusement. 

“I hate him!” Rin announced, throwing his hands up in the air- “He is the worst! I’m never going to speak to him again!”

Haru knew what was going on. Rin and Sousuke got into a fight. 

Haru smiled- not because he was an evil bastard who liked it when people fought- he smiled because it was funny how reactive Rin was to those fights and how worked up he got. It would only last a day. Haru had seen it many times- they’d fight, say some nasty things about each other, and than make up.

“Why’d you come here?” Haru asked, genuinely curious as to why rin’s first thought would be to stomp over to Haru’s house.

“I want to have dinner!” Rin than demanded, and Haru sighed. Of course he did. “And your like.. A five star restaurant! For free!” 

Haru opened his mouth- but Rin cut him off. “I am not in the mood for you to refuse!”

Haru sighed. Well, Haru didn't mind cooking for one more. “I’ll go start the food,” Haru said with a defeated sigh, crossing his arms over his chest. Hard began to walk into the kitchen- before he whipped around and looked Rin dead in the eyes- “Don’t break anything.” He said firmly, and Rin let out an irritated huff- grumbling angrily to himself as Rin did often times as if he was trying to stir up drama. He liked attenchion- Haru knew that- but he didn't blame Rin for it. He knew Rin just wanted to be comforted and soothed, but that's what Sousuke was for. Haru was good at cooking him food and being there for him but not really saying much besides that. Rin probably knew that. He probably just wanted food. Haru didn't blame him. He was pretty good at cooking...

Haru looked through the two kinds of meat he had- mackerel and pork- and held them both in his hands. He’d take mackerel over pork any day but... 

“Hey Rin,” Haru called, “Pork or mackerel?” 

“Ugh,” Rin snorted- “Pork, please.”

Haru shrugged and put the mackerel away, back into the fridge for tomorrow. He started the fire for the stove and put the pot down, sighing as he heard the familiar ‘whoosh’ of the flame.

Makoto never showed up. He never texted back- he didn't see the message, apparently. Oh well, Haru already had another friend to cook for. Three people was plenty. Haru’s dad came home right as Haru was plating the food- something heavy that suited Rin’s tastes but also sweet and salty all the same. Haru greeted his father with  quiet hello’ , and his dad returned the glance with a tired smiled and a nod.

As everyone sat around the table- Haru’s dad met Rin’s glance and smiled. Rin had simmered down a little, sitting down next to Haru with a sigh. “Hey Nanase-san,” Rin greeted, and Haru’s father smiled back.

“Rin, what a surprise! Its been a while.” Haru’s dad chirped- but it had that kind of oldness to it that his father always carried with him. Rin smiled, before whipping out a knife and cutting at the pork on his plate in a way that didn't match his smile at all. 

Rin let out a rather inappropriate noise as he shoved the food in his mouth- than he banged one of his feet on the ground. “Haru!” Rin exclaimed- “God damn you and your good food!”

Haru smiled a little. A little proud. He nodded to accept Rin’s ‘compliment.’ 

“Dad taught me everything I know,” Haru said bluntly, and Haru’s father lit up in a series of chuckles that had a young edge to them.

“I only taught you how to make pancakes and waffles, you figured the rest out on your own!” Haru’s dad replied with a soft chuckle.

“Yeah, but they were really good pancakes,” Haru noted, tapping his fork against the plate softly before continuing to eat. 

“Thank you for teaching him how to cook through pancakes,” Rin said- his tone dead serious. He forked nearly the rest of the food in his mouth in seconds- not even bothering to cut up the meat, unlike Haru and his father. 

“You really have to learn how to savour food..” Haru breathed softly- and Rin frowned.

“I did savour it. Just really fast.” At that- Haru’s father laughed, and Rin looked oddly proud of himself for that. Haru wanted to tell his dad not to laugh but it was too late for that. 

/**/

Haru saw Kisumi at school on monday- and it was such a weird feeling of seeing him again. Kisumi hugged him tight and Haru melted into the touch, softly hugging him back and patting his shoulder. It was nice having him back. He had missed the love that Kisumi provided him with.

Next he had seen Makoto. In which Makoto beamed- apologised for not going to dinner, and pat him on the shoulder in an overly friendly way. Haru smiled back at him- and Makoto’s own smile twitched. He looked like he was asking himself if that really happened- if Haru had smiled at him- and Haru felt good to see Makoto being happy like that. 

But something felt wrong ever still. It was like there was some great disturbance- that Makoto and Haru’s connection had been ripped out by some greater force- and though they were still together, Haru felt empty with him. He felt empty with Kisumi now that he thought about it. He felt empty with Rei and Nagisa and Rin. Like the childhood connection they had just up and left- that his genuine fun around them just disappeared, and Haru was only staying with them because he cared about them and felt like he had to because they were friends. But other than that- Haru felt no real connection besides the eye contact they would have. It was like it started with drifting from Makoto- and spread to everyone else.

It made Haru sad to think about. Could he just.. Not make friends anymore? 

Makoto and Haru walked down the hall in silence together, Haru’s eyes squinted and looking off somewhere else- which probably wasn't the best idea because they were walking off to their next class. Though before he parted from Makoto to go to cooking- he felt Makoto’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” Makoto said- his tone gentle as he caught Haru’s attention, and Haru looked up at him. “Did.. Did Kisumi talk to you?” 

Haru gulped, and nodded. Though Makoto didn't yell at him- or smile, or ask if Haru was going to change- he did none of that- he ducked his head out of shame. “I’m sorry. I really didn't mean for him to speak to you like that. Just, try to forget about whatever he said to you, okay?” 

Haru blinked. Makoto refused to make eye connection with him.

“Okay,” Haru said, and Makoto finally looked back up from the floor. He looked hurt for a moment.

“Hey,” Makoto than breathed once more- his voice sounding more like a dying sick man’s now- “I need to talk to you about something after school. It’s not about me or anything, or , any of the stuff that Kisumi talked to you about.”

Haru gulped and nodded. He touched his shoulder almost supportingly- and than left.

He heard Makoto’s faint laughter as he walked down the hall- turning to see Makoto talking to two girls and laughing- one of their hands on the shoulder Haru had just touched. 

It made Haru see red. But he continued walking. 

/**/ 

Haru waited outside the school for him. He sat on the wall they sat on last year- the wall that encased a garden and the place where Rei talked about butterflies that took place seconds before Makoto almost murdered someone. Haru couldn't help but miss that. He missed that connection him and Makoto had. But it was like he physically, or mentally, couldn’t achieve it. 

“Hey! Haru!” Haru turned his head as he saw Makoto swiftly pacing over, somewhat skipping even- one hand over his head. The hand dropped to his side when he met Haru’s eyes, and Makoto smiled. “Hey,” Makoto slowed, and greeted him.

Haru had told Kisumi not to wait for him- so, Kisumi was probably already at his house right now, so it was just him and Makoto for the walk home. He secretly hoped Makoto brought his bike so they could relive riding home together. 

Though there was some smaller girl who was following him, and Makoto quickly turned to wish her goodbye.

“Remember, we have a paper do on friday,” She said, tapping his huge knuckles, and he laughed. She looked average. Not in a mean way, but she didn't look like somewhat super smart or someone super sporty- she was this weird middle mix. He laughed and nodded. 

“Got it, i’ll message you about it later.”

“Yeah! Bye Makoto,” She started to walk, and Makoto waved- saying a quick ‘bye-bye’ before turning his full attention to Haru.

“Hey,” He repeated again. Haru snorted.

“Who’s that?”

“Ah, she’s my study partner for History.. You know how bad I am at that.” It was true. Makoto wasnt too great in history class. He wasn’t too great in any academic classes- neither was Haru. But for the most part Makoto had decent grades (Probably because despite him not knowing what he was doing half the time, he actually put effort into school.). 

Haru snorted, giving Makoto this unamused look.

“Haru! It’s not like that, she’s not like the other people you see in the halls. Those are like.. The cheerleader girls, you know. They’re always around my team so..” Makoto trailed off, shaking his head, “That’s besides the point.” Makoto laughed, pulling Haru off the wall with his hand- “Let’s walk home.”

Haru nodded silently. He saw that happy glint in Makoto’s eye- the glint that was Makoto’s connection to Haru. He could feel it- how happy Makoto was to see him, how Makoto felt like his friend. But for some reason, Haru couldn’t feel the same. He tried for a moment, but it didn't work. He just felt bitter and agitated. 

They walked home in silence for a while- and once the school was out of sight, Makoto began.

“Haru.” Makoto’s tone was weirdly serious, and Haru felt afraid. Was he going to beat Haru up now or something? “I, I need to, umm,” once Makoto’s serious demeanor broke- all thoughts of being murdered at the hands of his ‘best friend’ flew out the window. “Talk to you about dumb things. A dumb thing you can’t let anyone know ever.” 

Haru raised his brow and nodded. Haru was pretty good at not talking in general- let alone spilling Makoto’s secret. “Done.” Haru said with a firm nod, and Makoto smiled.

“Alright! I’ll tell you,” Makoto then paused, his smile faltering. “Do I even wanna tell you? I, I don’t even know if you really care, oh, will you hate me after this? I, hmm..” Makoto’s shoulders raised and he hugged himself tight, and Haru looked at him questioningly. Makoto looked sad after a moment.

“I wouldn’t ever hate you,” Haru said. That was true. He would never hate Makoto. He’d be angry at Makoto- he would feel like he didn't even have a connection to Makoto - but, he would never hate him. Makoto looked shocked for a moment, before smiling. 

“Okay.” Makoto took a deep breath, looking up at the sky for a moment- his eyebrows furrowing. “I’m..” Makoto opened his eyes as if he paused in thought. “I’m not straight.” He concluded, and Haru felt as though he should’ve felt like he was punched really hard in the stomach. But he didn't. He just felt kind of confused. 

“Not straight? What do you mean by that?” Haru asked- squinting his eyes at him. 

“Like.. I’m, not gay.” Makoto said, not in an offensive way either, “But i’m not straight.” 

“..Bisexual, than?”

“No, no, not that either. I don’t know, i’m just.. Not straight.” Makoto said, huffing softly. “You’re not mad?” He than asked- his eyes looking somewhat like a puppy’s.

“Makoto. I’m gay and you know that.”

“Well, yeah...” Makoto seemed to realize how stupid he was acting and than sighed. “Yeah, that was dumb. I don’t know.”

They shared a silence. About two years ago, Haru would’ve been off-the-walls excited about this. But present Haru didn't really care all that much.

“i’m scared,” He mumbled, shivering, hugging himself tight again.

“Why?” Haru than asked.

“Because, you know, my dad. My dad’s finally starting to like me and I don’t want to screw that up.” 

“How would he even know?” Haru asked- squinting his eyebrows, and Makoto made a nervous noise.

“I kinda.. Sorta.. looked up... Bad things.” Makoto said- “Just to see!” He than came back with, holding his hands up as if a policeman had his gun pointed at him.

Haru snorted out a laugh “You mean like.. Porn?”

“Yeah! that. It’s weird. I’m weird. And if he sees my internet search history, I’m dead!” 

“Than delete it.” 

“But.. I used internet explorer.” 

“Why would you use internet explorer!” 

“I don’t know!”

“Why do you still even have it on your computer?” 

Makoto started to laugh, covering his mouth with one of his hands. He even snorted once or twice. 

It felt good seeing him laugh. It did. Haru cared about his friends- but he didn’t.. Feel anything. He only felt relieved that Makoto was happy and nothing else. Years ago Haru would’ve been laughing along with him. But Haru only forced a smile on his face.

 

Makoto slept over that night. He slept on the futon as Haru played pokemon under the covers of his bedsheets. Haru was invested on evolving his new eevee into an umbreon if it was the last thing he did. 

He thought Makoto had fallen asleep a long, long time ago. But apparently not- because Haru heard a muffled murmur of his name from beyond the pokemon music, coming from Makoto “Yeah?” Haru answered back- taking one of his headphones out and wiggling out of the covers so he could see Makoto. 

Makoto was turned in the opposite direction- his brown hair laid out in waves over his pillow. “I’m also scared because people give you and Kisumi dirty looks in the streets.” Makoto said, and Haru immediately thought- ‘woah ,where did that come from?’

“Doesnt’ bug me,” Haru said with a shrug. 

“Yeah, but.. It bugs me. “ Makoto refirmed. Ah yes- Makoto was a mixed drink of sunshine and peer pressure. Haru had almost forgotten. Haru sighed.

“Like me, Sousuke and Rin went downtown the other day, when you were hanging out with Kisumi or something. Sousuke held his hand for some time until someone on the street called them fags- Haru, I can’t deal with that!” 

Haru sighed softly, closing his eyes tight for a moment.

“I just feel like i’m never gonna be happy if I am gay, and, I really hope this is just some phase and I want it to end really bad because I feel like my teammates are starting to catch on and they keep giving me weird glances, and I heard one of those girls say that gay guys are soo hot and then she looked at me and then someone jokingly called me a faggot earlier and I-”

“Makoto.” 

Makoto silenced all at once.

Haru quickly pulled up the pokemon amie mini game on his ds- basically ,it was this little in-game thing where you could play with your pokemon or whatever. Makoto really didn't understand how Pokemon worked, but petting a digital animal and feeding it cakes was pretty easy and stress relieving. Haru knew Makoto loved small animals and this was the next best thing. “Do you wanna play my pokemon game?”

Makoto was silent for a moment. “...Sure.” 

Makoto rolled off the futon and climbed into Haru’s bed as Haru made room for him- feeling the small bed creak under Makoto’s weight. Haru handed him the handheld game, and Makoto took the blue stylus between his fingers.

“This isnt pokemon,” Makoto said, staring at it with squinted eyes. Video games confused Makoto so much it was kind of funny.

“Its a mini game,” Haru said, rubbing his finger on the screen over his Eevee’s forehead. “You pet them and feed them cakes.”

“Oh, that’s pretty cute,” Makoto mumbled, and he began rubbing at the digital creature’s head with the stylus. Haru watched a smile slowly creep onto Makoto’s face- and he looked content and invested. Haru showed him how to feed the pokemon cakes and how to get more- and Makoto looked set for the night. 

The next morning- Haru woke up, feeling a little ashamed that he had’nt gotten his eevee to evolve into a umbreon like he wanted, but there was always tomorow night. Though- when Haru booted up the game, he saw that the eevee was no longer an eevee- and Haru almost smacked himself in the face.

It was common knowledge that playing pokemon amie for hours on end would make eevee evolve into a sylveon. Haru groaned, and looked over to Makoto- his huge mass asleep in the space next to him.

Haru sighed and patted his shoulder softly. At least it made Makoto happy in the way Haru wanted him to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /thanks for all the support on this trainwreck <333 !!!
> 
> / EDIT / 2/19/16 /  
> hey everyone ! I would like to let you all know I might be putting this fic on hold. I don't know, it's become somewhat of a chore for me, and it's not been going the way I initially wanted when I put it out. I really wanted a fic with a darker feeling, originally Haru and Makoto were supposed to get involved in drugs and well this fic has just taken a total nosedive to the way I wanted it!  
> I refuse to scrap this fic, though. I've worked too long and too hard on it. I will either be posting a new chapter in a few months, or, i'll be re-writing it.   
> Also I've been more invested on my original stuff then this, as well as yet another new fic i'm working on... so yeah!! hope to see you guys soon.  
>  I'll let everyone know here if I decide to re-write it, though i might just continue on forward in a few months. I'll be posting some new works here soon , so I hope you guys stick around !  
> I'll be seeing everyone soon! And thank you for all the support on this <3 I just feel like this story doesnt give out my full fanfic writing potential haha ^^ <3


	22. // update !!

 hey everyone ! This isnt an actual chapter haha, it's more of a update/ question about the state of this fic.  
I was thinking of creating a 'cousin' to this fic that revolves around Makoto's side of the story. Makoto is my favorite character and he's much more interesting to write (Plus, I think writing about him in his teen years will be much more engaging for me then Haru who sits around and does nothing all day lol).

Basically the way this would be set up is that I would start the one thats based around Makoto , and keep writing that one until it's caught up with this one. Then 'i'd update both interchangeably. If anyone is aware of the JeanMarco fic like a drum (his beating heart/ my beating heart) by lownly its kind of like that.  
  
  


I'm at a point where i've lost a lot of my motivation for this fic and it isnt half as good as I wanted it to be, as well as I can regonisie my writing is really falling short.  Comparing this story to my other stories on here and some o my original works its just.. The writing feels flat to me ? So  I think writing Makoto's perspective, a character I really, reaaally like will help me a lot. 

So i guess what i'm asking is if if I made a brother to this fic and made one w/ Makoto as the narrator (Whilst still updating this one), would it be pointless, or would you all read it : O? I think the switch up would help me lots...  

When and if I do make this, i'll put Pressure into a series and ill also post the link to the Makoto version here! Also one more question... What should I name the Makoto version ?? 

aah sorry if i made anyone upset w/ the fact that this isnt actually a chapter, but the thought of losing all interest in this fic has really been scaring me and I think this is the way to get me back into it ! But I wanted to ask everyone first before I did it !

oh alsoo... sorry for not replying to comments lately !!! I really appreciate all of your comments, they're all really super duper nice and I love you all . i'm a terrible person who just kind of forgets to reply to people augh im awful. But !!! I like.. really appreciate all the comments and kudos. They're really the only thing keeping me going on this fic and aaa every time i see a reallly nice one i get super happy!!! you're all great and thank you !! <3

Thanks everyone for the support on this fic, and  I really want it to go back to how it was first intended to be. <3 love you guys !!!! 

**Author's Note:**

> boop thats it
> 
> kinda lost my drive at the end of it but hopefully it's alright
> 
> now I gotta go work on There Was One *flies away* (I'm only half way done with it why must fantasy aus take so fucking long to write I only have 20 pages so far *cri*)


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